April's Real Blog

Monday, December 31, 2007

I speak stilty, yo

Ger's having a party 2nite 4 NYE. Wow, I can't believe my NYE is possibly getting attention this yr. It's almost alwayz Mike and/or Liz and their celebrations, like @ Gordo's parties. Lotsa ppl had gd money on Anthony popping the Q 2 Liz @ Gordo's NYE party.

NEhoodles, so I d-cided 2 put on my new NYE dress this morning as kind of a preview, and Dad was all, "So, New Year's Eve is @ Gerald's place!" And I sed, w/that patented closed-eyed Patterson smug look, "Yup! There'll B 8 couples --how do I look?" I've been watching that show from the U.S.'s Style network, How Do I Look, w/Finola Hughes. Dad was like, "U look beautiful, April! It's hard 2 believe U're my little girl." I put one hand on Dad's chest, xxtended the other one palm up, and was all, "I'll alwayz B yr little girl, Pop!" Then I put one hand on my sternum, Patterson style, and was all, "I mean, I'll soon talke off 4 university, then I'll have a career and an apartment an' I'll travel and get married sumday and mayB move far away, but..." And as I was saying that while also thinking, "Who TALKS like this?" Dad cut in w/"STOP!!" And then he hugged me an' sed, "I'd better get all the hugs in while I can!"

So, yeah, I'm going 2 a NYE party @ Ger's house. U mite B wondering if Ger an' I R back 2gether and whether Jeremy and I Rn't NEmore. Well, it's kinda complic8ed, and.... Well, I'll have 2 xxplain 2 U as the NYE story unwinds.


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  • At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    LOL, no matter how much you protest, you're a dyed-in-the-wool Patterson!

    The evidence:

    1. At age 16, all your friends are coupled up. (Or, the ones who are not coupled are shunned. Either works.)

    2. You assume you will definitely get married some day. Like staying single or having a domestic partner aren't perfectly viable options.

    3. Patterson smugness, which you seem to recognize, but don't try to fix.

    BTW, that dress makes you look like a baby prostitute.

  • At 10:55 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…


  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    It's like you were channeling a sixty-year-old crazy woman there, kiddo. You gotta watch that or you'll end up like Liz.

  • At 12:28 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    Don't listen to the meanies, I was thinking you were sounding perfectly sane and rational for a minute, except the part about travel and career, Milborough is all you need, take it from me, but the married part, that is important, and I am glad to see that even though you are dressing in kind of a questionably whore-like way, you are still focused on the Big Prize, and also that all your friends are couples, that is good, it will help keep you focused on your goal, I feel so much closer to you knowing you are definitely planning to get married.


  • At 1:38 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes,

    Am I invited 2 this partay or did Evah find a nu cowboy? If Im invited, I hafta get a plane ticket rite now. R u going w/ Ger or Jer? Not that I care who u go w/, I can beat either of them up.

    BTW, Im not in the secure treatment facility nemore. My mom got out 1st, then she brot me a "traditional Canadian maple dipped doughnut" on family visit day. Good thing Bajans dont no what they look like, it was rilly a t-biscuit w/ a hole cut in the middle & honey poured ovah it. I found a note in it that said "STFU if you hope to get out of this place 2 misspend the rest of yr youth." So I STFUed. Its sorta hard 2 hide messages in cups of "Canada's finest Tim Horton's blend coffee", so my dad didnt get out til after he had a Xmas conjugal visit w/ my mom. But we r all cube again. We just dont talk v. much.

    Now Im bussing/waiting @ Redd Hott Bajan Mammas. The only good thing abt the secure treatment facility was that I had nuthing 2 do but study in btween therapy sessions, so Im already finished Grade 11 & Im starting my Grade 12 courses in April at the end of the hi tourist season.

    Dr & Mrs Larson & CW r here 4 New Years. Perdita used her connections 2 get them a cube suite in that hotel she used 2 work 4. I guess she didnt want them staying w/ her & Arne. BTW, Arne set Gran's parlour on fire on Xmas Eve doing 1 of his "illusions", & Perditas been screaming @ the insurance company ever since.

    Got 2 go. The hangovah crowd is here 4 brunch.


    Yr best bud,
    Duncan Anderson

  • At 1:42 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Anon, my best bud Apes Patterson is not a baby prostitute. If u r a d00d, Im gonna hafta beat u up 2. I'm on break btween 3 & 4 pm. Meet me @ the deliveries door @ Redd Hott Bajan Mammas.

  • At 3:04 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, dunc, ger has the impression u r gonna b @ the party w/eva.

    i m def going w/ger or jer.


  • At 3:37 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    K, Apes. Im on AC967, departs BGI @ 16:10, arrives YYZ @ 21:05, Terminal 1. Will u pick me up?


    Yr best bud 4eva,
    Duncan Anderson

    p.s. Anon D00d, come back 2 the deliveries door on Thursday.

  • At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I <3 <3 <3 u April Patterson.

    Not the Anonymous D00d whos going 2 get beaten up

  • At 9:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i picked up dunc @ the airport and we stopped by eva's house. then we all went 2 ger's place in my crevasse crius. i'd tell u what's happening here @ the party, but i think i signed sum kinda contract that sez i hafta keep u all in suspense.



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