Understanding or Not
After Liz had completed her pictorial thot-bubble testimony, she went out in2 the hall, and Anthony was all, "How did it go?" And Liz was, like, "OK... It wasn't as hard as I thot it wd B." Then a lady fr. the court came over, put an arm on each of them, and sed, "Anthony? Elizabeth? I must remind U not 2 discuss NE aspect of trial with ea other or NE other witnesses until it's completely over." Liz was all, "I understand." And Anthony echoed, "Yes. I understand completely." Then, the bailiff in the courtroom opened the door and sed, "Mr. Caine? U're next, pls." Then Anthony and Liz embraced and witnesses report that Anthony got a thot bubble over his head that sed, "And... some things I don't understand at all." It's unclear whether he was thinking abt the case or sumthing else.
Liz, I'd say that "bizarre" is an ENGLISH word with French ORIGIN, but U totally flipped out the last time I tried 2 xxplain etymology, so I guess I give up. Gah, what did U do in school when every1 else was bizzy LEARNING? And also, I wasn't just talking abt yr testimony when I sed the trial is bizarre. The whole thing is weird--not like a normal trial!
Apes
Liz, I'd say that "bizarre" is an ENGLISH word with French ORIGIN, but U totally flipped out the last time I tried 2 xxplain etymology, so I guess I give up. Gah, what did U do in school when every1 else was bizzy LEARNING? And also, I wasn't just talking abt yr testimony when I sed the trial is bizarre. The whole thing is weird--not like a normal trial!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:15 AM
3 Comments:
At 10:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am sorry to have to say it but you are a dummy, I looked in my French dictionary and bizarre is right there in the French section, and you even said Englishers borrowed it from the French, and when we do that, it's still a French word, like when Lureeen LePassionel wrote in her book, The Prim Prairie Schoolmarm and the Studly Ranch Rogue, "Slade was the most amazing man Lavinia had ever seen. Gazing upon his finely muscled physique mesmerized her. He had that je ne sais quoi that made women fall at his feet. But no! Lavinia must guard her virtue!", saying French words with some English ones didn't turn the French ones English, duh, sometimes I wonder what YOU do in school all day, but I'm guessing it's make out with Harold or Gerald or whatever behind the gym.
Liz
At 6:17 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, liz, u r thick as a brick! there's just no getting thru 2 u. english is full of words from other languages, duh. "bizarre" is a french word, and it's also considered an english word. i'll bet u didn't know that the word "language" even comes from french! and so does "virtue."
i swear, sum1 shd sue yr school 4 letting u "teach." it's malpractice.
apes
At 4:01 AM,
howard said…
April,
I thought I would let you know a little bit more about how things went with your sister’s testimony at my trial. You may remember that she had gone on and on about the virtues of Anthony Caine. Well, after that was done, Judge Patterlover gushed over her and said, “That was the best testimony, I have ever heard. 3 cheers for Elizabeth Patterson! Hip! Hip!” And the people in the courtroom said, “Hooray!” And this happened 2 more times.
Then Judge Patterlover said, “I have this lovely red sash to give you and this coat of arms. Some people think they should be used in a courtroom, but I think you should have them. I never use them.” Then he picked up your sister and started parading her about the courtroom on his shoulder and the bailiff’s shoulder, as the people cheered. After your sister returned back to the witness stand, your sister was getting ready to leave when my lawyer, Mr. Benis, said, “Your honour, I have not yet cross-examined this witness.”
Well, then you could have heard a pin drop in the courtroom. Your sister started to put her purse back down, and the crowd in the courtroom started grumbling things like: “I’m going to cut you off and throw you in the bushes, Benis.” Or “Castration would be too good for you, Benis.” Or “After I am done with you, Benis, you will never come in court again.” Mr. Benis started with his first question, but your sister couldn’t understand him. Mr. Benis said, “Your honour, I cannot continue with this noise.” Judge Patterlover said, “The people are just expressing their discontent.” Mr. Benis said, “Your honour. I mean the noise you are making.” Judge Patterlover said, “Oh all right. People in the courtroom must quiet down for this defence counsel, who will never again try a case in my courtroom.” Mr. Benis said, “Thank you, your honour.”
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: Miss Patterson, I couldn’t help but noticing how heroic Anthony Caine was to defend you against the accused. Did you know he could fight before he threw the accused to the ground and started tweaking his ear?
Elizabeth Patterson: No, I didn’t. He is so easygoing; I never thought he would fight for anything.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: So, if the accused had not attacked you, you would still be ignorant of this quality of Anthony Caine? You would still think he was a spineless milksop with poor grooming habits?
Elizabeth Patterson: It might have come out at some other time, I guess, but no, I don’t think I would know that.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: In a certain way, you could say the accused was like a hero, because he helped you notice something important you didn’t know about Anthony Caine. Is that true?
Elizabeth Patterson: No, Howard is a rat, only I like rats more than Howard. Howard is like an unlikable rat.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: Since you think the accused is like a rat, you would never act seductively towards the accused?
Elizabeth Patterson: Eww. No!
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: Have you ever acted seductively towards Anthony Caine?
Elizabeth Patterson: Certainly not. I am a proper Patterson.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: How would Anthony Caine know then, you felt differently about him than the accused? You treat him the same as the accused.
Elizabeth Patterson: I told Anthony he is one of my favourite people in the whole world. Isn’t that enough?
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: Was it enough for Anthony Caine to ask you out? Was it enough for him to begin again with you now he is divorced?
Elizabeth Patterson: I…I…I don’t know.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: It is the accused who attacks you and not Anthony Caine. Why is it that you would provoke the accused to attack you and not Anthony Caine?
Elizabeth Patterson: I didn’t provoke Howard to attack me, and Anthony Caine would never attack me.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: Yes, Anthony Caine is too easygoing to attack anyone, isn’t he?
Elizabeth Patterson: I thought that until he defended me against Howard. Then I knew he could fight.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: So, until the accused attacked you, you would never know that Anthony Caine would fight for you. Would you say, you owe the accused a debt of gratitude for attacking you?
Elizabeth Patterson: You’re confusing me. I don’t provoke men to attack me. I am not promiscuous.
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: That’s the whole problem. There’s a difference between being promiscuous and giving a man a little friendly affection to let him know you are interested. Otherwise, you will never get married. Why did it take being attacked by the accused, for you to recognize Anthony Caine's ability to attack?
Elizabeth Patterson: {To Judge Patterlover} Do I have to answer this question?
Judge Patterlover: We’ve all been wondering the same thing.
Elly Patterson: Answer the question. I need more grandchildren. Tell her John.
John Patterson: I need more trains…I mean grandchildren.
Elizabeth Patterson: Mom. Dad. Judge Patterlover. Members of the public attending this trial. You’re right. I haven’t been encouraging Anthony enough. When I get out of here, I am going to give Anthony a really big hug. So big, he will know I like him.
{The crowd starts stamping its feet and cheering.}
Mr. Benis, my lawyer: {Yelling} And remember, it’s all thanks to the accused this even happened!
That’s how it went. Next up was Anthony Caine’s testimony, which I will tell you about later.
Howard Bunt
Post a Comment
<< Home