Mike Sensing "Vibes"
As promised, I got another e-mail from Dee, describing a recent nite when she was xpecting a visit fr. her rents:
So, Ger's going thru a tuff time now. He's bummed abt his sports performance. Becks & I tried 2 cheer him up last nite, but he's v. v. bummed.
Alex, Eva, & I went 2 the yrbook mtg yesterday. I'm still covering hockey, like I sed last wk, & now Eva's got basketball & Alex has documenting Becks's rise 2 phame.
Howard sez he had a v. strange d8 w/Marjee, who is upset abt her Maynard being in prison again. & Jeremy's got a mountie costume cuz of sum book Alex is reading.
Well, that's all 4 now, foax.
'April'!So, there you have it from Dee. Hmm, Mike, if watching TV with Wilf is so painfully dull 4 U, mayB U cd try talking 2 the guy. Howard sez he's pretty cube.
The 'kids' are asleep, and of course 'Michael' is upstairs in that attic of his. That luxurious attic. I am still so angry about that, I could 'spit'!
Anyway, that evening I was telling you about. Michael finally hauled his arse down from that lair of his and had the nerve to start justifying himself: "Deanna, I like your parents--really I do! We have our difference, but we get along." April he actually 'said' this with a straight face. What a boldface lie! Then he went on, "The problem is that after dinner, your Mom wants to be with you and the kids--and I'm left with your Dad, who likes to watch television." While Michael was yammering on like this, I was doing 'women's work' in the kitchen. But did it even occur to Mr. 'Sensitive Writer' to help? No, of course not! I wasn't saying anything, and he continued, "--And he wants me to watch with him!! I hate that! I have work to do! All I can think about is how much time I'm wasting!!" Then he paused and said, "Wait! I didn't mean that being with your father was a waste of time!" That's when I responded, "I never said anything." And your 'brilliant' brother? His rejoinder was "I sensed the vibes."
Hm, I think it's a little late in the game to start sensing 'vibes', oblivious as he's been to others' needs and feelings. And what nerve, complaining about my dad, when we have spent countless hours with *your* parents, April. Does he consider that maybe, for me, all that time I have to spend in St. Elly's kitchen might seem like a waste of *my* time? I have stacks of articles to read in pharma journals so I can stay current. Mike's not the only one with work to do, now is he? Arsehole!
By the way, speaking of 'journal' articles, please thank Liz for those wonderful articles she sent me on Early Child Development. I know reading them to Michael would be a waste of breath, since 'he' thinks he's a perfect 'parent', but still I can use them.
Best,
'Dee'
So, Ger's going thru a tuff time now. He's bummed abt his sports performance. Becks & I tried 2 cheer him up last nite, but he's v. v. bummed.
Alex, Eva, & I went 2 the yrbook mtg yesterday. I'm still covering hockey, like I sed last wk, & now Eva's got basketball & Alex has documenting Becks's rise 2 phame.
Howard sez he had a v. strange d8 w/Marjee, who is upset abt her Maynard being in prison again. & Jeremy's got a mountie costume cuz of sum book Alex is reading.
Well, that's all 4 now, foax.
posted by April Patterson @ 6:30 AM
23 Comments:
At 10:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
Wow. I'm a bit ashamed. Upset as I was about Maynard being locked up--AGAIN--I pretty much threw myself at Howard. He's such a sweetheart, though, he saw right through that and realized I needed a friend. And a sympathetic ear.
He's told you all about some of Nardo's dumbarse schemes. That's just barely the tip of the iceberg, folks. Like the time he stole furniture from a motel room so he could outfit an empty trailer as a brothel! And his friends Corey and Trevor, who were hauling the furniture in the back of a trash truck, accidentally set off the "crush" mechanism. So he stole all that furniture for nothing. And stealing Christmas presents from cars! Trying to sell hash right outside of church just before midnight mass. I could go on and on.
And doing another girl without telling me first. Plus, like Howard pointed out, bringing her to our bed! Sacred space, as far as I'm concerned.
Well, better go, Howard is sending another satisfied "shamp-Oh" customer to my chair for a haircut.
Marjee
At 10:52 AM,
Anne said…
Say, if NEone finds a shiny plastic purple mood ring, could u text me or let me know here? I think I dropped in n the hallway outside the chemistry lab, and I'm so bummed. :-( Don't worry, I won't use ur blog for APBs all the time, Apes!
I'm glad Howard cheered u up, Marjee. When u think about it, Maynard's drawn 2 stupid crime like a moth to a lightbulb. U shoulda told Howard about the time he robbed some Yoo Hoo! chocolate drinks from a 7-11. The police caught him quick b/c he was wearing those sneakers that light up when u touch the ground....lol
I asked Mr. Perspastick about signing up 4 yearbook, but the only opening they have is covering the JV curling team. Bo-ring! He said I should think about it, tho.
My afternoon coffee fix can't arrive soon enough!
Vicks
At 10:56 AM,
April Patterson said…
vicks, i found yr mood ring! u shd sign up 4 yrbook, even if u're not thrilled abt yr assignment, cuz it's mostly an excuse 2 hang out neway. :)
apes
At 11:01 AM,
Anne said…
Aw, Apes, ur the best! U & the Taiwanese, b/c the ring sez "made n Taiwan" on the nside. Gordie sed he's wearing his ring on a chain around his neck. Mayb it'll b safer if I do that too.
I'll totally sign up 4 the curling team coverage, then. :-) Kimmi's sister Angelica said the yrbook people throw the best parties too.
Vicks
At 12:41 PM,
April Patterson said…
alex, b4 taking the trub 2 go 2 the hospital, call them & ask who's giving the class. if they say "michael patterson", don't waste yr time. & it wd def b a waste of time.
apes
At 1:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i wuz talkin’ 2 alexandra ‘bout us rentin’ dudley doright 2 watch, while i wear my costume nstead of wasting our tyme watchin’ hockey. alexandra got a strange luk on her face & i sed, “wait! i didn’t mean that watchin’ hockey wuz a waste of tyme.” alexandra sed, “i nevah sed nething.” but i sensed the vibes. thoze terrible awful vibes that say, “jeremy, ur screwin’ up.” i have gotten thoze vibes b4. it iz not gud 2 ignore the vibes. they r givin’ me sum gud advice.
that mountie costume iz goin’ back 2 the costume shoppe, rite aftah alexandra & i c geranium play hockey aftah skool. then aftah alexandra & i go to thoze speshul hospital classes, where i will take notes on how 2 mprove myself i think alexandra & i r gonna study while we r watchin’ montreal @ colorado @9 & there will b no marchin’ or callin’ ne1 “polly.” n fact, i think i am gonna just stop sayin’ the “mountie” word. the vibes r tellin’ me thass the smart thing 2 do.
At 1:29 PM,
howard said…
April,
It got a little intense here in the hair salon. I sensed a vibe from a customer waiting for a shamp-Oh. Something didn’t seem right about the person. I stopped and asked Marjee to find Sugar, just in case something happened.
Well, when the customer started receiving the shamp-Oh, the hair came right off. It was a wig, and underneath the wig was Officer Brad Luggworth. I said, “Officer Luggworth! I didn’t know you were a cross dresser! I’m sorry, but these shamp-Ohs are restricted to be just for real women.” He seemed a little embarrassed, “They told me in the department that this wig would stay on during a shampooing, but you are a little more vigorous than they expected.” I said, “What’s going on Officer Luggsworth? I thought we were on good terms after I helped out Operation Navette?”
He shrugged and said, “Someone filed a complaint about your shampooing. He said his wife was coming here every day for a shampoo, and he sensed a bad vibe about it. The department thought we should go undercover to investigate. For some reason, the women on the police force refused to have anything to do with it. I sensed the vibes when that happened and I was right. They volunteered me to do it.” I said, “I think it is because the lady officers are all my customers.” Officer Luggworth said, “Well that makes sense now.” Sugar came over and said, “Officer. Is there any problem?” Officer Luggsworth said, “No, ma’am. I have been here long enough to observe that, while I sense a vibe from watching your customers get shampoos, there does not appear to be anything illegal going on.” Sugar was happy to hear that, and she offered Officer Luggworth a free haircut for his troubles. He politely refused. As he left, he told me, “If my wife comes in here, make sure she gets the full treatment. She needs to loosen up, if you know what I mean.” I sensed a vibe that he was sincere.
That’s what happened. Interesting, eh?
Howard K.
At 1:41 PM,
April Patterson said…
alex, i don't think there's a drug thing w/jeremy, but a bigger thing with, like, every1 else. like, remember that day when we all were totally hooked on our thesauri & using synonyms 4 everything? 2day, every1 seems all obsessed w/sensing "vibes". neway, that's the "vibe" i'm picking up. i sense this is sumhow mike's fault, tho i don't know if it's poss 2 prove it.
ne1 thinking of going 2 those workshops, pls b hep 2 my vibes & call 2 find out who's the instructor. if it's michael patterson, run the other way!
apes
At 1:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I finally got to see Elizabeth again last night. I gave Shiimsa her gift and she seemed to like playing with the pink ribbons on it. Then Elizabeth suggested that I put the new outfit on Shiimsa. I took the outfit out and started toward Shiimsa. Then I sensed the vibe that something was going to go wrong. So, I said to Elizabeth, “Maybe I shouldn’t put the outfit on Shiimsa. Her fur looks so good, that maybe having that beautiful fur covered by the outfit would be a waste of time.” Then I said, “Wait! I didn’t mean that putting outfits on Shiimsa would be a waste of time.” Elizabeth said, “I never said anything.” I sensed the vibe that Elizabeth would think I wasn’t ready to pursue this partnership fully, if I didn’t put the outfit on Shiimsa.
Shiimsa liked playing with the ribbons on the outfit, but did not actually want to wear the outfit. Shiimsa’s claws are very sharp. The evening went much better after Elizabeth got the bleeding to stop. However, Elizabeth was still a little cool to me. She said, “I thought this could go places. But you couldn’t handle Shiimsa. Maybe you should go home tomorrow.”
Fortunately for me, Shiimsa curled up on my stomach purring as I drifted off to sleep. When Elizabeth saw that, she felt better. She said, “I'm going to approach my relationship with you in a different way. After all Vivian reminded me that I can’t handle Shiimsa either. She had to help me get Shiimsa into the cat carrier, when I went home over the summer.” I sensed a good vibe when she said that and I was right.
It’s good to be back with my sweet girl. That’s your sister, not Shiimsa. Although Shiimsa is pretty sweet too.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 2:28 PM,
April Patterson said…
i dunno, alex. soundz like the guy was dodgin' yr question abt who's teaching the class. which is what i'd xpect them 2 do if they had michael teaching it.
apes
At 3:06 PM,
Anne said…
So I was telling Gordie @ lunch all about the lost & found ring (not much of a story, I know). I explained how I felt a vibe that I'd misplace it somehow. "Vibe? It was just too big for yr finger!" he said & laughed. But sumtimes things happen that r totally beyond yr power, & u can sense that they're gonna happen. A lot like the way yr bro can't control saying stoopid things.
Alex, r they serving chips, cookies or soda @ the workshops? Me & Gordie'll go 4 the food!
Vicks
At 4:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
rebeccah, i no u don't like hockey, but this game w/geranium n it haz been inneresting so far. wen the game started alexandra & eva & i were sittin’ w/april & glen moby (who were there 2 cover it 4 the yrbook). we were sittin’ next 2 the cheerleaderz, where gerund sed he wunted april 2 sit 4 the gamez.
gerald wuz doin’ awful on the ice. it wuz like he completely lost his confidence. he wuz goin’ ½ the speed he wuz the tymes wen he usedta terrorize the othah playahz. next 2 the cheerleaderz wuz charmaine lebuke, former study partner & arch nemesis of april. she started talkin’ 2 her friendz n a voice loud enuff 2 hear, “just luk @ gerald. he iz ½ the man he usedta b. & u know the reasn. it’s that gf of hiz. if i wuz d8in’ gerald, he wud know i supported hiz hockey 100% & he wud b scorin’ on the ice & off.” charmaine’s friends seemed 2 agree & it wuz kinda scary the way every1 wuz starin’ @april, like it wuz her fault gerund cudn’t play well nemore.
i leaned ovah 2 april & sed, “don’t worry. we’re still w/u.” but april wuz worried, “did i do the rite thing helping becky & howard get gerald off hiz drugz?” alexandra sed, “sure. he duzn’t play hockey v. well nemore, but he iz healthier.” eva sed, “i think gerald just needz 2 get his confidence back. u know, like the confidence u get wen u get a new hair clip. i alwayz feel bettah, wen i know i am wearin' a new hair clip.”
so, then april gets up & goes ovah to the bench where gerald iz & callz 2 him. then she whispered sumthin’ 2 him & gerald’s face got all red. by the tyme april got back 2 her seat, gerald had scored a goal. we were shocked. alexandra, eva, & i sed to april, “wut did u say 2 him?” april just smiled & sed, “i just gave gerald a little encouragement iz all. if he scorez on the ice, then he gets to…oh i’m not sayin’ this out loud. peeps r lissening.” & she wuz luking ovah @charmaine lebuke wen she sed that, which wuz true of course. charmaine & her friendz were like open-mouthed. u know like they sensed a vibe or sumthing.
neway, thot u mite find that inneresting, even tho u don’t like hockey.
At 5:06 PM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, there r sum thingz only a gf can say 2 give her guy a boost, iykwim. eva thot this game was v. interesting. glen sez he got sum v. v. gd shots & thinx he feels a vibe that hi will like the pix v. v. much. i hope he'll like what i write down. alex is being, like, my hockey tutor, since she knowz so much more abt the game than i do.
apes
At 5:07 PM,
April Patterson said…
glitch
At 7:02 PM,
April Patterson said…
don't worry, becks, i'm not promising nething that's outside of our rulez!
apes
At 7:46 PM,
howard said…
April,
I had an interesting dinner, I think I need to tell you about. After work, I got a call from Dr. Everett Callahan. He said, “Dude, I sensed a vibe that I had been ignoring you. Would you like to do dinner?” So he picked me up and we went out to dinner.
Once we got there and had ordered, I asked how things were going at work. At first he said, “Whoa dude. Don’t go there.” So, I tried talking about other things. Then he said, “Dude, the things going on at work. Man, it has not been cool. When I first hired on as a full time associate, I thought the place was too cool, like the dental clinic rocked man! The teenage chicks started calling me ‘the morsel’ and the office was filled with them and their moms. It was incredible, man. I was having great days. The only problem in the office was the dental assistant, Jennifer. She had like a major thing going for me, and I was playing it pro, dude, so she wouldn’t know which team I played for.” I said, “You mean you didn’t let her know that you were gay?” Everett said, “Something like that, man. Don’t want it to get out or I lose my teenage chick clients, you know dude.” I said, “You do what you do to keep the business. I understand.”
Dr. Everett continued, “Well dude, school started back after the summer break. I totally thought the number of teenage clients would drop, but I didn’t know how many. It was a lot man. I didn’t know what happened, but dude, let me tell you, I should have known something was up, because John started calling me Elliot. So, I asked Jean Baker, who runs the office what she thought was going on. She said, ‘Dr. Callahan. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Dr. Patterson is trying to sabotage your business.’” I said, “Jean, that is totally harsh. How do you know?” She said when the teenage chicks were in the office, he started, I don’t know how to say this man, but he was totally scoping them out and saying things to their moms like, ‘Little Suzy is going to attract attention now that she is older and is developing a figure.’ After awhile, they stopped bringing their daughters in.” I didn’t want to believe Jean, man, but after school started, John was getting totally down on teenagers, talking about them being sullen and self-interested, like all the time dude and he was way down on his own daughter, April. He kept on saying things like, ‘I’ve lost my best friend, April. Some day, she'll be back.’ I said to him, ‘Whoa John, man. What is the deal? April has been in the office and she is not like that at all. She’s a great girl.’ It was then he started calling me Elliot. I didn’t put it together then man, but now it totally makes sense.” I said, “Well, what did you do?”
He said, “Well, I asked Jean Baker what she thought.” She said, “Take it easy Dr. Callahan and you will be all right. Just don’t make the same mistakes your predecessor, Dr. Lee made.” I said, “Predecessor, Dr. Lee? I haven’t heard about that.” Everett said, “Dude, me neither. So I asked Jean, ‘What mistakes did Dr. Lee make?’ Jean said, ‘Well, since you asked, Dr. Everett, and I like you, I will tell you. Dr. Eugene Lee was hired back in 2004, about a year before you were hired. He was third generation Canadian coming from China and he preferred to be called Lee. That was his first mistake.’ So, dude, I said, ‘How is that a mistake?’ and Jean said, ‘Dr. Patterson only wants associates who are called by names beginning with the letter ‘e’. That’s the main reason he hired Eugene Lee and that’s why you were brought on.’’” I said, “Dr. Patterson prefers ‘e’ names. That is weird.” Everett said, “You’re right. I was thinking ‘Whoa! Man, when she told me that.’ So then I asked her, ‘What was the next mistake?’ Jean said, ‘The next mistake was his BMW M3 two-seater convertible. Dr. Patterson asked Dr. Lee if he wouldn’t prefer to get a Pavo XS50 A.W.D. instead of a Beemer and Dr. Lee told Dr. Patterson that the Pavo was an expensive piece of junk. Dr. Patterson did not take that well.’” I said, “You mean Dr. Patterson cares what car his associate drives?” Everett said, “You know it, dude. I am so glad I drive a Pavo XS50 A.W.D. after taking John’s suggestion. So, then I asked Jean if Eugene made any other mistakes. She said, ‘Yes. Dr. Lee insisted that Dr. Patterson get up-to-date on dental practices. He wanted us to call the patients ‘clients’ and he wanted me to be called a ‘business assistant.’ Dr. Patterson pretends to go along with that, but it’s been 2 years now and he still calls them ‘patients’ pretty regularly.’ So I said, ‘Anything else, Jean?’ Jean said, ‘Well, the final straw was when Dr. Patterson was talking about Dr. Lee to someone else and said, ‘He's not married yet - he's all a-loan. Meaning he's got a lot to do before he pays off the Beamer!’ Dr. Lee asked Dr. Patterson to not talk about his financial situation to others and also asked him to stop making those terrible puns. Well, that was the end of Dr. Lee.’” I said, “Asking Dr. Patterson not to make puns? He must have been crazy.” Everett said, “Well dude, the talk with Jean was totally disturbing, but not as disturbing as what happened next. For Christmas, he gave every one of our clients a tool kit, and he started canceling appointments so he could do these crazy things.” I said, “What crazy things.” Everett said, “OK. Dude. This is going to sound totally off the wall. There was a bunch of them. It was to help manage the business at Gordon Mayes’ garage, or keep the train displays at his wife’s store working, or maintain a forty percent dirt and stain quota at his model train workshop, or…and you are not going to believe this dude…practice surfing for when he goes on a cruise.” I said, “So, what are you going to do?” Everett said, “What I have been doing, dude. I totally cover all his cancelled appointments. I try to keep what few teenage chick clients we have left from leaving. I apologize to all the people who got toolkits for Christmas, especially the ones who don’t celebrate Christmas, you know dude. It has been one totally uncool nightmare, dude.” I said, “I am so sorry Everett, but what is the business with him calling you Elliot?” Everett said, “Man, I am so spacey I forgot to tell you. Elliot is another ‘e’ name right? So, there is another dentist dude named Elliot, who looks a lot like me. I think Dr. Patterson is trying to replace me, dude. Jean Baker says not to worry, but the writing may be on the wall. I am just going to play it cool and hope this ‘Elliot’ thing blows over and he starts calling me Everett again.”
Well, after a nice dinner and a little relaxing kissing, Everett said he had to go back to work. Since all this stuff was about your dad, I thought it was important you know about it.
I promised I would go see Becky tonight, so if you need to ask me anything about what I just told you, I will be over there.
Howard K.
At 8:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hello. I sometimes Google my name to see if anyone is talking about me. It's a habit I developed after having worked with Dr. John Patterson, DDS, in Milborough, Ontario. I deduce that this is the blog of his youngest daughter, April?
I read the post about my successor, Everett Callahan. I believe it is absolutely correct that he should be very careful, very vigilant when it comes to Dr. John (hey, he didn't want to call me Lee, so just desserts). When I started, he was full of praises for me. He commended me for "bringing new ideas and especially enthusiasm to the practice." He was thrilled that I love dentistry and am willing to try new things ("new" to Dr. John anyway--to the rest of us, it's simply called staying current).
He commended me for rejuvenating the staff and encouraging a sense of team spirit. I could go on and on. But it seems you know the rest. This past spring, I was out of a job. I showed up at work, and Dr. John acted as if he didn't know me. "Who are you?" "I'm Lee. Eugene Lee. Your associate." "Nonsense, my associate is Everett Callahan."
Oh, well, I now live and work in Toronto, in a generic residential neighbourhood that is not Rosedale or the Beaches.
Best of luck to you, Everett Callahan.
Lee
At 8:56 PM,
April Patterson said…
geez, that story abt my dad, an' his associates. & his practice in general. & teenagerz. it is all so v. wrong.
apes, once again, embarrassed 2 b a patterson
At 9:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dude! I just found this blog by doing a search on "John Patterson". This guy has been sort of stalking me since late October/early November. I'm a dentist who works as an associate in a practice near the Milborough Mall. People are always telling me I look, talk, and act a bit like Keanu Reaves. I don't know about that, but Keanu is awesome dudes, so I guess I don't mind.
So this John Patterson dude sometimes shows up at the practice where I work, acting all chummy, like he knows me! It is so strange! And lately, he's started leaving me strange messages on voice mail, asking me where I am and how many "patients, er, clients, er fuggit, patients" I've booked. I am starting to be afraid, dudes, very afraid!
Help!
Elliot Everett
At 10:54 PM,
howard said…
Becky,
I'm almost there. I ran into Dr. McCauley on the way there and he was not happy to see. After getting a little lecture on breaking and entering, I had to make a display of driving off. Then I circled around until I was sure he wasn't watching. I got your message just as I parked the car. See you in a minute.
Howard K.
At 10:55 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, just thot i wud let u know how the workshops @hospital went. alexandra & i went w/vicki simone & gordie durrocher. i don’t know gordie that well. i remembah him az the guy who threw up hummus @duncan’s house on new year’s eve. not rilly a gud memory. gordie’s mom drove us us n her crevasse minivan. lots of room, & plenty of room 2 stay away frum gordie, n case he wuz feelin’ car sick, u know.
we got 2 hospital. the 3 seminarz were: “three steps to being ‘mr. sensitive’”, “how to read the ‘signs’ before it’s too late”, and “when you should have ‘shut up’ -- the refresher course”. they were gonna b all back-2-back. i had my notepad & pencil reddy 2 take notez, cuz i sensed the vibe that i shud luk like i wuz there 2 learn sumthing 2 u know, b a better bf & stuff. it turned out there were 3 teacherz: your sis-in-law deanna, sum girl w/frizzy hair & sum tiny girl who luked european. i sed 2 alexandra, “3 teachers. i guess 1 for each seminar.” alexandra sed, “i dunno. i don’t know ne of theze peeps. ‘sides the brochure sez it iz 1 teacher. the othahz must b assistants.” so i wuz ‘bout 2 xxplain 1 of them wuz ur sis-in-law, wen the seminar started.
so, your sis-in-law duz the introductions. u know i nevah realized b4, prolly cuz i don’t know ur sis-in-law @all, but she speaks w/a slight lisp. u can’t tell wen she rites stuff on ur real blog, cuz she iz not pronouncing it, but it wuz obvious in the presentation. i wondah if it’s cuz of thoze giant lips she has. neway, after introducing herself az “deanna patterthon” & her athothiates, “carleen thtein” & “okthna baiul”, i sorta giggled a little but alexandra punched me & sed, “u rilly need the seminar 4 b-ing sensitive.” i sed, ‘ur rite alexandra” & i sensed my vibe saying’ 4 me 2 get my paper out & 2 luk attentive.
the 1st seminar wuz “three steps to being ‘mr. sensitive’”. there wuzn’t much 2 this 1. the 3 thingz were the 'rite thingz' 2 bring on the 'vibe'. like, "don't lie” & "don't make up excuses” & "don't say spending tyme iz a waste of tyme". thass wut i rote down neway. she wuz talkin’ kinda fast.
then the guyz had theze chants we suppozed 2 uze wen we were feelin’ the vibe:
1. ur wife or gf iz alwayz rite.
2. boyz r alwayz wrong.
3. if ur wife or gf changez their mind, they r still alwayz rite.
the lady called carleen had an xxample on the 1st chant. she sed, “my bf usedta wanna d8 brainless fashion modelz. he thot they were the best girlz alive. then my best friend & i xxplained 2 him that fashion modelz were no gud & he shud d8 me nstead. wuz i rite?” the answer wuz yes.
oksana baiul had an xxample on the 2nd chant. she sed, “my bf sed the best way 2 take my olympic gold & turn it n2 a career wuz 2 buy a big house in the states far away frum my famly & 2 drink & drive. wuz he rite?” the answer wuz no.
deanna had an xxample on that last chant. she sed, “i uthedta complain to my huthband he thudn’t do freelance writin’ work. he thud work a regular 9 to 5 job. but then i changed my mind & decided he thud do freelance work inthtead of hiz 9 to 5 job. do u know which tyme i wuz wrong?” the answer wuz “neither tyme.”
aftah the guyz got the chants down (all 3 guyz that iz), then deanna was like, "let'th try wut we have learned w/each othah."
so, gordie went ovah 2 vicki & he wuz saying sumthin’ ‘bout feelin’ her vibe wen he scraped up her cheek w/thoze braces tryin’ 2 kiss & how he felt her vibe wen he wunted 2 dance @the karaoke place & she didn’t. vicki went n4 a kiss, but u cud tell she iz rilly careful not 2 go n 2 fast. she iz payin’ attention 2 thoze braces.
so i told alexandra how i felt her vibe ‘bout the mountie outfit & callin’ her “polly.” she gave me a big hug. deanna started crying & sed, “that ith the thweetetht. you two are perfect for each other. i never believed in thothe may/december relationthipth, though you have tho many yearth between you you're more a may/may relationthip, but you're proof that age doethn't really matter. clath ith dithmithed. i can't compete with thothe vibeth."
i wuz glad that wuz it, but i kinda thot she wuz canceling cuz there wuz only 6 of us there. i wuz also glad not 2 hafta do the otha 2 seminarz. their titlez were kinda scary. oh, i completely 4got 2 xxplain 2 alexandra who the teacherz were. mebbe aftah the hockey game iz ovah.
At 11:53 PM,
howard said…
April,
Becky and I are having a pretty good time with late night swimming in the heated indoor section of her pool. The dogs were barking a little at us and Becky’s mom came out to what the noise was. I dove under the water and she did not even notice I was there. Fortunately, with my opera singing training, I can hold my breath for a very long time. Breath control is very important for long sustained phrases in an opera aria, particularly those from the Baroque period.
I was down too long I think, because after her mother finally left, Becky was clearly panicked when I came up for air. The dogs were too. I could sense their vibe of fear that I had been drowning.
After that I told the dogs to communicate with whines and sniffs, so they wouldn’t attract attention from Becky’s mom or Dr. McCauley. They are good dogs and I know they will try. I know from when I was a dog, it is hard to keep from getting excited and barking when people are in the pool.
We are going to swim a little longer and I am trying to decide if I am going to sleep over or not. There is certainly room in the guest house for more than one person and Becky really wants me to, because she has been feeling so lonely lately. There are a few large and comfortable chesterfields that would suit me just fine. I think Apollo wants to sleep with Becky and Zeus wants to sleep with me, if I stay over. Of course I will have to try to not be jealous of Apollo, since I used to sleep on Becky’s feet when I was a dog. I really miss that feeling of closeness with her. I have to remind myself that I do not miss feeling the fleas. Plus, hands and opposable thumbs are so much better.
Howard K.
At 1:32 AM,
howard said…
April,
I don’t know what kind of shape Gerald is going to be in tomorrow. We had to lure him out of the bathroom with the smell of chocolate, after he had been in there for over an hour. Becky got a fan, a bar of chocolate and we were blowing the chocolate smell under the bottom of the bathroom door.
Once he was out of the bathroom, Becky made ready with a frying pan to knock him unconscious but missed. She must be losing her touch. So then Gerald is chasing me around the room for the chocolate bar. I ran out of the guest house and actually ran the entire length of the distance to Gerald’s house with Gerald closely behind me followed by Apollo and Zeus both barking loudly and then Becky with the frying pan. Once we got to Gerald’s house, I scaled the ladder he had dropped out of the window of his room. Apollo and Zeus couldn’t climb the ladder, but they were leaping and nipping at Gerald’s feet. Becky followed shortly thereafter, still swinging the frying pan, which slowed her ascent up the ladder.
I raced throughout the Forsythe household looking for one of Gerald’s parents, still holding the candy bar in front of me when I was knocked violently to the floor. When I looked up, there was Gerald’s mother, candy bar in hand, eating it vigorously. Gerald looked anxiously at his mother, as Becky arrived swinging the frying pan. Gerald’s mother looked suspiciously at Becky. She said, “Have you been cooking for Gerald?” Then she smelled Gerald’s breath. “Fast Food!! Becky McGuire, he is on very strict diet. How could you give him fast food, after his lackluster performance on the ice today? He only got 2 goals and his team lost.” I said, “It’s not Becky’s fault. We were just trying to return Gerald to his home after he came to visit Becky. Then I used the candy bar to lure him out of the bathroom.” Gerald’s dad then arrived. “I smell chocolate. Who’s been eating chocolate? Can I have some?” Gerald’s mom said, “I have made the sacrifice. This house is now once again, chocolate-free.” Gerald and his dad groaned. Gerald’s mom said, “Now you two. Get out of here and take your fast food and frying pan with you.” So, Becky and I left, taking Apollo and Zeus with us. I am going to try to sleep on a chesterfield now. I have to work tomorrow morning, so I hope there are no more interruptions.
Howard K.
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