Liz and Anthony give video testimony. Again.
K, I'm confused, and if U read my fam's letterz on a reg basis, U prolly will B 2, esp. if U were reading last October (2005)'s letterz, and saw where Liz sed ,
I don't know Y they're gathering theze vidz--R they checking 2 C if Liz and Anthony's storiez have changed since a yr ago? And what did Anthony say abt the weather? Was it, like, "Weather? What weather? I never think abt the weather when I'm pursuing my heart's desire"?
NEway, back 2 school 2day, peeps. Bleah.
Apes
Speaking of Toronto and the happenings back home, there've been some developments in my case against Howard. I think I mentioned how the weekly police report in the newspaper named him in a sexual assault complaint (they left my name out, thankfully), and two other women turned up at the police station to report him!!! That freak has been doing this for a while.Well guess what? The other day, when Liz and Anthony went 2 the prosecutors' office (on a holiday weekend!) only 2 B told there were "delays 4 various reasons"? They also had 2 go in2 a room and do the video'ed testimony2 the police again! Isn't that bizarre? So, Liz had 2 w8 out in the hall while Anthony gave his, and while she w8ed, she sez she was thinking, "I wonder how much longer Anthony will B in there!" And then when he came out, she was all, "Finally!" And as the cop w8ed 4 her in the doorway, Anthony was all, "I had 2 go over every detail of the attack, Liz. They even asked me what the weather was like that day!" Y was he so surprised? Did they not want those kinda deets the last time he was video'ed talking abt this stuff? Then he told her, "It's yr turn now Liz. [Was she looking around 2 C if NE1 else was there 2 go next?] The chair U'll B sitting in is bolted 2 the floor--so U can't avoid the cameras!" And Liz was all, "Cameras? Oh, my gosh!! How do I look?!!"
The police had video of me telling my story, and video of Anthony talking about walking in on the attack, and now they have two more tapes to add to the case.
I don't know Y they're gathering theze vidz--R they checking 2 C if Liz and Anthony's storiez have changed since a yr ago? And what did Anthony say abt the weather? Was it, like, "Weather? What weather? I never think abt the weather when I'm pursuing my heart's desire"?
NEway, back 2 school 2day, peeps. Bleah.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:05 AM
11 Comments:
At 10:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about Elizabeth waiting for her friend Anthony to give evidence and his concerns about knowing the weather and the cameras. When I talked to Elizabeth she told me the same thing.
I must admit I am completely confused. Cameras are currently banned in all Ontario courts. The Ontario Attorney General, Michael Bryant has a panel of experts seriously considering the idea, who have suggested that cameras can be allowed with the following conditions:
a. Cameras would be allowed into the Court of Appeal and Divisional Court, as well as the Superior Court and the Ontario Court of Justice.
b. No witnesses could be shown.
c. Cases involving sensitive issues - like young offenders or sex assaults (like my sweet girl's case)- would still be off limits.
When I told these things to Elizabeth, she said, “Paul. Things are just different in the South.” I said, “Elizabeth. This is Ontario law, good for the Northwest and the South. Sometimes in our country people think our justice system is the U.S. system, and that we use cameras, like they do in the states, but we do not.” Elizabeth said, “Are you calling Anthony a liar?” I said, “I don’t know the man. He might be lying, or he might be extremely confused and just think he saw a camera. Did you see cameras, when you testified?” Elizabeth said, “Anthony rescued me last year when you weren’t around. I don’t think he would lie.” I said, “That doesn’t answer my question.” Elizabeth said, “I don’t like your tone. You are not giving me good moral support. Maybe I will tell you tomorrow.”
I told this story to my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper, as we were having Thanksgiving dinner in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). She said, “Suds (her nickname for me), it sounds like someone is making something up to cover up for something. It sounds like that someone didn’t take the time to properly research their story to make it believable.” I said, “Elizabeth wouldn’t do a thing like that. If she said her friend Anthony had to testify, then he did. I just don’t understand why the legal system in Milborough is so different from the rest of Ontario.” Chipper said, “Suds. I think you are missing the whole point of Elizabeth’s story.” I said, “Which was?” Chipper said, “In the trial of a man who assaulted her, her biggest concern is how she looks.” I said, “That wasn’t Elizabeth’s biggest concern.” Chipper said, “You keep believing, Suds. That’s what I like about you. You always see the good in people.” Usually it helps to talk to Chipper, but not today. I am still confused about what is going on in my sweet girl’s life.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I can’t say I am surprised Elizabeth has laid the old, “How do I look?!!” question on Anthony. It is a sure sign that she is developing an interest in him. If Anthony is smart, he will avoid answering. Most men avoid that question like the plague. I know I do.
When Deanna asks me how she looks, I remember back to the time when she was pregnant and I told her she looked pregnant. I scored then, but most times, when I try to say, “You look great,” I get sighs and Deanna goes off to Carleen’s while muttering, “I should have known I couldn’t count on you to give me an honest answer.” It’s like the time when Harvey Rood finally returned home from his “business” to find his wife, Sheilagh Shaugnessey has given birth to a son, by herself. Sheilagh says to Harvey, “How do I look?!!” as a desperate cry for the affection and tenderness from Harvey she has long awaited since his promises of love back in Devon, England during the war. All the crude and insensitive Harvey Rood can say is, “You sure made a mess on that rug.” I would sympathize with the awkward situation in which Harvey finds himself, having to pass judgment on his wife’s appearance once more, and wondering how long it would be before she asked again. But I know the value of a strong woman, and I would tell Sheilagh, “You look great” and she would bound into my arms with our newborn son, and shriek out cries of joy, “Oh Michael. You are the man I should have married. You have the soul of a poet, and the sensitivity of a metrosexual.”
Anthony is certainly not a Harvey Rood, but in any case, for Elizabeth to ask Anthony this question is a true sign of trust in him. I think I could place a wager on whether or not Elizabeth ever asked that constable boyfriend of hers that question. I am sure the answer would be a big, fat, soon-to-be-dumped-for-Anthony, “NO!”
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:08 AM,
howard said…
April,
My lawyer, Mr. Benis was very pleased with his examination of one Mr. Anthony Caine. I said, “Why were you pleased.” Mr. Benis said, “The man is a moron and I think certifiably insane. I had him go over every detail of the attack. Then I asked him what the weather was like that day. He said, ‘I think it was sunny.’ I said, ‘How did you know it was sunny?’ He said, ‘The sun was out.’ I said, ‘Are sure it wasn’t partly cloudy?’ He said, ‘No. After the attack, I took Elizabeth to a grassy area and we sat underneath a tree, while I asked her to wait for me to end my marriage.’ I said, ‘Let’s not go into the story about how you deserve to marry Miss Patterson because you rescued her again, eh? Stick to the weather. You knew it was sunny because you sat under a tree.’ Mr. Caine said, ‘Yes. We wouldn’t sit under a tree if it was partly cloudy.’ I said, ‘If it were raining, where would you sit?’ He said, ‘Under a tree.’ I said, ‘How about snowing or sleeting or hailing?’ He said, ‘Under a tree.’ Then I said, ‘So your tree example is not so good.’ He said, ‘What do you mean?’
I said, ‘Never mind. Why do you keep trying to move your seat?’ He said, ‘So I can avoid the cameras. I can see the camera right over there, and my chair is bolted to the floor so I can’t avoid the cameras.’ I said, ‘Here. Let me move the chair for you.’ He said, ‘How did you do that?’ I said, ‘I am very strong.’ He said, ‘You must be, to move a bolted chair.’” Mr. Benis said, “The court stenographer has the whole exchange. I think we have completely discredited the main corroboration to Miss Patterson’s story.” I said, “That’s good news, but this is Milborough, so it will take more than that.” Mr. Benis said, “You may be right.”
That’s what my lawyer reported to me.
Howard Bunt
At 10:18 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, u have 1 video 4 the evidence 2 press charges. then u have 1 video 4 the examination 4 discovery, where the lawyers frum the othah side get 2 ask u questionz. i remembah my dad tellin’ me ‘bout that wen he wuz the witness against the guy who sold him hiz drugz. if ur still confuzed, i can try 2 xxplain it wen icu between classes.
At 10:32 AM,
Anonymous said…
Sgt. Royalson here again.
I was fortunate enough to be re-assigned to this very interesting matter, having successfully cracked the "Grampa Jim" case a few weeks ago. I can shed some light on what went on in the interrogation room, as I was sitting in a dark corner, observing. Young Anthony made a Byronic figure, as he eloquently confessed his fevered, impassioned love for your sister. Repeated efforts to direct his testimony to the events in question proved fruitless, as he literally gushed with poetic praise for your elder sister's bun, bum, and breasts. The light of love shone on his countenance and made his moustache hairs gleam with an electric sparkle, not unlike the northern lights. Truth be told, my eyes welled up with tears as he described what he would like to do with Liz, and how she fits into his wonderful world of selling high quality, pre-owned motor vehicles. I believe this brief narrative explains why he "took so long." I cannot wait to hear if your sister can match his deathless love prose, as we intend to query her closely on this subject, so as to eliminate any question of partiality or prejudice in the investigative process.
I feel confident in predicting that you, young lady, will soon have a charming and delightful brother-in-law!
At 11:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
What Paul does not understand is that Milborough is different from all other places, we have special laws here, Mom says it's because the Good Witch of the North thinks Ontario's regular laws aren't good enough for us and made them so they would be better. No matter how many times I try to explain it to him he just doesn't get it, I think it's because he's a cop he thinks he knows everything, I keep thinking that if I could only get him down here to work for Gordon, that would help straighten him out, but he keeps insisting he won't take a pay cut for me which I think is pretty unsupportive don't you, I mean if he would just go work for Gordon he could be here for me now like Anthony is. At least I have Anthony who agreed to get interviewed first, the prosecutor wanted me first because I saw more of the attack and Anthony only came in at the end but he insisted no, he would go first because that way he could come out and tell me all about it so I could think about my answers ahead of time, he's such a good supportive pal.
Liz
At 6:25 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, i h8 how u seem so much 2 want liz 2 dump paul 4 anthony. whenev i try 2 call u on that, u get in2 all kindsa stuff abt fate an' destiny, but that nev answers y u don't even seem 2 want paul 2 get a fair shake. u've never even met him. i have, and i really like him.
sgt royalson, this anthony and liz stuff, it happened this past sunday, but it takes a long time 2 tell theze stories. it's a patterson thing, i guess. 2morrow i'll prolly still b telling abt this past sunday, even tho i'll b writing my wednesday entry.
apes
At 8:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. You read things into my messages to you that are not there. Do I want Elizabeth to dump Paul for Anthony? Is it her fate or destiny to dump Paul for Anthony? Do I want Paul to get a fair shake? Those questions are not even related to each other, except for the names Paul and Anthony. As I have explained before, a Patterson is inevitably tied to their childhood sweetheart as their future spouse. Elizabeth and Anthony will be together ultimately. Whether or not Elizabeth dumps Paul to get there, or he dumps her to get her there, or a giant meteor strikes that town where he lives in Northwest Ontario to get there; it makes no difference to me. It is a law of nature, just like the sun coming up in the morning, or the cars hovering on the highway, or my wife’s bowl-cut hairstyle or Harvey Rood being a selfish and unloving husband. It is foolish to try to defy it. What I have recommended to you time and time again is to date as many childhood sweethearts as you can, so you will have some choice, when the time comes for you to marry.
As for Elizabeth’s constable boyfriend getting a fair shake, you say you like him, but you want to him stay with Elizabeth? I would say that’s being a little hypocritical wouldn’t you? A man who isn’t a childhood sweetheart who marries a Patterson woman is facing a marriage doomed to failure, much like Sheilagh Shaughnessy was when she thought that her glamourous warrior/soldier man from Bodner Saskatchewan defending her freedom in England, would be a kind and loving, bon vivant back on the sod farm. The only way Elizabeth’s constable boyfriend is going to be a part of our family is if you date him, sometime before you turn 18, which I somehow doubt you will do.
My daughter’s birthday is today. I would have remembered it, but I didn’t need to since Ardith Narayan called me asking when I was going to pick her up and take my kids and hers to Chuck E. Cheese. I was a little disturbed because Deanna usually picks up the children, because she has the car. I called Deanna at her work and she said, “Linux is free. Linux is free.” I said, “You’re supposed to pick up the kids for a birthday thing for our daughter.” Deanna said, “That application does not work with Linux. System error.” Deanna has been saying, “System error” a lot lately. I knew I would have to pick up the children myself, but how to do it? Since Deanna has the car.
Then I remembered, I have my good friend Josef Weeder’s car I can use. It has an unusual odor to it, which smells a lot like weed, I mean Weed. I got in the car and drove over to Ardith’s house and prepared to take her children and mine to Chuck E. Cheese. Ardith said, “Where are your child seats, Mike? Where’s Deanna?” I was a little confused. Ardith said, “Have you been smoking something?” I didn’t know how to answer that. Ardith said, “Never mind. We’ll take my car. You’re in no condition to drive. But you’re paying for Chuck E. Cheese.” I agreed with her, after I checked my wallet to make sure I had my credit card from The Bank of Mayes.
We drove to Chuck E. Cheese and my daughter and son and Ardith’s children with the strange-sounding names were having a good time. I was having a good time too, until the manager of the store told me that I was not allowed to get on the stage with Chuck E. Cheese. I tried to explain that I was trying to understand how Sheilagh Shaughnessy would feel when a giant rat, a giant cheerleading canary, a tall skinny dog, a toothy purple monster, and an oversized pizzeria owner came to visit her little sod house in Bodner Saskatchewan. I think it would be kind of like the 3 wise men coming to visit her newborn baby, like they did baby Jesus, except there would be 5 of them, and they would do covers of old pop music songs, when they weren’t handing out pizza instead of gold, frankly scents, and…um…mud.
Ardith was great. After the party, she drove my kids back to my house, while I drove Josef’s car. She said it was safer if the children were with her. I tried to explain to her that the car was a loan from my friend and I wasn’t actually smoking anything. Ardith said, “Mike. Don’t feed me that line. I just spend 2 hours in a Chuck E. Cheese with a man who thought he was a Canadian War Bride in 1945. A man, who felt the need to go over every detail of my birthing experiences, and even asked me what the weather was like on those days, because I was a strong woman, and he needed the information for his stupid novel.” I said, “Who was that?” Ardith said, “Never mind.” I thanked Ardith for her help, and my daughter and son seemed to be pretty happy too.
When I went up to our little apartment, Deanna was lying on the chesterfield sleeping. She saw our daughter and son with their Chuck E. Cheese paraphernalia and said, “Oh my God! I slept through our daughter’s party.” Then she ran around and made a lot of phone calls, and left in a few minutes muttering under her breath about how Linux didn’t have any tech support. I don’t really know where she is now, but fortunately for me, Lovey Salzman came over and put the kids to bed. I don’t know what I would do without Lovey. She’s the sort of godsend that Sheilagh Shaughnessy hopes she will have someday to help her with the day-to-day toil of working on the sod farm, raising her helpless son, and always and ever reaching out for that glimmer of affection which seems to be just out of reach.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:06 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, aunt bev is a patterson woman. uncle danny was not her childhood sweetheart. and don't try 2 pretend he was. i have a sworn affidavit from each of them, attesting under penalty of perjury that they were never childhood sweethearts, and did not even meet until they were well in2 adulthood. so there!
hope merrie got the kid books i had sent 2 her and the stuffed-animal "blue" (dog from blue's clues).
apes
At 9:32 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. On Fri I 8 Tgiving dinner @ Evah's. On Sat I 8 Tgiving dinner @ Evah's. On Sun I 8 Tgiving dinner @ Evah's. Yesterday I 8 Tgiving dinner @ Evah's & then I 8 Tgiving dinner again @ my 'rents w/ Zed after Zed got back from Ottawa. Horny Ts was outta real coffee & cream & sugar so I had 2 drink black decaf all weekend. I think I was sleeping when I wasnt eating cos of caffeine w/d. Nothing fits me but my gym clothes & Im not even taking gym this semester. I wanted 2 stay home from skool 2day cos I had nothing 2 wear but my mom got pissed & said my gym clothes r part of the uni & I can wear them till I can get back in2 the rest of my clothes. Sux 2 b me.
Zed is pissed 2, but I think shes more pissed @ Evah than @ me. Zed had me get on the scale & she says I gained 7 kg ovah the weekend. Uncube. Zed says we r going 2 the Y 2morrow 2 xercise & we r going evry day till I can get in2 my clothes. I told her goths dont xercise but she said shell make an xception in this case. She also says I dont get sumthing if I dont xercise but I dont think I shld tell u what Im in enuf truble already.
L8r.
p.s. I tried 2 feed sum of my 2nd dinner 2 Faustus last nite but he didnt want ne of it. He looks like a furry black football I dunno how he got so fat my mom only gives him & Falstaff diet kibble.
At 9:53 PM,
April Patterson said…
wow, dunc, i was wondering y u were wearing yr p.e. uni all day an' eating half a rice cake 4 lunch. d00d, that's so ruff!
apes
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