April's Real Blog

Monday, March 19, 2007

Liz's "d8"

Liz asked me 2 help her get ready 4 Mike's party, so I was in her room and I asked her, "Who R U taking 2 Mike's party?" And Liz was totally, "I asked Warren, but it's nuthing serious. It's just 'a d8.'" Hrm, defensive, eh? Then, as I helped Liz zip up her slinky little spaghetti-strap dress, I was, like, "Really--if he's 'just a d8,' Y R U getting all dressed up?" And Liz was all, "No pt in wearing grubs!" I crossed my arms against my chest, all like "Is he gonna gly U 2 weed's place?" And while putting on her new necklace (matching her new earrings), Liz went, "No. He has a car. I told U, it's nuthing special. I just wanted sum1 2 keep me company." And as Liz walked off inher lil hoochie-mama getup, carrying her little accessory-type purse, I sed, "If U're wearing that, U'll want 'sum1" 2 keep U warm!"

NEway, this was this past Saturday. I think it will take @ least 1 wk of blog entries 2 tell U all abt that nite. Stay tooned.


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  • At 7:18 AM, Anonymous lonlyanthdad2fran said…


    Is Liz wearing a bra? This is most unwaitformely behavior.


  • At 8:08 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    anthony, i think u saw lizzie sat, so u cd prolly figure out whether there was a bra involved in that outfit!


  • At 9:11 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…


    C u @ DQ @ 7 pm 4 yr 2 beatings.


  • At 10:20 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i started off this mornin' w/a principal conference w/me & my mom. i hadda a gr8 tyme @sea world, but if u want ur souvenir gift, u will needta stop by detention. i'm in here w/bianca, miriam, & sum guy w/a 1980s mohawk who seems 2 spend mosta his tyme in silhouette walkin' around. accordin' 2 the principal, the 4 of us were turned n2 the principal 4 callin' every1 in special needs "retarded" & he sed we deserved 2b hated 4 that.

    my mom wuz rilly upset. i think aftah the gym / jam every1 just assumez i am evil. my mom & the principal were not innerested in nethin' i hadda say. she sed, "we take u all the way 2 california 4 sea world & this is how u repay me." so i got 2 weeks of detention, my mom grounded me 4 a month, my locker wuz kicked in & the peeps who kicked it in left a note that sed, "watch ur back, jones. the 'retarded' kids r gonna kick ur ass."

    the only good thing 2day wuz readin' 'bout ur nutty sis. i dunno if she'z crayzier 4 wearin' a sleeveless dress in mboro in march, or 4 dressing up fancy 4 a byob party 2 honour her bro, or nvitin' a guy who's hot 4 her 2 a party where anothah guy who'z hot 4 her will b. the best part iz aftah the disaster occurs, she iz gonna play innocent. readin' ur blog may b the only xxcitin' thing 2 happ 2 me 4 awhile, since i am gonna b livin' @home or @the detention room.

    my only regret iz not i'm gonna b able 2 go 2 the dq 2nite 2 give duncan anderson the beat down he deserves, aftah the way he treated zandra larson.

  • At 1:26 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April and Anthony,

    Good grief, you would think none of you had ever heard of a strapless bra, you can't wear a regular one with spaghetti straps, and a Patterson woman does not go braless, it's in the oath mandated by the Chastity Protocol that serves as a Corollary to the 1979 Patterson-Richards Accord, don't you know anything?


  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger howard said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At 3:29 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I had another busy weekend of conjugal visits at Mimico Correctional Centre. After a steady stream of old ladies, I was a little surprised when Marjee Mahaha showed up. She said to me, “Howard. I want a shamp-Oh, and I want a big one. It isn’t bad enough my Warren is so entranced by Elizabeth Patterson’s allure that he flies her from Milborough to Mtigwaki, but she invited him to go to her brother’s party.

    I said, “Maybe it’s nothing serious, and she just wants someone to keep her company.” Marjee said, “Howard. An invitation to a family gathering, where all your relatives and all your relatives’ friends are going to be there, is NOT nothing serious. That is announcing to everyone that this guy is your man. If you invited me to your parents’ house for a holiday dinner, what kind of message would that send?” I said, “Oh! I see what you mean. This means she has made a public declaration for Warren.”

    Marjee said, “And particularly because Warren flew all the way out to Milborough, just to take her to this party.” I said, “Did Warren fly her to the party?” Marjee said, “No. He has a car.” I said, “A rental?” Marjee said, “Yes. He rented a car, so he could drive her to the party.” I said, “That is a big deal. If it were ‘just a date’, Elizabeth would pick him up in her car and she would wear grubby clothes.” Marjee said, “I know. Elizabeth was wearing a dress with spaghetti straps.” I said, “Slutty at the cost of comfort. I prefer dresses with sleeves in March. If I wore spaghetti straps in March, I would be sending a message to someone.” Marjee said, “Exactly. She’s has definitely declared herself for Warren, and he’s going along with it. I hate them both.”

    A shamp-Oh later and Marjee was feeling better, but still pretty unhappy.

    In other news, my first issue of Portrait magazine with me as the co-senior editor went out today, and I must admit I was quite pleased with it. It has a Stephen Harper cover on it, and has a very long interview with him, along with portraits of Belinda Stronach, Tony Clement, and Paul Martin. It’s a very political issue, but it does create a strong contrast with last month’s issue featuring portraits of “Canadian Idol Contestants, Season One: Where Are They Now?”

    Howard Bunt

  • At 4:40 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    howie, i liked that canadian idol issue of portrait. the old guyz u put in the l8est issue r, like, ug.

    what u should do next is features on famous canadian singers an' their paths 2 fame, so i can get tips.


  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, liz, u don't hafta b nasty! i didn't say u didn't have a bra, just that anthony cd prolly figure it out.

    jeremy, i saw yr pic on the "most wanted" flyer the special-needs student council puts out. sounds like u r in serious trub. an' i h8 2 tell u this, but i think zandra is mad @ u, 2.

    howard, i saw yr new issue of portrait. it looked impressive!


  • At 6:23 PM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    April, Howard did a great job helping me feel better. This thing with Liz and Warren has really had me feeling down.


  • At 6:54 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…


    Now Im going 2 have 2 beat u up 3X. U & Snitch must of had sumthing 2 do w/ the DQ burning down last nite.


  • At 8:29 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, thanx 2 ur friend duncan, i gotta visit by officer brad luggsworth askin’ if i wuz nvolved in burnin’ down the dq last nite. 4tun8ly 4 me, my fam wuz on the plane comin’ back from san diego wen it wuz burnin’, so i hadda good alibi. my mom wuz mad @me neway. i think she’s just got in the habit of blamin’ me 4 nethin’ bad that happs. i sed, “but mom. i luvved that dq! i wudn’t burn it down. b-sides i wuz w/u on the plane.” she finally gave n2 logic & decided not 2 ground me 4 anothah month. i wuz lucky our air canada flite wuz so l8, or i wudn’t have had a good alibi.

    i dunno y u think zandra iz mad @me. she seemed ok wen she & zapata henderson & her zapata’s bf eldritch stopped by the detention room 2 get their sea world gifts. but mebbe she wuz dragged in by zapata & didn’t mention she wuz mad cuz zapata kept on goin’ on & on ‘bout how i wuz a “bad boy” & tryin’ 2 get eldritch upset by callin’ him “nice”. b4 last week, zandra had asked 4 sumthin’ she cud show off, so i wuz thinkin’ shamu sox, but my future sis sed that wud not be cube enuff 4 a goth girl, so i got her a shark’s tooth necklace nstead. she took the necklace & i thot she liked it, but i cud b wrong. i am terrible @figgerin’ out girls, az u know. vicki simone came by detention 2 get the show tix 4 her v-girls they asked 4 & 2 tell me the l8est on gordie’s medical recovery.

    u nevah came by, so i guess ur prolly tryin’ not 2 upset shannon lake & her gang, or u just don’t want the sea world souvenir i got u. i don’t blame u. u don’t wanna get on the bad side of the special needs kids. aftah skool wuz ovah, i tried 2 sneak outa skool & they cot me just outside the skool grounds. my mom wuz mad @me wen i came home w/wheelchair tire tracks all ovah my white uni shirt & a sign pinned 2 my coat sayin’ “who’s re-tired-ed now?”

    az 4 detention, it wuz alright. bianca complained she wuz rilly in detention cuz the special needs peeps r anti-latina. miriam complained she wuz in detention cuz the special needs peeps r anti-semitic. the silhouette, mohawk guy complained it wuz cuz the special needs peeps r anti-silhouette. i thot ‘bout sayin’ i wuz there cuz the special needs peeps r anti-anti-patterson, but it sounded 2 st00pid. i hope 2morrow goez bettah

  • At 8:29 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    I dunno Duncan, Gordie was sooper-pissed that DQ was all outta chocolate-dipped bananas last nite, & he was going on about how he was "going 2 unleash the wrath of Rex Kwon Do" on the kid working there with the puberty voice change & acne going on. He did seem happy w/the Blizzard of the Month tho, mint chocolate chip Oreo.


  • At 8:39 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    Jeremy,thanx so much 4 the Black Label Society tix! Vanessa's so gr8tful that she sed she's got a plan 4 u 2 get outta detention. Sumthing about an internship 4 xtra credit, & that the principal will give u a get outta jail free card. She knows the right ppl, definitely.


  • At 9:06 PM, Anonymous Moe Hawk said…

    April, total prejudice against the lighted-challenged! Your friend Shannon mixed me up with another silhouette guy, Spike Fauxhawk, but do you think the principal listened to me? Heck no!


  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, zandra seemed upset w/u after she read the special-needs memo.


  • At 9:31 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, oh, zandra saw the special needs student “most wanted” memo. i hafta admit it duzn’t make me look good, altho the photoshop pic of me w/germs & wormz on my face & chasin’ aftah a special needs kid w/a torch wuz kinda clevah.


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