Remembered Eavesdrop

Here's the next bit of Mike's remembrances:

April,

Formerly little sis. In today’s set of pictures I sought to teach my daughter one of the basic tenets of being a Patterson, which is: Until you have your kids with you, you are still a kid. This is something you will have to face as you get older, but hopefully you will not reach the point our dear sister Elizabeth has reached in being 26 years old and still a kid. I know mom thinks she would like to count Anthony Caine’s little Quebecoise girl as Elizabeth’s kid, once they finally get married. She is anxious to have an adult conversation with Elizabeth for once. I tried to explain this to my daughter, and she said, “Auntie Liz is still a kid? That must be why she hugged her dolly when she went to bed.”

To explain it more vividly, I showed my daughter this first picture of 4 pictures. In it mom has nestled a coffee cup to her elbow, while Gramma Marian is knitting with one knitting needle. The word balloon for mom says, “Mom, when I was here before Christmas, you spent a week lecturing me…” My daughter said, “What’s lecturing?” I said, “Lecturing is when someone tells someone else something they should be doing.” My daughter said, “A week! How could she spend a week doing that?” I said to my daughter, “You have to understand Gramma Marian was a very slow talker and she liked to repeat herself a lot and she never seemed to realize when a conversation was over.” My daughter said, “I thought you said she was great at everything.” I said, “She was great at lecturing too. Most people can’t lecture for more than an hour, much less a week.” My daughter said, “A week!! How did Gramma Elly survive?” I said, “She didn’t visit Gramma Marian very much.” My daughter said, “Smart.”

Then we looked at the next picture and mom decided to nestle her coffee cup in her hands. This time Gramma Marian was knitting with two knitting needles. The word balloon coming out of mom said, “This time, with the kids…our relationship is so different!” My daughter said, “Because she is knitting and not lecturing?” I said, “Exactly.” My daughter said, “Why do kids stop a lecture?” I said, “We’ll find out in the next picture.”

Sure enough, in the next picture, mom had put down the coffee cup and started playing with Gramma Marian’s knitting. Gramma Marian was back to one knitting needle again. The word balloon coming out of her mouth said, “Maybe that’s because alone—you’re my daughter…” My daughter said, “What is Gramma Elly doing?” I said, “I think she must be picking bugs out of Gramma Marian’s knitting.” My daughter said, “You don’t know about knitting, do you daddy?” I said, “And I never will, unless I write a book about it. Then I will be an expert.”

In the next picture mom was looking up at Gramma Marian, and she folded her arms across her knitting and her two knitting needles. The word balloon coming out of Gramma Marian said, “But with the kids---we’re both moms.” I said, “You see, daughter. This is the basic premise of being an adult Patterson: You must have kids and the kids must be with you.” My daughter said, “You mean if Gramma Elly didn’t have kids, then Gramma Marian could spank her or make her go to her room or not let her use the phone?” I said, “Exactly right. If you don’t have kids with you, you are just a kid yourself, and your parents can treat you just like you were a naughty little 5-year-old.” My daughter said, “Gramma Elly didn’t go to see Gramma Marian by herself, did she?” I said, “No, daughter. She didn’t. Did you ever wonder why it is that my mom hardly visits my Grandpa Jim in his apartment?” My daughter nodded. I said, “That’s the reason.” My daughter said, “Daddy. I thought it was because we don’t like old people.” I said, “No daughter. The ways of the Richards and Pattersons may seem harsh and cruel to some; but to others, it is a way of life filled with untold riches. Imagine if most people thought you had to visit a smelly, old man, who said bad words all the time, just because you were his only daughter and you lived in the same town he did. With the Patterson way, you can say you are avoiding visiting your father, because a visit gives him the right to treat you like a kid. And who wants that?” My daughter said, “Not me.” I said, “Exactly.”

More tomorrow, formerly little sis. I think I will talk about a fateful wrestling match between my sister and me and Grandpa Jim.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Well, I doubt Gramps has the physical strength to spank Mom, now, Mike. And with the aphasia, he can't lecture. I dunno, I think most ppl wd find Mom's xxcuse 4 staying away so much 2 B pretty lame!

Oh, ppl, guess what Mom just dumped on me this morning? Sumtyme tomorrow, Mike an' Dee R leaving 4 a vacation. They'll B gone till Sunday. Mom told them it was high time they started taking Mexico vacations, w/out their kids. And guess who's gonna B watching the kiddles while they R away? Me, that's who. Not only that, but Mom sez that it'll B MY job 2 go thru the foto albums w/Merrie. Mom AND Mike will B leaving me notes. Well, unless there's a sudden memo from Corbeil saying it's time 2 switch over 2 discussing Liz and Anthony, but I don't think we get 2 do that until @least Monday.

Apes