April's Real Blog

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Gobsmacking over kids and wheelchairs

Early this morning, Mike and Dee came by the house w/Merrie and Robin, 2 beg Mom, last minute, 2 take the kids so they can attend sum kinda seminar 2gether in Toronto. Mom was like, "I dunno. Grandchildren R the gift that keeps giving. So what do I get?"

Mike was like, "Well, I have a heartwarming story 4 U. Dee and I heard abt all the credit April was getting 4 being the only Patterson who spends quality time with Grandpa Jim. And of course I couldn't let that stand! So Dee and I arranged 2 take him out 4 a picnic lunch, yesterday afternoon!"

Dee said, "Even tho it was 31 C [87 F 4 U Yanks], I insisted that we all wear jackets."

Mike added, "That's the Patterson way!"

Dee continued, "As I was zipping Robin's jacket, I said, 'I want U 2 to B on yr best behavior [sic] 2day.' Then, 2 make sure the children 'understood' what was going on, I added, 'We're going 2 take Great-Grandpa Jim 2 the park 4 sum fresh air.'"

Mike sed, "Did U know we have a blue SUV?" Mom and I both shook our heads and he said, "Well, we do! And as we parked in the wheelchair-logo parking area, I told Grandpa Jim, 'The kids R so xxcited abt bringing U 2 the park 2day, Grandpa!' And Grandpa Jim replied, 'Yes!' April, did U notice he sez that a lot?"

I said, "Of course. 'Yes' is one of the words he's able 2 say w/his aphasia, U dope! And what U call a 'wheelchair logo' is a pictogram meaning 'handicapped'!"

Mike said, "There U go, being a know-it-all again!" Mom nodded really hard.

Dee said, "Once we'd gotten every1 out of the car, and we were nearing a picnic table, I declared, 'Here's a perfect picnic spot!"

Mike went, "Yes, and I sed, 'Looks good 2 me!' Also, I thought Gramps would enjoy hovering, so I lifted his wheelchair in the air a bit on the way 2 the picnic table."

I sed, "Mike, that's dangerous!"

Mike was all, "Nonsense, April, Gramps obviously thought it was fun. He grunted in delight!"

Dee was like, "Elly, I was so proud, because the children were being so attentive of their great-grandpa! Merrie asked if he wanted to sit at the table, and Robin asked if he cd help!"

Mike grumbled, "And Grandpa answered with that ever-present 'yes' of his! But in any event, I got him out of the wheelchair and seated at the picnic table."

Dee added, "Meredith was so cute, holding on2 her great-grandpa's rite arm and making sure he was seated safely! Once he was, she and Robin both asked him if he was OK. He said, 'Yes.'"

Mike said, "C what I mean?" Every1 ignored him. He added, "When my son asked him if he was 'comftorful,' Grandpa Jim said it again. 'Yes.' Then I told my children, 'Robin and Meredith, that was so nice. U helped a lot just now--and I want U 2 know that I'm proud of U 4 being so thoughtful."

Dee told us, "That's when Meredith said, 'Grampa? ...Cd we play w/yr wheelchair?' U shd have seen it, Elly and April! Michael and Jim had matching 'gobsmacked' looks on their faces!"

Mom chuckled and said, "Kids! They say the darndest things! OK, U're rite, my heart is warmed. U can leave the kids here. But U mite want 2 start thinking of a nice little 'surprise' 2 bring me when U return. My heart can only stay warm 4 so long."

Dee went, "Thanks, Elly!" as Mike said, "Thank U, Mommy!" Then they teararsed outta there like they'd just robbed a bank.

Mom sed, "April, take these food scraps 2 yr dad in his workshop. It's time 4 him 2 feed." So I did.


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  • At 11:52 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    My new bro Charles is still passed out from clubbing last nite, so I finally get a turn @ the 'puter which used 2b mine.

    Im rilly happy that ur staying in Mboro this summer. I cant get a job or even drive cos Silhouette D00ds got all my ID. I guess sitting @ home all day will give me more time 2 plot revenge against Silhouette D00d.

    Oh man. Silhouette Dad & Silhouette Mom just got back from church & Silhouette Dad's putting on the choo choo clothes. U no what that means.

    Cu l8r.

    Yr best bud,
    The Ril Duncan Anderson

  • At 12:21 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, dunc, yr silhouette dad just got here and dad has his choo-choo clothes on, 2. gah, i can't believe they've got a choo-choo playd8.

    want me 2 come by and i can drive us sumwhere? oh, and mayB u can apply 4 a new driver's licence and just check off "lost" on yr form.


  • At 1:40 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    Thanks 4 the thot abt the licence but it won't work cos Silhouette D00ds got all my ID. Sux 2b me.

    Y dont u come ovah here & we can jam in my studio?


    Yr best bud,
    The Ril Duncan Anderson

  • At 1:42 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    4get it Apes. Theres no studio here nemore, just a room full of choo choos.

    Will u pick me up @ 2 pm?


    The Bummed Duncan Anderson

  • At 2:41 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i picked up dunc @ 2 and we r browsing @ the music store downtown. he is way bummed abt his music studio being made in2 a choo-choo room again, and also the silhouette dunc have taken all his id. we r thinking of how we can get replacements 4 his birth cert and school id, so he can get his driver's licence replaced.


  • At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Hey, guess what, Duncky-Wuncky? Your silhouette dad sold yr studio equipment 2 my Dad, who set it all up in my new studio. You and Apes can come over to jam when you're done at the music store, if you like.

    Eva Abuya

  • At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope Mike and Dee gave Merrie and Robin a stern talking-to (complete with the Patented Patterson Parental Glare [PPPG]), saying that Great-Gramp's wheelchair's not a toy, that they can get hurt, that they can break the wheelchair, blah-blah-blah...just keep lecturing to the point that they become silhouettes of themselves, and then return back to their normal selves in time to say "Do you understand?" and for Merrie and Robin to both reply "uh-huh".

    I remember when I was about Merrie's age (7 or 8), my great-grandparents had a wheelchair that they kept on the front porch. My great-grandma used it whenever they went to the mall, so she wouldn't get too tired standing up and walking around a lot in Davidson's, which later became Macy's. I remember sitting in the wheelchair, rolling around on the front porch, pretending to be giving a lecture to an invisible audience, after having seen some guy in a wheelchair come to my school and give us a lecture about road safety, like buckling up our seat belts, looking both ways before crossing the street, etc.

  • At 6:16 PM, Blogger Susan T-O said…

    April, your family is gobsmacked far too easily. Of *course* the kids would want to play with the wheelchair. What's so surprising about that? Next thing you know, Mike will be gobsmacked to discover his kids like ice cream.

  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    patrickrsghost, i dunno if mike lectured his kids abt wanting 2 use the wheelchair, cuz he didn't say. mayB when he and dee get back from their seminar, he'll let u know.

    susan t-o, ita. it takes almost nothing 2 gobsmack my fam!


  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey Apes,

    Its my birthday on Wed, Ill finally b 17 not that Ill b able 2 prove it.

    Wld u & Jer like 2 go 2 The Real Jerk w/ me 4 my birthday dinner? Mayb Ill ask the crazee cowgirl 2 come -- I have no $ & she always picks up the tab. Let me no.

    Yr best bud,
    The Ril Duncan Anderson


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