April's Real Blog

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Liz got engaged after boring proposal

Well, here comes the news ppl have been w8ing 4 (and/or dreading). Here is the latest from Liz:

If there's ever a time when someone tells you I can't hang onto a secret for a long time, you remind them of the time I waited THREE WEEKS to tell anyone that I'd gotten ENGAGED! ENGAGED, April!

Okay, so I know you'll want to me to tell you how it happened. Did we go someplace special to us, full of meaning? Well, we were still on Anthony's chesterfield. But that chesterfield is special, so don't be poo-pooing where this happened. Anthony and I were clutching our coffee cups and we were still sitting side by side, but our bodies were actually touching. Anthony asked, "Should we discuss marriage?" I said, "It might be a good idea." Then he said, "We've been friends for so long, I think we'd be good partners." I said, "I think so, too."

Next, we turned to face each other. Some people say we never just look at each other directly, but that's not true, April. We just do that sparingly. Anyway, Anthony asked me, "Would you like to share your life with me, and with my daughter, Elizabeth?" I almost pointed out that his daughter's name is not Elizabeth. It's Frenchy. If we were both named Elizabeth, that would be too confusing. But I was afraid that if I mentioned that, we'd be changing the subject, and we'd never get back onto marriage, and I'd be an old maid forever. So I just ignored that "name" confusion and just said, "Yes! Yes I would." Then, Anthony said, "Then... we could say we're engaged." Which was strange. Why not just, "We're engaged!" But I just said, "Yes. I guess we could."

Then a strange thing happened. Suddenly I was very aware of having irises in my eyes. I don't remember ever having that awareness before. And my eyes felt larger than they'd ever done before. I just stared for a bit, I guess I couldn't believe that after all those years of waiting, waiting, waiting to finally be engaged, this was it, and this is what that moment was like. Then, after my brain clicked that I don't have to die an old maid after all, I leapt up, threw my arms around Anthony's head, and screamed, "YEEAAAAAHH!"

Now that my big news is out, I guess Mom is going to have a lot of happy, excited people showing up at Lilliput's to have coffee with her and tell her they've been waiting for this and are so happy they cried. Some people are so emotional about my life! Even more than I am.

Liz, soon to be Mrs. Caine
Wow, well congrats, Liz. I know this is what U've been hoping 4. NEthing special U'd like me 2 bring back from Barbados?


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  • At 9:08 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Congrats, Anthony d00d

    U had bettah tell ur boss 2 budget 4 a new mascot costume. The goats rilly enjoyed the old 1.

    Ur boss's pervy mascot will b @ Pearson l8r 2day. If I c him again, he'll b cat chow. Nevah trust him around ur woman. Or your dad's woman. Or your granddad's woman.

    Apes, I wont b @ work 2day. Silouette's covering 4 me. Arne told me 2 drive around the island & replace all the Ides of March posters Perdita had me tear down yesterday. Whatevah. I just work here.


  • At 9:22 AM, Anonymous bambi van bon bon said…


    Liz, the last time I heard a noise like that, I was living at the squat and Tiffany had won $10.00 from a scratch-off lottery ticket. Aren't you supposed to weep with joy or something?

  • At 9:24 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, “silouette's covering 4 me.” right. az u know, duncan’s silhouette goes up 2 the FOH & talks big ‘bout how he’z rel8ed 2 the silhouette of the owner of red hott bajan mama’s. wenevah he comez back 2 the BOH, i say, “hey! silhouette! shud we discuss dishwashin’?” & he sez, “that wud b a bad idea.”

    neway, congrats 2 ur sis on her finally gettin’ engaged. i know it’s sumthin’ she’s wunted 4 a long tyme. evn tho it wuz prolly the boringest engagement in the histry of man, it seems rilly rite 4 it 2b that way 4 ur sis, who haz kicked away every xxcitin’ thing in her life ovah the last 3 years. congrats 2 her. duz this mean ur gonna need a weddin’ escort az maid of honour of sumthin’?

    just 2 let u know, if i were 2 propose 2 sum1, it wud b a whole lot more romantic. i wud prolly say mushy thingz like “i luv u” & stuff like that. i know it may b a little 2 early 2b talkin’ engagements & stuff, but i figger thass better than our v.v. 1st talk ‘bout it b a few secondz b4 i pop the question, eh?

  • At 9:25 AM, Anonymous perdita anderson said…

    No, Bambi, Liz should have immediately proceeded to a high-end retailer and set up her wedding gift registry.

    Duncan, you are not answering your mobile. Please call me when you read this message.

  • At 10:12 AM, Blogger howard said…


    We are very excited in my house. My wife Beatrice no longer has to worry about me being one of the men arbitrarily attracted to your sister due to her powerful allure. She plans to put the leg irons on sale at the next garage sale. She’s says it’s because someone’s girlfriend will need them when you get to be marrying age; but I think she is just kidding.

    I would like to say congratulations to your sister for finally achieving her goal and to Anthony Caine for putting a most appropriate end to his long courtship of your sister. Beatrice has her own criticisms of the proposal mainly along the lines of “If any man proposed to me like that, he would get a frying pan across the head.” Oddly enough, I can’t seem to remember proposing to Beatrice. Beatrice tells me it was romantic though – candlelight dinner, opera music playing, fine wine, roaring fire, and the like. That sounds like me, but I can’t remember it. However, your sister can take pride in receiving a proposal that is worth forgetting, just like Anthony.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    Sheesh, some people are so critical. When Anthony proposed to Thérèse, he planned a special, romantic dinner, had a violin player serenade her with her favourite music, and got down on bended knee as the waiter presented the ring on a small, silver serving tray. After she accepted, they went on a carriage ride around the park. And you know how well that marriage worked out. Anthony's proposal to me was the opposite of that, just like I'm the opposite of Thérèse. So it was just right.

    April, I don't care what you bring back from Barbados as long as it's not you coming back pregnant with a half-Barbadian baby. The last thing I need is for you to steal the attention away from me by being the next Connie Poirier.


  • At 11:39 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, that would be half-bajan, u foob!

    jeremy, yr way soundz way better than ant's. not that we r talking abt marriage, since we r not even 17 yet, but if we were.


  • At 1:04 PM, Anonymous Li'l Abner Yokum said…


    Tarnation! I heared you and Anthony are gettin’ ready to git hitched. Mammy and Pappy and Daisy Mae are fit to be havin’ a big ole sellabrashun on account of it. Yessiree. I been the worstest feller at proposin’ for so long I thought Marryin’ Sam would nevah, evah see some feller even worster. But hyah he came this mornin’ a yellin’ an’ a jumpin’ ‘round. He sayed to me, “Abner. You ornly did yourn proposin’ to Daisy Mae to be like your comic strip ideel, Fearless Fosdick, but look hyah at this feller Anthony. He dun popped the question ornly cuz of this gal’s old beau makin’ trubble. No ring, no kiss, an’ not a peep on love. Abner, I hearby offishiously pronownse you to be the second worstest man in the comics for proposin’.” It is a happy day in Dogpatch, USA. Tell Anthony a big thanks frum me.

    Li'l Abner Yokum

  • At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Judge Alan Parker said…


    Young man, congratulations on your engagement to Elizabeth Patterson. I remember when I married my wife Katherine, I was a handsome debonair judge about town, solving crimes and mysteries. But after I got married, I became boring, dull, lifeless and everyone started paying attention to that hotshot attorney Sam Driver. No one pays attention to me anymore. I would give you advice on how to handle this aspect of marriage, but you, sir, appear to already have achieved a high degree of being dull and lifeless. I think you are ready for married life. Good luck to you with your marriage.

    Judge Alan Parker

  • At 1:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sgt. Royalson here.
    Speaking on behalf of myself and the entire constabulary force,

  • At 1:38 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i think duncan wuz hysterical. he came in frum wherever he wuz all mornin’ & overheard arne talkin’ 2 perdita. arne wuz sayin’ 2 perdita, “we’ve been friendz 4 so long, i think we’d b good partners.” then perdita sed, “i think so, 2.” then duncan ran n2 where they were & started shriekin’ sumthin’ ‘bout how perdita shudn’t get engaged 2 arne. u shuda seen duncan’s face, wen perdita sed 2 duncan, “bizness partners, u idiot. no1 sez stuff like that 4 gettin’ engaged 2 get married.”

  • At 1:39 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I cannot tell you how happy we are and the whole family is that Anthony proposed to Elizabeth. And the reason I can’t tell you how happy, is because the Patterson story-telling rules prevent it. We have to wait until Elizabeth tells the story. So, I guess you will have to suffer and wait until then.

    In the meantime, let me just say I could not be more impressed with the way Anthony has managed the whole thing and gotten a “Yes” answer out of Elizabeth before she had a chance to move away or change jobs. My wife, the lovely Deanna, says that we can double-date sometimes and you can babysit all three children. She is really looking forward to that.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:47 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Slightly older little sis. Nice try, but my “YYEEAAAAHHOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWAHHHOOOOOOOOOO” is better than your “YEEAAAAAHH!”

    Michael Patterson

  • At 2:12 PM, Anonymous fiona brass said…


    Congratulations on getting engaged. Not only does it keep that milksop Anthony Caine from harassing women in the Milborough singles scene, but it keeps you from taking all the good guys, too. At last I can come back and be the only eligible, Patterson-related, single woman in Milborough. No more pool hall bouncers as boyfriends for me and my cat, Beaumont III. No more storing money in hidey-holes in my house. I am going to get a bank account and collect interest. I am going to get me a boyfriend who doesn’t work for me. Watch out Milborough, here comes Fiona!!!

    Fiona Brass

  • At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Optimus Prime said…

    I remain confused to human mating rituals. I generally thought there was more, um how you say "passion" in these kinds of situations. Prowl has read me status reports with more excitement. Heck, Teletraan-1 gives sensor readings with more to it (then again, he does have a habit of randomly running down the Top 40 songs in America. Come to think of it, Cliffjumper does too).

    Update on our mission: Your parents still have not noticed you're missing, so the Aprilbot remains in storage, disguised as a train set. Your dad seemed nonplussed he had a new train set, but he doesn't seem to respond to much stimulus unless there's fuel consumption involved.

    The hunt for the witch grows. We are convinced Megatron must have supplied her with some kind of Dullinator she's using over the town, particularly your factory-sister, but Corbeill remains gaurded by a strange power. Will continue to monitor the situation.

    On a personal note, I hope you're enjoying your "R and R" on the small land mass.

  • At 3:21 PM, Anonymous constable paul wright said…


    Boozhoo (Hello).

    It is good to hear from you again, all the way from Barbados. I told my nindikwemag (woman), Susan Dokis (whom I call Chipper) of your sister’s news she got asho-wiidigendi (engaged) sitting on a couch (chesterfield). Chipper read your sister’s writings and said, “Suds (her nickname for me). Another thing First Nations people do better than whites. At least you are safe from her now.” Chipper was happy to hear your sister was no longer naniizaanadit (dangerous) to us with her allure to men.

    Chipper and I were asho-wiidigendi (engaged to each other) during the powwow trail last summer in front of our friends and family. It was where we met when we were young. I felt it was the right place for us to show and tell everyone we zaagi'idi (loved each other). I was wearing my Traditional dancer outfit and Chipper was in her jingle dress, when I proposed. I planned it for months. Chipper thought she was called in front to get an award for her jingle dancing. Instead she got me on my knee with a ring and many presents. I proposed both in Ojibway and in English so everyone could understand. Her family was there. My family was there. They were very happy. They have loved Chipper for a long time.

    It has been almost 2 years since your sister left me to be with her childhood sweetheart, Anthony Caine, and I have no biijigidaazohe (anger) for her anymore. It is not the same with Chipper. Chipper has finally got the Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) School fixed from how your sister left it. Now, the children learn to speak Ojibway. They come to school daily. They do not use checking trap lines as an excuse to miss school anymore. They have gotten used to planned lessons following Ontario teaching guidelines and not random, made-up lessons. It has been a lot of work for Chipper and she still has biijigidaazohe (anger) and osidaawendamhe (sadness) for students who lost 2 years of education with your sister.

    Chipper would someday like to move closer to her family in the Dokis First Nation near Lake Nipissing in Northern Ontario. If we do that, Chipper wants to make sure what happened with your sister does not happen again. The Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) Band Council has agreed that education of their children is important. They have promised never again to hire young, inexperienced, Southern Ontario girls who think coming to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) is an adventure.

    In the Ontario Provincial Police I have to wait 3 years after my transfer to Spruce Narrows before I can transfer again. We cannot move for another 2 years. Chipper misses her family, but she is willing to wait until we can both move together.

    I hope things are well with you. I hope your sister’s wedding is more minwendaagozihe (fun) than her engagement.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aw, that is such a sweet story, paul! thanx 4 sharing it here.

    thanx 4 the upd8, optimus prime. pls keep us posted.


  • At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    Mike, it figures you think you have to say your "yeahahahwahoo" sound is better than my "yeah" sound. You are jealous that it's been my turn to tell stories for the past few weeks.


  • At 7:03 PM, Anonymous perdita anderson said…


    Don't be so silly and rude. I would never get engaged to Arne before I was divorced from Alastair.

    Arne and I might indeed make good business partners one day, but we are currently having a small difference of opinion over the proposed Ides of March event at Farley Hill. When you finish the evening shift, would you please drive around and take down all the posters you put up this morning. I have asked Sandra to assist you.

    Have a pleasant evening,

  • At 8:46 PM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    I went to get you to drive to take down everything you put up this afternoon, but your silouette said you were busy and so I took Charles Wallace instead. Don't let Arne talk you into going into town for anything.


  • At 10:12 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man,

    Arne got 2 me b4 I red Perdita's message. He had me drive a lorry to Farley's Hill & then sum of his magician buds unloaded the lorry while I had a roti @ Chefettes. I cleaned out the lorry b4 I returned it 2 the lorry hire place, and threw the Chefettes bag in2 the dustbin in front of Redd Hott Bajan Mammas. When I got back, Perdita rilly lost it w/ me 4 "gross insubordination and negligent promotion of a competitor's products." So Im no longer Head Dishwasher @ Redd Hott Bajan Mammas. Sux 2b me.

    Sekrit sum1, if Im not Head Dishwasher, I dont hafta b responsible nemore. Im going 2 the beach. Meet me there @ 11 pm?

  • At 10:15 PM, Anonymous anderson "andy" davis said…

    Dear Francie,

    Guess what? I'm the new Head Dishwasher at my mamma's restaurant but don't tell the labour inspectors. I get to use Uncle Duncan's special squeegie whenever I want.

    Uncle Duncan and his friends told me you are getting a new stepmamma. I don't have one of those yet. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

    Your friend,

  • At 10:17 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…


  • At 10:18 PM, Anonymous anderson "andy" anderson said…



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