April's Real Blog

Monday, September 18, 2006

My Premonition

I had a weird, tho kinda boring, premonition abt lunch @ school 2day. Eva was sitting @ the head of the table, I was sitting 2 her left, an' Ger was across fr. me, 2 Eva's rite. 4 sum reason, no1 else was sitting @ our table. In this weird, boring premonition, Ger was all, "U wanna swap lunches?" And I was, like, "Nah. My sis makes good sandwiches." C, now Mom has Liz making lunches 4 me--one more person betw me & the delish chicken wraps. Tho luckily 2day is not a "chicken wrap" day, and in the premontion, Ger and Eva also have home-made lunches w/them. So, the next thing Ger sez is, "U don't mind having her around?" And my response is, "Nah. So far, the only 'thing" is the shower." That and the drinking, but Ger and Eva know abt that already, so I guess that's Y I don't say it again. Then 4 sum reason, I go, "My parents R pretty cool. If there'z a problem, we work it out." My parents R "pretty COOL"? Y wd I say THAT?!?!?! And Eva sez, "Whoa! I cdn't STAND it if my brother moved back in w/us! If he moved back in w/us, I wd totally pack up an' leave!" And in this vision, when I ask her "Where wd U go?" She closes her eyez and sez "Yr place."

Jeremy, funny that Eva only just mentioned having a bro 2 U yesterday, and gd pt abt how this makes her not an only child, so more OK 2 my mom. Eva's nev sed NEthing 2 me abt a bro, and mayB this is a sign abt the premo being true. But like I sed, it's really boring, so I kinda hope my brain just made it up. Oh, BTW, I'm back 2 having my hair in that dumb prop bun. It's the hair-curse, yo.

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 6:52 AM  

41 Comments:

  • At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    One "thing" you're going to find useful in life is you'll learn to judge people by the number of siblings they have. Generally, the more siblings there are, the better a person.

    Only child of single parent = rotten little bastard, for example serial killer Ted Bundy or my daughter Francoise, who still has problems making her own lunches.

    Two kids = iffy. Depends if they're being raised by a single parent or not. Mozart and his sister had two parents, Lee Harvey Oswald and his brother only one. I'm not counting LHO's half brother, that just proves what a whore his mom was. Notice how the kids on "One Day At A Time" ended up junkies or married to sweaty hair band guys.

    Three = Great, solid family, like in Father Knows Best. Ideally each kid should have a nickname. What does your dad call you?

    Four kids = Now we'll see some real achievement from the kids, like in "Family Ties" I'm putting the "Little House on the Prairie" family here because twins played the youngest girl.

    Five or more = Brady, Tanner, Camden Families, strong as an old oak on Walton's Mountain. Your family could be that kind of family if Mike and Dee moved back home with their kids.

    Thus you understand my eagerness to marry as soon as possible and have some more kids.

    Hope that helps,

    Anthony

     

  • At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    My brother Blair lives with the rest of my family already. If I said I was moving out because he lived at home, could I move into your place, like Eva? I promise I would not take up much room. By the way, I had a premonition too, that I would get to talk to you in person again really soon and you would write about it in your Blog. Was I in your premonition at all? I would love it if we both premonitted each other.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your predicted lunch with your friends. I will tell you I agree completely with your prediction about my sweet girl’s sandwiches. They are excellent. Your sister knows just the right way to put meat between bread and seasonings. I wouldn’t swap one of your sister’s sandwiches for any other sandwich in the world. Your sister’s sandwiches are like my friend Susan Dokis’ (whom I call Chipper) baloney and bannock. When I visit Chipper in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I could eat her baloney and bannock all day long. I wouldn’t swap one of Chipper’s baloney and bannock for any other baloney and bannock in the world. Whenever I get lonely for your sister’s sandwiches (which is pretty often), Chipper’s baloney and bannock keeps me satisfied until I can get the transfer to Toronto.

    It is interesting you talked about premonition in your writings today. When I talked to your sister on the phone, she said that there was one thing in your house she could predict would happen and it always seemed to. She said no matter what time of the day she wants to take a shower; you will be in the shower before she is. She told me about the time she decided to take a shower after school instead of before, in order to avoid you in the shower, and you were still in there. She said this was a “thing” that your ningitiziim (parents) were going to have to work out. I asked her why you and she didn’t talk to each other without your ningitiziim (parents), and she said I just did not understand how your family worked. That is true. Your family does things so differently from mine. Now that I have read your premonition, I am curious why your sister is making you sandwiches for your lunch and not you, but I think I would get the same answer.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i guess since this is one of thoze dayz u talk ‘bout lunch n ur blog, i predict i will have lunch w/othah peeps 2day. by the way, i have had 2 make my own lunches 4 a long tyme now. ‘course according 2 anthony, i am gonna b a rotten little bastard w/my single parent & only childedness, so makin’ my own lunch is prolly wut iz gonna make me snap like ted bundy sumday. u know if ur sis marriez anthony & he movez n2 ur house, u shud pack up & leave.

     

  • At 12:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    anthony, wow, u watch a lot of tv, eh? let's see. dad callz me "half-pint". no, w8, that's what pa ingalls calls laura on little house on the prairie. he callz me "buddy". no, i'm thinking of kristy mcnichol on that show family. hm, i guess i watch a lot of tv, 2. and dad pretty much just calls me april.

    shannon, i haven't had ne other premonitions. we'll have 2 w8 & c if yrs comes true.

    paul, i tried working things out w/liz abt the shower "thing". like, i sed mayB we shd even write up a lil schedule. she rolled her eyez an' sed that's not how thingz work in our fam.

    jeremy, i wdn't worry 2 much abt what anthony thinx. he considers himself a hott studmuffin, remember? lol.

    neway, i'm writing this fr. the caf. ger lent me his fone so i cd post this. my premo came true, unfortch! (cuz boring!)

    apes

     

  • At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I'm glad you like my sandwiches, I have a special technique that I learned from Viv in Mtigwaki, every day I would go over there and ask her questions about how to make stuff because for once I have to admit that Mike is right, I didn't really learn to cook because Mom was different when I was a teenager, she didn't want to teach me, you're so lucky she retired just so she could teach you how to cook and sew and all the things a girl needs to learn how to do to be a good mother and homemaker, that's one reason I moved home, I want to get in on the learning.

    Anyway, one day when I went over to Viv's house she was in a bad mood, and when I asked her how to make a sandwich she kind of made this bellering sound like a wounded elephant or at least what I think a wounded elephant would sound like, and I asked what was wrong, and she quickly smiled and said it was okay, she would teach me the secret of making great sandwiches, she says the point of a sandwich is to use up all the leftovers in the fridge but to make them taste new and fresh you chop them up and mix them all together and make all the pieces stick together with cream cheese, she says cream cheese makes everything taste good, so that's what I do. The sandwich I made for you today is special, it has leftover ham salad and peas mixed with cream cheese with a lettuce and tomato garnish, it's funny sounding but it works huh?

    I eat a lot of sandwiches I make like this, I have heard it is good for a woman to get a lot of dairy, when I had been eating them for a few months Viv said to me "Don't eat so many, you are starting to look like a cow!" I thought that was so funny, you know Native humor, like Dad used to say "If you keep eating that many oranges (or whatever) you are going to turn into one!" and cows make dairy products like cream cheese, so I did a sticky outty tongue laugh, I just love Native humor.

    I have been missing Paul's hugs, so Anthony told me he would hug me whenever I want him to, isn't that so moral supporting of him?

    Also I'm glad you like my new hot pink dress from the Sensible Schoolmarm collection, I splurged and got the matching earrings too.

    Liz

     

  • At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i’m not worried ne ‘bout nethin’ anthony caine sez. i guess i shoulda used a sarcasm emoticon. iz it :-> or :-] 4 sarcasm?

    eva sez she haz been thinkin’ ‘bout whether she iz gonna 4give me 4 getting’ fake betrothed 2 rebeccah, prolly sumtyme this week. i hope she duz, but i have this premonition of doom ‘bout me & her. i dunno y. yestahday wuz gr8.

    i have a funny story 2 tell u. i wuz sittin’ @lunch w/gordie, vicki, & shannon; & zandra larson wuz sittin’ @a table next 2 us, & i cud swear she wuz tellin’ sum story ‘bout how her little bro had a teach @hiz skool who hardly made the kidz n her class work @all & showed videoz all the tyme. then she sed this teach wuz tryin’ 2 teach the kidz ‘bout how 2 pull porcupine quillz w/a pair of pliers. & i thot it sounded kinda familiar. if it turnz out it iz ur sis, i wondah if zandra’z bro iz gonna b her new teacher’s pet. it wud b funny if he wuz.

     

  • At 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I think premonitions are pretty common for us Pattersons. I remember last year when dad was talking about going on a cruise with mom instead of going on vacation to Mexico and mom predicted that would never happen, and it didn’t. I have had a lot of premonitions lately about becoming a best-selling author and getting enough money to be able to be an author full-time and to quit my Portrait Magazine job and to buy a house with a big yard for my family. The premonitions seem so real to me, I can see the whole thing happening in the next year. When Elizabeth came to visit us, she said she had premonitions about Howard Bunt going to prison and her having a family in Milborough, and how they were somehow mysteriously related events. Since your premonition came true, you should be especially sure to pay attention to any more you have.

    For example, your premonition could mean your friend Eva would move into your house. The room that was my room or your room (I’m not sure anymore), but it is now a sewing room, could easily become your friend Eva’s room. After all, mom doesn’t really sew there that I can tell, so your friend wouldn’t be bothered much. If your friend Eva moved in, then it would help with mom’s premonition about not ever moving into a tiny retirement house, where dad would turn the entire yard into a giant model train display. If your friend Eva is smart, when she moves in, she won’t negotiate a higher rent than what mom and dad ask. This could happen all because of yours and mom’s premonition.

    Of course when I look at my future, it seems so obvious and plain to me, I suspect almost anyone with half a brain could predict my every move for the next year. My premonitions are just confirmations of the obvious. Maybe they are for you too.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Liz,

    Your mom's method sounded so good I dug around in the fridge and found a bag of baby spinach, some eggs I'd forgotten I'd bought, and some roast beef leftovers from my vistit to Mom's a couple weeks back. It needed some good mayo and I finally found it, Fracoise had been foraging and left it over by the air return.

    So now I've got a delicious roast-beef spinach salad sandwich. I think Mom put a sweet glaze on the roast because it smelled kinda syrupy.

    Of course it's not as good as something you would make. I'll swap you supportive hugs for supportive sandwiches any time.

    Anthony

     

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anthony,

    It is Viv's method, she is my Native mother figure, but not my Mom, Mom does not know how to make a good sandwich, just ask April about the poison chicken wrap. Mom can only make casseroles, which she says is all a proper housewife can make, she says sandwiches for anything other than a child's lunch is sluttish housewifery.

    Did you use cream cheese?

    Liz

     

  • At 3:53 PM, Blogger Anne said…

    Did ne of u think me & Gordie & Malcolm were just n silhouette @ lunch? It was the weerdest thing. Good thing my hair's black rite now so peeps looking 4 a seat just saw me from the back of my head. Then Gordie & Malcolm went 2 go sk8ing on the handicapped ramp outside the performing arts annex, & they looked all normal again.

    So Apes, speaking of yr mom's cooking, Gerald's Aunt Lavinia cooked up another 1 of the recipes she gave her: this shiddeous string bean/tofu/creamed corn & brussel sprouts casserole & cut out a huge slice 4 me 2 take 4 lunch. It was so gross. She handed it 2 me n this big trash bag that looked like it was moving. 4tunately I was able 2 swap my lunch w/Malcolm & have a mozzarella panini nstead. He thot the casserole was the bomb.

    Oh, I found this book by my locker. I want 2 know if it's Gerald's b4 I take it 2 the lost & found!

    I'm @ Starbucks by Lilliputs if ne1 wants 2 meet me. I'm gonna talk w/the guitarist 4 Burned Butt Casserole about some t-shirt designs 4 them.

    Vicks

     

  • At 4:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest Vicki friend,

    Thank you for your concern, but that is not my book. I have finished that book and am already on to Drumming the Hard Way: The Advanced Tutorial on How to Really Rock Out While Playing the Drums by Ringo Starr.

    Sincerely yours, Gerald

    P.S.--Dearest April flower, could you perhaps convince your lovely sister to make me one of her specialty sandwiches tomorrow?

    P.P.S.--I thought they taught you how to make sandwiches in your Honors Home Ec class you took in 8th grade. Why does Liz make your sandwiches now? Can't you make your own lunch? Mater says to ask you if you have any pride at all. I told her that did not sound very nice, but she said to ask anyway.

     

  • At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April and friends,

    This afternoon, after school ended, the principal asked me to meet him in the teachers' lounge, I was sure that I was finally going to get a teaching award for employing Native principles in my classroom, when I got to the lounge, all the teachers were there.

    I was wrong about the award, instead the principal said, "Miss Patterson, we are staging an intervention for you, today is the second day in a row you have come to school hung over" and I said "hey now wait one minute, we just had a weekend, you can't tell me what to do with my weekend" and they said "fine but you were hung over on Friday too" and I said "when I go to Mike's place I have to drink just to be able to stand him, do you know what he calls me?" The principal didn't care, he just kept saying "you obviously picked up a drinking problem while you were on the rez," I was very offended, there is no liquor at all in Mtigwaki, when I wanted to have a good time I had to go to Spruce Narrows.

    I was so upset about all this talk at work about me having a problem and about the unpleasantness of the trial and of my lack of hugs and moral support from Paul that I went straight over to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Bombay Gin, it was on sale for $32.99, which is really more than a teacher can afford but what the hell, I am treating myself to the good stuff, maybe I will just give Mom less rent money this month, it's not like the old bag needsh it, rihgt?? I meen whagt mor ecan hpapen to me thisssmonrth??

    gottta g o, donn't fel goood. ned two slep.

    liz

     

  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    It was a difficult morning. My lawyer called and said that since the public was not turned to my favour with my proposed marriage to Marjee Mahaha, he wanted to cancel the fake wedding. Becky was very angry. “Why did I bother to get betrothed to Jeremy, if your stupid lawyer is just going to cancel your wedding?” When I saw Marjee at Sugar’s salon, she was disappointed too. I said to her, “Sorry, but Mr. Benis says not enough people in Milborough know who you are, so the public opinion about me was not changing.”

    Some of the old ladies waiting in line for me to shampoo their hair suggested, “Howard. You need to pretend marry some girl everyone knows.” I said, “Like who?” One lady said, “There’s that nice Shawna-Marie Verano.” Another lady said, “No one knows her. She’s only appeared once in the last 4 years. Plus I think she has a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle.” There was much tutting about motorcycle-riding. Then another lady said, “I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that poor Rhetta Blum.” But one lady said, “She’s been around less often than Shawna-Marie. Besides, she is tainted from being rejected by a Patterson.” Then yet another lady said, “How about Dawn Enjo? No wait. She lives in Ottawa.” Fiona Brass said, “I’d do it.” The other ladies shushed her down.

    One lady said, “How about Candace Halloran?” The other lady said, “Attached to Rudy Dodd.” Another lady said, “Martha McRae. No, she got remarried.” One lady said, “Maxine Hébert?” The other lady said, “Too French. And don’t think about Thérèse Caine either. There’s no one lower than those Frenchies.” One lady said, “Kortney Krelbutz?” The other lady said, “You mean, Kurt Krelbutz?” The first lady said, “Howard. I don’t think there are any.” One lady said, “Wait a minute. What about Beatrice Alfarero?” The other lady said, “Oooh. That could work. She’s ethnic, she has children, people have seen her around in the last year, and she has received the Elly Patterson stamp of approval.” Marjee said, “I’m just as ethnic as Beatrice.” The first lady said, “But Beatrice is the widow of a military man. She’s like a Canadian war bride, even though technically her husband was from the States.” All the ladies said, “Ooooooooh! She’s perfect. Definitely ask her, Howard.” I said, “It’s not going to happen. Beatrice would never agree to such a thing.” The ladies said, “Why not?” I said, “She works for Moira Kinney @Lilliput’s, where the lease on the building is held by Elly Patterson.” The ladies said, “Well you’re screwed, Howard. At least I have my permission slip for a conjugal visit and my bottle of shampoo.”

    Well, not more than a few minutes later, I got a call from Mr. Benis. He wanted me to think about rescuing animals from trees or walking old ladies across street corners. I said to my customers, “A new part of my service has started. From now on, after you get your hair done, I will walk you to your car, taxi, or senior center bus.” The ladies said, “I can walk by myself. I need the exercise or I will turn into a slug like Jim Richards.” Fiona Brass said, “It’s a deal if I get to ride on your back.” One old lady said, “With a saddle.” I said, “I don’t have a saddle.” Fiona said, “I do. I always keep one around just in case.” So, I spent the rest of the day giving old ladies rides. I hope this works and improves my popularity. I have been having these premonitions about next month’s trial and my getting an excessively long term in prison.

    Howard Bunt.

     

  • At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    vicki, silhouette @lunch, eh? that xxplainz it. i thot it wuz so dark, cuz we were sittin’ next 2 the goth table.

    by the way, if ur walkin’ n mboro, watch out. i swear i thot i saw april’s sis nearly hit a tree w/her car on my way home frum skool. then i thot i saw anthony caine followin’ her & then he stopped & threw up on the side of the road, wut looked like a spinach, egg & roast beef sandwich.

    if ur still @ starbucks by lilliputs, i’ll cu there. i’m suppozed 2 talk w/the guitarist 4 burned butt casserole ‘bout doin’ sum sound & lightin’ work 4 them. apparently their regular sound guy’z oldah bro came back home & the sound guy packed up & left.

     

  • At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    thad is a vizcshicious lye i don drinck an' drivee.

    lizerdbred

     

  • At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    APRIL AND FRIENDS,

    I THINK MY STUPID LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND REALLY DOES NEED AN INTERVENTION. SHE WAS USING APRIL'S LAPTOP AND SHE THREW UP ON IT. THEN SHE TRIED TO USE ME TO WIPE HER FACE. TWO PARTS BOMBAY GIN AND ONE PART DIMWITTED YOUNG SCHOOLMARM DO NOT MAKE FOR A GOOD TIME.

    SEND HELP.

    ANGRA MAINYU

     

  • At 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    eds turibel whod hass hapimed two me sens i hav bin home, i fel licka i hav bin gonee aftre agin biy the prasipel an' the juystess sesytem an' muy bvoyfrend,, they alll don understand,,,le's facs it i wasss almostr rapped, thad levs a skar , he toched my bob,, i hop he dyes.

    haha i caled mysilf lesberdbreth last tim look that kid of loks liuke 'lessbeyen' whech i'm not thast on timme in unii dosnt' cont.

    liz

     

  • At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    pss don' telll cnadise that i tol abot the lessbo stuf, roody dusn't no.

     

  • At 6:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    okay alsoo on time lasst somer alos, we wer drunnk hthoug, at th ecabbinn, evryon els wass aslep, it jist hapened. secert ojay?

     

  • At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    la;iz

    ver8uhu8g suick ca'bnt sotp shihtli;.g and ;f[hruhg yuop.

    vpinm;lt evcerywohtwpehere.

    DHFUIEHRP HELIYUP0 PEIPH;TO BIOSNMMA'LK!#@!~~!#@

    Ano;hgqrebft

     

  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, hope the books i helped u find r helpful. i've made liz drink down a pot of coffee 2 try an' sober her up. i can't believe what she did 2 my poor lappy. she totally hasta buy me a new one, yo!

    ger, i can make my own sandwiches, but the last time i started to, liz started going on and on abt the "proper" way 2 do it, and after i got sick of hearing it, i sed if she knowz so much abt sandwiches, she can just do it. so she did. but i doubt she feels well enuf 2 make sandwiches 4 2morrow. i cd make the kind we learned in home ec, if u r interested.

    apes

     

  • At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike, Shannon, I was only joking about moving into April's house. Besides, my bro would never move back home, he has way too much self respect for that!

    Eva

     

  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, shannon, that reminds me, i 4got 2 answer b4. no way r my 'rents gonna allow ne of my friends 2 move in. she thinks teenagers r all martians, and they thank god all the time that they only have one. nice, eh? :] *

    *i decided that's a good "sarcasm" emoticon, jeremy.

     

  • At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can't believe Howard broke off our fake engagement! I feel so rejected! I think I might call Maynard in prison.

    Marjee

     

  • At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    But what about teenagers which are a surprise package waiting to be opened? Maybe instead of being a Martian, I would be like a Venutian or a Mercurian to your mom. I have my roket. I could find out what they are like.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I think mom was genuinely disappointed your friend Eva was not planning on moving in. She has been looking for someone to fill the space in the sewing room, so she can have that extra protection against having to move into dad’s little retirement house down the road. I think she is afraid Elizabeth will get married soon, and then it will just up to you, and apparently you, by yourself are not sufficient to stop dad. She did call up here and asked if one of my kids would be willing to move into the sewing room. I asked her which one she wanted, and mom said it was obviously the only one of my children with the good imagination and the patience to wait for the next page, when she reads something to her. I wish I knew which one she meant.

    I got a call from Anthony Caine, just now. At least that’s what the caller ID said. All I could really understand was that he had some kind of cleaning disaster, which was Thérèse’s fault, and he wants you to come over and help clean it. He said he had tried calling Elizabeth to get her to come over and clean it, but you had told him the Lizard was not able to talk on the phone. Mom may want you to clean it. You know how she feels about Anthony. If I were you, I wouldn’t let mom answer the phone, if Anthony calls.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, shannon, besides my 'rents' attitude abt teenagerz, i doubt yr mom wd allow u 2 move here. she hasn't 4gotten abt the whole "chicken wrap" thing, and the goss got around abt how my mom made a bald-faced lie by telling yr mom that she used "the freshest ingredients" when the lab had already shown the stuff was v. rotten.

    lucky 4 me i never 8 that stuff. soundz like anthony wasn't so lucky 2day. mayB that's the prob, if he'd read closer and realized liz was talking abt viv's sandwiches and not the elly kind, he wdna used the rotten stuff.

    apes

     

  • At 7:35 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Oh my aching back. Old ladies may look light, but they are not. Believe me they definitely are not. I tried to get someone here to give me a backrub, but Krystle McGuire (Becky’s mom) and Dr. Ted McCaulay were not interested. I would have asked Becky, but she left earlier in the evening to make Gerald a sandwich. It had something to do with the fact you both took the Honors Home Economics class in Grade 8. I didn’t really understand it.

    So, I called Marjee Mahaha and asked if she would come over and rub my back. Her response was, “You have a lot of nerve, Howard. You broke off our fake engagement to carry those old women around. You deserve to suffer.” Then I said, “I’ll make you chocolate.” Marjee said, “I’m on the other line with Maynard, but after I am finished talking to him then maybe I will think about coming over.” I was a little disturbed by that but I…Oh, Marjee’s here. I’ll write later.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 the warning, mike. even tho she had a pot and a half of coffee, liz passed out rite after dinner. when i saw yr post, i offered 2 help dad sew winter outfits 4 his choo-choo ppl. it's lame, but it beats cleaning anthony's gross messes. so guess what? anthony just called, and mom started 2 say that of course april can come over and help, but dad grabbed the fone away and said, "sorry, fellah, but april's helping her old man with the train people. this is a hi-priority project, and i don't get 2 spend such quality time w/my pal april that often, since she's a teenangster one of them'." then he sed "bye" and hung up.

    phew!

    apes

     

  • At 7:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April, I'm about to give Howard a massage. I'm still angry with him, but talking to Maynard reminds me, things can still be worse.

    Marjee

     

  • At 8:32 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I am fake engaged to Marjee again. My lawyer, Mr. Benis, called and said the public opinion in Milborough is that any man, who would take as much abuse as I did from riding old women on my back today, is definitely the kind of man who would be interested in Elizabeth Patterson. He wants Marjee and me to go to the park tomorrow and engage in some activities which Elizabeth Patterson would never engage. He suggested outdoor sports like tennis, touch football, and soccer. Oh, and I have to win, but not dominate Marjee in these sports.

    I told him I had a lovely pink tennis skirt which would be perfect, but my lawyer said no, when he realized I was talking about my wearing it and not Marjee. Marjee said she doesn’t want to be jerked around, so Mr. Benis had to promise not to cancel the fake wedding again, which he reluctantly did, and I had to promise to make something chocolate for Marjee every day, which I did.

    My back feels a lot better now that Marjee massaged it. And she also showed me something new you can do with chocolate. You just…um…I forgot you’re only 15. Sorry.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 9:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April, for some reason, Howard decided we need to be seen playing badminton in the park tomorrow. He wants to help me pick out the perfect ensemble to coordinate with his own badminton-playing outfit.

    Marjee

     

  • At 9:08 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i got a kinda strange fone call fr. becks. since we were both in honours home ec in grade 8, she wants 2 have, like, a sandwich contest w/me, and ger hasta decide who's sandwich is best @ lunch 2morrow. she is so competitive sumtymez!

    apes

     

  • At 9:28 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    It's off with Marjee to the 24-hour Badminton Belongings Bureau for matching badminton outfits. Marjee was briefly distracted when I told her we would be playing with feathered shuttlecocks in badminton. There’s a really bad joke there, which I am sure you can get without me spelling it out for you. Sometimes Marjee gets caught up in her own innuendo.

    As for Becky, I have already told her she is on her own for the sandwich-making competition. To be fair, I will not be making any sandwiches for her, just as I am sure your sister is not making any sandwiches for you, at least not for the competition.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 9:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    He wrote "shuttlecock". Hee hee hee hee hee!

    Marjee

     

  • At 9:39 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    nah, liz hasn't helped me w/the sandwiches. she cdn't even if she wanted 2. so passed out! i totally made the sandwiches myself.

    apes

     

  • At 10:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Rudy already knows about the lesbo thing, Liz. He's cool like that.

    Candace

     

  • At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    that wuz won awfull mess, Angra. i liv with a dog and even then ive never smeled anything so bad. that febreze stuff i browt over works every time. saved me a lot of baths from pinky, yo.

    Bucky

     

  • At 11:16 PM, Blogger Luann DeGroot said…

    Hey Howard, i would not worry 2 much about ur prison time. i have a premonition that no matter how much time u get, u will b released by the end of next year, anyway.

    Luann

     

  • At 2:19 AM, Blogger howard said…

    Luann,

    I hope you're right. I am just afraid of how much I will miss while I am in prison, you know kind of like being in Mtigwaki was for Elizabeth Patterson.

    Howard Bunt

     

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