Depressing thots from Gramps

Guess what? I got an e-mail from Grandpa Jim.

Hello, April! I'll bet you are surprised to receive e-mail from your old gramps! Well, my physiotherapist is a wonderful woman, and as you can see, she has gotten me to the point where I can type again.

Iris and I have been following your stories about the "Christmas" dinner, and I thought you might be interested to know what happened on our end after that gathering.

Iris, God bless her, feels the need to fill in for my silence by speaking for the both of us. I can't blame her. I might be the same way if our positions were reversed. But I confess, it does grate at times.

Anyway, Iris had exited the Para-Bus at our building's unloading dock, and while I was being wheeled out, I noticed that Iris, Simon the driver/aide, and I had all gone into that weird, white silhouette-with-outlines people go into from time to time in Milborough. It was snowing in large, elliptical snowflakes, and the wind was visibly blowing in swirl formation. Iris said, "Thank you very much, Simon." And Simon replied, "You're welcome, Mrs. Richards," as he is wont to do.

As Iris wheeled me to the elevator, she said, "That was nice, wasn't it, Jim." That was a statement, rather than a question. This depressed me, since it reminded me that I couldn't answer and a response was not expected. She continued, "It's good to be with family." As she pressed the "up" button for the elevator, she said, "You were the patriarch tonight! Everyone was so proud to have a great-grandfather at the table!" I know that Iris means well, but I did not see any evidence that this was true. I was mostly ignored, and I had the distinct impression that most of my family were thinking cruel, uncharitable thoughts during Mira Sobinski's lovely grace. I think she was the only other person at the table who understood the spirit of the season. Oh, I know that you "get it," too, April, but as you know, you had been banished to the kids' table in the kitchen. If only I could have talked, I would have argued that we should put those two tables together so that everyone could be in one place for the dinner.

While wheeling me into our apartment, Iris prattled on, "And you stayed until the end of the evening. --As Christmases go, that was a first!" Then I had a thought, which oddly felt as though it was the final statement in a quasi-delusional 60-year-old woman's once-funny, now soap-opera comic strip: "As Christmases go, my deareast Iris... It might be my last."

I know that was a terribly depressing thought, April. But I don't seem to be getting better (past reaching the point where I can write this, for which I am grateful), and I don't think my ability to speak will ever come back. You reach a certain point where life ceases to be enjoyable, and though I hate the thought of leaving behind loved ones, like you and Iris, I know I'll be in a better place when I finally go. And we'll all meet again someday, so I don't fear death.

Well, that was altogether too serious for a moment, there. Oh, and I want to let you know that the high point of our evening was when you played the guitar and sang for us, April. It was kind of unfortunate when your big sister tried to harmonize, though. She's really let her vocal exercises lapse over the years. Oh, and when Robin grabbed hold of your guitar and yanked at the strings until they broke? It's sad that his parents have failed to teach him that this is a bad thing to do. Iris has ordered some more strings for you, and they should arrive in the coming week.

Well, this has been longer than I anticipated, but it just feels so good to be able to write to you! Best wishes for a wonderful new year! May you and your friends realize your dreams and goals for 2008.

Love,

Grandpa Jim

Aww, thanx 4 writing, Gramps. It makes me sad that U R feeling that death wd B better than life, but I think I understand what U R talking abt. And I'm glad U enjoyed my guitar playing. Thanx 2 U and Iris 4 ordering more strings.

Oh, 4 the anon poster who wanted 2 know if Gerald still reads and posts here. He still reads here, but hasn't posted 4 a while. We've stayed friends, but things have been a bit awkward between us. IM sure he will B interested 2 know abt his name meaning "strong lance" in ancient German. He luvs that kinda thing!

Apes