Tiny, small, or medium hurts

Mike just posted last nite abt sumthin' that happed w/his littles:

April,

Little sis. Sometimes I am such a good father, I cannot even believe it myself. The timing of being a good father is so precise, I doubt that a lesser man than Michael Patterson could accomplish it without divine guidance. Of course, sometimes I feel like I, myself, Michael Patterson could give out divine guidance. Let me give you an example.

Just today, my daughter and my son, I forget their names. However, for the point of identification, let’s say my daughter is the great purple one, and my son is the one dressed like he participates in a marching band, with colour-coordinated tuxedo pants and matching shirt and socks. Oftentimes the great purple one likes to chase marching band boy around our apartment, with the frightening threat of being touched. The great purple one usually has the speed advantage over marching band boy, because of her extraordinary full leg extension when she runs, and the fact that she can hover. Marching band boy also occasionally hovers, but usually only when he is about to get caught by the great purple one.

It was all good fun until the great purple one showed marching band boy a sight that he had seldom seen before---teeth! I have to admit I was frightened by the sight too, but marching band boy was especially afraid and slammed a door on the hand of the great purple one, a blow so vigorous, not only did it affect the great purple one’s hand but the resultant explosive light was so powerful, it caused me, for a brief instant, to be seen as a silhouette.

Now there are those who may say that if your child’s hand gets caught in a closing door, the first thing to do is call your doctor and see if the child’s symptoms merit going to hospital for an x-ray. But as mother has taught me, via her own attentions toward my children, that you do not act, unless you are absolutely sure you are needed. You have to wait for just the right moment to intervene or people will not appreciate you as much as if you are there with them all the time, like a certain mother-in-law I know.

So, I waited. I waited as the great purple one gasped at the sight of her reddened digits. I waited as the great purple one gasped as she achieved a catatonic state and her eyes started to turn a slight shade of blue, as she appeared to be going in to some kind of shock. I waited as the great purple one opened her mouth as wide as it goes gasping for the precious air. And still, I waited. Then finally the moment came. The great purple one’s bulbous lips receded into her head and she cried a great “Yeeowww”. I took her in my arms and gave her the best medicine a father can give--- a great, big hug. As her tears went careening about around her, I thought to myself, “A big hurt needs a big cry.”

But perhaps I should define my terms better:

Tiny hurt: A bump. Needs a cry lasting 2-3 seconds.

Small hurt: A scrape where the skin is broken. Needs a cry lasting no more than 15 seconds.

Medium hurt: A deep laceration. Needs a cry lasting no more than 1 minute.

Big hurt: Anything which would normally include a hospital visit. Needs a cry lasting no more than 3 minutes.

The great purple one was still crying after the 3 minutes was up, and I told her that her time was up, but it did not matter. Yours truly had saved the day with my hug and I was once again, super father to my kids. I tell you little sis, some days it just pays to be a great dad.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Hm, mayB U shda taken Merrie 2 hospital, Mike. Sumthing cda been broken!

Apes