April's Real Blog

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day

I thought it wd B nice 2 celebr8 Dad's Day by taking Dad out 4 a nice brunch, but Mom sed, "The best gift U can give a parent is 2 go sumwhere else all day so the parent can B home alone and pretend to be single and childless." I thot that sounded kinda sad and cynical, but when I told Dad what Mom had sed, his eyes lit up and sed, "Oh, yes, please, let's do that!" Then he sed that it reminded him of sumthing that happened on June 22, 1980, when he had the house 2 himself.

"It all started w/me lying in bed and thinking, 'Aaah...an entire bed 2 myself... nobody telling me not 2 hog the blankets.' Then I picked up the digital clock from the nightstand, noticed that it was 8:45 AM, and I thought, 'Amazing..No kids landing on my belly at the crack of dawn!' Later, I took a bubble bath, which turned my rite leg red, and I thought, 'I can spend hrs in the bathroom... No lineups... No frantic banging @ the door...' While tossing the towel after drying myself, I thought, 'Nobody 2 tell me 2 pick up my towel...' As I got dressed (in a plaid shirt, zigzag-patterned lavender pants, and neon-green socks, I thought, 'The freedom 2 wear NEthing I choose...' While eating a peanut butter sandwich over the open jar with the knife sticking out of it, I thought, '2 eat what I want 2 eat...' Watching Morrie Mouse on TV while lounging w/my feet on the coffee table, drinking a beer, I thought, '2 do whatever I want 2 do!' Then I thought, 'SIGH .. I hope Elly and the kids R home soon.'"

I went, "Wow, Dad, R U sure U wd rather do that than have a nice brunch?" And Dad sed, "R U kidding? And miss wearing making a mess, wearing ugly clothes, and watching bad TV, all by myself?" And Mom sed, "Told U so." NEway, I'll B @ the mall until dinner time.

Apes

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2 Comments:

  • At 9:11 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, glad u hadda gr8 tyme @the mall 4 dad’s day.

    i hadda father’s day w/my actual father, country jones, who left me & my mom wen i wuz a baby. usually he likes 2 spend father’s day drinkin’ & tryin’ 2 pick up girlz (or if not that pickin’ up a prostitute). it wuz worse wen i wuz little & didn’t know wut wuz happenin’ & he wud uze me 2 help him pick up girlz. these days he likes 4 me 2 act az hiz “wingman”. i gave him my usual father’s day gift of alcoholics anonymous brochures frum greater toronto area intergroup of alcoholics anonymous. he burned them az he traditionally duz.

    this year wuz a little surprise. he sed 2 me, “son. now that ur 17, u get 2 take me 2 a spa 4 men. well, i knew wut that meant, i.e. asian massage parlour. but i wuz v.v. surprized 2c they had xxpanded their services since the last tyme i wuz there wen i was 10. they have a bubble bath, complete w/girly-smellin’ lotionz in pink bottles & a rubber duck u can squeak while ur in the bath. aftah that u can throw ur towel on the floor & sum asian girl picks it up 4u. then insteada fluffy bathrobes u wear aftahwards, they have a kinda lumberjack outfit w/lime green socks u can wear. & instead asian snax, there wuz chippos brand potato chipz & peanut butter. howevah the viddy 4 kids wuz still morrie mouse like it wuz wen i wuz 10.

    my dad sed, “now uc son. this iz the best. no more of the thingz that an oriental chick thinks r fun 4 men, but real man kinda stuff.” & i gotta say, april, w/o namin’ ne namez, but there were a lotta guys frum mboro there, so i think this place haz definitely got the right idea. & i think it iz just a coincidence, but there wuz a room w/a bathtub marked az “reserved 4 jp”. don’t worry though. i think it might b jp standz 4 judge parker.

    neway, dad came outa the parlour happier & smellin’ bettah & w/a new rubber ducky. it wuz prolly wanna my best dad’s dayz evah. ‘course i spent a lotta money & spent mosta the tyme in the w8in’ room w8in’ 4 dad 2 get finished. but that iz so much bettah than havin’ 2 call mom frum the police station 2 pick me up.

     
  • At 9:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, how weird abt that special room @ the spa. i wonder if my dad got the idea from them, or the other way around?

    apes

     

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