Kids doing the darndnest things?

I asked Mom Y it's like every1 is focusing on Mike l8ly, and Mom sed, "It's the circle of life, April! Mike and Deanna are a young, married couple with small children, roughly the same age that Mike and Liz were when every1 started focusing on yr dad and me. Everything has come full circle! Isn't that wonderful?" I sed, "No. Mike's boring, and Liz and I still have stories 2 tell in our own lives!" Mom sed, "Liz has 2 B patient, since her story is keeping ppl in suspense and keeps bringing them back. And what R U complaining abt? "We did that 'driving' thing last wk!" And I sed, "Mom, U R seriously torturing Liz, U have no idea what all this 'patience' is doing 2 her. And the 'driving' thing was totally lame, since I've had my G2 since early December." Mom sed, "Quit being such a picky face. Where's yr father?" I sed, "Workshop." Mom was all, "I've got to go yell @ him." I asked, "What 4?" Mom was like, "I haven't narrowed it down yet, but I'll think of it on the way 2 the workshop."

NEway, here is the l8est story from Mike:

April,

Formerly little sis. Sometimes you have to buy the high quality mittens. I know that mom has trained you and me since we were little to always try and find a bargain, to shave the sheets in order to make things last; but there are times when quality has to take precedence. The idea of buying a mitten for a boy, where the mitten is sized bigger than his hands, on the premise that his hands will grow into them is patently wrong. That is girl thought. A boy will go out in the snow and try his best to destroy his clothing and he is often successful. A girl might demurely touch the snow, and might be able to make a mitten last; but a boy is a little dynamo of clothing destruction.

I tried to explain this concept to my wife, the lovely Deanna; but she did not believe me. There she was in her purple turtleneck sweater with matching socks, kneeling down before my boy putting on his coat with the mittens attached to it. All I could think was, my boy will destroy those cheap, oversized mittens in about 2 seconds out in the snow. Deanna said, “No Michael. Our children will use their sand buckets and shovels, and they will hardly even touch the snow. These mittens are perfectly fine. They even have a little mitten security line to make sure he doesn’t lose them.” I thought, “Buckets, security lines? These are not how a man plays in the snow.”

Well, to be doubly sure, my wife pushed the mittens firmly onto his hands and sent him out into the cold though the front door, carrying his bucket and shovel. My daughter, dressed in her all-pink outfit and I were already outside waiting for him. I was busy shoveling the sidewalk. You know, April, how sometimes when you shovel a sidewalk, it seems like you shovel and shovel, and all the snow stays the same place? This was one of those kinds of days.

Naturally since his mitten was oversized so he could “grow into” it, it fell off his hand almost immediately after exiting the house and my daughter noticed. Being the bright and intelligent girl she is (taking after me, of course) she suggested that my son could turn those mittens into Australian bull-roarers. She deposited snow into each mitten and then encouraged my son to whirl them around as if he were an Australian aborigine. This he did this to great effect, the whirling part and not the aboriginal part. In fact, when he had both mittens filled with snow; he whirled them around so boyishly that it was difficult to tell the difference between them and a couple of carrots. You may laugh, little sis, but around my household, a carrot is a very serious vegetable.

Eventually I got tired of clearing the sidewalk in front of our house, and seeing the same amount of snow there. So, I motioned for the kids to come in for lunch. My lovely wife, Deanna, showed me my son's gloves all pulled into long ribbons of mitten fabric and looking a lot like carrots.

I said to her, “Now, Deanna, will you buy higher quality mittens for my son?” She replied, “Michael. These gloves are still perfectly fine, once they are dried and reshaped.”

By the way, if you see my son and it looks like his hands are really nice carrots, they aren’t.

Love,
Michael Patterson

BTW, Mike, Mom wants U 2 come over and shovel, so she and Dad can crow abt what a "wonderful son" U R and how they did such a fantastic job raising U.

Apes