April's Real Blog

Monday, October 02, 2006

Gerald Not So Comforting

I'm writing this on Ger's fone in h'room. Lending me his fone was the least he cd do when he was so uncomforting on the bus this morning. 1st of all, he was, like, "Yo! Whazzaup, Girl? ... U look way down!" And I was, like, "My grandfather had a stroke, Gerald." Which U'd think he'd know, cuz what have I been talking abt on this blog almost a whole wk, and what did we all write abt in our letters this month? Does he not read the blog an' letterz NEmore? And he was all abt the whole "Viking funeral" thing when he thot Gramps was dying, but now it's amnesia-city. NEway, Amnesia!Boy was all Keanu-Everett with "Whoa! 2 bad!--Hey, U comin' 2 my place 4 practice 2nite? The Momster's gonna order pizza!" (Melanie Forsythe ordering pizza? Did she discover a no-fat, no-calorie pizzeria?) I sed, "I guess", and Ger was all, "What's with 'I guess'? We've got a gig comin' up! We've gotta B on top of our game!" Then he waited for the bus 2 pull up to the platform and let us out B4 continuing, "It's the Hallowe'en thing, remember? [I don't have amnesia, he does!] Costume contest, gym-jam...U wanna outshine 'Rebeccah', don't U?" Y is he making this abt outshining Becks? That's lame. Well, I sed, "I can't think abt ME rite now." And he was all, "So? ...Think abt US!!" Wow, I wda expected Ger 2 show his sensitive side during Gramps's health crisis, but no, he doesn't seem 2 care much. Uh-oh, h'room teach is getting started. I'm gonna get Ger's fone confiscated if I don't wrap this up fast!

Apes

P.S. to Mike an' Liz: I didn't kill Farley or Mr. B! Just quit that, K?!?!?!?!?

posted by April Patterson @ 8:50 AM  

16 Comments:

  • At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yo April, my main ho,

    So, you noticed my super-sweet transformation from geek boy 2 hipster coolio studmuffin! Awesome, eh? I like totally had a convo with MCDunC ovah the weekend an' he sez if I wanna be as kewl as him an' "Rebecca," I gots 2 improve my image, yo! Like, it will way improve the band! Fo shizzle!!

    Later babe, The Gerster

    P.S.--I made that shizz up about the Momster. We're gonna order pizza, but we're gonna hafta lock Momster in the pantry 2 do it, yo!

     

  • At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. After reading your Blog entry today, I have to say I am quite impressed with your boyfriend Gerald. He expresses sympathy for Grandpa Jim’s stroke, but instead of letting you spend your time staring at the ceiling or the floor trying your best to show off your depressed feelings; he encourages you to engage in an activity specifically designed to make you, a Patterson, look better than that slattern Becky McGuire. There is nothing we Pattersons like better than to “outshine” others. It’s the perfect picker-upper. The more I read about your boyfriend, the more I like him. When you decide to marry him, I have this feeling he is going to fit right in with the family.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 10:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, gerald came up 2 me & sed, “yo, germy. 4evah&eva iz gonna shine @the gym jam. your bustdown rebecca is gonna wig-out. & the lowdown iz eva iz not ur wifey no mo. naw'mean? true dat.” i h8 it wen ur bf stops takin’ hiz medz.

     

  • At 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Why did Gerald come up to me and say, “Yo Shannon. You have a buggin badonkadonk, you chickenhead”? I think he was insulting me, like he likes to do when he thinks I can’t hear him. But I don’t know. He doesn't normally talk to me.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 11:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Your boyfriend G-dawg must have cut a couple classes today, because he was the gas-n'-sip making an espreshizzle or something like that at the 21 Flavors of Coffee dispenser. He tried to talk to me about either a concert or a gang fight, I really couldn't tell. His hands kept waving around and I was scared he was going for a gun to rob the place so I dropped into a Rex Hai Keeba fighting stance. But I forgot I was changing the Diet Pepsi tank at the time and sort of pranged my undercarriage, if you know what I mean.

    I've got some ice on it now. I'm due to go home early anyway, as the Social Worker is having a big old hissy fit over your call yesterday ThankYouVeryMuch. Good thing Donna is such a trooper for all her limitations imagination-wise. Though she's pretty clever with the adhesive strips on feminine hygiene products. She's fitted a couple to my underwears nicely so the ice-pack stays in place. Good think I wear loose trousers as part of the RKD Image just in case I'm called to defend Freedom and Justice.

    Anthony

     

  • At 3:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    The important thing is to always give a man the benefit of the doubt, no matter what things he does that don't seem "nice" or "right," you should still stay with him and look for the good in him, remember you are lucky to have a serious boyfriend for four years now, you should hang on to him, you don't want to end up an old maid like me! If you are lucky you can be married and pregnant before you are 20 at the rate you two are going, so just do what you have to to get him to the altar, even if it does mean moving in with him and looking the other way during his cheating, just keep a separate bedroom so if things go south you can still claim to be a virgin. He is obviously worried about the band thing, you should be reassuring him, not expecting him to comfort you over Grandpa, that is not a man's job, it is a woman's job to do all the emotional stuff and give the man everything he needs while denying herself the stuff she needs but then you get to go make sure everyone knows you are a saint, that's the payoff.

    These turkey hands Mike cut out for me are a mess, the hands are really little too, I think he gave them to Merry to do which wasn't the deal at all, I'm calling him and telling him no dice, he has to take his night at the hospital with Iris now, what a jerk.

    Liz

     

  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm @ ger'z place w/the band, we're taking a lil break fr. practice. ger'z in a funk cuz sum grade 12's gave him a swirlie over his "hipster coolio" talk.

    jeremy, shannon, yeah, i dunno, that's his new thing he started 2day.

    anthony, You'reWelcomeVeryMuch, least i can do. ger sez he's sorry he spilled espreshizzle all over u when u got "pranged".

    liz, what u say seriously depresses me. i think the emotional support shd go in both directions, women an' men shd both give & get it.

    apes

     

  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger Luann DeGroot said…

    Apes,

    Typical boys! They just don't get it. ur gramps is in the hospital, 4 leaf's sake!

    Sounds like Ger is a lot more worried about outshining Becky than u R. If he asks 2 borrow ur lipstick 'n' stuff, i'd b worried.

    Luann

     

  • At 7:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your boyfriend Gerald and your band practice. Your boyfriend seems to be debinaak (careless) with your feelings. Teenage boys are like that. I can tell you when they get older; most boys think more of their girlfriend’s feelings.

    For example, your sister told me when she saw your mishomis (grandfather), your nookomis (grandmother) interpreted from some motion he made he thought Elizabeth was your noos (mother) when she was young. I think your noos (mother) is a fine woman, even if she is not a good cook. I would be very happy if your sister looked like your noos (mother) when she got older, but your sister was very insulted. When we talked about it, I tried to respect her feelings. Instead of saying things like “I find women with baagijaanehe (potato-noses) to be very attractive,” I said, “Your mishomis (grandfather) must be taking a lot of medicine to see something like that.”

    Another example is when your sister called me a few days ago and told me I was her “current love” instead of “one and only love” or the word in my language I like to use, zaagichigaazohe (treasured love). I jumped on the word “current” and I got upset when your sister listed her loves in chronological order, and said she was getting moral support from her ex-boyfriend. I did not respect her feelings and her need for moral support. But then I talked to my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper. I told her the story about my sweet girl and how she called me “current love” and how she was getting moral support from an old boyfriend who was still carrying a torch for her. Chipper said to me, “Suds (her nickname for me), how can you treat your girlfriend that way? Her mishomis (grandfather) had a serious stroke. She’s been subpoenaed to testify in a sexual assault trial where she has to relive being assaulted last year. You should encourage her to get as much moral support as she possibly can from this ex-boyfriend. It would show her you respect her feelings and you trust her.” I was very surprised Chipper gave me this advice, but after I tried it, I found out she was completely right. Chipper is very smart and such a good friend to me.

    I called your sister and told her not only was I wrong, but if she needed to get moral support from her ex-boyfriend, I supported her all the way. I told her I trusted her completely. She told me she loved me and I told her I loved her. It feels so much better to be getting along with my sweet girl. Even though, no matter what time I call your house, she seems to be out getting moral support, I don’t get mad. I support your sister in whatever she needs to do to help her get through this crisis.

    April, do not worry. Your boyfriend will get older and he will not be debinaak (careless) with your feelings anymore, just the way, I am not debinaak (careless) with your sister’s feelings.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Man, this rehearsal is goin' so well. Luis and Gerald are both looking HOTT tonight!

    Eva

     

  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I went to hospital to visit your grandfather today. Iris was there and I gave her a big hug and I let her hold on for as long as she wanted. Well, actually after 30 minutes I had to stop because she was…um…I probably shouldn’t say that about your step-grandmother. Your father and mother were there. After my hug, your father said to me, “Better you than me.” I brought flowers and while I was trying to find a place to put them, I said, “How is he doing?”

    Your mother said, “He recognizes me and Iris. Dad can’t speak, but we can tell by his expression and slight hand movements that he has cognitive abilities. Plus, he can swallow now - and he is sitting up for some of the day.” Your father said, “Actually, he is only is disabled on one side, but he has lost almost all of his ability to speak.” Iris said, “He’s stabilized and the doctors are medicating him. He's not in a coma, and we’ll find out more when he's awake. He’ll have to have occupational therapy, speech therapy, and physical therapy. AND he may have to learn to walk again, or he may never be able to walk again.” Your mother said, “My son Mike said you can tell he is ready to explode with frustration because he can’t form words and the thoughts pile up.” Iris said, “Mike’s wife Deanna said it won't be a full recovery and I should expect him to be laughing uncontrollably, or getting depressed, or having cognition problems.” I said, “What does the doctor say?”

    All 3 of them looked at me blankly, so I went on, “His arm is moving a little bit.” Iris said, “It means John should give me a big hug.” Your mother said, “No, it means I should finish his jello, he couldn’t finish.” Your father said, “I think it means he needs to scratch something.” Your mother and Iris turned on him and said, “John. He doesn’t even remember you, so you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your father was a little quiet after that.

    I said, “I can stay with him a little while, if you need to do other things.” Your mom and dad left, but Iris was still there. I looked at your grandfather, with that giant breathing mask on him, looking so frail and delicate. I thought about all the times he called me Coward, and sent me out for Havarti cheese for Dixie, and all the great times we had when I worked for him at the Milborough Seniors’ Living Palace. I have to tell you April, I got a little misty and I started crying to see him there in the hospital bed. Iris said to me, “What are you doing, Coward?” I said, “I’m sorry. Seeing Jim like this made me a little sad and I was crying.” Iris said, “Crying. That’s what’s missing. All these visits from family and not one person has cried for my Jim, or if they have they have concealed it really well.” I said, “Sorry. It just makes me feel better to let those emotions go with a good cry.” Well, Iris joined in with me, and we had a good, long cry. Afterwards, when I was about to leave, Iris said, “You know Coward, a big hurt needs a big cry.” I said, “That’s so true and it sounds strangely familiar.” Iris said, “I’ll be thinking of you when you are in prison, and know Jim will too.” I thanked her and I said if there was anything I could do for her, she should just let me know. So, I dropped off some library books and returned a few borrowed casserole dishes she said your mother had left in the hospital room. I was glad to be able to see your grandpa one more time. Who knows how many more days of freedom I will have to do things like that?

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    zandra, this iz gonna seem strange, but i am tryin’ 2b serious. u know i have been gettin’ math help frum zenobia barnaby @the learning resources centre on thursdays. well, she came up 2 me n skool 2day, & sed the weirdest thing 2 me. she sed congrats 4 d8in’ zandra larson 4 the past few weeks & she wuz mad u hadn’t told her. i told zenobia i hadn’t been d8ing u, i had been d8in’ eva abuya, but zenobia sed, “every1 knowz eva iz w/duncan anderson & ur w/zandra. eva told me herself, evn tho zandra didn’t.” i thot she wuz tryin’ 2 play a trick on me cuz zenobia’z humour iz sumtymez hard 2 get. but then wen i opened my locker 2 leave @the end of the day, there wuz this envelope n it & it sed, “2 the luv of my life, zandra larson (not eva abuya), frum jeremy.” & there were 2 tix 2c covenant w/ rotersand & imperative reaction @the opera house on 735 queen st east in TO tonite. it iz freakin’ me out. i don’t remembah gettin’ thoze tix. i don’t remembah d8in’ u. do u remembah us d8in’? did u wanna c this show & i got us tix i don’t remembah? i am totally freakin’.

     

  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    Jeremy, that's really strange. I talked to my brother about it and he started to explain something about a ripple in the time-space-coincidence continuum. The concert tickets sound great, albeit mysterious. Thank you very much, and I hope you don't mind if we just go to the concert together and not together. I'm not sure exactly who I'm allegedly supposed to be dating right now, as I'm sure I'm still dating Duncan.

     

  • At 8:39 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ::snf::

    howard, u r so sweet!

    apes

     

  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, i didn't c jeremy and zandra's posts until after mine went thru. that xxplainz y i heard zahara muttering sumthin' abt "jeremy jones and zandra larson. no1 tellz me nething, i'm alwayz the last 2 know!" i thot she was doing sum kinda freeverse goth poetry, but now i know what that was abt.

    apes

     

  • At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    zandra, by "goin’ 2 the concert 2gethah & not 2gethah", duz that mean separate carz? my mom sed she wud drive us, cuz i seem 2 remembah u just have ur G1 license. y do i know that? i am still freakin’ out. i h8 it wen the time-space-coincidence continuum goez outa whack.

     

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