Liz tries 2 school dad on doggie control

Here's sumthing Liz posted last nite, abt Dad and the dogz:

April,

Gosh it's a good thing I'm living at home, I can really help Mom out, and one thing I have noticed since she "retired" and is so busy running every charity and volunteer group in Milborough she doesn't have enough time to spend telling Dad how to do everyday things he's been doing a long time just a little bit better, like today for example, Dad took a book in the living room and kicked the dogs off the couch so he could stretch out and read and then he got up and left and of course the dogs jumped back on the couch and then Dad came back and had to throw them off again, and I thought it was weird because he didn't bring back any food or answer a phone call or anything, but I kind of forgot about it because Dad started reading again, but then after awhile he got up and left again, and the dogs got back on the couch, and he came back another time, and threw the dogs off the couch, and then I knew I couldn't just stand there staring at him anymore, I had to step in as only a Patterson/Richards woman can, I said, "Dad, there are more effective ways to keep the dogs off the couch!" and even though I really couldn't think of any,
I knew Mom would want me to tell Dad he was doing it all wrong, anyway, Dad said, "I know," and I thought phew! because then he wouldn't ask me for any ideas and I was in the clear, and then Dad laid down again and he said, "But this way, they keep it warm for me."

Then I asked him, "Why do you keep getting up and leaving the room, then coming back and not bringing anything?" and Dad said, "I am checking my bids on some model trains on eBay," and I said, "Oh, really, I didn't think you and Mom liked the Internet, I thought you thought it was scary," and Dad said, "That was before I noticed that even though the Internet is full of terrible information, it is also full of model train websites too," and I said, "That's interesting," and Dad said, "Hey, why are you standing around in here just staring at me for hours on end?" and I knew I couldn't tell the truth, which is spying on him for Mom, so I said, "Thinking hard about the trial," and that seemed to fool him.

When Mom came home and I told her what I did, she got all these tears in her eyes and she said, "I'm so proud of you, Elizabeth!" and then she said, "You're going to make some man a wonderful nag someday!" and then she hugged me and I said, "Don't you mean 'wife'?" and Mom said, "Same thing," and I was so happy because Mom hardly ever gives compliments on stuff she considers "her jobs," but then Mom told me some things I should have done to do a better job next time, so then I knew she didn't get replaced by a robot or a space alien or something.

Also you should know that Mom and I went and checked the computer and Dad's eBay screen name is perv4trainz and he has already bought at least $3000 worth of trains this month, I think he is out of control, I wanted to ask Sylvia for a 12 step program for trainaholics, but Mom says no, that Pattersons deal with problems through the strength of family, and I pointed out to her that we are all girls with poor upper arm strength and Mike has always been kind of soft and wimpy so we will never be strong enough to take Dad down and Mom patted my head and said, "I can see you still have much to learn, young Jedi," and then she giggled about how she knows all the hip young kid stuff everyone is into, Mom is so cool, we are really lucky.

Liz

I dunno, Liz, whenev Mom is proud of me abt sumthing, I get a lil nervous. But it hardly ever happs w/me. Dad's outta control w/the train stuff, eh?

I'm glad I went out 2 Funhaus in TO w/Zeremy, Dunc, an' Zandra last nite. I'm so zapped abt that scaree newz that I don't get 2 age past 16, that Jeremy Duncan heard on the radio. Gah, I hope it's not really true, but if it is, I've gotta fit in lotsa living B4 I'm stuck in time! Zeremy, thanx 4 sayin' I looked hott last nite. MayB I'll get 2 look hott more often since my world is ending. Or not. I dunno.

Apes