April's Real Blog

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Newsflash: Dogs pee on trees

We're back in the present, @ least 4 2day, but U will B so bored, U mite hardly notice. Mom and Dad went 2 Lawrence's biz, Lakeshore Landscaping, and bought a new tree 4 the yard. The Lakeshore guys delivered the tree, and rite after Mom and Dad put the new tree in the ground, and mounted the supports 4 it, Edgar decided this was a good time 2 break in the new tree by peeing on it. U know, dog logic: new, unmarked tree in the yard. Let the other doggies know whose tree it is. Then Mom and Dad yelled @ him 4, like, behaving like a dog. And he got so confused, he collapsed next 2 a coupla older trees and thought-bubbled a red "?".

During all this, Dixie may or may not have been locked in a cage, where it's EZer 4 Mom and Dad 2 4get that they have a 2nd doggie.


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  • At 9:36 AM, Blogger Susan T-O said…

    Your folks totally confuse me, April. I mean, come on--even a small tree like that would have survived if he'd peed on it. Sheesh! Poor Edgar.

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i know, my foax can't seem 2 react 2 nething w/out OVERreacting! i tried telling them they oughta just chillax, and of course i got glared @!


  • At 12:09 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, well i think the part u left outa ur story iz where ur 'rents r standin' out in ur yard guardin' the tree frum eddy. i sed, "& dixie 2?" then they gave me kinda blank stares, till ur mom sed, "oh. my dad's old dog. shows up wenevah april goez 2 visit my dad @the old people's place." then ur dad nodded in agreement.

    i asked them y they didn't use sum kinda "dog off" spray on the tree & they seemed horrified by the idea of sprayin' the tree w/nethin' othah than water. which, i guess, iz the reason y they r worried 'bout dog pee, evn tho ur dog haz peed on every othah plant in ur yard. i wondah if lawrence poirier played sum trick on ur 'rents by tellin' them 2 keep dog pee off the tree, or iz this just ur 'rents usual crayzee?

    then i asked ur dad where his train display wuz, since it used 2b out coverin' mosta the yard. he sed sumthin' weird like, "i have a new train display so marvelous, only the best of peeps can see it." i sed, "oh. like the emperor's new clothes?" & he sed, "no. it's trains. not emperor clothes. i wondah y peeps keep tellin' me that." & 4 sum reasn, ur mom looked like she wuz 'bout 2 burst out laffin'.

    u also left out the part where ur dog eddy, got such a big nose on him that he didn't seem 2b able 2 stand nemore, but kinda had hiz face planted in the ground frum the weight of it. & how we hadda pick him up & tell him ovah & ovah again that "big noses aren't funny" b4 his nose went back 2 his regular size. eddy didn't seem 2 b-lieve me, but wen u told him "big noses aren't funny" he knew it wuz true.

    then we hadda find where dixie was b-ing held 2 make sure she's fed. & ur mom & dad r still out there guardin' that tree. u know, this means we have ur house 2 ourselves az long az we stay outa the kitchen, where ur mom & dad might come 2 get supplies 4 their tree-guardin'. oh. i c u alreddy have the same idea.

  • At 1:23 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    heh, jeremy and i r enjoying having the house 2 ourselves. we r, um, kinda coming up 4 air a lil bit. yeah, he did a good job fillin' in sum of the deets i was 2 annoyed 2 not leave out. lol. my 'rents r freaks. 4tunately, dixie is ok. l8r 2day we r gonna bring her by 2 c my gramps and let iris get out on her own 4 a bit.


  • At 6:25 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, it wuz pretty nice of u2 make dinner 4 ur mom & dad out there guardin’ the tree. i doubt they can tell the diff tween ur veggie burgers & the 1s they r usedta, since u loaded up all that xxtra grease on the burger.

    neway we’re headed ovah 2 ur grandpa’s place w/dixie & if ne1 asks y we’re walkin’ funny, u get 2 answer that question. ur bit ‘bout comin’ up 4 air wuz funny; but that thing u like me 2 do w/u, wen u have water pourin’ down…i hadda couple moments where i thot i mite drown. i think i need more practise.

  • At 6:59 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. It is an unfortunate characteristic for us Pattersons to have a remarkably poor memory for things. This situation with Mom and Dad and Edgar the dog is just another example. As you have told in your story, it is obvious that Edgar does his business on the trees around the house. It was and has been the same with Edgar, ever since he was an old enough dog to lift his leg. Despite this continuous series of evidence, Mom and Dad do not seem to remember it. Sometimes, I think when our family starts talking about dogs and telling stories about their behaviour, it is as if they have never encountered a dog before. Although there are moments when I get an inkling.

    For example, just the other day, our bunny rabbit was chewing on the wires of things and electrifying herself into a somewhat toasty stupor. As I saw this happen, initially I was shocked just like the bunny was to see her do it. Then after she electrified herself a second time, I realized that I may have seen it before and not just the immediate time before. I quickly took down notes to write a story about it, a children’s book this time, about a bunny who loves to electrify itself and doesn’t care about what kind of electricity cord she uses, and she gets lost following one Ohm or Hertz after another, and then after a day of being lost she comes home, and causes an electrical fire which burns down the house, except the family is saved when the father runs back into the fire to get the manuscript of the book about this bunny. It is a heart-warming story, and everyone knows children love cute bunnies.

    My first book took the romance audience, my second took the adventure audience and I think tackling a good children’s book is the next step.

    In any case, to my point, it was thanks to those notes from the book, that I realized I had seen our bunny chewing on wires before and had forgotten about it. It was the Patterson short term memory problem. So, if anyone sees a Patterson laughing about a joke they have heard a hundred times before, they should remember that for us Pattersons, that joke is completely new.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 8:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, mike! u musta also 4gotten y there was protective wrapping on all the electrical cords. and u musta removed them. they were there 2 prevent buttsy from chomping on electrical cords! omg, omg, omg! jeremy, we have 2 re-bunnyproof the electrical cords!

    and that "children's book" idea soundz awful, mike. don't u realize that it wd give yr kids' nitemares, since it is 2 similar 2 what happened 2 them?!?!?!



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