April's Real Blog

Thursday, May 01, 2008


The day after Mom and Dad had their convo abt Dad's retirement planz, Dad ran in2 his friend Dr. Ted @ the Spigott Medical Building, where they both work. Dad sez that as they both stood outside the building, in silhouette, Dr. Ted was all, "John, I heard the news! ...U're finally dun w/the drill!" And Dad told him, "Not entirely, Ted. I'll B working one day a wk." As they passed thru the main doors and stopped being silhouettes, Dr. Ted was all, "Not me, pal. When I give up medicine, I'm finished. The only appointments I'm gonna have will B on the golf course." He hit the elevator button and then told Dad, "It's been a gr8 career, tho. I wdn't change a thing." Dad sed, "I wd." Then he and Dr. Ted stood in awkward silence as they w8ed 4 the elevator, got on it, arrived at their floor, and got out. Finally, once they were on their floor, Dad added, "I wish I'd had more patience."

When Dad told me all this, I asked him whether he'd w8ed all that time between "I would" and "I wish I'd had more patience" as a way of testing Dr. Ted's patience. Dad laffed w/his tongue sticking out and then sed, "No. I guess I just zoned out 4 a while there. Elevators R distracting." I sed, "Uh, right." Then I sed, "U know, it's possible that Dr. Ted thot U meant U didn't have enuf ppl coming 2 yr practice 4 dental care over the year. U know--wish U'd had more P-A-T-I-E-N-T-S." Dad got kind of gobsmacked and sed, "U cd B rite. And he cd feel kind of smug rite now b-cuz he's always had many patients. That didn't cross my mind b-cuz I've trained myself 2 call them 'clients,' even tho I h8 2 do so. I'd better call him."

After Dad was dun talking 2 Dr. Ted, he was like, "Ted tells me he figured I was making a lame pun on patience vs. patients. "Lame," April? I'm crushed! I didn't have the heart 2 tell him his puns R always lame.


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  • At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Mountain Buddy said…

    Your dad does make some horrible puns. Maybe he reads to many Piers Anthony books! Expecially his Xanth series. Now there are some outdated puns!

    -Friend in the Mountains

  • At 3:02 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I remember the day Dad and Dr. Ted McCaulay had their retirement plan discussion on the way into work. Right now, Dad goes to work 3 days a week and on those 3 days, he and my lovely wife Deanna carpool together, which is a habit that they started back when we were all living in the Sharon Park Drive house. Not only is this a good habit for helping reduce gaseous emissions into the environment, but it also allows me to have the car 3 times a week to run the errands Deanna and Mom want me to run for them during the day. Occasionally I also get the chance to take a short little jaunt into Toronto to visit my good friend, Josef Weeder. There’s nothing like a visit with Josef to get my creative juices flowing. Especially with my latest book, Breaking the Windjammer, where much of the action occurs on the open seas with conversations between manly men, it is useful to be around a manly guy like Josef, and not around my wife and kids (who are distinctly unmanly).

    On this particular day, Dad forgot to pick up Deanna, so she had to have the car to get to work, and I had to cancel my meeting with Josef. It was quite frustrating to expect to get one’s creative juices flowing and then to have to stop them up. I dread September when Dad starts going to work one day a week. I fear it will have a detrimental effect on my writing.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 3:31 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, weird convo u just had. we were walkin’ n2 horny t’s wen that guy u know frum the music store, axel hibobbery, showed up. he sed 2u, “april, i heard the news! ...u're finally dun w/the drill!" & then u sed 2 him, "not entirely, axel. in september, i will have 1 more year @r.p. boire." then jake sed, "2 bad. i heard u were gradua8in’ this year. i thot we might get 2gethah aftah ur 18 & gradu8ed. wen were 2gethah last year, u sed i hadda have patience.” then u sed, “axel, i sed ‘pay sense’ like how u spent all ur money as soon as u got ne.” then axel sed, “u didn’t mean ‘patience’ like if i wuz patient & w8ed till ur gradu8ed, we cud be 2gethah again.” then u sed, “no axel. P-A-Y S-E-N-S-E. i mean like puttin’ money n2 savings. i always put ½ my money n2 savings.” then axel sed, “oh. i’ve a hadda gr8 career @ the music store. i wdn't change a thing. but i don’t make enuff money 2 save nething." then he left. it wuz weird & u seemed a little sad aftahwards.

  • At 4:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    At least you know what's happening this time. If we were to see things through the Madwoman of Corbeil's eyes, it would look as if they were gonna wait till August to spring this on you. If so, I hope that scholarship for overseas your Dad used to write about in his letters materializes.

  • At 7:43 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mountain buddy, i don't know abt those books, but dad def. does horrible, horrible puns!

    mike, i don't want 2 think abt u, weed, and creative juices.

    jeremy, i guess i was a bit sad. axel and i got pretty close 4 a while there. but he does lack pay sense.

    dreaded, i guess i cd go 2 another country 4 grade 12, but i think most of these programmes happen when u r in grade 11. i guess i shd ask my guidance counsellor.



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