April's Real Blog

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Animal Zone

So, I'm having my coffee an' vitamins when I hear a doggie-kitty commotion outside. First barking, then scuttling, then mrowwwing. I don't even wanna go 2 see what's goin' on, but my mom says she's busy inspecting the house to make sure none of us have made any of our "boneheaded mistakes". "You go, April, you're not busy!" No, of course not, cuz I'm just a kid, right?

Well, so I'm not in a big hurry to go out, an' by the time I get there, I see Shiimsa looking kinda like she has a headache. Then I notice Eddie looks like he's almost laughing at her. I know I had this whole zen theory about him, but I don't think that was very "zen" of him!

Then I go into the house and upstairs. Liz is in her room sewing a little dress for Shiimsa. I tell her what I saw, and she tells me Edgar's a brute who needs etiquette lessons. Says she was watching a talk show an' they had doggie charm school and Eddie totally has to go. I doubt Mom and Dad would go for that, though.

Afterwards, I find Dad in his choo-choo room. He asks me what the noise was, so I tell the dummass story again, and he's all, "Well, it's the DOG days of summer, you know", then waits for me to laugh. "My laugh track's broken", I say, but then I feel bad cuz he looks so sad.

Meanwhile, Mom's making hrmphy sounds in the kitchen. When I get there, she points at the salt an' pepper shakers on the table. "What's wrong with this, April? Can you TELL me what's WRONG with this?" I'm thinkin' I can't win when she's like this, so I keep quiet. She gets out her little tape measure from the pocket of her bathrobe and measures the space between them. "These should be exactly 7.5 centimetres apart, April! You know that!" She adjusts them by the, I dunno, two millimetres difference, and adds, "Now GO TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" So I go up and write this entry. Whatevs, Mom. I'm gonna go check out my chat roomz now, peeps!

TTYL, Apes


  • At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Liz said…

    Edgar really is a brute Apes! Look at how he rolls around in manure 'an eats garbage! He's always coming in and shaking off his wet fur on someone! I think doggie charm school would be perfect for him. I bet I could get mom to agree to it 'an everything!

    Come to my room later 'an I'll show you the complete outfit I'm making for Shiimsa. I am thinking of making a mother daughter dress for her 'an I. Don't you think that'd be so adorable? Besides I want to hide from Mom. She's always in her Mommie dearest, wire hanger moods on Sundays.

  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    she really is x-tra scary on sundays. which reminds me, don't forget to clean the sewing machine with a q-tip b4 you put it away. remember what happened the last time?

  • At 3:42 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    OMG "laugh TRACK"??? and u were in ur dad's train room? now u are punning like ur mom. better cash in those therapy coupons now.


  • At 3:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    o. ma. gah! becks, i didn't even think of that. does it count if i didn't do it on purpose? ugh, maybe there's no hope for me after all!

  • At 8:44 PM, Anonymous becky mcguire said…

    yeah, it prolly counts cuz it means ur mom's personality has rotted its way into ur brain.

    mayB a summer away frum her will be good 4 u.

  • At 9:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    fortunately i didn't lean on the word "track" and look all pleased w/myself while lookin' at the tracks. if i had, dad prolly woulda laughed and smacked his hand on my back steada lookin' all sad.

    but maybe then it's a slow kinda dain bramage an' i'm in the early stages. mayB time away will help, like u say.

  • At 2:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


  • At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey has any body heard from kad?


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