April's Real Blog

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Mike's Burps and Braacks a Long Time Ago

Did U know Mike's been burping for decades? Did U care? I thought not, but we R still on flashbacks, and Mike is on2 burps from days of yore:

Formerly little sis. Just the other day I thought I was alone and after drinking a particularly bubbly glass of pop, I decided to see if I could still burp the way I used to when I was 5. I must say, that even in my 30s, I still have it. However, my wife, the lovely Deanna, felt the need to track me down and inform me that I was not to make those disgusting noises, in case I set a bad example for my children. It reminded me of a very similar incident from when I was 5.

I was wearing a Hawaii shirt, and I had just clipped the fingernail of my right thumb so it was especially square. Then I drank from my Fizzo Pop can a good drink of carbonated delight. With my tongue out, as if I were laughing, I said, “Burp..Burp…Burp! {A triple lead-in.} BRAAACK!” complete with drops and bubbles. It was quite stupendous. Mom came up to me and said, “Michael! You are not to make those disgusting noises!”

Then she took my pop can from me and said, “I don’t want to hear that again…do you understand?” Down and dejected, I went to pick dandelions with Lawrence Poirier, and lie in the grass and look deep into his eyes and discuss my troubles as 5-year-olds are wont to do. I said to Lawrence, “Gosh, Lawrence—How can a guy get good at something if they don’t let you practice?”

It was a younger and more innocent age, and of course I know the answer to that question now that I am older. The answer is university and beer. That is where I honed my burping skills. I can recommend it to you. I certainly hope you will develop that as a skill instead of doing as Elizabeth did in university, where she tended toward developing the skill for getting hangovers.

Michael Patterson
Mike, I think the burps and hangovers both seem unappealing. I'll come up w/my own stuff 2 do during uni.

Patrickrsghost, sorry abt that scary experience U had c-ing yr friend's grandma.


Labels: , , ,


  • At 10:33 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, "burps & hangovers both seem unappealing"? but wut 'bout the tyme wen we...oh rite. yeah. they r completely unappealing, eh?

    neway, it's gonna b a long day 4 me @this canada concert i am doin' the sound 4 becky. i have a feelin' she haz gotta sumthin' 2 prove w/me cuz of the gym jam on hallowe'en 2 years ago. she keeps comin' ovah & dubble-checkin' everythin' i do. & gerald, like, comez ovah & duz the same thing, like i have nevah done sound 4 an outdoor concert b4.

    it's a good thing she's payin' rilly well & i need the money 4 university. i hope ur day takin' care of the vet clinic animalz iz goin' good. i can't w8 4 u2 get done. i miss u.

  • At 10:44 AM, Blogger howard said…


    That was a funny story about your brother and burping, especially the part where your mother forbid him to burp. My wife, Beatrice Alfarero, did not think it was so funny. She remembers a similar time when she used to work for your mother, and she accidentally burped in the Lilliput’s breakroom when she was having lunch. Apparent your mother said something like, “Beatricel! You are not to make those disgusting noises! I don’t want to hear that again…do you understand?” Then she made some comment to Moira Kinney, her co-worker, how people from South American were notorious burpers and a few favourite stories from her numerous trips to Mexico, where she had to endure listening to Mexican burps. Beatrice said she stopped eating and drinking around your mother after your mom said something to Moira along the lines of “Kortney Krelbutz never burped and you fired her!”

    It’s interesting the things your mother finds important.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, those animal cages were a mess 2day. i think they must've tried a new brand of food that gave 'em the runs. ::shudder: glad 2 b off. i'll c u in abt 15 mins!

    howard, the short version is this: my mom is a freak!


  • At 12:39 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. We were talking at the Canada Day celebration about how you were still waiting for Dad to finish out your basement space to live, and it occurred to me that Dad did, at one time, actually build things around the house which were not related to model trains. One time in particular I remember was when he decided to put in a concrete sidewalk. I had asked him to help out, but was told I was too little. Needless to say, when I saw what Dad had done with the concrete, it cried out for a little artistry. Even then I had to feed my muse.

    My muse on that day was hungry for a few good footprints and handprints and the letter “M” for “Muse” in different sizes. Admittedly it was an early attempt of art; but anything would have been better than the flat boring concrete sidewalk Dad had put in. I left my work unsigned so Dad would have to figure out exactly which budding artist in the neighbourhood had so coolly decorated it.

    He stared at it for awhile with his trowel in hand and his other hand in his hair, pondering the mysteries of art. Dad was not stupid though. He figured out I was the artist, and grabbed me by his right arm, which for some strange reason had a left hand on it that day. Dad was also wearing cowboy chaps, which still does not make sense to me. But the most disturbing part to me was that he had discovered the identity of the artist and was not pleased by my artistic improvements. As I was being grabbed, I said, “How did you know it was ME?” In retrospect, I should have asked for constructive artistic criticism.

    I have since learned that I have a certain style, a certain “je ne sais quoi” that colours the timbre of my work, making it clear when something comes from the artistic stylings of Michael Patterson. But back then, it was a mystery to me.

    Michael Patterson


Post a Comment

<< Home