They're BUNK beds, Mike!

Mike has the conclusion of the new-bed story 4 U:

April,

Formerly little sis. I think there comes a time in every parent’s life where they have to admit that, despite having gotten the best example possible of parenting from their mother (like our mother for us), there are some things which defy your expectations.

For example, this week I have been telling you the riveting story about how I realized that the way to solve the problem with my children teasing and bickering and fighting all the time, was to put the kids each in their own room. Sure enough, as I was taking off my socks to go to bed…by the way, did I tell you how much starch my wife Deanna has been putting in my socks lately? You won’t believe this, but I can literally push the sock off my foot and the sock stands up straight off my toes. It is quite amazing to see. Where was I? I was taking off my sock, and Deanna was putting on her pink pair of pyjamas, as she leaned against the bed. I don’t know if you have ever seen Deanna putting on clothes or pyjamas before, but she doesn’t sit on the bed, just leans against it. What was I saying? Oh, that’s right. Deanna said, “Well, that’s done! The kids each have their own room.”

I responded, “Finally!” and followed that with my explanation, “I was so tired of their teasing and bickering and fighting.” Once you have the solution to a problem which had been annoying me, it is a great thing to be able to say that the solution is in place. No more teasing. No more bickering. No more fighting. And all this is due to my saying to Deanna that we needed to spend the money to buy the bed which would bring peace to the house. We had to buy on sale, but the point is the problem is solved. Deanna agreed with me and said, “Yes. It was definitely time.”

Well, I was buttoning my pyjamas and having a difficult time with it, because these were those kind of pyjamas to button which did not have visible buttons. After I was finished, I decided to step into the hallway between my room and the kids’ room, put my hand to my ear in order to hear better, and also to let the cameraman know that I was listening. I said to my wife, “And…listen! No noise! --They’re actually SLEEPING!” I said that last part a little too loud, and my wife said to me, “Good move!” I said in a much quieter voice, “Yeah.”

You see, April, the way it used to be was that my children would tease and bicker and fight most of the night long. This is why it was so shocking to hear them sleep for a change. Deanna said to me, “They are so quiet, Mike. Either they are dead, or they are running around outside the house.” Well, I had to confirm what was happening. We went into my daughter’s bedroom and what should we find there, but my daughter and my son sleeping together on the same lower bump bed? They were sound asleep with “Z” coming out of them.

It was at this point, I had to revise my initial thesis. The children were not teasing or bickering or fighting all the time; and yet they had managed to go to sleep without a night long battle. How was this possible?

First I had to analyze the differences. They were both sleeping in the same room and in the same bed without my having to use an egg timer; so my theory that the reason they were teasing and bickering and fighting all the time was not related to them being in the same room.

Before they were sleeping in the same room in different beds, and now they are sleeping in the same room, but in a brand new bed. The answer was obvious, the teasing and bickering and fighting was caused by poor quality mattresses on their previous beds. Of course, bump beds don’t have very good mattresses on them; so it had to be a different explanation.

Then I realized the answer. Both of my children must have been gotten into the bump beds, knocked themselves unconscious with the “bump”; but not before pulling the covers over their body. But, on closer inspection, I saw that they did not have any marks on them from running into the bed and losing consciousness.

So, it occurred to me there might be something about the bed. My daughter used to sleep on a bed with sides, and my son used to sleep in a crib, with sides; so the difference is in the sides. Perhaps with this new found freedom of being able to fall out of bed at night, my son and daughter decided to test their ability to stay in bed with the worst possible conditions of being in the same bed at the same time. Honestly, I didn’t think my son and daughter were that ambitious.

Then another answer occurred to me. My son had said yesterday that there was too much room in the room. Perhaps, what he meant was that in order to keep from teasing or bickering or fighting all the time; he and his sister needed to be in a room that had less room in the room. Well, with that giant bump bed in an L-shape between the top and bottom bump, I mean bunk, it certainly takes up almost all the room in my daughter’s room.

This means I could have solved the problem years ago, by not insisting that Deanna keep their room so clutter-free. Perhaps this is the reason I teased and bickered or fought all the time with my sister. If mom had not been such a good cleaner, we might have gotten along better. No, that’s not right. I already know I teased my sister, because she deserved it from being cuter than I was.

Then it occurred to me that the reason they stopped the teasing or bickering or fighting all the time, even though they were sleeping in the same room and in the same bed, was the peace of mind which comes from knowing you don’t have to sleep in the same room, but choose to do so anyway.

You see what I mean about defying explanations, little sis. My wife Deanna said to me simply, “Mike. What’s important is not understanding why they have stopped teasing or bickering or fighting all the time; but they that have stopped.” That is why my wife and I get along so well. It is her simple, homespun, wisdom.

Love,
Michael Patterson

W8 a minute. W8 a friggin' minute. This is what Mike sed 2 Dee: "I was so tired of their teasing and bickering and fighting." He was tired of it. It bothered him. Was he concerned abt the effect the teasing and bickering and fighting had on his kids? No, it was all abt his peace b-ing disturbed. So let's think abt this. Mike, if Merrie and Robin NEVER teased or bickered or fought, does that mean they wd have had 2 share a room 4ever, despite the availability of other rooms in the house? Oh, and what if separating them didn't have NE effect on all the teasing, bickering, and fighting? Wd U have put them 2gether in one room again? Gah!

Apes