Mike's Flashbacks Go To Potty

Remember how the theme of Mike's flashbacks this week was going 2 B him teasing Liz cuz he thot she "deserved" it? No? Don't feel bad, I don't think Mike does either. Here's his l8est installment:

April,

Formerly little sis. After I told you yesterday about how I wanted to go outside to play in the dirt, I thought I would remember something from 1979 about Lizzie doing something to give her equal time.

As you may or may not know, April, toilet training varies from child to child. My son has gone back and forth. I remember when he was a little over two years old , he had a definite sense of what the toilet was and how to use it. However, this last year, he was regularly soiling his diaper. And yet still he sometimes surprises me by wearing green-polka-dotted boxers.

During mom’s day, it was much easier. “Grandma Marian” would call her up and tell her to do it. There was one time I remember when mom was on the phone receiver with the cord obviously disconnected from the base of the phone, having a great, conversation with “Grandma Marian”, while sewing at the same time. She would say, “Of course I’m going to train Lizzie, Mom—I just don’t think she’s ready for it yet!”

Then she would sew some more and say, “Yes, I do have a potty…She just won’t sit on it.—Sure it’s a regular one. No, it’s not too big…”

Then mom would look at little Lizzie walking around. Lizzie learned to walk at a very young age, and the way she would keep her balance was by putting her potty on top of her head. This would cause mom to make some kind of comment to “Grandma” like, “I’d say it was a perfect fit.” or “Lizzie doesn’t let her potty go to her head.” Or “Lizzie is very headstrong about her potty” or “When it comes to a potty, Lizzie likes to immerse herself in the subject.”

Now, you are probably thinking, what is mom doing spending money on a training potty, when she wouldn’t do that for you? The answer is that mom didn’t actually spend money on a training potty. Little Lizzie’s potty she put on her head and walked around with, was an actual metallic, grey, pot with a handle. Yes, April, mom loved Lizzie that much and why? Because she was cuter than I was, so she deserved it.

Love,
Michael Patterson

W8, Mike, R U saying that Mom had, like, pretend-phonecalls w/Grandma Marian, where she didn't even have the receiver connected 2 the phone? Was this supposed 2 B a "pressure" technique 2 get Liz 2 use the potty? That seems pretty mean!

Apes