April's Real Blog

Monday, June 16, 2008

Continued Dress Hijinx

Liz sez she brought the not-Grandma Marian dress over 2 Dee and asked her if she cd make the dress sleeveless. Dee was like, "I can make this in2 a sleeveless dress, Liz--But will yr mom mind if I cut the fabric?" Liz replied that Mom doesn't mind. Of course she doesn't mind! It's not like it's REALLY Marian's dress. This just proves it! And since when is Dee a seemstress?

NEway, Dee had cut off the sleeves and she had Liz put on the dress. Crouching by Liz, pulling @ the side of the dress and doing sum measurements, Dee sed, "Well, this is really happening, isn't it. [Not a question, U C.] U guys R taking the plunge!" Liz was all, "I guess U cd say that!" Dee got up 2 do sum vertical measurements of Liz's boob area, and Liz went, "But we're both good swimmers, Dee." Dee answered, "I know U R, but U're just getting yr feet wet now, Liz...." She put down her tape measure, picked up a pin cushion, and sed, over her shoulder 2 Liz, "And marriage ain't no backyard pool!!"

Oh, Gah, friggin' wordplay again. Pls make it stop!


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  • At 8:06 AM, OpenID patrickrsghost said…

    Playing with words? More like bad puns. It's definitely something in the water up there. Especially with all the water jokes. If I ever visit Canada, I'll remember to bring my own bottled water...just in case.

  • At 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Apes, What's with your sister NEway? "I guess u cd say that"? Does she really know what she's doing? This seems like a pretty major step for her to be "guessing" about. Does she understand this is real???? Does Liz has a "problem" everyone has been too polite to mention, like some sort of cognitive handicap??
    signed, a concerned friend

  • At 2:22 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    patrickrsghost, i h8 what they were doing w/all that "water" stuff, but they weren't punning. punning is like, "she was wearing a sarong." "sari." "that's ok, no need 2 apologize."

    anon, i can't xxplain my sis. i won't even try!


  • At 2:23 PM, Anonymous shannon lake said…


    I know you are the nicest girl in Milborough, but I think your anonymous friend is right. I am special needs. A lot of times you would write something about your sister and I would think, “April’s sister is special needs, too.” But no one in your family, not even you (although I still think you are nice), would do anything about it. I hope someone (like the nicest girl in Milborough) will step up and get your sister in the right special needs program before it is too late. Someone with special needs can get married, as long as their husband is prepared for it. When I see you in school today, and you need to be comforted over an exam, I will hand you a brochure to give to your sister.

    Shannon Lake

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i like ur wearin’ my step-dad’s grandpa’s high school class ring 2 show we r 2getha. i just didn’t rilly get it wen u sed, “deanna put these ribbons on it, cuz mom sed it wuzn’t pretty enuff 4 an heirloom ring.” neway, i am doin’ gr8 on my xxamz so far & i wunted 2 tell u it’s cuz i am d8in’ u. u inspire me 2b bettah & i luv u 4 that. i am so lucky 2 have u4 a gf. i am sayin’ this cuz it’s true & not just cuz gerald did that buncha wordplay ‘bout the ring. wut wuz it?

    "well, this is really happening, isn't it? u have thrown ur neck n2 the ring. well i hope u can take punches in the ring, cuz u look like a guy who likes a good punch, the fruity kind, & not the kinds from hawaii, where peeps greet u by sayin, ‘how are ya?’ no the kind of ring like a bull haz in his nose, so he can be led ‘round the ring. but a relationship w/april ain’t no backyard corral.”

    who talks like that? i mean, xxcept ur sis & sil.

  • At 2:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shannon, y wd u think i need comforting abt my xxams? jeremy and i studied really hard and i'm doing well so far. as 4 liz, i can't force her 2 get evaluated 4 special needs. don't u remember how angry she's gotten every time this subject has come up? she just refuses!

    jeremy, ger punning on "ring" was just painful. i thot the look on his face when u told him 2 shut up or u'd wring his neck was priceless.


  • At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, make your little "special needs" friend stop saying those things about me being special needs! I am a well-respected educator-like person, not special needs!

    Liz Patterson

  • At 5:55 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. You asked when it is that my lovely Deanna has been a seamstress. Well, as you know from my wife’s monthly letters, back when our family used to have monthly letters, Deanna was an avid knitter and crocheter. When you have that kind of experience and the advantage of mom’s old sewing room, with all her old sewing equipment left for you, then it is only natural that you would become an expert seamstress. Or as Deanna explained it to me, “I’ve been doing housework ever since I married you, and you know that there is ‘sew’ in every bit of housework.” You can’t argue with logic like that.

    I know you will be impressed with Deanna’s work on the dress. I think she’s done an excellent job compensating for the fact Elizabeth is not as thin or big-chested as Grandma Marian. The Lizardbreath will look so good in this dress, I think everyone will be able to ignore her breath.

    Even though you did not like the wordplay, I think Deanna also did an excellent job of letting Elizabeth know what married life will be like. As you know, sometimes the only way to converse with Elizabeth seriously is with wordplay. You may remember years ago, I tried to warn her that her constable boyfriend would start cheating on her (like all her boyfriends did), and I got through to her with wordplay.

    My wife was following my sterling example. She just put a little polish on it, which she can do since her mother is Polish. And frankly, after making those changes to deal with Elizabeth’s flatware, she deserves the chance to make a cutting-lery remark.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:14 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Is 2day Monday?

    Duncan Anderson

  • At 10:17 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, don't invite duncan ovah 2 study. he's just doin' his old, "i'm hidin' under my bed" routine. ok. ur rite. nvite him ovah. mebbe he won't answer his cell.

  • At 10:29 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh man oh man oh man. I shldnt of had all those dbl dbls on Sat. I slept thru my English exam.

    I am a ded man.

    Yr truly boned friend,
    Duncan Anderson

    p.s. How many dbl dbls did I drink? I wanna c if I can get in2 the Guiness Book of World Records.

  • At 10:48 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i told u he wuz in bed. no, april, no. do we hafta go ovah 2 duncan's house 2 help him sober up frum dbl-dbls? it's not ur fault u gave him that gift certific8 4 his b-day. he decided 2 use it that way 2 try break a record.


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