Shannon has violent, badly drawn fantasies!
So, like, yesterday, after Becks did her line abt "what-zit 2 U", Shannon sidled up 2 me all asking me how I'm doing, tho it turned out she'd obvs listened in when Becks an' I were talking. When I sed she wouldn't understand, she got all offended cuz ppl assume she doesn't understand stuff fr. being "special needs". Actually, I was thinking she didn't understand cuz her face is clear, but whatevs. So then, she was all, Becky...hurt yr feelings. ...Right? Ppl hurt...my feelings...all the...time...but, I...get..over it." So I asked "How?" & she sed, "I....think posi....tive." I think this is the first time I noticed her talkin' w/an ellipse in the middle of a word, but I cd B wrong. So then she was, like patting me on my lower back while she had this thot bubble w/ a weird, badly drawn an' spelled fantasy. In the fantasy, her mind had drawn her abt 2 lite the fuse on a "roket to Mars" w/ Becky tied 2 it. An' she had Becks being all, "Help!" So, like, I had no idea Shannon was so violent, yo.
So, y'know, I guess it's nice that Shannon was all mad @ Becks 4 me, & trying 2 make me feel better. But I also think it's a bit icky that she like totally eavesdropped like she did. & really, I don't wanna shoot Becks in2 space.
Well, I'm glad 2 say the couple stuff is goin' well. Ger & I had a mad-good "practice" session @ my house yesterday evening. Sorry abt all the xtra cleansing, hon, I'm paranoid abt the zits l8ly! Also, Paul & Lizzie R happily gettin' 2 know ea other, Dunc an' Becks R kissing again, & Alex an' Jeremy had themselves a bit of a stargazing d8 (Liz approves of that, don't U, Liz!)
Apes
So, y'know, I guess it's nice that Shannon was all mad @ Becks 4 me, & trying 2 make me feel better. But I also think it's a bit icky that she like totally eavesdropped like she did. & really, I don't wanna shoot Becks in2 space.
Well, I'm glad 2 say the couple stuff is goin' well. Ger & I had a mad-good "practice" session @ my house yesterday evening. Sorry abt all the xtra cleansing, hon, I'm paranoid abt the zits l8ly! Also, Paul & Lizzie R happily gettin' 2 know ea other, Dunc an' Becks R kissing again, & Alex an' Jeremy had themselves a bit of a stargazing d8 (Liz approves of that, don't U, Liz!)
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 10:43 AM
32 Comments:
At 11:07 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i saw shannon n skool carryin' a sign that sed, "Roket to Mars". I sed, "it's rocket, r-o-C-k-e-t". she sed, "u...r...next...spel...ling...boy". she wuz scary.
At 11:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I didn't want to say anything yesterday because I wasn't sure if you saw Shannon's thought bubble or not but I was coming around the corner just about that time. I was going to say "Hi" but Shannon's thought bubble freaked me out. I didn't want to get strapped to her, "April's mine bitch!" Rocket to Mars so I just pretended to not know you. Glad you didn't notice me.
Coffee later?
Alex
At 11:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
apes,
that freaky shannon lake came up 2 me w/sum rope. she wuz stretchin' it out & lukin' @me. she sed, "yes...i...think...this...is...just...the...rite...len...gth." i saw u talkin' 2 her. iz there sumthing i shud know?
becks
At 11:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
My delightful dahlia, I am looking forward to the practical joke that you and your new best friend Shannon Lake have devised to play on Becky. Rest assured that I will not fail you on my part. I must say that I did not realize that you were such a jocular jonquille. Perhaps afterwards, you will be so enlivened by the activity that we might engage in some more practice kissing sessions?
Devotedly and jokingly yours,
Gerald
At 11:38 AM,
Anne said…
I think Gerald wants 2 do something w/that rope other than jump rope or tying a boat 2 a dock, Apes....lol. Something that would make him "extraordinary" n his quack therapist's dad's eyes. I'm just sayin', u know?
Alex, we totally have 2 have a Starbucks study session! That quiz on estuaries next week freaks me out.
Vicks
At 11:39 AM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, jeremy, i don't know what's up w/her. i thot she was all nice an' stuff.
becks & ger, i'm not planning nething w/shannon. but if she's measuring rope, we shd prolly keep an eye on her.
alex, coffee @ 4:30 wd b gr8!
apes
At 11:39 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i saw shannon lake rolling a barrel. i sed, "wut's the barrel 4". she laffed & sed, "roket...fuel". i sed, "r-o-C-k-e-t". she sed, "do...not...cross...me...spel...ling...boy...i...think...posi...tive." i got away frum her fast.
At 11:46 AM,
April Patterson said…
wow, guyz, mayB we shd tell the principal what shannon's doing. i mean, i h8 2 rat ne1 out, but this soundz serious.
vicks, u totally read my mind abt the rope an' ger, lol! if u want, u're welcome 2 join us @ the 'bucks this afternoon!
apes
At 11:48 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
My hep hepatica, I must admit some confusion. Your new best friend Shannon Lake told me that you want me to subdue Becky so she can be tied to this barrel she has attached to a stake in the ground. I do not wish to disappoint you, my luminous lily, but I do not think this is a very good practical joke. Are you sure this is what you want me to do?
Devotedly, but questioningly yours,
Gerald
At 11:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
Gerald,
There is no criminal ordinance against shooting people to Mars. There is a criminal ordinance against tying people up against their will. Do not do this.
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
Jeremy, please be careful.
I had a study hall with Shannon and I wanted to ask the teacher a question, and I paused mid-thought because I forgot what my question was and Shannon started, "Are... you ... making ... fun ... of ... me?" and I was, "No, I just forgot what my question was," and she was, "Don't ... make ... fun ... of ... me. I ... know ... when ... people ... are ... making ... fun ... of ... me. People ... don't ... think ... I know ... but ... I ... know." She was all glarin' at me. Then the teacher was, like, "Shannon, I'm sure Alexandra didn't mean anything by it," really helpful right? And Shannon like glares at the teacher and then she comes and sits by me, Shannon, not the teacher, and she's all, "You're... April's... other... friend ... right? You're... seeing ... that ... spell..ing ... boy. I... can... take... care ... of ... you... too."
I'm afraid of her, please be careful.
Vicki, how's 4:30, we can hang out with April for ten and then study afterwards?
Alex
At 12:07 PM,
Anonymous said…
apes, shannon lake came up 2 me & sed, "1…of…these…dayz…becky…pow!...2…the…moon…uh…mars." y do u like this girl?
At 12:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
My little periwinkle, I hope that you do despise me. Based on the Constable’s advice I declined to participate in the practical joke you and your new best friend Shannon Lake had planned for Becky. Shannon was most upset when I told her this. She said to me, “@...#...$...%...&…*…!” I hope you do not have similar, but more closely spaced words, for me too, since I ruined your fun, my mellifluous marigold. Are we still on for our practice session?
Devotedly and semi-swervingly yours,
Gerald
At 12:21 PM,
April Patterson said…
ger, what part of "i'm not planning nething w/shannon" did u not understand? if shannon told u i'm planning sumthin' w/her, she'z lying.
becks, y do i like shannon? well, b4 2day, i didn't know she had this weird, vengeful, violent side. i'm rethinking the like thing.
alex, that's freekee. i think mayB we need 2 plan an intervention.
apes
At 12:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I hesitate to say this to my most assuredly not barbaric barberry, but I do not believe it is politically correct to accuse the “special needs” of being weird, vengeful, violent or especially lying. Your mother told me most emphatically that I was not to interfere with your relationship with Shannon, because she was supposed to teach you something. She spoke of Shannon in only the most positive glowing terms. I am sure that when you consider it in the proper light, my amiable amaranth, you will realize what a fine individual Shannon Lake is, despite her proclivity to explosive rockets and rope.
Devotedly and nervously yours,
Gerald
At 12:44 PM,
April Patterson said…
ger, but remember that time in english class when our teacher sed it's just as prejudiced 2 say a group of ppl is better than 2 say they r worse? that's 1 of my mom's "blind spots", 2 use our teacher's xpression.
apes
At 12:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
Apes, that girl u guys R talking 'bout, Shannon Lake. She just stopped me in the hall. She said, "So u think u're April's new bff do u?" started snickering like, & then said, "I'll get u to my pretty!" and started crackling as she skipped away.
What's up with that? I thought we were only friends.
Man, I thought the Toronto school district was tuff.
At 12:58 PM,
April Patterson said…
aw, man, eva, i don' know what 2 say. i'm a bit freaked out!
apes
At 2:41 PM,
Anne said…
Shannon sounds like she needs Ritalin or something ASAP!
Cool, Alex. I'll meet u an' Apes on the front steps @3:00. There's nothing some espresso can't get our minds off of!
At 2:53 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, vicks, i can meet u @ 3, but then i need 2 go home, change, & go 2 lilliput's. alex & i r gonna meet @ the 'bucks @ 4:30 when i have my break. i totally agree abt the 'spresso.
hey, since shannon's mom is social worker, mayB she shd use sum of her social-worker knowledge to get shan 2 calm the eff down!
apes
At 4:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Think good thoughts for us. Jesse Mukwa is missing. He left your sister’s class for the bathroom and did not return. Your sister is unhappy. She fears Jesse did not understand something she said in class. The whole town is searching. I or your sister will let you know what happens. Think good thoughts.
Constable Paul Wright
At 4:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
apes, i’m gonna crash ur starbucks party, if that’s ok. my mom sed she b-lieves that she haz made arrangements 2b covered @krystle’s kakes & piez, so we & howie can 2 go 2 london 2morrow 2c that lady fiona brass sez can fix howie, i mean turn howie back frum a dog 2 a human. i thot u guyz mite wanna c howie b4 we leave. he’z a rilly gr8 dog & it will not b az much fun 2 pet him & stuff wen he’z a man agin. also, i’m getting’ worried ‘bout him. the telepathy w/him iz getting’ fuzzy & sumtymes he starts callin’ me “mistress” instead of becky, which is kinda kinky wen u think ‘bout it. ‘course howie iz rilly talkin’ ‘bout me b-ing hiz owner & not sum s&m stuff. least i think he iz. it’s hard 2 say w/howie, aftah he & sera did it yestuhday. i think we hafta get him changed soon or there won’t b a howie left 2 change 2.
cu,
becks
At 4:44 PM,
April Patterson said…
so, becks just brot howard by starbucks where alex, vicks, & i were loading up on the caf drinx. mmmmm. howard really does make a gd-looking dog, but we all miss human-howard 2! becks just ordered a trip-shot latte & she's getting a muffin 4 howard.
apes
At 4:50 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i saw shannon lake. she sed 2 me, "wut's...that...n...ur... poket...spel...ling...boy?" i sed, "none of ur beeswax. it's 4 alexandra. 'sides it's spelled p-o-C-k-e-t" shannon sed, "none...of...my...beeswax...that...is...so...tot...al...ly...re...tro...no...bod...y...says...none...of...your...bees...wax...ne...more...w8...i'm...not...done" i walked away b4 she cud finish her sentence. i know it's cruel, but i cud b there all day. i think i like "none of your beeswax" now. i think i will start sayin' it.
At 4:56 PM,
April Patterson said…
wow, becks, shannon's even stealing yr material! mayB now u need 2 have a thot bubble abt tying her 2 a rocket.
jeremy, alex is all xcited abt yr surprise! she's still @ starbucks w/vicks. i had 2 go back 2 lilliput's & becks had 2 get going 2.
apes
At 5:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i finished the poem i rote & gave it 2 alexandra. i am w8ing 2c wut she sez. this iz the poem:
Ode to Alexandra
To some I am stupid,
To some I’m a wreck
I’m no good at cupid
I’m a major reject
I know in my heart
There’s a girl just for me
Who won’t fall apart
And won’t go all banshee
A smart girl and pretty
So cube and complex
Who won’t treat me shitty
I think it’s you Alex.
This poem is to ask you
Over your coffee blend
If I can be your brew
And you my girlfriend
At 5:55 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, jeremy, i just got a txt fr. alex saying she luvved the poem & will tell us more l8r when she has more time 2 post!
apes
At 5:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello). We found Jesse. He was in a closet in his nizhigosh (aunt) Margaret’s house, eating blueberry pie. Elizabeth had a long talk with him. She said she wants to tell you about it. I leave Mtigwaki now. I have an assignment where I am not allowed to write to you. I will write again when I am done. While I am gone, I wish you to remind your sister I care for her deeply. I do not want her to forget me.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 8:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
Even after a coffee study with Vicki, I still don't have a clue what "estuaries" are. Apparently, they're amazing places like bays, sounds, lagoons and sloughs or something. I am so going to flunk geography it's not even funny -- that's the class I'm taking right, geography?
So anyhow, when I left school to meet Vicki outside I ran into Eva. I said, "Hi Eva, I know you, you post on April's blog sometimes," and she said, "Sometimes," and I said, "Right, anyhow, I'm meeting April and Vicki for coffee, did you you want to join us?" and Eva looked nervous and she said, "I don't know," and then my phone beeped and I checked my messages and then I said to Eva, "Ooops, scratch that, just Vicki and me are getting coffee right now, April's going to meet us later." Then Eva said, "Well, I should really go home, I can't aff--," and I cut her off and said, "I have a free coffee coming to me after I buy my 10th, which is today, so you can have my free coffee," and Eva's eye lit right up, so that's why I was a little late meeting Vicki at 3 outside school.
So on the walk to Starbucks we couldn't help but talk about Shannon's ... shenanigans today and yesterday. I started it with, "Damn, Shannon really scared me yesterday and today," and Vicki said, "I think she was just venting," and Eva said, "That's some way to vent. I think April's right, she needs an intervention," and I said, "Well from what I'm hearing around school everyone thinks this is just the cutest darn thing that Shannon's ever done, everyone's like, 'Aww, she's human, look she feels anger'. I'm actually kind of scared for Becky's life. I'm glad she's going away over the next few days," and everyone said, "Yeah," I think to humor me because I'm probably making more of this than there is ... Or something.
So we enter Starbucks and Vicki like nudges me in the ribs and goes, "Oo, that cute boy is on register. You know, that cute boy who's cute for Starbucks. Not 'cute' like at the Roller rink," and I'm like, "Pfft, I have Jeremy," and Vicki goes, "HA! I knew it. He's totally going to be your boyfriend!" and I said, "Is not! I'm just saying I don't have to ... FINE! I'll order," so I try my hand at flirting with the cute guy at the register and totally fell flat on my face, he's a 10th grader and basically laughed at my attempts. Pfft.
Studying went really well ::Roll eyes::. Eva's super smart, she knew all the answers. She said, "Geography is interesting this year isn't it?" and all I could do was go, "Pfft," and sip my coffee. I'm so stupid when it comes to, like, bays, sounds, lagoons and sloughs and things. Eva left around four, said she had to get home.
April showed up around quarter to five with Howard right behind her and thank God too because I was totally not enjoying the studying. Howard is so cute. 'Cept for the whole jewels thing ... I for one am looking forward to him being a human, clothed I hope. God I hope I can look at Howard the same again!!!! Argh. I'm such a perv.
God, okay, so then I head home, right, and Jeremy meets me a block from my house -- he is so smart for learning not to meet me at my house anymore, honestly -- and he said he has something for me. So I pull him in the opposite direction of my house and said, "Give it to me." Okay it came out nicer than that. He gives me a very folded sheet of paper that I think has been in his pocket, like, all day. I stop and sit on the curb and Jeremy says, "I'm going to leave," and I said, "No, sit," and he said, "No, really," and I said, "Sit," and he sat. And I read and I said, "Awww!" and he said, "I should go," and I said, "Stay," and I read some more and I said, "Awwwww!" and he said, "I should really," and I grabbed his chin and pulled him towards me and kissed him really good! And he said, "I'll stay," and I said, "I really like you," and I kissed him again. And he said, "Will you --" and I kissed him again, "Is that a yes?"
Good day. But Shannon's a freak. I'm avoiding her tomorrow.
Alex
At 8:50 PM,
April Patterson said…
aw, it's 2 bad eva didn't get 2 stay longer. i agree that shannon's behaviour fr. yesterday & 2day is so not cute.
apes
At 9:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i gave alexandra my poem & she sed she rilly liked me. that much i know 4 sure. i think she wuz also tellin’ me that i cud b her bf, but i am not 4 certain sure. if she wuz tellin’ me no, then i like the way she tellz me no. aftah i went home, i called my future sis up & asked her ‘bout it. she sed, “sumtymez girlz like the guy 2 figger it out, so they know ur smart enuff 2 know how they r feelin’ w/o them sayin’ wut they’re feelin’.” i sed, “huh?” she sed, “frum wut u sed she coulda been sayin’ yes or maybe. i wud say definitely not no.” me, i think it wuz yes and if it wuz yes, then i shud ask her out 4 next weekend, cuz guyz take their gf out every weekend, rite?
At 9:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
apes, i finished packin' 4 the trip to london. dunc & i hadda little kissin' session, 2 make sure he duzn't 4get he'z my sumtymez bf while i am gone. i gave him sum powerful kisses. i asked my mom if she cud do sum wiccan magick 2 make dunc faithful while i wuz gone & she sed, "if i cud do that stuff, do u think i wud have ne man trubbles?" i hafta admit she wuz rite 'bout that. if my mom had ne kind of luv potion, no man n mboro wud b safe. neway, wish me luck apes. i mite post on the trip, but i mite not. it dependz on how thingz go & whether we r sumplace where i can post.
cu l8er,
becks
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