April's Real Blog

Friday, October 05, 2007

Harmonica and Guilt

Well, Liz found another way 2 get attention this wk. She wandered over 2 the hospital and when she was in the main lobby, Mom spotted her and took her in 2 C Gramps. Afterwards, Liz came over 2 the TTH, and I was sitting @ the kitchen table, like, "How's Grandpa, Liz?" And Liz, taking off her jacket, went, "He's awake, but not responding. Mom and Iris R w/him." I sed, "I wish he was just like he used 2 B. I want him back!" Liz was like, "Me 2." I asked, "Do U still have his harmonica? I gave it 2 U when U went up north." I of course knew all abt her giving it away, but I felt like bringing it up. Liz sed, "April... I gave it 2 one of my students." I was all, "But it was HIS! It's a family keepsake!" And Liz did that indignant-Patterson gesture, placing her hand on her sternum, all, "Jesse was a special kid. I wanted 2 give him something that meant a lot 2 me!" I went in w/"Doesn't Grandpa mean a lot 2 u?" And Liz was like, "Don't make me feel guilty rite now, April!" while closing her eyez and pting her face up towards the ceiling. And I went, "OK... then when?"

Hrm, doncha just luv how Liz totally leaves out the part abt how Jesse STOLE the harmonica. And how the harmonica meant so little 2 her that she hadn't even noticed? And how Jesse is so "special" that she hasn't kept in touch w/him, despite her big, fat promise?


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  • At 7:27 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    If you liked that, you'll love how they'll turn all that around on you. Liz has no intention of ever feeling guilt about anything. As far as she can see, she can't be allowed to feel pain and embarrassment like the rest of us. Why do you think she hates her nickname so much?

  • At 1:20 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    Dear April,

    Formerly little sis. Why would you ever give something important to you to the Lizardbreath to keep? You know how she treats the things she owns, the people around her, and even her pet? When we were all living together, I used to hate to have to listen to mom go on and on about how Liz treated that cat. “Liz is overfeeding it. Liz lets it climb all over everything. Liz chases it around the house while screaming like a crazy woman. Liz is never going to get married because of it. Liz’s breath smells like cat food.” You know, the usual things mom said.

    My lovely Deanna understood it perfectly. Did we ever leave our kids to be baby-sat by Elizabeth the entire time we all lived together? No. For that matter, did we ever leave the kids alone in a room with Elizabeth the entire time we all lived together? The answer is no.

    You simply have to face the facts. Never give Liz anything that matters. If it takes a harmonica for you to learn that, then so be it. It’s your own fault and trying to make Liz feel guilty about it is like trying to make a clumsy shark embarrassed for accidentally biting a dolphin. That dolphin meat just tastes too good.

    Did I mention I have a section in my second novel Breaking the Windjammer, where Leonard Driscoll falls overboard and is rescued from a shark attack by a friendly dolphin? I am thinking about naming the dolphin after Grandpa Jim, and calling him “Smoke Stack.”

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:35 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    erg, yeah. dc2 an' mike r both rite abt liz.

    letting her have the harmonica was a huge mistake. i was feeling sentimental and i thot she'd actually care abt it, like i do.


  • At 1:54 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Yep. Mike is right on the money, there, kiddo. Never give anything with sentimental value to a self-absorbed, whining fool; you'll always be disappointed.

  • At 2:08 PM, Blogger howard said…


    OK. What’s up with the harmonica? Does it have something to do with this weird stuff about Jeremy Jones? I know you and he had some kind of history over that harmonica.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 3:29 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    I didn't realize this until later, but you revealed yourself to be very stupid in this conversation, see, the reason that the harmonica meant a lot to me is that Grandpa Jack means a lot to me, you should have been able to figure that out, so your attempt to guilt me was stupid, since duh, of course Grandpa Jess is one of the most important people in my whole life, I figured this out myself once I thought about it real hard, and also, you can tell his importance ot me by how I told you all about how Mom and Iris are hanging out with him at the hospital as I came in taking off my coat, which gave the impression that I had been at the hospital, and therefore conveyed that I care, even though I may not have actually been at the hospital at all, and could only have talked to Mom on her cell phone (just hypothetically), but really, all in all, too much attention is going to that old fart if you think about it, his time is clearly over, he should just hurry up and die so that we young and vibrant people can get all the attention, like we are supposed to.


  • At 6:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, a long time ago, when gramps 1st gave me the harmonica and taught me 2 play sum tunes on it, i was showing it 2 becky, ger, and dunc on the school bus. and jeremy grabbed it and threw it out the window. the bus driver stopped the bus and got all of us (xxcept jeremy) 2 look 4 it. in the snow. i got it back and gramps was able 2 fix it even tho it had a buncha snow in it?

    but i dunno if that has nething 2 do w/our jeremy mystery.

    liz. it's grandpa jim. how much can u care abt him if u can't even keep that str8.



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