Dispatch from Michael

In case U were wondering abt how-all Michael found out abt Gramps this past Monday nite, he d-cided 2 post a comment last nite:

April,

Little sis. I decided that I have gotten tired of listening to you complain about memory loss in your Blog entries. Therefore, I will recount to you the story of how I came to learn about Grandpa Jim’s stroke.

It was a dark and stormy night. Deanna was dealing with the children as she normally does. Then the night was made even darker and stormier by a phone call from Mr. Archie Andrews about the deadline for some freelance work I am doing. The disadvantage to working at home is that people think they can call you at all times of the night to ask about what you have been doing. Mr. Andrews is one of the worst. “Do you know when the project is due, Patterson? I have to have those love sonnets ready for my date with Veronica Lodge tomorrow. If I don’t have them, then Reggie Mantle wins the contest and he gets to go out with Veronica.” I am tempted to respond, “I could get this project done, if I wasn’t constantly on the phone with you answering your questions about when it is due.” Of course, a Patterson would never say anything that rude, so I just said, “Yes, I know this project is due tomorrow, Mr. Andrews” over and over again. Fortunately for me, mom called to tell me about Grandpa Jim’s stroke, so I was able to get Mr. Andrews off the phone, by telling him I had to take mom’s call. I was reaching for our black telephone, when mom’s voice piped into the cell phone I already had up to my ear. I don’t know how she did that.

Mom said, “Mike? It’s mom. I have some terrible news. A prime rib dinner went to waste tonight. And it was a good one from Anne Nichols at the Empire Hotel. You know how good those prime rib dinners are over there? It is a tragedy. A complete tragedy.”
I said, “What?”
Mom said, “Oh, and your grandpa Jim had a stroke. We’re here at hospital.”
I said, “Grandpa Jim has had a stroke?”
Mom said, “I just said that. Are you repeating what I say back to me?”
I said, “Yes.”
Mom said, “Well stop it.”
I said, “Uh huh…”
Mom said, “And stop using those ellipses too. You’re not special needs.”
I said, “Uh huh,”
Mom said, “We are waiting for the inflammation in your grandpa’s head to go down, so the doctors can tell us just how much damage has been done. As soon as we find out, we’ll let you know how he is…”
I said, “As soon as you know how he is…”
Mom said, “Stop repeating me and stop using those ellipses.”
I said, “Uh huh…We will.”
Mom said, “Ellipses! Michael. Ellipses! “
I said, “And mom?”
Mom said, “Yes, Michael.”
I said, “…I’m so sorry.”

Mom was furious with my last ellipse, even though I was apologizing. It was worth it to slide it in. Even as I rejoiced in getting that joke in, my problems suddenly seemed so unimportant. So, I said it to Deanna, only I realized afterwards, I forgot to phrase it as a question instead of a statement. I’ve noticed our family has a difficulty with posing questions anymore, even when the sentences really should be questions. My beloved Deana sympathized with me, by placing her hand on my back. I thought about our Grandpa, suffering from the effects of a stroke. No longer able to get around very well. No longer able to speak coherently. Really not that different, now that I think about it. But it’s too early to tell. Deanna and I hope that Grandpa Jim has a full and complete recovery, and he is just as coherent and mobile as before, except maybe more mobile and more coherent.

That’s how I found about Grandpa Jim’s stroke.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Yeah, Mom is weird abt those ellipses. She thinx only she shd B allowed 2 used them cuz she thinx every1 else abuses them. Ellipse abuse! Mom is weird, yo.

Sgt. Royalson, I M not even sure what 2 b-lieve rite now, but when U post, U can click "other" and write in yr name insteada using the "anonymous" option. U know, if U feel like it.

Apes