Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle?

If U followed yesterday's comments, U mite remember that while I spent the evening w/Ger, & then Ger an' I went 2 Becky's, Liz was home watching TV w/Mom. Here's what she had 2 say abt it in a comment she posted l8 last nite:

April,

You are so lucky you weren't here tonight, it was awful, seriously, it was the worst television watching marathon I have had with Mom since I got home and you know that's saying something because there have been a lot of them and she's usually doing something annoying, but tonight it was worse than ever.

Well I was already there watching the TV when Mom came in with two green mugs, hers was coffee but mine was my favorite, blue raspberry Kool-Aid, yum. You know I like Mom and I hope to be a lot like her, after all, you know we spent earlier today having a mother/daughter makeover where we went and bought the same brand of jeans and the same Matronwear sweater except in different colors and mine is a square neck, and then Mom showed me how to do a proper bun just like hers, I was so happy, Mom is my biggest role model.

But then it started to all go wrong, Mom told me I could borrow her pearl earrings, since she never wears them anymore, and I noticed right then that Mom probably should wear them, because she has been looking less feminine lately, ever since she gave up on wearing makeup, not that she ever wore very much, but I was looking in the mirror to put in the earrings and I saw Mom out of the corner of my eye and I almost jumped out of my skin, you could hardly see her eyes behind the glasses and her nose and chin were bigger than ever and I noticed she looked a lot like Dad with a bun.

Well I swore I was going to put it out of my mind and think good thoughts while I went to put on the Danielle Steel movie, like how Mom really is a woman and you can tell because she has a bun, and when she came in with the green mugs I was totally reassured to notice that she also has a very large round womanly butt, in fact it is so big it looks like two volleyballs stuffed in the back of her jeans, that's even better than J.Lo. But I was trying not to look at her face because every time I did, I just kept thinking to myself, manly manly manly manly manly, and I did not want to be thinking that, it isn't right, not about your own mother.

Anyway, Mom sat down on the couch and we started to watch the movie, and all of a sudden I was distracted from my thoughts about Mom, but not a good distraction, I suddenly felt like my cheeks and neck were all swelled up like I had the mumps or something. You know they hand out a flyer about mumps to us teachers, apparently it is kind of making a comeback, so I guess I am a little paranoid, but really, it was really weird, and I was about to yell, "Help, I think I have the mumps!" when suddenly I noticed that Mom was twiddling her finger on her chin, and that was weird, but at least it seemed to make the mumpy feeling go away.

Well I said to myself, "Don't look at Mom, look at the TV, look at the TV, don't look at Mom, if you look at Mom, you're going to think those bad thoughts again, you can't think thoughts like that, she's your Mom, not your Dad, she's your Mom, she looks just like you, she's a woman, not a man!" My eyes kind of glazed over and I felt like a zombie just staring at the TV like that but I had to, especially when Mom's chin started saying, "Twiddle twiddle twiddle," over and over again, it really freaked me out, so I kind of looked my eyes over at her without moving my head, and I felt my blood run cold, oh my God April, suddenly Mom looked just like Dad and Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jim all at the same time, and her chin was very clearly saying, "Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle..." and ohmigosh, I was paralyzed with fear!

And not just in the way people say where they don't mean it, I really was paralyzed, it was awful, just like a zombie, I couldn't stop looking, my head kind of turned to the side to look at Mom but the rest of me stayed totally still, my eyes were wide open in fear, and I was staring at Mom who had never looked scarier! She looked possessed, it was so freaky, now she looked like Dad and Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jim all at once, but like a ZOMBIE Dad and Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jim, and her chin was yelling "TWIDDLE TWIDDLE TWIDDLE TWIDDLE TWIDDLE!!" Mom was totally out of it, like a zombie, staring straight ahead as her thumb was messing with her chin, and I think she might of even been holding her breath, I was so scared, I think I was holding mine too.

Then I felt this thing rising up in my chest, I felt it go up and up and up from my stomach into my throat, I don't know what it was, maybe some kind of feeling or something, and then it just exploded out of me, I was so afraid and angry all at once, because when you look exactly like your Mom when she was your age you do not want to see her turn into a freaky man-woman with a gigantic talking chin!!

So I screamed, "MOTHER!!" it came out even before I realized it, and that seemed to break the spell, the twiddles kind of petered out and Mom kind of yelled, "WHAT?!" back, and she looked more like her old self again, in fact her chin almost totally disappeared, and I just flipped out.

I guess maybe I was so scared I got angry instead, and I yelled at her, "Would you just go to the bathroom and DEAL with that thing?!!!" So Mom stomped off to the bathroom and I ran and listened at the door because I wanted to hear how she was going to deal with her talking chin, but I heard her mumbling to herself and she was saying, "It's just a chin hair!" and then I was relieved, if it was just a chin hair that was talking, she can just pull it out, but then I suddenly had this all over body shiver of horror and disgust because Mom is growing a beard, that's how manly she is getting, and what if I end up like that someday?

I have to go now, when I yelled at Mom, one of my earrings flew off, and I have to go hunt in the couch cushions to find it before Mom finds out I lost it, besides, I want to give them back for her to wear, if I can get her to wear jewelry and makeup, it might help the problem.

Liz

Ew, facial hair! I am so saving up 4 electrolysis along w/my fund 4 lipo an' rhinoplasty!!! Liz, that's a crayzee-scary story, now I know Y U looked kinda shaken up when I got home last nite. MayB we shd got Mom sum nice new makeup 4 Xmas, like if it's a gift fr. us mayB she'll use it?

Apes