What's Mom Now--Part-Time or No-Time?
More on the stupid-boring gardening convo between Mom an' Connie. They were putting away the gardening supplies when Connie asked Mom, "Do U really want 2 B a full-time parent again?" Hearing abt that made me go "BWUH?" Isn't Mom supposed 2 still B a "full-time parent" 2 ME? Normal parents don't stop thinking of themselves as "full-time parents" when their youngest is 17 (or really last yr when I turned 16), rite? I'm not tripping, rite? B-sides, did a miss a memo abt Mike, Dee, Liz, and Anthony all moving 2 Ecuador and leaving Merrie, Robin, and Francie w/Mom?
Gah. NEway, on 2 Mom's dumb response 2 Connie's dumb question. Mom dumbly sed, "No. 2 B honest, I just don't have the energy." [2 remember I xxist.] Mom went on w/"I used 2 B able 2 chase kids all day, Connie. Especially Michael. When my Mom sed she hoped I'd have a child xxactly like I was--she got her wish!" Wow. So Grandma Marian was a mean and spiteful old bird. Nice.
Then Mom continued, and decided 2 work in the current retcon abt Michael: "Michael drove me crazy. But he was smart and funny and I loved him. ...And when I look back @ it all, he made me what I am 2day." Connie prompted Mom, with "Proud? Confident?" And Mom went 4 her punchline: "Um... Tired, actually. Just tired." Connie did an ugly-faced sticky-outy tongue laff rite on cue.
Uh-oh ppl. Look @ this sitch. It's Saturday. I just finished telling U a CONNIE story ending w/Mom reminiscing abt chasing Mike and Nizzie when they were little, and how Mike made Mom all kinds of tired. What does this sound like the prep 4? Yeah, I'm thinking it, 2. Prolly a wk's worth of "ZOMG NO! FLASHBACKS!" :(
Jeremy, def movie and pizza. Wow, I can't believe Brad Luggsworth's side gig. I guess being a cop doesn't pay as much as he'd hoped, eh?
Apes
Gah. NEway, on 2 Mom's dumb response 2 Connie's dumb question. Mom dumbly sed, "No. 2 B honest, I just don't have the energy." [2 remember I xxist.] Mom went on w/"I used 2 B able 2 chase kids all day, Connie. Especially Michael. When my Mom sed she hoped I'd have a child xxactly like I was--she got her wish!" Wow. So Grandma Marian was a mean and spiteful old bird. Nice.
Then Mom continued, and decided 2 work in the current retcon abt Michael: "Michael drove me crazy. But he was smart and funny and I loved him. ...And when I look back @ it all, he made me what I am 2day." Connie prompted Mom, with "Proud? Confident?" And Mom went 4 her punchline: "Um... Tired, actually. Just tired." Connie did an ugly-faced sticky-outy tongue laff rite on cue.
Uh-oh ppl. Look @ this sitch. It's Saturday. I just finished telling U a CONNIE story ending w/Mom reminiscing abt chasing Mike and Nizzie when they were little, and how Mike made Mom all kinds of tired. What does this sound like the prep 4? Yeah, I'm thinking it, 2. Prolly a wk's worth of "ZOMG NO! FLASHBACKS!" :(
Jeremy, def movie and pizza. Wow, I can't believe Brad Luggsworth's side gig. I guess being a cop doesn't pay as much as he'd hoped, eh?
Apes
Labels: Anthony, April who?, bwuh?, Connie, Dee, Françoise, Grandma Marian, Jeremy, Liz, Merrie, Mike, Mom, Robin, stoopidity
posted by April Patterson @ 8:04 AM
4 Comments:
At 11:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, omg. ur mom iz tired? thass nothin’. i am xhausted aftah last nite. so, we finished our xxamz last week. u start workin’ @the vet clinic next week & i start my summer job & between thoze 2 i won't cu az much. thass enuff 2 deal with w/o u havin’ 2 deal w/connie poirier & ur mom u can’t remembah if u xxist or not. i mean we wud’ve gone 2c get smart & pizza @the double d last nite, xxept u started fadin’ away on me. it scared the crap outa me. i thot i wuz gonna lose u.
u were screamin’ “i’m disappearin’. jeremy, no1 in my fam remembahs i xxist. clap ur handz if u believe in fairies…i mean clap ur handz if u believe in me’s.” so i clapped & clapped like az hard az i cud & it didn’t work. well then u sed, “if i hafta go, so my mom can raise robin & merrie nsteada me, then i wanna go out happy.” then we did that thing u like where u put ur legz…um…ok…thass prolly tmi 4 ur blog. neway. that worked where clappin’ didn’t. then u sed, “well prolly mom thot the clappin’ wuz 4 her.” then we did that thing u like again & again & again & again ‘cuz u wunted 2 make sure that just cuz connie poirier & ur mom don’t remembah u xxist, i do. i am so tired, but i am v.v. happy 2 say my gf, april marian patterson still xxists.
At 1:27 PM,
April Patterson said…
u totally saved me from fading away last nite, jeremy! u r a total lifesaver. i'm sorry we hadta delay the movie and dinner. i'm totally up 4 it 2nite, provided i don't start 2 faaaaa omg, i can c thru my hand! jeremy, help!
apes
At 5:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, anothah close 1; but rilly mbarrassin'. my mom walked in on us & aftah she sed, "wow! ur so flexible!" like 10X, then she sed, "y duz april start fadin' away every tyme u stop?"
so i xxplained & mom called up ur mom & sed sumthin' weird like, "april's marks will b out next week 4 the 'rents 2 pick up. shud i get april's while i get jeremy's?" & that led 2 a whole, "april, who?" & "april, ur daughter thass who." & "my daughter's name is elizabeth who's gettin' married & i am a full-time mom for my little girl, meredith" & "no, u have a 17-year-old named april 2." & "ur just makin' that up" & "no. remembah my son jeremy tried 2 kill her once & got hit by a truck." & "oh, i remembah. then we were so noble & came 2 visit him in hospital." & "yes, april & u went 2 visit my son" & "didn't u think we were noble? & "yes u were v. noble. now admit u have a daughter named april." & "oh all right. but she's not my favrite. i'm gonna talk 'bout my son all next week." & "thass just gr8. bye now."
neway, u seem 2b back 2 normal. but the worse part is that mom wunted me & u2 show my step-dad & her how 2 do ur favrite thing. omg. thass gotta b the most embarrassin' evah. i mean. i h8 it wen peeps watch. absolutely h8 it. it's like they're sum kinda voyeurs, eh? so, neway. i hadda teach mom & step-dad how 2 do that tango step u like so much. so embarrassin'.
At 7:25 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, yr mom's plan was GENIUS! she totally saved me by getting mom 2 remember me and admit i xxist!
yeah, having 2 teach yr mom and stepdad our tango moves was pretty embarrassing, but i guess it cda been worse, eh?
apes
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