April's Real Blog

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I Met Paul, Yo!

Paul drove Liz all the way 2 Milborough, can U believe it?!? Yeah, so when they got here, Mom, Dad, an' I all ran outta the house. Dad was all, "Elizabeth, U're home!" Elizabeth! How formal! And Liz was, like, "Paul drove me all the way!" Then Dad was going, "So I finally get 2 meet the man my daughter has been talking abt! --U're a police officer?" And Paul was, like, "Yes, sir." And I was, like, "U're taller than I thought U'd B--an' better looking than yr photographs." Which I had 2 fig out in the, like, split second I had B4 my eyez disappeared rite after we got out the door. I had a feeling he was giving me a strange look just then, like mayB wondering how on earth I knew that if I didn't have eyez, but 2 polite 2 say NEthing. Then my eyez came back an' I saw that Dad look v. 2-dimensional when he was saying, "How was the drive? How was the weather?" And Mom sed, "I hope U like pot roast. I made pie. Do U like pie?" Paul leaned over 2 Liz and sed, "I feel like a bug under a microscope!" And Liz was, like, "U R!" So, they got here last nite, and I'll prolly B talking abt last nite 4 the rest of the week. Hey, it beats burial plots, eh?

Edit: Did I say this stuff happed last nite? My bad, I goofed. Brainfart. This didn't happ last nite, it happed in the fairly recent past, but I can't remember whether it was a few dayz ago, a week ago, two weeks, or what. U know how time sumtymez foldz over itself in Mboro? NEway, Liz is now living in Mississauga, and she has been for more than three days. How many more? I'm not sure. My head hurts. I'm gonna go soak it.



  • At 2:52 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    I don't know why you are criticizing the formal way Dad and I greeted each other. In Milborough, it is customary to talk at events like someone else might be watching but might need some background info to know what is going on.

    So Dad called me "Elizabeth" because someone who was watching might not know that is my full name. And he said, "You're home!" so that people would know Mom and Dad live there, not me, but that I was visiting. And I said, "Paul drove me all the way!" even though that is obvious because someone might not realize that Paul is the person who gave me a ride.

    Now I realize I goofed up. I should have also said something like, "This is Paul," in case someone who was watching didn't know that. I will try to do better next time.

    By the way I thought you were very rude to Paul. You made him feel uncomfortable by getting right up close to him and talking about his tallness and his handsomeness. You are just as bad as Mom and Dad, getting up all close and talking at him without ever letting him get a word in edgewise. That is the one thing I really hate about this family--you guys always want to talk about stuff.

    And I hate that you listen in on my private conversations. What I said to Paul about being a bug under a microscope was our business, not yours. Mind your own beeswax, okay?

    Okay now I will share something private with you since you are so nosy. Later when we were alone Paul told me he was upset that I told him he was a bug under a microscope. He said that where he came from it is not nice to tell someone they are a bug. He says it makes him feel insignificant. I wanted to say, "Now you know how I feel when you and Susan start calling each other names and groping each other's asses," but I kept that to myself. I don't want him to know how I really feel.

    Anyway, it's good to be home. Have you seen Shiimsa? I haven't seen her since we left Mtigwaki. I hope I remembered to pack her! Oh well. I'm sure she's around here somewhere. And she's probably in a snit. I can't stand a snitty kitty. What right does she have to be upset? Moving is not as traumatic for a cat as it is for a person. I feel like I have been put through a sausage grinder. Candace tells me that being depressed after moving is common. I told Mom this and she told me, "The way to keep depression away is to take care of yourself by eating big meals and sleeping a lot. That's what I do, and I've never been depressed. It's good for your health!" Did you notice the extra-large servings of pot roast, beef stew, fried chicken, blackened butt casserole, and french silk pie that she's been giving me? That's why. Are you jealous? I know Mom has cut your portions a little to make mine bigger. But you are a teenager. You have no reason to be depressed.

    Already my jeans are starting to get tight so I know I'm doing a good job of keeping depression away! Candace will be proud.


  • At 7:00 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes, I just got home from my 1st day @ work. I had 2 spend the am lurning the Dewey Decimal System & now Im qualified 2 shelve the books. Most boring job evah.

    Zeds still pissed @ me so I think Ill b free this weekend 2 paint yr room. Let me know.


  • At 7:08 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, i told paul i was sorry abt getting so close like that. i didn't realize i was so close cuz i didn't have eyez @ that mo. when my eyez came back, i backed off a bit 2 give the poor guy sum space.

    i did notice that mom'z been cutting down my portions a bit 2 make yrs bigger, but i don't mind, cuz i like how my pants r a bit roomier than usual.

    dunc, i'm sorry 2 hear that zed'z still mad @ u, but i can def use the help w/my room. a fresh coat of paint wd def briten it up.


  • At 7:49 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Yeah, Zeds rilly rilly pissed @ me. I cldnt talk 2 her @ work 2day cos she was lurning how 2 check out books & collect l8 fines. I think that d00d Edmund picked her up aft work. Ive bn sending Zed txt msgs since we got off work. She txtd me back a few mins ago but all she txtd was "FOAD." Cld u help me think of sumthing cube 2 get her 4 a makeup prezzie? I miss her.

    I just thot of sumthing. Y r yr 'rents making u pay 4 yr nu bedroom furniture? My 'rents make me pay 4 my own 'puter games & cellfone time & dbl dbls & maple dips but they dont make me pay 4 furniture. NEway, if u want sum help w/ the furniture, I can help w/ that 2 cos I dont think Ill b c-ing Zed NEtime soon.


    p.s. Arne says the food @ Ikeas rilly good but I wldnt trust Arne.

  • At 8:47 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, my 'rents r weird. like dad's ready 2 spend all kindsa $$$ on trainz, toy bushwhackerz 4 the littlez, and crevASSes, but me, i hafta buy my own furniture.

    if u want, we can go shopping 4 a make-up prezzie 4 zed after work yesterday. by the way, dunc, u played rilly rilly well @ our mall gig!


    p.s. if ne1 who'z reading this is not in the habit of refreshing this page on a reg basis, pls do now, cuz i just did a "july letterz post". and i'm abt 2 edit this morning'z post cuz i realized i made a boo-boo abt paul'z timing.

  • At 9:55 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Dont worry abt the brainfart, Apes. U r prolly still sorta hungovah fr Arnes bullfrog drinks. Like I 4got we got r report cards already. Congrats on yr rilly cube grades! I got a A+ in French & a C- in English & all the rest were Bs. I guess thats ok I prolly cld of done bettah if I hadnt missed so much skool.

  • At 10:03 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx, dunc, u r rite, my head hasn't felt rite since thoze drinx we had! u did v. v. well considering how much u were outta school! yr mom's already telling my mom she xxpects u 2 do s00per well in grade 10 once she gets u 2, like, go 2 school all the time! so, like, head's up on that w/yr mom.



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