April's Real Blog

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Thinking what she doesn't have to think

A bit more from Liz, and then who knows 4 next week:
April,

Warren turned into a silhouette right before he got into his car. His car was parked far away enough that his silhouette looked tiny, but not so far that he was on the other side of my street. I had no idea I had so much space between my place and the curb. But where was I? Oh, yes. Silhouette-Warren was standing by his not-silhouette car, waving, and I waved back. At least I think he was waving. His hand was so tiny, I had to make a guess.

After he left, I gazed adoringly at my engagement ring. I was thinking, "I thought I was in love with Warren once, but it wasn't love." Then I leaned against the side of house, gazed into the distance, and thought, "I thought I was in love with Paul and with Eric--but that wasn't love either." I went back to gazing at my ring, while continuing to think: "I do love Anthony. Oh, yes. It's love..." As I went back into my apartment door, I thought, "I don't even have to think about it."

Once I was inside, I thought, "But didn't I just think all that? And I thought that I don't have to think about it. But I did just think about it." And I got worried, thinking I'd messed up, thinking about something I don't have to think about. And I got so panicky I called Mom. And after I told her all that, she said, "Oh, my dear, sweet, dumb Elizabeth. Have some warm milk, go to sleep, and stop worrying your pretty head about such things. Focus on setting a wedding date instead." And I went, "Mo-om! Anthony and I are NOT in a rush to set a date!" And Mom said, "Is that something you also don't have to think about that you're thinking about?" And I went, "Yes!" And I had to hang up because Mom filled me with more doubt. But I took her advice about the warm milk. It really does help you sleep.

Liz
Oh, Liz. I guess you had all those thoughts to convince the peeps who have been pointing out that you and Anthony have not been saying anything about "love." But those same ppl are bound 2 pt out that neither one of you has sed it out loud 2 the other. Maybe that will B next wk's story, eh?

Apes

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6 Comments:

  • At 2:43 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. Elizabeth’s story is a testimony for us all. You may think you are in love with someone who is not your childhood sweetheart; but that’s not love. With a childhood sweetheart, it is definitely love, that special “not thought about” love, where when your wife says to you, “Why didn’t you say ‘I love you’ back to me?” You can say, “We have the kind of love you don’t have to think about or talk about or even mention more often than at anniversaries or book-writing award ceremonies.” Deanna doesn’t seem to understand it. But when I talk to Josef Weeder about the kind of love you don’t have to think about or talk about, he said he knew exactly what I was not thinking or talking about. Good old, Josef. You can always count on him to know what you are talking about without actually having to talk about it.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Constable Paul Wright said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    Miigwech (thank you) for telling me about your nimis (sister’s) writings today. My niinimoshenh (girlfriend) Susan Dokis (whom I call Chipper) and I were very happy to read your nimis (sister) saying she thought she was in love with me, but that wasn’t love. Chipper said she told me so and she did tell me so. Chipper is very smart.

    In July, 2006, when your sister left Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) to live in Milborough, Chipper told me your nimis (sister) did not love me. Chipper uses the Ojibway word for love, which is zaagi`iwe (love). She said, “Suds (her nickname for me), a woman in zaagi`iwe (love) does not leave her niinimoshenh (boyfriend) and her job because she misses her family, when she is a school teacher going to spend the next 2 months with her family during her summer holiday. This is not the way of a woman in zaagi`iwe (love). She is lying to you. She does not zaagi`iwe (love) you.”

    She said, “You are in zaagi`iwe (love) with her. I can tell when a man is in zaagi`iwe (love). He wants her to meet his ningitiziim (parents) and be one of his family. He tells the girl how he feels about her to her face. He will travel a long distance to meet her family. This is the way of a man in zaagi`iwe (love).” Chipper was right. I was in zaagi`iwe (love) with your sister. I did not want to believe Chipper was right. It has been 2 years since then, and now your nimis (sister) says Chipper was right, too.

    I do not nishkendam (feel anger) with your nimis (sister) for lying to me. I am very happy with Chipper. I hope your nimis (sister) is happy too. I hope she has found a man who is in zaagi`iwe (love) with her. I hope he wants her to meet his ningitiziim (parents) and be one of his family. I hope he tells Elizabeth how he feels about her to her face. I hope he spends time with your family too. I believe it is wise not just to think about zaagi`iwe (love), but to share zaagi`iwe (love) every chance you get. I am in zaagi`iwe (love) with Chipper, and I tell her every day.

    Miigwech (thank you) again, April. If you are ever in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), you are welcome to stay with me and Chipper.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, my thinking about not having to think about loving Anthony has NOTHING to do with all the mean meanies out there who were picking on us for not talking about love to each other. Mike is right, real love is love you don't have to think about or talk about. You'll see when you're older and come to your senses.

    Liz Patterson

     
  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz if u think me coming 2 my senses = me marrying gerald, i m never coming 2 my senses.

    paul, thanx 4 writing in. i m glad u and susan r so happy 2gether.

    apes

     
  • At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Susan Dokis said…

    April, every day I am thankful that your sister Liz guided my and Suds' journey to each other, by throwing away such a good man the way she did when she rushed back to southern Ontario. Miigwech (thank you), Liz!

    Susan Dokis

     
  • At 1:42 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. Just the other day, my wife, the lovely Deanna and I were discussing the role of parents in disciplining our children. My daughter and son were not paying attention to their mother as they often do, and Deanna turned to me and said, “Why don’t you get off your bottom and help?” We have had this discussion before and I had to say again, “But, honey, mom showed you exactly what you had to do to keep children in line. This is a good opportunity for you to practise that good advice.” Deanna just glared at me and went back to her usual, ineffective method, no doubt taught to her by her imbecilic mother.

    The method mom used, as you are no doubt well aware from having the same mother, is the fine art of raising your voice to that level which is above the level of stern, above the level of threatening, above the level of angry, and right to the point where a young child might think that their mother is on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. As a young child, I learned to ignore stern, threatening, and angry; because mom was never very good at any of those kinds of emotions. However, I never got used to nervous breakdown mom, where you weren’t quite sure if she was going to pull out a wire hangar as a disciplining tool and not stop beating you until the police pried you out of her hands. Needless to say, when mom put on this voice, Elizabeth and I obeyed mom immediately.

    I remember one occasion in particular, and if you ask Elizabeth she will remember it too. Mom had asked me to pick up my toys. And I asked mom why I had to pick them up, since I was just going to put them on the floor again the next day. Mom was holding Elizabeth and she put on that nervous breakdown tone of voice and said, “Because I SAID to pick up your toys THAT’S why!” I know that when Elizabeth heard the voice, she was probably panic-stricken to actually be in mom’s arms at that moment. Elizabeth told me she was in fear for her life, but fortunately for her, mom used a one-handed toss to throw her in her crib and said, “Then you get into your pyjamas OR ELSE!” I believe Elizabeth was quite grateful it was only a one-handed toss, and she said to mom, “Mama?” However, mom replied back to her, “Be quiet and go to sleep, Lizzie!” Needless to say, that is what Lizzie tried to do. Most children the age of Lizzie when she was in a crib, have a long drawn-out bed time routine before they can go to sleep. I know that my kids did, and there were many nights when I wondered what my mother would think if she saw me rocking my son or my daughter to sleep, instead of slinging them into their beds and giving them a good night bellow. However, sometimes as a parent you have to do the things your wife tells you to do and if she says, “Don’t scream your children to sleep,” then you don’t, even if you want to.

    On this particular occasion with mom, I heard her yelling at Lizzie and I leapt into bed with my Super Teddy and tried to get to sleep as quickly as possible, Unfortunately, mom SLAMmed the door, and it woke me up. Then mom pointed a finger and me and said (as if the SLAM was the first part of her sentence) “…and I don’t want to hear a peep from you all night, understand?”

    Nights after mom shrieked me and Elizabeth to bed were difficult. I had nightmares, terrible nightmares. I would dream that mom would go to the kitchen, and drink a hot beverage out of a wine glass and think, “SIGH” with the letters melting off. I dreamt she would go into Lizzie’s bedroom with a wild and crazed look on her face, and sometimes in mine the same way. I dreamt she would lean over Lizzie’s crib and look at her sleeping with her bunny and her pillow and her sheets pulled over her, like she had been put to bed by an actual parent, and mom’s face would somehow be able to occupy the same space as the crib railing, as mom would think, “You and Michael are such beautiful kids, Elizabeth…” and then she would say out loud, while crying, “How did you end up with a mother like me?” Those were frightening dreams, and Elizabeth tells me sometimes, she had the same nightmares.

    However, I know they were just dreams. After all, there is no correlation between the beauty of a child and their mother’s near nervous breakdown. Not only that, I am sure you know that the mom who raised us has no regrets about her shrieking and screaming method of discipline. Otherwise she would have changed over the last 30 years she has had kids in the house. No, formerly little sis, mom loves her screaming style. One of these days, she is going to convince Deanna we should go to yelling at our kids. It may be soon. I can hardly wait.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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