April's Real Blog

Friday, August 17, 2007

Eyes and window washing

So, I heard sum more from Iris, telling me abt Mom's recent visit. Gramps started 2 walk toward the bedroom saying, "Boxcar! Boxcar! Yes!" And Iris told Mom, "He's ready 4 a nap, dear.... I'll B rite back." She went in2 the bedrm w/Gramps and helped him in2 bed. She wrote, "April, while I was tucking your grandfather in, I found myself thinking about our marriage vows. You know, the part where we said, 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part?' Well, I caught myself thinking that until death parts us, it's going to be 'worse' and 'sickness,' and that when I made those vows, I was thinking they meant we stick together through all the ups and downs. But I never imagined we'd reach a point of nothing but down, down, down. And you know, I love your grandfather so much, I felt horrible for having these thoughts, and I thought I must be a horrible person to have them. And next thing I knew, I was crying."

She went on 2 say that when she came out of the bedroom, Mom was all startled, shouting, "Iris! U're crying!" And Iris didn't want 2 get in2 all that w/Mom, so she denied it, all, "No, dear. I .... have just a bit of a cold." And Mom pressed on w/"U R crying!" Mom came up all close when she was saying that, like staring @ Iris's tears so Iris cdn't deny it NEmore. Iris sez she panicked and went 4 sum awkward wordplay: "Let's just say ... if the eyez R the windowz 2 the soul .... I'm washing the windowz."

Aw, poor Iris an' Gramps. I wish I were there 2 make things a bit better. Howard, thanx 4 the e-mail U sent me 2 let me know U'd B checking on them soon.


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  • At 1:39 PM, Anonymous dr. ura bunchov-moronz said…

    Ms. Patterson--

    I am highly distressed to hear that your Grandfather is sometimes unresponsive, and has undergone significant personality changes, and yet your family still fails to summon medical assistance. These are all signs of neurological damage, possibly caused by another stroke. I told you this before. Surely the doctors told your family to look out for events like this. And yet, all you do is sit around making puns!

    Also distressing is your Grandmother Iris's assertion that your Grandfather is on "too many pills." Does Iris have a medical degree? What is her basis for judging that your Grandfather is taking "too much" medication? I certainly hope she gives him all his prescribed medications despite her own personal objections. Perhaps Iris is not the best person to be taking care of your Grandfather.

    Very concernedly yours,

    Dr. Ura Bunchov-Moronz

  • At 2:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i've called dr. foell, grandpa jim's neurologist, and set up an appt 4 gramps this afternoon. howard sez he will take gramps and iris there.


  • At 3:00 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I thought I would write and let you know, we’re here at Dr. Blaine Foell’s office. It took awhile to convince the receptionist we were really at his office because of a recommendation by Dr. Ura Bunchov-Moronz, and we were not calling the doctor and his staff, “Blame fool and a bunch of morons.”

    The doctor is going to adjust your grandpa’s medication to help with his depression. When Iris talked about frustrating it was to talk to your grandpa Jim, the first thing the doctor said was, “Are you using the picture book?” Iris was embarrassed and had to admit she wasn’t. Apparently, it is a common problem with caregivers not to want to take the time to try to understand what the stroke victim is saying and that frustrates both the stroke victim and the caregiver. He asked that Iris continue to use the picture book to talk to your grandpa and reminded her that when Jim says, “No!” it does not necessarily mean “No!” He also said something I thought was very smart, and suggested they do things together which did not require talking. I thought he was talking about sex, but it turns out he was thinking more along the lines of board or card games.

    I liked the doctor. He seemed like a real person to me, and he had good advice. It would be a shame, if someone met this doctor and heard what he had to say about how to treat stroke victims with aphasia; but then decided to ignore it in order to get a cheap laugh.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Honoria Delaney-Forsythe said…


    Dearest future sister. It is the sad fact of life that we women live longer than our men. I have especially noticed this in Milborough. Did you know that the average age of widows in Milborough is the lowest of any city in Canada? 39 years old. Can you believe that?

    But I have digressed. It the simple fact of life that because we live longer, we are almost assuredly going to arrive at the point where our husbands are going to get sick and die, and we are going to have to watch them do it, while making them as comfortable as possible. When I look at a picture of my fiancé, Bronson van Daam, looking so magnificently healthy in his polo team uniform, I know he will one day look like his grandfather, Carlo van Daam, hooked up to a respirator with relatives all around him asking him to revise his will, while his 20-year-old wife tries to hit them with a parasol. I am not looking forward to that time. I think I may cry too. Grief is an excellent way to lose weight, by the way. The one upside to having your husband be sick, is it may help you keep your figure.

    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

  • At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Did I understand you correctly? Iris does windows? I wonder if I can get her to come over and do ours.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:15 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, thanx so much 4 taking gramps an' iris 2 dr. foell. i was gonna suggest that u not even get in2 who recommended the visit. when i arranged the appt, all i did was xxplain what iris has been saying abt gramps.

    wow, honoria, i had no idea abt the average age of mboro widows. how scary! mayB that will convince ger we shd live elsewhere, eh?

    mike, no, iris does not do windows. she was trying 2 do wordplay.


  • At 5:40 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I don’t really need anyone to do wordplay, since that is my area of expertise. Do think Iris would do windows, if we gave her some of our leftover food? We several containers of old carrot coins.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 5:41 PM, Anonymous Honoria Delaney-Forsythe said…


    Dearest future sister. In my dream with Bronson, we will have beautiful children and live in a chateau on the Loire. In reality, we will probably live in the traditional van Daam mansion, where most of the van Daam family lives. It’s close enough to the Dutch tulip plantation, so Bronson can ride his horse to oversee tulip operations, when he takes over the family business. There is so much room there, you and brother Gerald could probably stay there with us. They have wings for each age group: children, married couples, and the retired couples. We could all live in the married couples’ wing, until we got old enough to move to the retired couples’ wing. I understand the retired couples’ wing is kind of like your grandparents' apartment complex, except they have people hired to help take of the old people, so they don’t have to do it all themselves.

    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

  • At 5:59 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, no, i'm sure iris wd not b interested. how 'bout u either do it yrself or pay sum1 who washes windows as their profession?

    honoria, thanx 4 the offer. mayb ger and i will take u up on that when we r v. v. old.



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