April's Real Blog

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

"Tension" an' "Turning Points"

Yeah, so we have this h'work assignment. I totally 4got 2 mention that we got it yesterday, when Ger an' I were still speaking 2 each other. Our English teacher, who, BTW, is hideous, laid this one on us, peeps:
OK, class, U have each chosen a novel from my list and I xpect most of U 2 have finished them. Yr outlines R due next wk. I want a summary, the predominant "theme"...What was the writer trying 2 say? I want an analysis of the story development. Separate the main plot from the subplots. List the outstanding characters and establish their relevance 2 the story. What "elements" were used? Where was the "tension"? Where was the "turning point"? And--what was the ultimate "resolution"?!!
I'm glad I got this all down yesterday, when I wasn't, like, totally hung over, w/a throbbing headache, wearing Becky's plaid pants an' sweater! As we were leaving class, and since I was still talkin' 2 him, I told Ger, "Man, she sure knows how to ruin a good book."

So, like, I don't know what I was trying 2 write last nite when I was drunk as a skunk on Mrs. McGuire's brandy & lethal milkshake, & I kept doin' song lyrics and babble. I'm way embarrassed! So, like, the tension came fr. Ger's mom deciding I must B like sum golddigger type fr. his dad's st00pid filmstrip, who had 2 sign legal docs 2 keep fr. grabbing Ger's big stinkin' trust fund, which I didn't even know abt, when he turns 18. And Gerald not, like, refusing 2 go along w/it, but instead being like a teeny-tiny lapdog doin' lil trix 4 their tite-arse lawyer! Sum1 tell Ger, who I'm NOT talking 2 rite now, that the correct answer was "April's not like that! I luv and trust her, and that's what she deserves, luv an' trust, not a big ol' legal contract that's, like, the opp of trust!" So, like, NEway, my lawyer Sue was advising me of my rites after Mrs. F. had gone an' fired their lawyer. But then, Mrs. F. was all, "If Gerald doesn't have counsel present, young lady, then you cannot either, and I have 2 ask that your counsel must leave as well!" And Sue was all, "I can't allow my client 2 remain here in this hostile environment w/out counsel present." So we left 2gether & she dropped me off @ Beckers's house cuz I cdn't stand the idea of facing my 'rents just then. And I guess U mostly know the rest fr. Becky's comments last nite. And, hey, I'm not sure if my bein' all stinkin' drunk like that was, like, a turning point in this story, or mayB my hangover is one. I don't know how ppl who get drunk on a reg. basis can stand the hangovers. But Becky sez they just drink more as soon as they feel hung over, so it goez away, but, like, they're alwayz drunk.

So, that's our main plot. Main characters, me, Ger what's-his-name, his 'rents, the lawyers. Other plots include Howard still a dog, Rebeccah's gigz, Paul and Liz having their deep talks (go, Paul and Liz!), Alex and Jeremy figuring out which concerts it's safe 2 go 2. Resolution? Dang, I dunno. So, Dunc's away cuz of his fam going 2 TO 4 sum reason. Oh, I called Liz @ around 1:30 am, like she asked, an' she was really nice abt it, just glad I was OK. And 4 the record, my mom doesn't sing me lullabies @ nite, tho she wants every1 2 think she does. Cuz, she's crayzeeeeeee!

Apes out

26 Comments:

  • At 12:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    lol, becks! u rock! :)

    apes

     
  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'd kick ger, but i'm afraid his mother wd have me arrested! i'll just let the law of unexpected consequences catch up with him. u don't get what u want, u get what u deserve!

    apes

     
  • At 1:16 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, i did take sum harp lessons fr. carol enjo when we were planning 4 that other mary worth party that nevr happened. so, yeah, y not? only, i'm totally bringing my own food!

    apes

     
  • At 3:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Rebeccah McGuire,

    Boozhoo (Hello). I have read the writing from last night. Your writings are very funny. I would like you to remind you and your mother of these things:

    If you are under the age of 19 you cannot buy, try to buy, or drink liquor or beer. It is also against the law for anyone to sell or give you beer or liquor. The only exception to this rule is when you are given liquor or beer by your parents at home. You may be given the liquor or beer by your parents at home, but it is still against the law for you to drink it.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    alexandra, i got my english done. wudya think?

    summary: i like u.
    the predominant “theme”: i like u.
    wut wuz the riter tryin’ 2 say: i like u.
    main plot: i like u.
    subplots:
    1. ur dad duzn’t want me 2 touch u.
    2. ur mom duzn’t want me 2 touch u.
    3. ur sis is snotty, but cube sumtymez
    4. my mom thinks ur cube, cuz u don’t set me on fire or put me n hospital.
    outstanding characters: u, me.
    relevance 2 the story: i like u.
    elements used: hockey games, coffee, skool, line dancin’, c/w music
    tension: sumtymez u didn’t know i liked u.
    turning point: wen u sed i cud be ur bf
    ultimate resolution: i’m ur bf.

     
  • At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello). Your sister finished her work at school. After last night’s healing, I think I am well enough to go out. Your sister is a good healer. She said she received training in university. Your sister stayed with me to make sure her cat Shiimsa (little brother/sister of the animal world) did not sleep on my head.

    We will eat dinner at the Moose Caboose. It was a railway car. Now it is a diner. It was never a moose. I doubt the food will be as good as your sister’s chicken and carrots. She makes good food. Your sister thinks we should have a “real date” where people in Mtigwaki (The Land of Trees) can see us. She thinks that will help with people like Yulanda. I said a Talking Circle with Yulanda would be best. Your sister is not ready for that. I can see she is right. It is too soon.

    Have you been to Mtigwaki (The Land of Trees)? I have read your writings. I would like to meet you. Your sister told me she visits Milborough during holidays. That is a busy work time for me. I doubt I could come.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 4:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    boozhoo, paul! no, i haven't been up 2 mtigtreeland yet, but i mite b able 2 visit in march when i have my spring break. i hope so!

    apes

     
  • At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello). That is good news. I would love to meet you. Your sister says she may find out more about your trip tomorrow.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey, april! fugghedabout that gerald idiot! if he let u go like that, he's gotta b a total moron! u're pretty, got good legz, an' play the guitar! u don't know me, but i'm on the hockey team. #12! injured spleen my arse! whatta wussy boy!

    if u wanna hook up w/a real man (grade 11), ask 4 me @ the next game. an' if u want, i cd knock out sum of his teeth. hockey "accident"!

     
  • At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ted, i think i saw u play yestahday. were u the guy that spent mosta the game n the penalty box?

     
  • At 5:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    stoopid penalty box! they r so picky abt "no fites!" i'll show 'em when i'm nhl!

    ted

     
  • At 5:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hee ::Blushing::

    Hi Ted. Since you're here I should tell you, that one penalty you got called on ... That was a perfectly clean hit! And that other time, that guy totally dove!

    I'm dating Jeremy, just so you know.

    Alex

     
  • At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey, alex, u sound like u know yr hockey! what u sed abt those penalties, that's what was saying, but do they lissen? nope!

    ted

     
  • At 5:40 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hi, ted! thanx 4 sayin' those nice thingz abt me. u don't hafta knock out ne of ger's teeth, tho! his fam wd just, like, sue u & u don't need that!

    (this is the part where ger, if he's reading this, is all, "y aren't u defending me?" well, sum1 who's talkin' 2 ger ask him y he wasn't defending me 2 his mom! & his lawyer!)

    apes

     
  • At 6:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    geranium, y weren't u defending april 2 ur mom! & ur lawyer!

    april, i think it's suppozed 2b "ur mom & ur lawyer?" w/a question mark 2b a question tho. mebbe it's suppozed 2b 1 of thoze rhetorical questions, that r not rilly questions. like wen u say, "i wonder if 'rebeccah' will b famous." or "who woulda guessed she'd team up w/jeremy jones!" w/no question marks on the end. i dunno which 1 u want. did i do that rite? <--(notice the question mark, so it rilly iz a question.) english wuz rilly confuzing 2day.

     
  • At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My petulant little periwinkle,

    I am very, very sorry for the events of last night. As you may have noticed, I was not in school today. That is because of what happened after you left our house.

    As soon as we Delaney/Forsythes were alone, I said, "Mother, I am most perturbed with you." And Mother said, "Whatever do you mean, Gerald my love?" And I said, "Because your paranoia concerning my inherited wealth has caused a rift between my beloved April and myself." And Mother said, "Nay, son, it is a mother's duty to protect her offspring."

    At that point Father interjected, "There is right on both sides of this disagreement. Perhaps you should both shake hands and agree to disagree no more."

    Just as we were about to shake hands to seal the promise, my brother came out of the kitchen. I realize that some of you may be surprised to learn that I have a brother. I rarely speak of him. This is because he has a very indeterminate personality. I sometimes can't even remember how old he is, let alone his name. Anyway, he had been lurking in the kitchen listening, unbeknownst to myself and the Mater and Pater.

    "Gerald," he said, "you are a first-class foob." And then my brother socked me in the gut. I promptly spewed black bean soup all over his new gray flannel slacks, which may or may not be a part of a uniform for the R.P. Boire High School. Naturally, this assault caused further trauma to my spleen, and upon instructions from my internist, Dr. Gutzen-Beobachter, I was forced to remain prone for 24 hours.

    I have also been grounded from using the computer or the telephone for 3 days for having ruined my brother's flannel slacks. Naturally, my brother was not punished for this misdeed. My parents love him best, probably because he is not sexually conflicted.

    If I could have, I would have picked a different brother. But I still love my parents, misguided though they are. And I still love you, my little April flower. Mother has agreed to give us no more problems about my trust fund, and Father has promised not to discuss sexual matters with you anymore.

    Will you please come back to the welcoming bosom of my undying affections?

    Sincerely and devotedly yours,

    Gerald Millicent Delaney Forsythe

     
  • At 6:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, it luks like gerrymander iz beggin' 4 4giveness. my rhetorical question 2 him musta worked. good idea!

     
  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, thanx 4 askin' 4 me. i meant 2 use "?", but i was so ad i was all "!".

    gerald, ok. that soundz fair. & i wda chosen a diff brother 2. 1 who's not libeling me & stuff. so, like, mayB we cd go on a real d8 fri or sat nite?

    apes

     
  • At 7:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    erg, so mad, not so ad!

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I know you're discussing yesterday's English assignment but my English teacher gave us the assignment LAST Tuesday. I never brought it up because, well it's English and who the hell spews on about a ... Oh, never mind.

    So anyhow, I got the assignment LAST Tuesday. After we picked out the novels we were going to read, my English teacher said, "You have each chosen a novel from my list and I expect most of you to finish them," and then glared at the back of the class. She didn't write anything down, did yours? We had to scribble really quickly to get all she was saying.

    I absolutely suck at taking notes so I asked Cameron -- I was talking to him last week -- if he got the notes on the assignment and if he would share them with me and then I asked what was up with the glare she gave the back of the class because she, like, was totally boring into Cameron. Cameron said she was talking to the "special needs" kids (he didn't call 'em "special needs" though) at the back of the class. APPARENTLY, Special Needs kids don't actually have to read the book so she didn't expect them to. I was like, "What?! That's totally not fair!" and he said, "Well you know about Shannon's 'Justin'. She just has him on loop, reading the most seductive lines of the book. She's not learning shit. Some of the teachers have given up on her. They just pass her to get her out of their classroom." I was shocked! I don't know if I believe him. I asked him, "So what novel are you going to read?" and he said, as he rolled away, "I'm special needs, remember?" Jerk!

    I figure if the teacher is only expecting half the class to do the work than I'm just going to read the cliff notes and give her an abridged version of that.

    Have you noticed the shady figures that walk around outside of school? I saw one peering into one of my classes so I waved. He licked his lips all freaky like and winked at me. I thought it was strange. Stranger than the school allows it, you know? It has the be a Canadian thing. They don't allow that kind of thing in the US. Especially during the school day like that.

    I'm talking to Jeremy in IM. He's invited me over to watch LOST with him. I think I'm going to go. He said, "I know how you feel about that new Ana-Luci character. Maybe if you come over and watch it with me, I can make the experience a little better." It sounds like a good idea given last weeks episode ::Gagging::

    Alex

     
  • At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My wonderful little water lily,

    I would be pleased to escort you to Luigi's Italian Eatery on Friday night. I have this longstanding fantasy of sharing a plate of spaghetti with you and finding that we are accidentally eating opposite ends of the same strand, which leads to a kiss. I have had this fantasy ever since I saw Lady and the Tramp when I was 5 years old.

    Sincerely yours, Gerald

     
  • At 8:12 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    alex, i wonder y yr class is 1 wk ahead of ours? that seems so, like, unnecessary! no, we didn't get our assignment in writing either. we had 2 b like super-notetaker!

    awwww, ger, i've alwayz luvved that spaghetti scene in the movie! dinner @ luigi's soundz like fun.

    becks, that wd b so gr8 if yr mom can change howard back! pls tell him i'll buy sum superdog 4 eddie and ratdog!

    apes

     
  • At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't know April. If I was still talking to Cameron I'd ask him, especially since he's already done 9th grade.

    Anyhow, I wanted to ask the girls here ... I was looking through my closet for something to wear to the Christmas parties ... I can't find anything = ( I don't know what to wear or how to wear my hair or anything. Will you guys help me? I wanna look really pretty for Jeremy! Really, really, pretty. Will you guys help??? Er, gals.

    I'm going over Jeremy's now.

    Alex

     
  • At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello). Your sister and I have came back from dinner at the Moose Caboose. At dinner, Billy Strongblood came by the table. He said, “I can see and speak the truth. I will eat with you tonight.” Your sister said, “No.” I said, “No.” Billy sat down. Your sister said, “Go away.” I said, “Leave.” He said, “I can see and speak the truth. You do not have the strength to make me. Nyah. Nyah.” He was right. I am still weak. Your sister wanted to sit someplace else. The other tables were full. We were quiet. Billy said, “Yulanda. Over here!” Yulanda came over and said, “I’m not sitting here.” Your sister said, “No.” I said, “No.” Billy said, “I can see and speak the truth. There are no other free chairs.” Yulanda sat.

    Your sister’s nose began to grow. Billy said to me, “Your hair is short. Are you too ashamed of our ways to wear it long and braided?” I said, “My job requires short hair.” Billy said to me, “Why are you in the Ontario Provincial Police and not the Anishinabek Police Service?” I said, “The OPP job is better and the pay is better.” He said, “Why are you with this white woman? You will dilute our ways and customs.” I said, “The sacred prophet of the Fourth Fire of the Seven Fires Prophecies spoke of a time when our Nation and the light skinned Nation will join to make a Mighty Nation. You defy our prophesied future when you shun the whites.” Billy Strongblood said, “The sacred prophet of the seventh fire said the Light Skinned race will be given a choice between two roads. If they choose the right road, then the Seventh Fire will light the Eighth and final Fire, an eternal Fire of peace, love, brotherhood and sisterhood. The whites do not choose the right road.” I said, “Elizabeth is teaching the children of our people. She has chosen the right road.”

    Billy and I spoke much about the Seven Fires Prophecies of the Anishinabe, while we ate. While we were speaking, your sister and Yulanda left. When they returned, your sister said to me, “It is time to leave.” We came back to her apartment. That was our date.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    sure, i'll help u w/the clothes, alex. tho becks is better w/fashion than i am.

    liz an' paul. that billy guy, what a jerk!

    apes

     
  • At 2:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i had an inneresting evening watching lost w/alexandra. she rilly h8s this new ana lucia character on the show. if u haven’t watched this show, ana lucia wuz a la cop who killed the guy who shot her. she wuz pg @ the tyme & lost the baby. aftah she showed up, she shot shannon, the character everybody liked, @least i did. while we were watchin’ the show, alexandra wuz sayin’ thingz like: “"lost season ii continues: ana lucia's v*g*n* up close & personal" & “ooo so exciting. i'll give sawyer his sponge bath. step off b*tch*s! i'm the one that saved him!" & “this ana/jack/kate/sawyer square of love makes me wanna puke.” duzn’t make ne sense ‘less u know the show, i know.

    i sed 2 alexandra, “lemme get this str8. sawyer iz a con man, charlie iz a heroin addict, kate iz a wanted fugitive, sayid used 2 torture peeps, shannon falsely reported sayid 2 airport authorities just 4 kicks. u like them & u don’t like ana lucia?” she sed, “yep. she’s so butch." i sed, “thass cube.” neway, aftah the show wuz ovah, alexandra sorta pushed her pants down a little 2 imitate ana lucia’s low-rise jeans, grabbed a wet sponge & started chasin’ me ‘round sayin’ “it’s tyme 4 ur sponge bath sawyer.” u know. i cud get usedta sponge baths.

     

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