April's Real Blog

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Y'know, I love Gramps an' everything, but sometimes I just don' know about him. I got this totally random call from him braggin' about how his walker is better than some other old guy's walker. Somethin' about rear spring-loaded yadda an' dual padded foldin' blah blah, turnin' sumthin' an' three chime ha-ha. I find him much less disturbin' when he's goin' on about gr00peez askin' him to sign their body parts!

Well, if yer NEthing like me, an' I know you are, you find the Gramps stuff pretty dull NEway, an' you want to hear more about the dance an' all. Well, Becks told me that the DJ guy was totally hittin' on her while tellin' her he can make her the next Britney, Jessica, or Christina. An' Becks is all, cha, as if. She sez she hates it when guys act like she'll fall for NEthing just cuz she's pretty. An' as for Gerald an' me, well, I feel a big blush comin' on. . . .

That's all 4 now, peeps!

Apes out
User note: Character/cast list is up at the "April Meta-Blog."


  • At 10:43 AM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    yeah men are dumb they think we will beleive anything they say if they give us some compliments. that DJ thought he'd get a BJ if he told me I looked like that buffy the vampaire slayer girl. as if! i don't even watch sci fi.

    apes, u should get some self-respect an' stop falling for all gerald's lines cuz u got it goin' on girl. u could do so much better without even trying. u don't need to put out just to get compliments from a foob like him.

    i know i sound like a broken record but u really seem to have a self-esteem problem when it comes to boys

    lylas becks

  • At 10:54 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i know, becks, i'm startin' 2 think i've got more issues than van. fair mag (an' i don't think they r gonna hire u mike)! just when i was startin' 2 feel kinda ok about my bod, that wide-load paper doll had 2 show up!

    lylas 2,


  • At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Walter Wartsnoggs said…

    I just found out that Jim Richards has been talking trash about my walker! What a two-face. Next time he comes running to me because he ran out of denture adhesive, I'm telling him to get out of my wrinkled old face!

  • At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    hye apes,

    vanity fair, is soo totally going to hire, me. graydon carter, is going to flip, when i tell him i've been taking a summer writing, course at the local uni. i mean, i've been learninfg all abot punctu-, punctua--commas and periods, and exclamation, points and stuff. check it out, commas are very useful when, you, want, to, pause, and, stuff. and periods are good when you. want to stop a sentence. and if you put three periods in a row, like, this...it's called an "ellipse" and it's just a longer pause...between thoughts. kinda like your friend shannon...

    anwyays, graydon is gonna, love the fact that i'm assertive enough to take a writing course...because it shows my drive and determination. and, i'll have you know, little sister, that i got a letter from graydon the other day. dee said it was a "seize and desist" letter (did you see my use of quotes, apes? you use those when you're writing what someone else is saying! or, if your, mom, then you use them when you are trying to be funny or exaggerating something.)

    anyways, a "seize and desist" letter just means that he has the right to "seize" my articles for use in his magazine. it sounds bad, but it would really be an honor for me. i think he'd probably pay me for them becuase he's probably such a good guy.

    anyways, be good apes. i heard you got caught by becky "roadside" mcguire, sucking face wiht gerald in the school hallway after grad. trust me, little sister, you do not want to be like her, and put out for every boy that comes along. boys only want one thing, apes...at least that's waht dee and mom keep telling me. and they should know. which reminds me, i have to, pick up some aspirin on the way home. dee's had this major headache for about...oh, two and half years now...

    michael pattterson.

    p.s. mr. graydon carter, if you're still reading this, please hire me. i'm sure that my summer writing course is going to make me more valuable to vanity fair. my mom would be so impressed, if i were published in vanity fair!

    michael pattersonn.

  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aw, mike, i'm only 14, an' i know it's "cease and desist". not "seize". i don't know lots of details, but i think it meanz ur in serious trouble if u don't leave that graydon guy alone.

    hey, an' stop harshin' on becks! we don't always agree on everything, but she's my bud!

    btw, i think i saw ur writing teacher cryin' rite after u were talkin' 2 her after class.

  • At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Liz said…

    She wasn't crying April. She was laughing really hard.

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    u mite be rite, liz, esp. since that wd still explain the tears streaming down her face!


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