Mike Goes Diva on Weed

Mike has another lil dispatch 4 U, from the land of his ego:

April,

Formerly little sis. I don’t think I mentioned yesterday why I was at Josef Weeder’s photography studio. You may have thought it was so I could show him my new book, but actually I was there posing for publicity shots. For some reason I am not quite sure about, my publisher Reiner and Browne did not have me do publicity shots for my first novel Stone Season; but they said that the quality of my second novel Blood Cargo was of such a level that they wanted people to be able to recognize my face and associate it with my writing. Naturally, I recommended my old friend Josef Weeder for the job, since he is the best photographer in all of Toronto, and also because he would be willing to do the job for what Reiner and Browne was willing to pay.

When I approached Josef about it he said, “Mike. For this kind of money, all you’re going to get is a handheld camera, no backgrounds, one light and you seated in front of a posing table with Carleen handling only one reflector.” That sounded like a lot to me so I naturally reacted with a “Wow!” As we started, I sat at the table with my arms crossed and I said, “I never thought I’d be posing for publicity shots, Weed!” Weed was ever the professional and said, “Head up a bit?” and he pointed his finger up to show me which direction that was. Unfortunately, he shot the picture with his hand still in that position, so he got a nice picture of me with his hand in front of my face. I told him that picture probably wouldn’t work. He said, “I know, Mike. Now stop talking.”

But I couldn’t help myself, I was so excited. I said, “I don’t want to change, you know? I don’t want to become someone I’d normally dislike!” I sensed Carleen was behind me adjusting the reflective screen. She was muttering something like, “As if it that were possible.” I said it was such a kind thing to mutter, how I couldn’t possibly become someone icky. Josef said, “There’s a shadow, Carleen. Shut up, Mike. All we are getting are pictures of your jaw moving.”

I held a copy of my book in front of me so the picture could take in the title Blood Cargo. Josef said, “Mike, man. I know you are working hard to set up some kind of bad pun; but can’t you stop talking and wait until after we finish taking your picture? All these pictures are going to be blurry.” I said I would; but then I realized I wanted to point out something and I said, “I want to stay grounded and true to myself and to everyone around me. I don’t want this bit of success to go to my head.” I saw a “Poof” go off in front of me.

I said, “Was that the camera going off, or did someone cut the cheese? Carleen was that you?” Carleen said, “No, Mike. ‘Poof’ symbolizes the longevity of your career as an author.” I thanked Carleen again for yet another compliment and I noticed that Josef had all the photographs he had taken up on his computer screen. I said, “That’s an awful lot of pictures for one ‘Poof’.” For some reason, Carleen started laughing when I said that.

I rushed over to Josef and gave him as much affection as I could with Carleen there. I touched him gingerly and lovingly on the shoulder and said, “…are you leaving enough space for my autograph?” Josef grimaced and said, “Sure Mike. You can sign right over the blur that is your mouth in every single one of these pictures.” He was in a bad mood for some reason. Artists, even photographic artists, can be quite moody sometimes.

That’s it for today, April. More tomorrow. I know your readers can’t wait.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Aw, Mike, U're already someone most of us normally dislike. I wonder if becoming someone U wd normally dislike wd make U more likable to the rest of us?

Apes