April's Real Blog

Friday, December 28, 2007


Well, in case NE1 wondered what happed @ the TTH rite after our so-called Xmas dinner this past Sunday (I know U weren't), when Dad was pulling the car in2 the driveway, Mom was all, "Oh, What's-er'-name, er, April, all those dishes from the desserts have 2 B brot in and washed. I know U won't mind. We'll catch up w/U inside."

So, as I was taking the dishes in2 the kitchen 2 wash 'em, I cd hear Mom and Dad having a dull convo as they put away their coats. Dad was being all, "Well, that was wonderful! The tree, the gifts, the decorations and the dinner.... The whole family was there in the true spirit and joy of the season!" Yeah, nuthing sez "Yuletide" like sequestering the yungest members of yr fam in the kitchen and thinking evil thots while a well-meaning in-law sez grace. Mom sed, "Yes--I think that was one of the best Xmas evenings I've ever had!" Then, I had a hunch she was thot-bubbling, so I peeked out from the kitchen, and sure enuf she had a thot bubble, all "...It was @ sumbody ELSE'S house!!!" Mom looked disturbingly manly as she was thinking that.

So, let's C. U know what happed w/Mom an' Dad rite after the dinner, and U know abt Liz an' Anthony. I predict that there will B sum sharing 2morrow abt Mike and Dee's reaction 2 the dinner. Not mind, b-cuz I'm not considered important enuf. Oh, and Liz d-cided 2 write in sum more last nite w/sum bonus info 4 U interested readers:

Okay, well, I promised to tell you more about what happened between me and Anthony, let's just say that he was very persistent, and I had to be very insistent about guarding my secondary virginity, well, finally, Anthony asked why I wouldn't let him "slip one past the goalie" (yes that's how he put it) and I explained to him it was a curse, if we did it before marriage, we would never walk down the aisle, well Anthony asked how far we were allowed to go, and I checked the handy little "Sexual Purity Guide" that the Johnston Institute puts out, and it turns out that premarital fondling of certain body parts normally kept hidden by underpants is okay, as long as the room is totally dark and it's just the woman doing the man, after all, a good woman does not experience s-e-x type pleasure, she just does it for the babies, anyway, it was awful, by morning my palms were rubbed raw, and Anthony was passed out across the bed sideways with his man-thing hanging out, and Frenchy came wandering down the hall, yelling for her daddy, turns out we were so wrapped up in our whole negotiation thing that we left her in the car seat last night and she spent the night in the garage which is fortunately attached to the house but is still cold as a refrigerator, she seems okay, just a little blue-ishy, but that went away after I plunked her down next to a heating vent before I left to go to the drugstore to buy salve for my hands, April, when you turn 18, you would be smart to just marry Gerald right away, so you don't have to go through years of this kind of agony, it is almost like some ugly old woman is drawing my "story" out to torture me.

OMG, poor Francie! What agencies do we call 2 intervene w/the kind of neglect?!?!?!?!

And I dunno if Ger wd even B interested NEmore in marrying me when we turn 18. I heard a rumour that Becky dumped Dustin Jimberlake and started d8ing Ger, in spite of her dad's wishes.


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  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    You might know that your dad was jazzed about eating and you mom about not cleaning up. What bugs me is that she turned into Bert from Sesame Street for a second or two.

  • At 12:56 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    my 'rents both resemble muppets from time 2 time. anthony duz, 2. it's v. disturbing. liz thinx it's, like, "comforting," tho.


  • At 9:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Does Gerald still read here? Post here?

    I learned today that "Gerald" is from the ancient German and means "strong lance".

    Thinking you.


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