Aw, man. Man, oh, man, oh man. Where do I start? I had a lil convo w/Mom abt all this that's going on w/Howard Bunt. BUNT! NEway, I was like, "Mom, I thot this was all resolved last yr. It turned out that Howard only pretend went after Liz cuz of that conspiracy where he was tricked in2 thinking Anthony was Liz's grandfather and he took a dive 2 make GrAnthony look all heroic. And the Witch of the North ended up conveniently forgetting the whole thing since it was so bogus NEway. But now this?" Mom sed, "April, sit down." So I sat on the Chesterfield & Mom sat next 2 me. She sed, "All of what U say may well B true. Or @ least it may well have been
true." I didn't answer, just looked real confused. And she sed, "Reality is what the Witch of the North sez it is, April. Haven't U figured that out by now?" I sed, "I guess." She went on, "Well, ppl were complaining 2 the Witch abt how unsuitable it was that Howard wasn't suffering repercussions for what he'd done. Ppl who don't read our family's letterz, that is. Y don't they just read the letters?" She shook her head an' I shrugged. "NEway, now that Liz is back in Milboro, the Witch has decided we need 'closure' and 'resolution' in a public way, meaning a trial, that can B covered in the paperz & on TV newz, so even ppl who R 2 lazy 2 read or know abt our monthly letterz can know that crimez don't go unpunished." Me: "But he didn't really commit a crime!" Mom shook her head w/a kinda sad smile. "We're back 2 reality again. Thoze angry ppl wd never accept the big-conspiracy angle, so Lynn is ready 2 alter reality."
I got a scary thot in my head and asked, "Am I gonna get sucked in2 this new reality, like actually believe it and all?" Mom put her arm around my shoulders and sed, "I'm afraid U probably will, April. But if U keep written notes on everything and review them from time 2 time, U can probably shake it off--@ least 4 a while." I wanted 2 know how she knew this wd work, and she sed, "Y do U think I do all that scrapbooking, writing captions 4 my fotos, do U think I'm just that compulsive?" I had 2 admit I did, and she kinda rolled her eyez and laffed. I asked, "Is it gonna start soon?" Mom sed, "I think so. Quick, April, do U know what a subpoena is?" I was all, "Duh, of course, I watch cop showz all the time. And we learned this in school, 2. It's a writ requiring appearance in court to give testimony." Mom sed, "Write that down, b-cuz I have a weird feeling U R abt 2 4get." So I did, I wrote abt the whole convo I just told U abt.
And then the freekiest thing happed. First, I felt my mind go kinda blank. Then I felt like I was abt 11 yrs old again, my brain wiped of all kindsa knowledge an' xxperience fr. the last 4 yrs, an' I went up 2 Liz, like, "What xxactly is a subpoena, Liz?" And Liz was, like, "It meanz I have 2 go 2 court." I looked @ the subpoena and asked, "U, like--have 2 go?" And Liz was all, "Yes. It's the law. If U receive a subpoena, U R legally required 2 attend." And I was, like, "So, the guy who attacked U is finally gonna get what he deserves!" And Liz was, like, "He'z gonna get sumthing, April.... But I doubt that he'll get what he deserves."
Then I went back an' read my notes, and everything came flooding back 2 me. Shizz, guys, I hafta take v. good notes, cuz my brain was so wiped 4 a mo there! Pls, guyz, I need U 2 help me keep my brain working! Pls remind me of stuff, and post notez 4 me in the comments 2 help me remember, K? Becks, I totally don't wanna B a "stupid Patterson", but the Witch up North totally wants me 2 B one, and we all know her powers, don't we?!?!!?
NEhow, Liz also wrote abt my convo w/her in a comment
Well here is something for your blog tomorrow, you can quote me or not, but now I want to talk about when I told you about the suppeena, how you didn't know what one was and I had to tell you, that was a very nice big sister/little sister teaching moment, it was great, it made me remember how you are much younger than me and I am your mentor, just like how I teach elementary school kids, you have to learn from me, you even looked way younger than usual when we talked. I liked how you asked me if I "like, hafta go" to court, that was so cute, and I had to pat you on the head and explain that yes I did and it was scary but big people sometimes have to do hard things, and you would understand when you grow up, it was like a bonding moment. Then you asked me if Howard would get what he deserves which I think answers your rather slutty and crazy friend Becky's question about who you will be supporting in this, obviously it is me, us Pattersons are the model citizens of Milborough, Mom was even voted "most reasonable woman" by the Milborough Shopper eighteen years running, and I even look like her with the bun and glasses.
Anyway, then I told you Howard would get something but probably not what he deserves, you probably want to know what I was thinking there, well it was about what that nice old policeman told me the other day, about how they would not give Howard the chair because Canada never had the chair, just some stupid painless method of hanging that they got rid of 30 years ago, and I was thinking about how Mom had told me that even the Good Witch of the North probably can't get the death penalty reinstated in Canada, that there are limits to her powers, which is not too surprising, remember she said that in the movie too, she couldn't send Dorothy back to Oz and I guess she can't get them to kill Howard either, but what do you expect, I guess I will have to settle for life in prison or some lame punishment like that. I mean, I was violated, he didn't exactly grab my "chest area" but he did grab the part of my t-shirt that went over it, that's obscene.
Gah, I need 2 soak my head!