Kitchen

Well, it's time 2 hear abt Mike's end of the whole "housening" bizness. Here's what he posted last nite:

April,

Formerly little sis. My lovely Deanna did not waste a moment starting to make changes to the house as soon as you and our parents left our house. She sent the children out to play in the ravine, and immediately got to work pulling wallpaper off the wall. I could tell she was prepared for a big effort, because she had a bucket to deal with old wallpaper paste, and a scraper, and a little rug to put her knees on. Of course, I know she should have layered the floor with drop cloths all the way to the wall to catch any little bits of wall paper which might fall down, but we had one of those minor home renovation miracles, which seem to occur all the time for us Pattersons (just ask dad how lucky he was the guy who repaired your roof knew how to handle squirrels). Deanna was able to simply the pull the wall paper off the wall with no mess, no wallpaper removal solution, and no scraping. It was quite impressive. I would have thought we would have needed a wallpaper knife, a perforating tool or wallpaper scratcher, wallpaper removal solution, drop cloths, a solution sprayer, in addition to the bucket Deanna had; but such was not the case. It’s good to be a Patterson.

As she was performing this minor miracle, she regaled me with the question, “Do you think your mom will mind if we remove her wallpaper?” My thought was, “Of course she will mind. You are talking about the woman who shaves her sheets. She will wring her hands and weep over every change we make.” However, I decided to duck that question by saying, “It’s our house now, Dee! We can do anything we want to do: paint, varnish, paper, carpet, tile…” I had hoped by my making this list; it would encourage my lovely Deanna to limit her home renovation desires to those things. Alas, such was not the case.

After I demonstrated my superior skill at scrunching up old wallpaper in my hands and putting it in a box, Deanna picked up her bucket and said, “I know. I’m just sensitive about her feelings. Your parents lived here for a long time.” I could tell what Deanna meant. What she really meant was that she did not want to have to deal with mom screaming at the top of her lungs about her old wallpaper. However, nothing could prepare me for the surprise with which Deanna let loose next. She said, “Do you think she would mind if we redesigned the kitchen?” I was shocked. We had never discussed it before and kitchen redesign was not on my list. When we entered the kitchen, I could see from the wine bottle and wine glass sitting there, my lovely Deanna was speaking with the courage that only comes from the consumption of wine chosen for its girly colour of pink.

I was thinking, “Are you crazy? Mom started shrieking when April (you) suggested she change the drapes in the kitchen. There is no way she would allow a whole kitchen redesign!” However, I showed great restraint and simply said, “You want to change the kitchen? But…(thinking very quickly I said) I’ve always liked it the way it is!” This way I put the blame for not wanting the kitchen changed on me, and not on mom. At least that gave me a chance to talk Deanna out of it before she brings the wrath of mom on us. I know how your readers love cliff-hanging suspense, so I will refrain from telling you more about this thrill-packed, home renovation, adventure story until tomorrow.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Well, Mike, U mite remember that yrs an' yrs ago, long B4 I was born, Mom had the kitchen remodeled. MayB U cd just convince her it's a tradition? Oh, and don't let yr kids play in the ravine. U don't have NE rescue dogz available, remember? Plus neither dog is in gd enuf shape 2 run back 2 the house an' give a warning like Eddy did when Farley was rescuing me. Just keep that g8 locked securely.

Jeremy, thanx 4 dropping off the list of revenge items from George Stibbs yesterday. Tho I doubt I can convince Dad that Mr. Stibbs is NEthing but "a kindly, honest old man."

Apes