Snow Games
So, Mike showed up brite an' early 2day w/his brood. Robin & Merrie had on their new snowsuits, and the weird thing is how much Robin looks like me when I was his age, at least from certain angles when he's got his lil green hat on. Dee made a pot of coffee, and Mike was all, "I, Michael Patterson, am a model family man! I will take my young children out in2 front the yard for some clean, wholesome snow games so that the entire neighbourhood can admire my devotion!"
Then, while I was helping Dee with the coffee, Mike took the littles out front. Mom and Dad looked out the window while Merrie did snow angels and Mike helped make a snowman & snow fort. I heard Mom saying, "Look, honey. Remember how U used 2 play w/Mike & Lizzie in the snow? U showed them how 2 make forts & angels & snowmen. I'd watch fr the window...and it made me fall inluv w/U all ovr again." Dad was really quiet 4 a sec. Then he was pulling on his coat, hat, & gloves while muttering abt all these yrs thinking it was model trains that made "the laydeez" all hot & bothered. Next thing we all knew, Dad was out front holding a shovel & telling Mike 2 move ovr. Weird thing, he was holding a shovel while he was doing this. & Mike was working on the snowman w/Merrie. What was Dad gonna do, shovel down the snowman so he cd show them all how it's "really done"? Weird. & Now 4 a while, Dad's been, "Elly! Watch this! I'm being charming!" & Mike's been, "NO! Deanna! Watch ME! I'm being CHARMING-ER!" Mom & Dee keep rolling their eyez & asking me 2 bring 'em more coffee.
Somehow, BTW, Dad has the impression that I purposely wore thong undiez 4 the cheer tryouts. Now, Y wd he think that? Weird! He's told Mom she'd better make me throw out "NE & all inappropriate undergarments". I hope that doesn't include my Wonder Bras.
Howard! Becky! NO1 has sed NEthing abt my opera idea? Doncha wanna C if lissening 2 opera wd help Howard's sitch?
NEway, I've gotta get outta this house! Dunc, I'm heading ovr 2 yr house so's we can snowboard!
Apes
P.S. Ger, if U R worried marriage wd kill our sex life, mayB we shd just plan on living 2gether sumday. @ least, we shd do sum research on this idea, eh?
Then, while I was helping Dee with the coffee, Mike took the littles out front. Mom and Dad looked out the window while Merrie did snow angels and Mike helped make a snowman & snow fort. I heard Mom saying, "Look, honey. Remember how U used 2 play w/Mike & Lizzie in the snow? U showed them how 2 make forts & angels & snowmen. I'd watch fr the window...and it made me fall inluv w/U all ovr again." Dad was really quiet 4 a sec. Then he was pulling on his coat, hat, & gloves while muttering abt all these yrs thinking it was model trains that made "the laydeez" all hot & bothered. Next thing we all knew, Dad was out front holding a shovel & telling Mike 2 move ovr. Weird thing, he was holding a shovel while he was doing this. & Mike was working on the snowman w/Merrie. What was Dad gonna do, shovel down the snowman so he cd show them all how it's "really done"? Weird. & Now 4 a while, Dad's been, "Elly! Watch this! I'm being charming!" & Mike's been, "NO! Deanna! Watch ME! I'm being CHARMING-ER!" Mom & Dee keep rolling their eyez & asking me 2 bring 'em more coffee.
Somehow, BTW, Dad has the impression that I purposely wore thong undiez 4 the cheer tryouts. Now, Y wd he think that? Weird! He's told Mom she'd better make me throw out "NE & all inappropriate undergarments". I hope that doesn't include my Wonder Bras.
Howard! Becky! NO1 has sed NEthing abt my opera idea? Doncha wanna C if lissening 2 opera wd help Howard's sitch?
NEway, I've gotta get outta this house! Dunc, I'm heading ovr 2 yr house so's we can snowboard!
Apes
P.S. Ger, if U R worried marriage wd kill our sex life, mayB we shd just plan on living 2gether sumday. @ least, we shd do sum research on this idea, eh?
posted by April Patterson @ 10:40 AM
15 Comments:
At 12:32 PM,
duncan anderson said…
That's cube, Apes. I havent dun nething but that stoopid book report 4 days. I finished @ 6 am but I had 3 XL dbl dbls @ Horny T's 4 brekkie so Im good 2 go.
L8r.
At 2:56 PM,
howard said…
April,
Sorry for not mentioning it before. I have been reading the Black Dog Opera Library (series) of books on the operas La Boheme, Barber of Seville, Aida, Rigoletto, Magic Flute, La Traviata, Il Trovotore, Tosca, Carmen, Fidelio, Flying Dutchman, Madame Butterfly, Cavalleria Rusticana, and I Pagliacci while listening to my recordings of the same works. It is very satisfying. I know you have been doing book reports. Maybe you could use one of these for your next book report.
I am actually feeling much better. I was able to drive Becky to her house last night and I didn’t try to uncontrollably ravish her (which was my fear). We approached the house very cautiously and I was going to stop if I started to smell anything to make me lose control, but nothing happened. I didn’t attack her mother either, and she looked a little disappointed at that. Oh, and I drove the whole way with my head inside the car and not outside the window. It is too cold to do that outside the window stuff. It was quite unpleasant the last time I tried.
I still have a fondness for Fiona Brass. I always did, but not to the extent that I had recently. Nevertheless, it has been a long time since I proposed to someone, so there are some regrets, as you might expect. I thought I would stop by your house to talk about the opera idea with you, but I couldn’t find it. There was this giant wall of snow where your house used to be. Did you move, while I was a dog?
Howard
At 3:10 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i m so glad u r feeling better! my house is actually behind that wall. dad an' mike were getting a lil competitive w/their snowfort building. while they were trying 2 impress mom & dee w/their fort construction, mom & dee left w/the kids 2 go look @ the xmas displayz @ the mall. mike & dad didn't even notice. dunc & i r having a jam session in the basement.
apes
At 3:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i'm glad 2c ur spendin' sum tyme w/mcdunce. i guess u musta heard that rebeccah & he hadda lil fite yestahday. jammin' iz a gud way 2 take ur mind off ur trubblez. good idea!
i have been spendin' the day checkin' out the facilities 4 rebeccah's upcoming xmas parties. most of them r ok, but sum require a separate power source 2 work her new equipment. we have, like, professional gear, now, nstead of that ol' stuff she usedta uze. her dad iz rilly takin' an innerest n rebeccah's career, now that he iz outa prison. i dunno where he got this stuff, but it iz nice. same quality az the stuff my dad usez.
i don't get 2c alexandra 2day, cuz she iz spendin' tyme w/eva. she sed it's gud not 2 spend all ur tyme w/ur bf. i guess u wuld agree w/that since ur spendin' tyme w/mcdunce & not geranium. i miss alexandra tho. ttyl.
At 3:45 PM,
April Patterson said…
ger told me his dad is makin' him spend the day reading psych journals. not fun!
becks, it's cube that yr dad has gotten u such hi-end equipment & is taking yr singing career so seriously.
apes
At 4:33 PM,
April Patterson said…
wow, that's so cube abt bcoming a witch & getting 2 go 2 witch camp! i wish i had sumthin' so cube goin' on!
apes
At 7:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
rebeccah, the equipment haz alreddy been checked ovah by the prison security. i am gettin' reddy 2 go n & i am not allowed a phone on the nside. u will hafta call the prison 2 get ahold of me, but i hope u won't needta. the stuff will b set up & reddy 2 go by the tyme u get here. cu nside.
p.s. the warden wunts a johnny cash #. thass lass minute, i know, but u can handle it.
At 9:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, if u heard 'bout the prison riot, rebeccah & i r ok. also, nething u hear 'bout rebeccah startin' that riot iz a lie. gotta go. they're bringing a riot squad n & they wunt civilianz outa the way. will post 2u l8er or rebeccah will.
At 9:16 PM,
howard said…
Becky,
I am driving out to the prison now. If you can post your whereabouts, please do so.
Howard
At 9:30 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg! riot! sum1, pls tell me what happed!!!
alex, i will not rent that movie. thanx 4 the tip.
btw, when dad an' mike realized that mom, dee, & the kidz had left, dad made mike play choo-choos w/him 4 practically the rest of the day. mike was in such a pissy mood when mom & the rest got back just b4 supper time, lol!
dunc & i laid down sum sweet trax. he had me doin' bground vokes & playin' guitar while he rapped & played bass. i think it came out pretty cube.
apes, off 2 c if cbc had coverage of the riots!
At 10:46 PM,
howard said…
April,
I have found Jeremy and Becky. They were being interrogated by the police when I found them. The police are done for now, but they may have more questions to ask them later. I don’t think the police blame either one of them for the riot as they are both minors. It actually took awhile to convince them that Jeremy was a minor. When he did start looking so old? Was this while I was a dog?
Anyway, neither Jeremy nor Becky will tell me what happened. Becky is very angry with Jeremy. She said, “I told you that would happen. You are such an idiot.” And Jeremy says, “You’re right. You’re right. You’re always right, but it wouldn’t have even been a problem if you hadn’t provoked them first.” I don’t know what it means. Hopefully one of them will post the details.
Howard
At 1:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, rebeccah haz pretty much tol’ u wut happed up 2 me getting’ on stage. i thot they wud lissen 2 me, cuz i luk like i’m 40 years old, but that didn’t work. the phrase i used that rilly got them goin’ wuz “were u peeps born n a barn?"”
one guy sed, “eh? hey i wuz born n a barn & so wuz my whole family. wudderu sayin’?” another guy sed, “my family iz dedicated dairy farmerz 4 4 generations. we were all born n a barn.” then another guy sed, “ru disaparaging the quebec dairy industry?” then another guy sed, “u shuld b. the lait they serve is très gâté.” then another said, “sing the quebecois dairy song.” then a beer bottle went up on the stage & the beer-throwin’ guy sed, “we want 'ghost riders in the sky'!!" the othah guy sed, “hey! we r discussin’ la lait très gâté. don’t interrupt!” one of the othah prisonerz sed, “hey! where did u get the beer? do u have nemore?” there wuz a rush 4 the guy throwin’ the beer bottlez & the guardz came n. the milk-lovin’ guy sed, “every tyme we start discussin’ la lait très gate, the guardz break up the conversation, but not this tyme. ru w/me mes amis?” then the prizners went rite @the guardz & the riot started.
rebeccah sed 2 me, “prison riot. my dad tol’ me wut 2 do if that happens. take a guard hostage.” i sed, ‘rebeccah. hello, we’re not convicts.” then she sed, “well if ur so smart, wut wuld u do?” i looked ‘round & saw the guard tower & sed, “run 4 the guard tower.” so we ran 2 the guard tower. the good side wuz that the riot wuzn’t up there. the bad side iz that the riot wuz all ‘round there. we stayed n that guard tower 4 awhile. the riot finally ended when the warden agreed 2 serve lait frais frum a local quebecois dairy farm. the police told me i wuz lucky 2b alive aftah makin’ a comment ‘bout barns. he sed most of the peeps n prison there r guilty of dairy-related crimez. how wuz i 2 know that?
rebeccah iz rilly pissed off @me rite now, which she shuld b, cuz it wuz all my fault. i needta stick b-hind the audio board & carry the equipment & definitely not get on stage n fronta a bunch of music-requestin’, dairy-lovin’, beer bottle-tossin’ prisonerz.
'course the part i wuz wunderin' iz how howie got up here so fast. turns out he wuz the 1 that gave rebeccah the ride 2 get here & he wuz w8ing n a nearby town 4 the concert 2b ovah.
At 1:45 AM,
howard said…
April,
We had to take Jeremy back to the prison to get Becky's equipment. He said if he left good equipment like that in a prison, it would soon be on the black market. The equipment had already been removed from the prison by the workers there, so all we had to do was load it up. Jeremy is riding in the truck carrying the equipment with the guy he hired to drive the truck. I am not sure what to make of Jeremy. Sometimes he is a complete idiot, and other times is an extremely responsible young man.
Becky is with me. She is trying to put on a brave face, but I can tell she is very upset. Comforting people is a lot easier when you are dog. You just rub against them and lick them in the face and that almost always works. I was really tempted to do that with Becky, but she thinks her spell completely cured me of my doggy-ness. It did help, but I still have a few things to work through.
When you see Becky in school tomorrow, please be kind to her. Talk about something else not related to music or prison. Something mundane like vacuum cleaners would be an excellent choice for conversation.
Howard
At 1:53 AM,
Anonymous said…
rebeccah, b4 u do nething w/returnin' equipment, give me a chance 2c if i can fix it. ok? i think sum of the stuff luks a lot worse than it iz. i know ur mad @me, but give me a chance. i learned a lotta stuff wen i wuz keepin' ur old equipment workin'.
At 2:20 AM,
Anonymous said…
rebeccah, o.k. i will do my best. um...'bout milboro music, u mite wanna b rilly careful 'bout how u do that, so u don't draw unwanted attention 2 ur dad, if u no wut i mean. the store iz gonna have insurance 2 cover the loss, so it's gonna seem a little funny 2them u givin' them money 4 sumthin' they lost that haz alreddy been reimbursed by insurance. i know u wanna do the rite thing, but mebbe the rite thing duzn't hafta get ur dad more jail tyme. just a thot. i know u think i'm rilly st00pid rite now.
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