April's Real Blog

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Luggage Follies in Flashback Vancouver

Here is the next bit of what Mike told Merrie as they looked @ pix and talked abt the trip 2 Vancouver when Mike had just finished kindergarten and Liz was a baby:
April,

Formerly little sis. I was quite relieved today to discover that mom did not hand me new pictures, and I was actually able to find the photos of my trip (mom wanted me to talk about yesterday) with mom and Elizabeth to see Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jim in Vancouver. I showed them to my daughter and said, “Finally, we arrived.” My daughter said, “That’s great grandmother Marian and Grampa Jim with their arms out.” I said, “That’s right, and mom has her arms up and she is saying ‘Mom! Dad!” My daughter said, “How could she see?” I said, “What do you mean?” She said, “Gramma Elly. Her hair is over her eyes. How could she see?” I said, “Obvious she can’t. She is waving over to the right, when Grandpa Jim and Grandma Marian are right in front of her.”

Then we looked at the next picture. Grandma Marian had my head in her enormous hand. I remember she had really big hands for a woman. Her word balloon to me in the picture said, “Now, Michael, you take this bag, I’ll take your suitcase…” I remember Grandma Marian loved to play that luggage-switching game. I don’t think I ever got that suitcase back, but I might be wrong. My daughter said, “Oh no! Daddy! Gramma Elly can’t see and she’s kissing Grandpa Jim on the mouth! Eww!” I said, “It may come as a surprise to you daughter, but there was a time when your Grandma Elly was affectionate.” My daughter said, “She kissed a lot of people?” I said, “Yes.” Then my daughter said, “What’s Grandpa Jim putting in Gramma Elly’s bag?” I said, “What? What do you mean?” Then I looked at the picture closely, and sure enough, there was Grandpa Jim’s hand reaching into mom’s bag on the side. I knew what it must be, but who wants to get into a discussion with a daughter about the more criminal aspects of Grandpa Jim and mom. So I said, “No, daughter. That’s what we call an optical illusion.” My daughter said, “What’s that?” I said, “It just looks like Grandpa Jim slipping something into mom’s bag, but his hand is really reaching out to pick up Elizabeth. Let’s look at the next picture.” I certainly didn’t want her to keep looking at that one.

In the next picture, I have a small bag, Grandma Marian has my bag. In her word balloon she said, “You take Elly’s luggage, dear---and we’ll leave her to pick up the baby’s things.” Grandpa Jim had Elizabeth in one arm and mom’s luggage in the other. I remember Grandpa Jim was Elizabeth’s favourite because his cigarette breath was almost as bad as her Lizardbreath. Mom picked up an extra suitcase off the luggage carousel, which you could barely see in the picture. My daughter said, “Why didn’t Gramma Elly give great grandmother Marian a kiss?” I said, “Didn’t she?” My daughter said, “No.” I looked back at the pictures and I said, “Now daughter, do you see anyone giving Grandma Marian a kiss?” My daughter said, “No.” I said, “There you see, it’s all equal. It doesn’t matter if mom doesn’t kiss Grandma Marian, if no one kisses Grandma Marian.” My daughter said, “Poor great grandmother Marian.”

I decided to show my daughter the next picture. It was of mom, holding the stroller, her pocketbook, the suitcase, a bag full of stuffed animals, and a large garbage bag of things. My daughter, “Gramma Elly was a cowgirl!” I said, “A cowgirl. What do you mean?” My daughter said, “Her legs are like a horse rider.” I looked and sure enough, there was mom all bow-legged and looking disoriented. I said to my daughter, “I think the joke is that Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jim thought there wouldn’t be as much baby stuff as there was, and mom didn't tell them.” My daughter said, “Who took the cases to the airport?” I said, “We all did.” My daughter said, “Then Grandma Elly knows how many suitcases she has.” I said, “Probably, but her short term memory stinks.” My daughter said, “What?” I said, “She might have forgotten how many bags she had.” My daughter said, “Then how did she know what bags are hers?” I said, “From the labels.” My daughter said, “That’s silly.” I said, “I know and that’s why it’s funny. Sometimes silly things are funny.” My daughter said, “Maybe. So did Gramma Elly get on a horse to carry the bags?” I said, “No. Grandpa Jim came back and helped her, and she didn’t ride him.” At least I think she didn’t.

Well, formerly little sis, tomorrow is my break from looking at photo albums, so I hope you have something exciting to write about. Something more exciting than getting luggage in an airport would be quite nice.

Love,
Michael Patterson
Mike, I asked Mom Y she had me Photoshop those fakey pics of her with U and Liz on the plane 2 Vancouver when we had perfectly gd real pics on the plane. She rolled her eyes and sed the originals did not lend themselves to the current storytelling theme, and if I had NE sense of narrative "like yr author brother Michael does," I wdn't even ask.

Yeah, I really hope I'll have sumthing more interesting 2 tell U all abt 2morrow, peeps!

Apes

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13 Comments:

  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Looks like your Mom got caught in the shuffle there, doesn't it? You'd think a man of Grandpa Jim's generation wouldn't let his little girl lug all of that baby stuff around, right? Just because Elly would have probably refused help doesn't mean he had to oblige her. Not only would he have done the whole Captain Daddy thing, paying for a porter to carry baggage to the car was a losing proposition back in the early part of the go-go eighties, too.

     
  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I see your brother feels it is necessary to describe the travel details of a trip to Vancouver in order to give your niece a proper impression of why your Grandma Marian was great. I promise that if Beatrice and I ever decide to take a trip with the girls to visit her relatives in Argentina, I won’t write to bother you with the details of the trip.

    After what you told me yesterday about your belief of the message written in the shower steam on my washroom mirror, I have been looking around for anyone who looks like this lirpA, you described yesterday; but so far I have seen no one. Fortunately there were no messages on my washroom mirror this morning, but it may be because I locked the washroom door when I took my shower. I am not convinced the message from yesterday might be some kind of practical joke played on me by my daughters.

    Love,
    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. I see the person who thinks he/she/it is a catfish who can make its gill spines erect so you can't pull them out shows a similar tenacity in writing to you. It’s one thing to criticize me, but to criticize Grandpa Jim, who is from the greatest generation of Canadian fighting men shows a certain lack of manners befitting someone who thinks they are a fish. Grandpa Jim was obviously doing just what Grandma Marian told him to do. He is showing respect for his wife, which is more than I can say for some catfish.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    There comes a time, Oh Delicate Flower of Canadian Literature when even the most loyal of husbands and soldiers should ask questions. Like, for instance, "You alright with all that stuff, El, or d'ya want me to carry some?" Also, does this sentence mean anything to you: "Go, Teaam Venture!"

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, u mite wanna search thru old blog posts 4 "lirpa" 2 refresh yr memory from when she appeared the last time around. it wda been sumtime in november of 2005, i think. when i had the world's most persistent zits 4 a while.

    dc2, u can c what it's like 2 try reasoning w/my bro, eh?

    apes

     
  • At 1:49 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    It's like talking to a radio or barnyard animal or something, isn't it? Ah, well. Keep chipping away at the granite and someone is bond to get through.

     
  • At 2:28 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    lol, i can u tell from my time @ the farm that talking 2 barnyard animals is more rewarding than talking 2 my bro. @ least animals sumtymez give u this look where they seem 2 get what u r saying. the radio xxample is rite on, tho. like if u r listening 2 sum talk programme where u can't stand a thing the host is saying and u wanna argue but of course the host blathers on and on.

    apes

     
  • At 6:06 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. At first I thought I would be little insulted you would compare talking to a barnyard animal to talking to your own brother, that being me. However, I remembered that our cousin Laura said you are the "horse whisperer;" so your barnyard animal conversations would be highly prized to you in your veterinary career profession as would the times we have to talk together.

    I am not sure why conversations with barnyard animals would cause you to want to have a discussion with this parasitic catfish who keeps writing you, but it's nice to know you do not have any animal prejudices. As for the catfish's catchphrase (say that 3 times fast), "Go, Teaam Venture!" means nothing to me. I thought the catfish might mean "Go, Team Venture!" with correct spelling, but I have been informed that particular catchphrase is a copyrighted catchphrase (say that 3 times fast), and I doubt some person who was thought they were a catfish would know much about copyrighting.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I see the problem. This lirpA thing you are talking about happened while I was gone and just before I returned as a dog. That was certainly a weird time in my life. I'm glad to do the reading though, to see what I missed.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 6:33 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    wow, howard, that all happened while u were gone? i totally 4got that! so much has happened, it's hard 2 remember who was around 4 what.

    apes

     
  • At 6:48 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Why do they let that idiot older brother of yours out unescorted? Clueless Mike can't figure out I'm talking about his 'sixth' anniversary any more than he can write plain English like a regular guy.

     
  • At 7:14 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i don't think it wd b possible 2 find ne1 who'd b willing 2 escort mike, dc2!

    apes

     
  • At 1:55 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. I see you and the catfish are still spending your time insulting me. I think I have a new definition for "boring." You are so much better than this, April. You are a Patterson. If you are going to insult me, at least use a pun and make it funny. Remember, humour is a way to keep your Blog audience, not tawdry insults.

    Although, knowing how your writing as been lately, you will probably find something even duller, like dogs scratching themselves as a topic. It's what comes from associating with Amazon River parasitic water life.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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