Close Encounters With Elly Patterson?
Well, I sure hope the pets are gettin' along okay while my friends an' I are at the dance. I'll fill u in with the deets on that l8r, peeps, but meanwhile, someone left a comment that has given me an idea for this post. Have you had any weird experiences with my Mom? If so, leave a comment! Y'know, being a Patterson can be a strange an' scary thing. One summer, Mom had "Proud to be a Patterson" t-shirts made for us all. I couldn't wait to "lose" mine at camp. I think Mike still wears his, though. NEway, here's the story that gave me this idea:
wanda kragletooth said...
You may not know me, but I have a "Elly Patterson Horror Story" I would like to share.I went to Lillypad's or whatever that place is called to find a book for my grandson and she kept following me the entire time and kept making snide comments about what I was wearing. I don't know what she was talking about because I dress 1000x better than that old hag.
posted by April Patterson @ 9:53 AM
8 Comments:
At 10:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
I haven't seen the Pattersons for many, many years, but I saw them at a party once, a little over 25 years ago. Elly looked much, much different then. I must admit, I was looking pretty hot, in a low-cut form-fitting gown, and I had a nice chat with John. Most of the men at this party were staring at my chest, but believe it or not, John was actually staring at my teeth. But apparently, Elly didn't believe this. She came running after me, calling me a shameless hussy, wanton harlot, and husband tempter. Anyway, as I said, it's been years. I hope she's gotten a bit more normal since then?
At 11:07 AM,
Anonymous said…
I saw Elly P. at the bookstore a few months ago. She was nice enough but, uhm, the store was a wreck.
At 4:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, you traitor! Mom is a SAINT! I can't believe you purposely lost that precious t-shirt. I wear mine with pride! I got Merrie and Robin their own Patterson t-shirts, too!
At 4:23 PM,
Anonymous said…
Once, back when I was still a freewheeling single gal, I was vacationing in Ontario, and I wandered into your mom's store. I asked her if she had any diet books that allow you to binge all day on empty calories while still losing weight. Your mom said never mind books, all I have to do is make sure I have a skim-milk latte with my food, then it won't matter how much/what I eat. I tried following her advice, but I gained 30 pounds in two weeks.
By the way, I was a little freaked out because I'm not used to shopping in a store where there's no clerk with black curly hair that has a pencil sticking out of it. Lucky for me, the bathing-suit store down the street had a saleslady just like the kind I'm used to. I spent a week trying on suits but didn't buy anything.
At 7:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
So, Mike. How is your therapist doing? Have you told Mom and Dee you're seeing one yet? More importantly have you told your therapist about the stash you keep at Weeds? Just thought I might ask before you go jumping all over Apes for getting rid of that stupid shirt. Mine was lost unfortunate bleaching accident.
Oh dear I hope Shiimsa is ok. I really am dying to try on the new dress I found for her.
At 7:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ixnay on the erapist-thay, iz-Lay!
Stash? What stash? Oh, I just remembered, I left a, um, er, a book over at Weed's, an' I have to get it right now.
At 10:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
Sorry it took so long 4 me to C this post Apes.
The first time i ever met Mrs. P she wouldn't even talk to me. I said "Hello Mrs. Patterson" an' tried to shake hands but she just looked at Apes and yelled, "I thought I told you I did'nt want you hanging around with only children. They're spoiled and that's a bad influence on you. Also, her parents fight over stuff that's not like the dishwasher but like major stuff because her dad has been out of work for three years an' her mom got them into a lot of credit card debt an' I heard it all from Lana the cashier at the Buy N Bag an' I want her out of the house PRONTO!"
What a freak, i didn't even go roadside until like 4 years later.
Beckster
At 5:55 AM,
April Patterson said…
wow, becks, my mom's such a freak! even tho ur parents fight, at least they're not mean to little kids!
mike, every1 knows about ur stash at weed's so give it up alreadE!
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