Dad's Sports Injury
Geez, I don't know. U mite remember that in his monthly letterz, Dad's been going on & on, blahblahblah, abt going running. & this morning, he decided 2 use the treadmill cuz it's cold & snowy out. So he put on sum uggo green shorts, yellow t-shirt, red sneakers, & then took off his glasses? Y on earth did he take off his glasses? B4 he went on the 'mill he was doing sum stretches & he looked oddly girly, so of course 4 a mo I thot he was Mike. I'm all, "Mike, whatcha doin' here? Shdn't U B in yr attic, ignoring the wife an' kidz?" & dad sed, "April! It's me, yr dear old Dad! But if U mistook me 4 Michael, I guess this exercise regimen is the fountain of youth it's cracked up 2 B. Cracked up. U know, I often crack myself up." & me, I'm like, "Yeah, I've kinda noticed." & he got teary & sed, "April! Will U B my best friend again?!" & I sed, "Dad, I think U hurt Mom's feelingz when U go on abt me being yr BFF like that. Cuz, like, yr spouse is supposta B yr BFF." He sed, "April! There U go again taking thingz the wrong way, being all xplosive like TNT! I feel as though I have to walk on eggshellz around U! Now, let me get my workout going!" I put both handz up in the air & sed, "Don't let me stop ya."
So this treadmill, it has, like, a built in muzic thingy. Dad got on & clicked the button 4 the muzic & popped the earpodz in his big, flappy ears. He had this dumb, glazed lk on his face when he did that. Then, something happened, like 5 mins l8r. Peeps, I can't even xplain what it was. 4 sum reason, his right heel popped outta his sneaker, he kinda half-squatted, skreeetched 2 a stop, and then the earpodz popped out. Oh, I think I know. I think he was, like, fiddling w/the muzic, mayB trying 2 switch away fr. "All Bobby Curtola, All the time", & cdn't handle the multitasking. OK, so then Ma was on the phone saying "Hello? Dr. Eckler? I think we've invented a new form of sports injury." Dad had put his glasses back on by then & he was sittin' there looking esp. st00pid.
Well, Mom yelled @ me 4 having my hair down & flowy yesterday @ Becky's Dad's party. She sed the flowy hair made me look "like a trollop". It was v. nice that Ger sed he likes my hair in a pony, cuz I have a feeling my mom's gonna enforce her Patterson hair standardz more stringently, @ least 4 a while. Big sigh.
Becks, Ger, Dunc & I were all v. relieved there were no serious injuriez last nite. Dunc pukin' his guts out is the closest we came. I'm so glad that I got to arrive & depart separate fr. my 'rents, since I was part of the entertainment & all. Even tho it was, like, a blacktie event, Mom had one of her frumpy "business" suits she alwayz wearz 4 work. So embarrassing! & Howard, I totally thot she & Cathy were gonna wrestle 4 that last bit of choccy.
Hmmm, Anne Nichols is knocking @ the door. Weird.
Apes
So this treadmill, it has, like, a built in muzic thingy. Dad got on & clicked the button 4 the muzic & popped the earpodz in his big, flappy ears. He had this dumb, glazed lk on his face when he did that. Then, something happened, like 5 mins l8r. Peeps, I can't even xplain what it was. 4 sum reason, his right heel popped outta his sneaker, he kinda half-squatted, skreeetched 2 a stop, and then the earpodz popped out. Oh, I think I know. I think he was, like, fiddling w/the muzic, mayB trying 2 switch away fr. "All Bobby Curtola, All the time", & cdn't handle the multitasking. OK, so then Ma was on the phone saying "Hello? Dr. Eckler? I think we've invented a new form of sports injury." Dad had put his glasses back on by then & he was sittin' there looking esp. st00pid.
Well, Mom yelled @ me 4 having my hair down & flowy yesterday @ Becky's Dad's party. She sed the flowy hair made me look "like a trollop". It was v. nice that Ger sed he likes my hair in a pony, cuz I have a feeling my mom's gonna enforce her Patterson hair standardz more stringently, @ least 4 a while. Big sigh.
Becks, Ger, Dunc & I were all v. relieved there were no serious injuriez last nite. Dunc pukin' his guts out is the closest we came. I'm so glad that I got to arrive & depart separate fr. my 'rents, since I was part of the entertainment & all. Even tho it was, like, a blacktie event, Mom had one of her frumpy "business" suits she alwayz wearz 4 work. So embarrassing! & Howard, I totally thot she & Cathy were gonna wrestle 4 that last bit of choccy.
Hmmm, Anne Nichols is knocking @ the door. Weird.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:59 AM
21 Comments:
At 9:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi, April, you don't know me, but I'm in grade 10. My Dad is your parents' ear-nose-throat doctor, Maurice Eckler. Your Mom insisted the service put her through to my Dad for an "ear emergency," and then she started going on and on about ear buds and "KaPOP" sounds and sports injuries. My dad finally said to have your dad lie down in a quiet room for a while and then be more careful next time on the treadmill. He suggests double knots for your Dad's sneakers and keeping the volume down on the music.
Susie
At 10:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I can tell you, your father is sooo lucky to escape a serious injury on a treadmill. It seems like to me every week I am yelling to my wife Jane, "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!", when I am on mine. Did your father get dragged under the treadmill with his dog and cat walking over top of him every time he circled around? I know that hurts. I got into Dr. Eckler’s sports injury statistics with that one.
Tell your father I wish him well,
George Jetson
At 11:51 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh man oh man oh man Ive got the worst headake this am. I drank a cpl of bags of milk an' went back 2 sleep an' now I think Ill b fine aft sum Horny T. If ne1 wants 2 go Ill b there all aft. If I stay @ home Ill hafta fotoshop an' print more of my 'rents Xmas fotos an' thats so uncube. Plus my 'rents r already mad @ me 'cos they cot me fotoshopping the babys head on2 1 of the goats.
L8r.
p.s. Howie, thanks 4 the assist last nite.
At 12:22 PM,
April Patterson said…
i m @ horny tim's w/dunc. we r chuggin' the dbl-dbls. i was just telling dunc sum stuff abt that treadmill. after dad had his "sports injury", i decided 2 work out. so i got on the 'mill, & i went 2 use the earbuds, & i noticed sumthing v. peculiar. instead of normal earbuds, these 'phones had otoscopes on them. those thingz yr doc uses 2 look in yr ears? & they had tiny labels on 'em: "property of dr. eckler's office". the heck? so, neway, i replaced them w/normal earbuds & then i had a workout, no probs.
i wonder what dad was thinkin' using those otoscopes.
apes
At 1:11 PM,
Anne said…
Whateva Becks thinks, ur hair looked rilly good last nite, Apes. :-) & thanks 4 making me change my mind & decide 2 go 2 the partee after all. It took my mind offa the Gordie sitch 4 a while. I was lucky I had that forest green dress 2 wear!
Howard's a good dancer, unlike me...lol. But he was xtra patient @ least I didn't step on his feet.
Speaking of Gordie, he just IMed me & asked if I could burn a copy of the new Charon CD 4 him. I'll stop @ Horny Tim's on the way 2 his house. My mom just thinks I'm out working on geography homework....shh. NEway, if yr still there we can look @ all the pics we took last nite. U've got one sweet photo printer, Apes.
Hope yr feeling better, Dunc!
Vicks
At 2:12 PM,
April Patterson said…
so, vicks was showing us the pix she took last nite @ the party, when we noticed the sound of sum1 crying. it was alex, sitting in a corner booth. she was so upset she walked rite by us w/out noticing we were there. so i went ovr & asked her if she wanted 2 join us. she was, like, "no, i'm 2 upset." & while she sed that, she was getting up & she sat down @ r table & asked me 2 get her another espresso. she's been sitting w/us 4 abt 1/2 an hr now.
apes
At 4:34 PM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, ger, i'm familiar w/that look fr. having cried recently. sumtymez i look like that after my bf's dad triez 2 get my bf 2 dump me & hook up w/my bff. like i don't matter.
eva, i saw the cams & went 2 dunc's house. she's showing me thoze vacation pics & dunc's being all, "u sure u wdn't rather talk 2 the press"?
apes
At 4:36 PM,
Anonymous said…
George Jetson, my Dad would like you and John Patterson to stop calling him about your sports injuries. Dad's an ENT specialist & not collecting stats on sports injuries. FYI.
He also sez he wants nothing to do with the lawsuit those attorneys from his building are trying to drum up.
Susie
At 8:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, it haz been a confusing day 2day. alexandra came ovah 2 the house ‘bout 11. i thot she wuz there 2c st. louis vs. carolina, but just came ovah a little early. she sed 2 me “i don't wanna b ur gf nemore.” my mom gave like a little cheer. then alexandra handed me a note & sed, “i don't like u like i did b4.” then she turned ‘round 2 leave & i sed 2 her, "then i'll see you tonight? new jersey is playing chicago @7!" so afta she left, i coulda kicked myself, cuz i rilly wanted alexandra 2c the pittsburgh & nashville game w/me. alexandra rilly likes matt murley on the pittsburgh penquins, cuz he is an alum of rpi. i yelled out the wrong game.
my mom iz like yellin’ & shoutin’, she iz so happy. she sez, “she broke up w/u. now, i don’t hafta lissen 2 that broken states english nemore.” i sed 2 my mom, “wut ru talkin’ ‘bout?” my mom sed, “ur little states gf, she wuz n here & sed she didn’t wanna b ur gf ne more & she didn’t like u. have ur brainz gone 2 jelly n shock?” i sed, “no mom. u don’t unnerstand. alexandra just tol’ me she iz takin’ our relationship 2 the next level. she duzn’t wanna b my gf ne more. i think she wunts 2b like pre-engaged. & wen she sed she didn’t like me like she did b4, that meanz that she iz n luv w/me. honestly mom.” then mom sed, “u have lost it, jeremy. wut’s n that note?” so i opened the note & it sed:
dear john [because that's the name of the letter, right?],
i don't know how to put this so i'm just going to come right out and say it. i don't love you anymore. actually, i don't think i ever did 'love' you but i know i had feelings for you that were stronger than 'like' ... and that's gone. i don't want to drag you along thinking those feelings are going to come back, i don't think they will. i just want to move on. i don't have the same feelings for you anymore.
i hope, and i know, we can still be friends.
my mom sed, “well, that settles it. u got a dear john letter that’s actually titled w/’dear john’.” i sed, “oh mom, this iz 4 that guy n the states thass n love w/alexandra. she prolly gave me a copy cuz az a declaration of her luv 4 me, u know.” my mom sed, “thass not the reazn. this letter iz 4u.” i sed, “she wunts me 2 correct her grammar & spelling?” my mom sed, “that duz it. i am callin’ dr. forsythe & making u an emergency appointment , cuz ur so deluded.” so she did, & told me 2 walk ovah 2 dr. forsythe’z house 4 the appointment.
so i am walkin’ ovah 2 hiz house & this jogger runz rite n2 me & knocks me flat onto the ground. it wuz ur dad, dr. patterson. i sed 2 him, “hey! watch where ur goin’!” he sed, “sorry old man.” az he got up. i sed 2 him, “dr. patterson, it’z me. jeremy jones.” he sed, “oh, jeremy. sorry, i didn’t recognize u w/o my glasses.” i sed, “yru joggin’ w/o ur glasses?” dr. patterson sed, “well. i luk bettah w/o my glasses. if i happen 2 meet sum1 speshul while i am joggin’, then i don’t hafta worry ‘bout lukin’ like a nerd w/glasses.” i sed, “sum1 speshul?” he sed, “u know wut i mean? ur a teenage boy w/all thoze crayzee hormones.” i nodded i unnerstood & i noticed he wuzn’t wearin’ his weddin’ ring either.
i sed, “so wut do u say, wen u meet that sum1 speshul?” he sed, “wanna c me go 5 miles an hour for a whole 60 minutes! so, if they get offended, i can just pretend i wuz talkin’ ‘bout my joggin’ speed. tricky, eh?” i sed, “rilly tricky.” he sed, “don’t tell my best friend, april, eh? she mite get upset i wuz cheatin’” i sed, “u mean cheatin’ on ur wife, rite?” he sed, “ur so funny, jeremy.” so then he starts joggin’ again & runs rite n2 me again. this tyme wen i got up, i felt sumthin’ wuz njured on my leg where i hit the ground. so i wuz rilly hurtin’ wen i finally got to dr. forsythe’s house.
wen i knocked on dr. forsythe’s door, it wuz hurtin’ so bad, i am kinda mbarrassed 2 say this, but i wuz cryin’ so hard it wuz hard 4 the doctor & gerund 2 unnerstand me. they kept on sayin’ “wut iz it, jeremy? iz it sumthin’ rel8ed 2 ur relationship w/ur mother?” dr. forsythe finally unnerstood me sayin’ i wuz there for a therapy appointment, & he remembered my mom had called 4 an emergency session. it tuk a long tyme 2 get dr. forsythe 2 stop askin’ me questions ‘bout my relationship w/my mother & onto getting’ me sum pain medicine. well, i told dr. forsythe ‘bout gettin’ the letter & ‘bout how i wuz afraid i rilly messed up w/alexandra 4 goin’ 2 rebeccah’s house a couple nites ago, & about rebeccah’s salsa dance technique where she squeezes the dance partner’s butt, but that alexandra rilly wuzn’t mad cuz she wunts us 2 take the relationship 2 the next level, & how i wuz feelin’ kinda dirty frum being knocked 2 the ground 2 tymez by dr. patterson wen he wuz joggin. well, wen i mentioned rebeccah, dr. forsythe marched out & got geranium & sed, “tell gerald wut u told me.” so repeated the whole story 2 gerund & i cud tell he wuz not payin’ attention 2 wut i wuz sayin’, like he duz most of the tyme i talk 2 him. he sed, “becky keeps squeezing ur ass & following u ‘round?” i sed, “no. gerald. stop luking @the yearbook. i sed, ‘rebeccah keeps squeezing my ass wen we dance around.’” well, 4 sum reazn, gerald’s dad sendz him ovah 2 her house 4 dance lessonz rite then. he sed, “i wunt u2 get ovah 2 her house rite now & put the movez on her." i didn’t think that rebeccah wud wunt 2 give geranium ne dance lessonz & i wuz rite, cuz he came back pretty soon aftah.
aftah gerund left, hiz dad got up. i sed, “iz our session ovah?” he wuz turning 2 answer wen he elbowed me rite n the eye & knocked me off the chesterfield & my othah eye hit the side of the table next 2 the chesterfield. man, that hurt. my eyes were waterin’ like mad & i gotta admit i wuz n so much pain i wuz cryin’ a lot. dr. forsythe felt rilly bad & he got me a lot of tissues & sum ice. aftah i calmed down, gerald came back & his dad gave geronimo sum tapes 2 watch. i dunno wut they were, but prolly they were dance instruction tapes. i have seen gerund dance b4 & that iz an area where he duz need mprovement. i’m glad hiz dad recognizez that.
wen i got home, my mom sed, “jeremy. u have 2 black eyez. wut happened?” so i told her the whole story & she sed, “jeremy. i am sorry u got hurt. wut can i do 4u?” i sed, “well u cud make sum of alexandra’z favrite snacks 4 wen she comez ovah 2 watch pittsburgh w/me." my mom sed, “jeremy. there iz no way alexandra iz coming ovah here.” i sed, “mom pleaze. don’t stop her frum coming.” she sed, “jeremy. if u can get alexandra ovah here, then i won’t stop her.”
so i called up alexandra & sed, “ru comin’ ovah 2 watch pittsburgh vs. nashville w/me? i know i sed, new jersey & chicago; but i 4got all ‘bout pittsburgh & matt murley.” alexandra sed, “u unnerstand we’re not gf/bf nemore rite?” i sed, “yes. i unnerstand our relationship iz onna diffrent level now. i am rilly happy ‘bout that.” alexandra sed, “ur? i thot u wud be more upset.” i sed, “no. i am very happy ‘bout that.” she sed, “ok. i'll come ovah 2 watch pittsburgh w/u.” i tol’ my mom that & she wuz rilly surprized. she sed, “mebbe ur rite, jeremy.”
so, thass wuts happened so far 2day. sorry 2 tell u that ‘bout ur dad.
At 8:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, ic alexandra iz postin' 2u while we r watchin' the game. i can tell alexandra iz not ovah her virus yet, cuz she duzn't wanna sit close 2 me like we usually do wen we watch hockey. i think mebbe she thinks she shudn't b here, cuz my mom or i mite get infected. my gf iz the best...no w8, my pre-engagee iz the best pre-engagee n the world. she iz so considerate of othahz. i am so lucky 2b w/her.
At 9:57 PM,
howard said…
April,
I see on your Real Blog, Gerald confessed to feeling up Becky when he came over this afternoon and I also see the reason he listed as why. I want to let you know that Becky did not do anything at all to encourage him. She has so many things on her mind right now; I hope that you will not make it an issue with her.
In addition to everything else, the dogs Apollo and Zeus are still wearing their little tuxedoes. I thought they would chew them up for sure. When Becky or I tried to take them off, they nearly took our hands off. I even tried my gentlest pats and strokes, but it did not work. Becky thinks I have screwed up her dogs, but I point out to her that “tuxedoes for dogs” was not my idea.
We spent most of the day going round and round about the offer from the manager recommended by Dr. McCauley. I have looked over all the information he provided, looking for a trick that Ted McCauley may be trying to pull on Becky, but I have not found any. It looks like a legitimate offer. I don’t know if my opinion is being biased by my dislike for Dr. McCauley. I have it in the back of my mind that he is up to something. But so far, there is no evidence of it. On the other hand, it seems foolish to refuse an offer that will give Becky everything that she has worked for and so deserves to get.
After Gerald came by, Becky said, “He’ll be back. The Gerald always knocks twice.” It was a good time to go out, because we were just getting nowhere on Becky’s decision about the offer. We were repeating the same thing over and over, and I could tell Becky was getting tired of talking about it.
Becky said, “Let’s go get Jeremy and take him out.” So we went by his house, but he was watching a hockey game with Alexandra Love. Becky was a little startled to see Alexandra there. Jeremy invited us to watch the game with him, but I could tell it was a polite invitation and not a real one. He also looked really awful, with 2 black eyes and some sort of wrap on his leg. Alexandra was mouthing some words to us. It looked like, “Rescue me.” But that couldn’t have been right.
So, we went to see Brokeback Mountain. which Becky wanted to see back when you did that Girl’s Night Out thing. After the movie, we compared notes. We both liked the way Heath Ledger looked in his cowboy outfit. I was jealous of Jake Gyllenhaal, getting to kiss on him so much. So, then we got into a conversation about kissing techniques. Then Becky said, “Howie. I need to get a pencil and paper to take notes.” I said, “You’re kidding, eh?” She said, “No Howie. You could write a book. I’ve never heard of the bilabial vibration kiss.” I think she was just trying to flatter me. I know that you can apply massage techniques to kissing for good effect, but it’s nothing special. In any case, it was good to talk about something other than her career after doing that all morning long.
After we got back to Becky’s house, who was waiting for us but Gerald? He said, “Do you have any pictures of April in a ponytail?” Becky said, “If you put one hand on my breasts, Gerald, you will lose some fingers.” Gerald said, “My dad wants me to seduce you. I have to at least try.” I said, “This is getting ridiculous. I cannot imagine how much you hurt April’s feelings every time you actually go through with one of your parents’ crazy schemes. Have some consideration for April. She is a very nice girl and doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment.” Becky started going off on Gerald too, but then he started crying, “You don’t understand the pressure I am under. The diet, the exercise, the team sports, my parents and my poor man thingee all want something from me.” I started to feel sorry for him, until I remembered who he was.
Becky said, “Wait. I need to practice this thing Howie taught me.” I yelled at Becky, “Noooo!” But it was too late. The bilabial vibration kiss was planted right on Gerald. He went limp and dropped to the ground. We picked him up and then Becky said, “Now Gerald. Tell your father you were successful in seduction and use those swollen and vibrating lips as proof. Also, buy April some flowers to let her know you still love her.” Gerald said he would as soon as he regained control of his gross motor functions. After he left, Becky said, “Wow. Howie. That bilabial vibration kiss really worked. I have someone in mind for my next one.” But Becky wouldn’t tell me who it was.
Oh, April, don’t be mad at Becky for that kiss. I think she was genuinely trying to help Gerald out and wasn’t trying to steal your boyfriend. You know she’s not the type of girl to steal someone else’s boyfriend. She just does things sometimes without thinking them through. I can vouch that it was only one kiss, and there was no other extraneous touching involved. Please don't be mad at Becky.
Howard K.
At 10:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
alexandra, i hope everything iz all rite w/eva. u know i think she wud b an xxcellent choice 4 maid of honour. oh, i know u get to pick ur maid of honour urself & who knowz if eva will still b ur bff in 4 yearz, wen we r old enuff 2 marry. but i still think she wud be a gud choice. i’ll b thinking of u n my dreamz, my pre-fiancée.
At 10:03 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, omg, i can't believe what a freak my dad is! i'm sorry abt him knocking u down. & being a freak.
so, eva, my 'rents refused 2 talk 2 thoze newz ppl cuz, in my mom's words, "this story is 2 b darling michael's exclusive!!!" whatevs, mom.
apes
At 10:12 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, thank u 4 what u sed 2 ger. sumtimes i wonder if it even crosses his mind that he cd b hurting me when he does that stuff his dad puts him up 2.
hm, do u figure that when becky did that special kissing technique that ger, like, learned how 2 do it? if not, mayB i've gotta take sum notes fr. u 2, howard!
apes
p.s. i'm not mad @ u, becks, but pls don't make a habit of kissin' ger.
p.p.s. that show grey's anatomy is on rite now, & there's a girl named rebeccah who likes 2 b called becks!
At 10:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, call me crazyee, but there iz a certain part of me that can't w8 2 read wut ur bro rites n that xxclusive. az 4 ur dad, next tyme uc him gettin' reddy 2 xxercize, tell him 2 put on hiz wedding ring & hiz glasses. that will let him know that u know wut he haz been doin' w/o tellin' u know wut he haz been doin'. thass my advice.
i'm bizzy watcin' the end of the pittsburgh game 4 alexandra, cuz i know she iz bizzy w/eva'z emergency & i know she will wanna know wut happenz n the game. alexandra iz a rilly gud friend 2 eva. i hope eva appreciates her az much az i do.
At 10:19 PM,
howard said…
April,
I am so glad you are not upset with Becky. I don't think she plans to make it a habit of kissing Gerald. She clearly has some other boy in mind, and it is driving me crazy she won't tell me who it is. Becky likes to tease me sometimes, because of my tendency to overreact and I think this is one of those times.
I will be glad to give you kissing notes, but I cannot recommend doing the bilabial vibration kiss very often. The loss of major motor functions is often a reaction, which is nice, except when you want to do other things after the kiss like...um...more kissing. There are some other kisses I mentioned to Becky that she did not know, that are not quite as devastating. I will be glad to teach them to you and Gerald. Let me know.
Howard K.
At 10:25 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, that's a gd idea abt my dad. & the glasses & ring. i'll try that, if he doesn't, like, sneak away when i'm not lookin'.
howard, yes, i def wanna learn abt those kiss techniques. when i take my notes, i will include, like, the good & bad effects of ea, so i know when i need 2 b careful.
apes
At 10:30 PM,
howard said…
April,
Let me know when you want a kissing lesson. It would be good for Gerald to be there, but it is not necessary in case he does not have enough room in his schedule. It might be fun as a surprise to him. I'll let you decide what you want.
After you mentioned the Becks girl on that show Grey's Anatomy, we had to turn it on and watch it. Becky's initial reaction was, "I'm prettier than she is."
Howard K.
At 10:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
alexandra, nashville 5 pittsburgh 4. i hope eva iz ok. lemme know if there iz sumthin' i can do to help her.
At 11:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
eva, u don't need alexandra 2 tell me ur fine more than 1ce. i'm not st00pid. i'm glad ur all rite. lemme know if u need nething. i've got sum leftover snacks frum the hockey game. i cud alwayz bring them ovah, if that wud help.
At 12:59 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, aftah i wuz n bed, i heard sum1 knocking on our door. my mom answered it & i heard her say, “becky mcguire. yru here aftah midnite? don’t u have skool 2 morrow?” then i heard rebeccah say, “i have sumthin’ mportant 2 tell jeremy.” i ran outa my bedroom & sed, “mom! mebbe she haz newz ‘bout that emergency w/eva. letter in.” my mom sed, “do u have newz ‘bout eva?” rebeccah sed, “oh, eva. sure. i have newz ‘bout eva, but i needta talk 2 jeremy alone. it’s kinda private. that newz ‘bout eva.” my mom sed ok & then i went w/rebeccah 2 my room. i sed, “wut’s this newz ‘bout eva thass so private?” rebeccah sed, “that wuz i lie, so i cud talk 2u alone. i know u’ve broke up w/alex & i thot we cud teach each other a few thingz, u know.” i sed, “i dunno where u got ur info, but alexandra iz my pre-fiancée. mebbe u got confuzed cuz sum1 told u that she wuzn’t my gf nemore, cuz thass true. she’z my pre-fiancée.” rebeccah sed, “wut’s a pre-fiancée?” i sed, “it’s kinda like ur engaged but u can’t afford the ring. or n our case, it meanz we wud like 2b married, but we’re 2 young.” rebeccah sed, “well, i learned sumthin’ 2day i wanna show u.” then she kissed me & wut a kiss it wuz. my legz went weak & my heart started beatin’ rilly fast & certain otha parts of my body also reacted. unfortunately, i also crashed 2 the floor. my mom came n & sed, “wut ru2 doin’ n here?” rebeccah sed, “oh, jeremy fell down. he’z not hurt or nething.” so my mom sez, “get off the floor jeremy.” i sed, “i can’t mom. my legz ren’t workin’ rite.” my mom sez, “becky, did u give jeremy sum kinda drugz?” rebeccah sed, “i don’t do drugz.” i sed, “w8 mom, my legz r startin’ 2 move again.” my mom sed, “becky mcguire. out. out. out. it’s l8 & ur obviously up 2 no gud.” so rebeccah left & she hadda strange smile on her face.
neway, my legz r back 2 normal now. that wuz sum kiss rebeccah gave me. i wondah if she wuld b willin’ 2 teach alexandra how 2 do that? of course on a bed or sumthin’ 2 break my fall wud b bettah. i gotta a killer headache frum where my head hit the floor.
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