April's Real Blog

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

What "Grampas" R 4

Here's the next installment of Mike's foto-reminiscences w/Merrie (and the last B4 his trip w/Dee 2 Mexico):

Formerly little sis. Today going over mom's old photos with my daughter I covered the reason grampas exist. You see, April, when mom and I and Elizabeth took that trip to Vancouver all those years ago, one of things which was drilled into my head was, “When you see Grampa Jim, be sure to jump on him and torment him. That’s what Grampas are for!” My daughter said, “I never do that with Grampa John or with Grampa Wilf. I miss Grampa Wilf.” I said, “As I have told you before, daughter, now we live in Milborough we will probably never see Grampa Wilf again.” My daughter said, “Why not?’ I said, “Because he’s married to Gramma Mira. Now let me show you the pictures.”

The first picture showed a marvel of coordination. I leapt onto Grampa Jim’s lap, which was normally one of his favourite things for me to do; but not when Elizabeth was right on top of me to grab his nose. You may think it’s an easy thing to leap on a lap with your baby sister on your back, but it’s not. It requires planning and precise timing. Grampa Jim had a book out, preparing for us to come to his lap to read. Little did he suspect what we had planned in terms of a frontal assault. It worked perfectly, and Elizabeth even threw in a “Ga-Ga!” as she grabbed Grampa Jim’s nose. Mom was in the picture too. I think she might have been trying to stop us, but she got her right arm confused with her left arm, as you can tell in the picture from the fact her right hand is the closest to the photographer, when it should be her left. My daughter was impressed. She said, “Can Robin and I do that with Grampa John?” I said, “Certainly. Whenever dad is in a chair getting ready to read you a book, then go for it.” My daughter said, “Oh, well. Grampa John never sits in a chair to read us a book.”

In the next picture mom is pulling me off Grampa Jim as I was trying to check his belly for internal injuries. The word balloon in front of her says, “Stop it, you two! You’ve been tormenting and jumping on Grampa all day!” My daughter said, “Grampa Jim looks funny. His nose shines like Rudolph.” I said, “You’re right, daughter. And he wasn’t even drinking that day.” My daughter said, “Rudolph doesn’t drink.” I said, “I mean Grampa Jim.” My daughter said, “Why is his nose all shiny?” I said, “I believe Elizabeth broke it, if I remember correctly; but Grampa Jim refused to go to a doctor until after we left.” My daughter said, “Is that why you stopped tormenting and jumping on Grampa Jim?” I said, “No. But it is why Grampa Jim stopped sitting to read us books.”

In the next picture, mom has Elizabeth in one arm, while she has me by her right arm, but her left hand. I don’t know why mom’s thumb moving from one side of her hand to the other didn’t bother me more in those days. It bothers me now. In the background is Grampa Jim trying to go into the fetal position from all the pain. The word balloon in my mouth is my complaint, “But, Mom! –That’s what grampas are for!” My mom has a startled look on her face, and this is what she told me, because she was remembering times with her grampa. I guess she didn’t realize how brutal Elizabeth and I were. I think all told, Elizabeth broke his nose, I cracked one of his ribs, and he had some kind of head injury; but I forget which one of us did that. Probably Elizabeth. My daughter said, “Why did you say that’s what Grampas are for!” I said, “That’s what I thought before I learned it takes months for a grampa’s cracked ribs to heal, and no grandkid wants to see his grampa whimper when you go to hug him.” My daughter said, “I like that. That sounds funny.” I said, “Maybe you should go and visit dad then.”

I am off to my Mexican vacation, sans rugrats. I think I will spend the whole time sequestered in my room working on my latest novel Breaking the Windjammer, since I have gotten no writing done ever since I started going over the photo albums. Thanks for agreeing to take over the kids and the photography coverage with my daughter, while I am gone, formerly little sis.

Michael Patterson
Mike, I M pretty sure that Gramps has maintained sum residual fear of U and Liz ever since that lil "incident" all those yrs ago. Notice how he kinda winces whenev he C's U or her?

So, Mom's gonna pick up Merrie and Robin from school and daycare 2day, and then I'll B in charge of them until Mike an' Dee get back here Sunday. Poor Dee, it soundz like Mike's already planning on making this a "working" vacation. I guess Dee's gonna get v. acquainted w/the hotel bar staff.


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  • At 8:17 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Oh, dear. So Little Mikey grew up thinking Grampa Jim was for mauling, eh? That must be what Marian great in his mind: she told her husband to sit down, shut up and let his grandchildren man-handle him or else he'd pay for it, probably roadside-wise. I'm sorry for putting that image in your head but let's face it; if your grandparents didn't get 'hands-on' (as you Milboroughites put it) , none of you would be here. Don't tell Mike, though. He thinks the stork dropped him off because he can't think of your folks doing the nasty, let alone his grandparents.

  • At 6:22 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dc2, i think i need brain bleach!

    i m @ the old house now, w/the kiddles. i made a nice curry 4 dinner and the kids really loved it. they cdn't believe i knew howta cook a meal w/out carrot coins, lol.

    so i xxplained that i had foto-reminiscing duty, and merrie was like, "oh, i thot we were getting a vacation from that while mom and attic guy were away on their vacation. i sed 'fraid not, but suggested we cd peek ahead @ sum of the fotos in the album and try guessing which we'd hafta discuss next. i won't know until 2morrow morning when mom comes by w/her notes.

    so, we opened the album and noticed that the next buncha pix were abt dad back @ home while mom was in vancouver w/mike and liz. there were 4 pix of him w/jean baker, his dental assistant, and four pix of dad having a beer w/ted.

    merrie sed, "i don't think we'll b talking abt that, since attic guy was supposta b talking abt his trip."

    i sed, "that wd make sense, but on the other hand, i kinda xxpected mike 2 skip over the convo my mom had w/grandma marian, since he was off doing sumthing else while that convo was going on. and he did neway."

    we saw that after the pix of dad @ home, there r a group of 4 where grandma marian is cuddling lizzie, 4 w/gramps talking w/mike while mike's in his jammies @ bedtime, another group w/mom talking 2 grandma marian, gramps with mike and liz, mom w/just gramps and grandma marian, mom out on a walk w/gramps, mike, and liz; and then that's it 4 the vacation pix. the series after that has mom getting home.

    merrie sed, "can't we just tell grandma elly we did this picture thing, but not really do it?" and i sed, "well, there cd b a quiz." and merrie sed, "u're rite, i shda thought of that."

    then robin sed, "poopie pants!" and i sed, "aw, nuts!"



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