The Tack

Mike posted sum more abt what's been going on since they took over the big house:

April,

Formerly little sis. There frequently comes a time in a man’s life when he has to confront his past. In great novels, the past is a majour misdeed, a breach of trust over a significant point of order, or the loss of a great love. In real life, the past appears in a manner more mundane, like your son is chewing on it. This was the case for me. The past reappeared in the form of a tack I thought I had eliminated and would never see again.

You see, formerly little sis, continuing my story from yesterday, after my lovely Deanna finished stripping off the wallpaper, she changed clothes to long pants. I tried to convince her to change into a negligee instead, but she demurred, saying she needed to go check on the kids, since they had been playing in the ravine for hours.

I was relaxing in the way men frequently do after their wives refuse to wear negligees, when I suddenly heard my lovely wife say, “Attack! Where did you find attack?” I thought for a moment my wife was being assaulted and I rushed to her rescue as a good husband should. As I approached her and my son, I saw my wife on her knees and I steeled myself for full combat with my son, assuming that he was the attacker. Once I got close enough, I saw that my lovely Deanna and my son were not battling each other but were staring at a tack, and I realized my error. I had been taken in by the most basic of puns---a misinterpretation of similar sounds to mean different words. It was so funny; I had to say, “Hah!”

Then I picked up the tack and I realized that this tack was the one I stuck in the back wall of the upstairs closet and I made the mistake of saying it out loud. My lovely Deanna was immediately suspicious and she picked up our son, preparing to run if I gave the wrong answer to her question, “What did you do that for?” My mind raced. I thought, “Do I tell Deanna the real answer? Do I explain to her exactly why it is that it was necessary, even crucial for the survival of everyone to make sure that tack was placed in the back wall of the upstairs closet? Do I tell my lovely wife of the terrible fate which our family faced, which was only alleviated by that tack? Do I spill forth the terrible secrets which had lain dormant in our family for over 2 decades?” Well, obviously no. So I said, “I dunno…It’s been there since I was nine.” I think she and my son bought it, but from the way they were looking so intently at that tack, they must have suspected something. I don’t think they will be able to figure it out. That is unless my daughter shows up someday with the paper clip, which was hidden all those years ago.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Yeah, and I hope they never find the disturbing stuff U hid in the crawl space, eh?

Apes