April's Real Blog

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Can I go to the farm now?

It's getting kinda hard to think of things to say when I write those letters about the pets every month, and sometimes I get the feeling that hardly NE1 is even looking at them. But Mom insists we do one every month, an' as you prolly know, that's usually my job. I might (I'm not sure yet) get a break from it when I'm at the farm this summer, but even so, I'd have to do it again when I got back. So I started to think of some ideas to make 'em more interesting, or at least see if NE1 is paying attention. Like for example I could say Eddie got sent home from remedial horseback riding for fightin' with the other students. Or he's got a time out for telling Dixie that her pants make her butt look fat. Or that Shiimsa and Butterscotch went online and tried to sell the house on eBay.

So I'm in the middle of that when the phone rings. Dad was afraid it would be Mom, so again, I picked it up. This angry female voice with a French accent starts cursing and yelling about homewreckers, and it's a while before I'm able to put tog. that some neighbour called Thérèse @ work and told her that Gordo and Liz were stopping by the house to see Anthony. She told me, "You tell your beetch seester that eef she try to steal my 'usband, I cut her!" Then she hung up. I'm pretty sure that this musta been Gordo's idea, but T didn't give me a chance 2 say NEthing.

Peeps, I am soooooooooooo ready 2 go 2 that farm. I'm gonna go put those cute little short-shorts in my suitcase now!

Apes out


  • At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Liz said…

    Ok. So here I am blithly riding in Gordon's luxuray Crevass when all the sudden he starts talking about seeing Anthony. Then next thing you know there we are at Anthony's house, 'an there Anthony is with that baby.

    And now I finally understand why Mom is pushing me so hard to be with Anthony...He's got the same pun disease as all us Patterson's.

    I need help! I need an intervention. I need a hero on a white steed, or white Crevasse to come take me away!!!

  • At 1:11 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, this wd be a perfect time for heli-man warren to fly in & take u away from all this!

  • At 2:07 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    liz u do not want any foob who would drive a crevasse. an' you don't want a guy who has a baby either cuz they're too much work. i know cuz my mom is always saying how kids are more truble then they're worth.


  • At 2:55 PM, Anonymous Michael Pattersonn said…


    There are A buch of pluses to Datign Anthony.
    He's already got a baby Aleady.
    He's got that Cool 'Stache going.
    Lawrence is Pretty Sure he's not gay (but Lawrence has seen Anthony down At the Beach hanging around the bath house from time to time. still That doesn't realy mean anythign.)
    and, finally
    Mom says Terese is evil. Evilevilevilevilevil. Which is Cube, because if you run Evil togethre like tThat, she becomes Vile.

    Mom says she thinks Anthony is just begging to Be Saved From a Horrile Marriage by a Patterson. "He's Perfect For Liz" mom Said As she was Drinking here Tea. "He's Successful, Well-To-Do, Miserable, And Whipped!" I said, "Whao, Whao, Whao...Hold On Mom." i Said, shaking my Head in disbleif. "Too Much Information there. I Don't Thnk Anthony Even Likes Leather!"

    Michael Patterson

    P.S. My Writting Course Instructor says thta I'm getting Better with my sentence strukshure but need to work On My Grammar, Spellign and that I still don't Get the Idea of Capitilzashun. All These Rules Are Confusing. She said Not To worry because I'm doing okay. She Even Offered To Tutor Me at her house after her Husband leaves on His busness trip next week. She said we're Going To Work on A Litter Ation and Oral Presentashun. I said "I can't wait, but I probably Won't need A Litter Ation becaue Dee is allergec to Cats, but Liz could probably use it. She laughed and Called Me "cute and niy-eve". My Writting Instructer is a Real Cube Foob!!

  • At 3:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    becks, i think our moms have more in common than they admit. my mom wd never admit she thinks kids are a burden, but she alwayz acts like they r. an' when she babysits her grandkids, she acts like she deserves about six medals.

    mike, sounds like yr writing teach thinks u r very cube!

  • At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Gerald said…

    I don't want you to go to the farm. Stay home and make out with me all summer. Those cute little shorts sound hot.

  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i've got no choice, ger, my 'rents are dictators, y'know! but i'll be online so we can still im ea other.

  • At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Liz said…

    I really don't want Anthony, but I do feel an emotional connection. He was my "first" after all. Warren hinted at receiving a letter from Mom saying that he simply wasn't Patterson worthy and that he should look elsewhere because he wasn't good enough for his little girl. Eric told me that he received a phone call from her once, but that he told her, "Bug off you fat turniped nosed old hag!"

    Mike, you really are a cube foob. Alliteration is the repetition of the same sounds or of the same kinds of sounds at the beginning of words or in stressed syllables! Like, "Mike made Mom mad by making mud-pies on Monday" and speaking of getting down and "dirty", I really think you should take Merry and Robbie with you to the tutoring session with your teacher. Teachers like it when you do stuff like that. I would know, I am a teacher.

  • At 11:51 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    huh? apes told me that eric wuz the first man u nailed. so u did it with anthony? didn't u dump him in high school? wow, u wur roadside in high school? did ur mom know? cuz i would think she would hate anthony if she knew u went roadside with him before grad.

    i m so confused. sometimes u sound like a real manhater an' then sometimes i hear stuff like u went roadside in high school an' lived in sin with some other guy an' did it in a helicopter with another guy an' wow u sound like a real slut.


  • At 1:03 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Gee, thanks!! You're A Cube Foob Too!!! But you can't fuul me Liz! Merrie and The Boy are to young for a Writter's Course!

    Michael Pattherson


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