April's Real Blog

Friday, May 02, 2008

Ugh, flashbacks

Apparently, Dad talking 2 Dr. Ted abt patience made him think abt all the times over the yrs when he lacked patience with his patients (har-dee-har). He's started 2 reminisce, and U know what that means. We R prolly in 4 reminiscing thru next wk, and the subject of these memories will prolly veer away from dentistry in2 randomness as soon as 2morrow.

Dad sed, "Elly! I was talking 2 Ted about retirement!" And Mom sed, "Y do U talk 2 him? No good ever comes out of talking 2 Ted McCaulay. " And Dad sed, "Nevertheless. I was talking 2 him, and I made a comment abt how I wish I'd had more patience over the yrs." Mom sed, "What R U talking abt? U had so many patients U were booked solid, and that was one of yr reasons 4 taking on an associate when U did. Everett Callahan. Not Elliot." And Dad sed, "Quit ragging on the Everett-Elliot thing, names R hard 2 remember! And I didn't mean patients-P-A-T-I-E-N-T-S; I meant patience-P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E." Mom sed, "Pah, I've never had NE and never missed it!"

Dad sed, "Yeah, that's sumthing I want 2 talk 2 U abt later. But meanwhile, this lack-of-patience thing had me thinking of sum memories from that time period we R so obsessed w/lately; September 1979 thru September 1980. I recall that I came home one day w/beads of sweat spraying from the sides of my head as I told U, '::whew:: Talk abt long days! --Am I glad this one's over!' Then we sat and had coffee (which we really shdn't do in the evening, Elly, Ted told me that's Y we have trouble sleeping). And I sed, 'All yr disillusions abt home & parenting don't even COMPARE 2 the way I feel abt dentistry sumtimes, Elly... I had a kid in 2day who not only bit my assistant--but spent the entire appt counting my nose hairs."

Mom sed that this also reminded her of a time when she lacked patience even more than usual, and Dad sed, "Nuh-uh-uh, one st8ment per day, El!" Then he poured himself sum coffee.


P.S. U mite notice I stuck a "revolutionmoneyexchange" referral button on the side of my page. They R, like, rivals 2 PayPal, a couple of billionaires started the biz and they've got a special offer going thru May 15. If U feel like signing up, U get $25 during this special-offer time. And if U use my referral button, I'll get $10 4 the referral. Since I'm kinda nervous abt how much $$$ Mom and Dad have put aside 4 my university xxpenses, I M looking 4 other ways 2 put aside sum dough!

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  • At 1:06 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. There are few discussions which will put me off food, but the topic of Dad’s nose hair is one those which will. One of the things I like about being a Patterson is that our nostrils are placed in such a spot on our noses that our nostrils can only be seen if we tilt our heads backward and look at the sky. However, if you are a small child and look up at a Patterson, the nostrils are clearly apparent, and in the case of our father, so is the nose hair and the little bits of flotsam and jetsam which attached themselves to it.

    Fortunately I have not reached the age yet where I have to worry about great bushes of nose hair protruding from my body; and thanks to a grooming intervention by Josef Weeder in university, I have learned to trim the few unsightly hairs which do make their way out of my nostrils to wave in the open air. As for our father, I remember well the lecture I received when I suggested to him that he might want to trim down his nostril bush. He said:

    Nose hairs are fun. Just saying the words “nose hair” is funny, almost as funny as a good pun. You can say the words “nose hair” and it doesn’t even have to make any sense, and people will still laugh. That's why it was invented. The very best times with nose hair that I remember were when family and friends got together, gathered in a kitchen or living room, and someone twirled a nose hair, somebody else picked at their nose hair, and everyone started to snort or laugh. These are absolutely the best times! That's when playing with a nose hair is for the pure love of it. It doesn't matter if your nose hair is incredibly long or not. What matters is the fun. Unfortunately trimming nose hair has been turned into a huge industry, and we now have such a lot of hype about how you shouldn’t have hair protruding from your nose. It's unfortunate that someone has told you about this trimming, Mike, because you will be missing the most important part of nose hairs: friendship and family.

    Needless to say, after this lecture, I have avoided family gatherings with Dad’s family, aside from our cousin Laura, of course. I sincerely hope that if you continue to tell stories about our Dad in 1979, you will be avoiding any more memories about nose hair.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:12 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i guess this xxplainz y u handed me those nose hair trimmers between math & physics classes 2day.

  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    Chica. A Latino does not need to be reminded about trimming nose hair. We keep the hair on our body perfect for the chicas. Even a Mexican refugee like me knows this.

    Luis Guzmán

  • At 1:14 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i let luis borrow the nose hair trimmers. i hope thass ok.

  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ick, already i have spent 2 much time thinking abt ppl's nosehairs 2day!

    yeah, jeremy, no prob.


  • At 5:37 PM, Anonymous elizabeth patterson said…


    Better Dad's nose hair than Mom's chin hair.



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