"A Patterson is a Second-Rate Richards"

Well, there's not too much to say about the whole band sitch at the mo. Liz tries to comfort me by reminding me I'm goin' off to the farm for the summer an' leaving everything behind. Well, that includes Gerald, an' I'm not sure how I feel about that. Becky says maybe I'll meet a cute farmboy and forget about everything. I don't know. Meanwhile, I thought I'd explain something about my mom.

Many peeps have the impression that my mom thinks that Pattersons are superior to everyone. That's not exactly true. Actually, my mom thinks that Richardses are superior to everyone. Keep in mind that she's a Patterson by marriage, but a Richards by birth. Pattersons are good, too. After all, my mom married one. But in her mind, a Patterson is a second-rate Richards. (She actually blurted this out once during an argument with my dad. I wasn't supposed to hear that.) So in her head, she, Gramps, and Uncle Phil are a bit higher up than Dad, Aunt Bev, an' my other grandparents. Liz, Mike, an' I are somewhere in between, cuz we've got Richards blood along with Patterson blood. Sometimes I think Mom must have a secret chart somewhere that she uses to keep track of percents and ranks.

NEway, once you know that my mom thinks that a Patterson is a second-rate Richards, u can understand a bit better the way she sometimes treats Dad. Pattersons are better than most peeps 2 her, but they have flaws that need to be corrected. Like loading the dishwasher wrong or arranging the linens in anything other than color and alphabetical order. She watches her kids closely for signs of these weak Patterson traits so's she can train 'em out of us.

So now u must be thinking this explains a lot about us Patts kids, an' u'd be right. Sometimes Liz an' I joke about giving each other gift certs for therapy.

Well, that's all for now. I'm gonna go dream about Gerald now (I hope this won't be a nightmare!).

Apes dreaming