April's Real Blog

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Alone in the House & Hallucinations

OK, so I M sure U noticed I sed that thing abt this past Sunday nite being a school nite? & it so wasn't cuz we have March break this week? I, like, totally 4got, I was just that xcited abt being left on my own on a Sunday nite, steada having a g'up hangin' over me, all, "R U sure U did all yr homework?" & then between the OD of junk food & the bad horror movie, I sumhow ended up hallucinating. It's too upsetting 2 get in2 the deets rite now--I'll have 2 dole my story a bit ea day, but U know that abt me NEway, eh? But listen 2 this--I had hallucinationz where I actually believed we had school this week, v. detailed, & tho my head hurts 2 think abt it, I M pretty sure I hallucinated abt being in school. I'll tell U abt it as the memoriez get more clear in my head.

NEway, @ 2 AM Sunday nite, I realized I'd better click off the TV & go 2 bed. As I was going up the stairz, I was thinking, "Man, that was the most creepy & disgusting movie I've ever seen. ...But hey! I can deal." Worse, I had the distinct impression that all the junk food I'd scarfed had gone str8 2 my arse & made it enormous. 4tunately, it seemz 2 B back 2 normal 2day. Edgar was in such a hurry 2 get upstairs that even tho he was asleep on the chair next 2 me when I decided 2 go upstairz, he managed 2 B halfway up the staircase when I was only just starting 2 climb it. So, there I was, lying in bed. Odd how the remote-control hairdo curse sumhow allowz me 2 have my hair down when I sleep. But NEway, the house was making these noises I never noticed B4 when there were other ppl in the house. It was, like, "Creak-creak ... Drip ..... Craaakk ... Mmmmm ..... Creak ... Whshhh .... Mmm" & I thot, "I'm alone in the house. No biggie." Then the house sed, "Creeak ... Drip ..... Whhsshh .... Click! Mmmmhh .... creak...." & I thot, "I'm alone in the house--& I'm cool." Then the house was all, "Click! ... Click! ... Mmm .... Click!" & I thot, "I'M ALONE IN THE HOUSE!" Man, I don't even wanna tell U what happed next. I M so not telling U. Well, not 2day NEway. Prolly 2morrow, tho.

Jeremy, it's not that I don't believe U xactly. It's just that I'm not sure what 2 think. I do remember that when Howard visited that place up north, he was told that if he didn't watch himself, he cd B erased. & my brain has this spot that feelz like it's being blocked sumhow. I can't help thinking mayB that part of my brain rememberz a girl named Eva. But it's like another part of my brain is also trying 2 make me think that's impossible & there never was NE Eva. Does that make sense 2 NE of U? W/all the effed up stuff so many of us have been thru? It's possible, eh?

Dunc sorry U hadta eat Kraft Dinner soup last nite. Wanna come over here after yr workday this evening? Connie's giving me takeout $ again.

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 9:09 AM  

24 Comments:

  • At 9:41 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man, Apes u r a lifesaver. Ill call u when Im back in Mboro shld b abt 7 pm. Ill hafta sneak thru the backyard so no1 cs me.

    p.s. Wld u pls go 2 Horny T an' get me a can of coffee? Im dying here that ***** Malkmus only left me enuf $ 2 pay 4 my fares 2 an' fr Shelbyville an' I spent all of my "Disney World" $ on clothes in TO.

     

  • At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, thanx 4 tryin’ 2 remembah eva, evn tho u can’t. sleepin’ on the floor every nite iz startin’ 2 get 2 my back, cuz eva iz sleepin’ on my bed. i’m not usedta sharin’ a room w/ne1. eva hums & drools wen she sleeps & my bed is rilly squeaky. so all nite there was this “creak…creak…drip…craaakk…mmmm…whshhh…mmm” sound. then eva started grinding her teeth & there wuz this clicking sound. so then it wuz “creeak…drip…whhsshhh…click!mmmmhh…creak…click!...click!...mmm…click!” i miss b-ing alone in my room. i have not been sleepin’ well.

    neway, eva had a little setback this morning. ovah breakfast, i wuz talkin’ 2 mom ‘bout the tyme eva came ovah 2 my house 2 watch hockey, which she cud remembah. mom cud kinda remembah wut she looked like. then eva came n4 breakfast & sed, “i like ur hair clip, mrs. j.” then she shimmered. eva gasped aftah she sed it. i wuz quick & sed 2 my mom, “don’t 4get we were just talkin’ ‘bout the tyme eva came ovah & saw hockey w/me, eh?” i wuz 2 l8 tho. mom sed, “eva? i don’t remembah ne girl named eva c-ing hockey w/u.” eva started cryin’. i gave her a hug & sed, “don’t worry. i can still cu. stay committed.” my mom sed, “jeremy, yru huggin’ urself? u have been actin’ v. strangely l8ly. of course, aftah becky mcguire broke up wu 2X, ur prolly upset. just don’t go huggin’ urself n public, eh?” so, it wuzn’t a gud morning. i cud tell we had stepped back, cuz duncan posted this morning he duzn’t remembah eva & he usedta like her.

     

  • At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings today about forgetting you were on March break and your hallucinations. As a member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I cannot tell you how many times my partner and I have been called to someone’s house who heard a strange sound. It has been a lot. Sometimes it turns out to be a leaky pipe. Sometimes it turns out to be a slightly open window. Sometimes it turns out to be an infestation of humming creek frogs. But most times it is children.

    As your sister may have mentioned to you about her time in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), Ojibway children love to go outside people’s homes in the middle of the night and howl like wolves or some other animal. The more sophisticated children have escalated from wolves to screech owls, bears, and moose. There was one child we caught who did such an excellent imitation of a beaver, the owner thought there were beavers removing timbers from her house for a beaver dam. If your house was in the Northwest and you were hearing strange noises, I would tell you to look outside for the neighbourhood children. However, since you are in the Toronto area, the noises were probably leaky pipes, open windows, humming creek frogs, or a homicidal maniac.

    About forgetting you were on March break. Your sister did too. During our regularly nightly call she mentioned she had been on break since Monday and had forgotten to mention it. I should be able to spend some days off with her this week. It has been over 2 weeks since I last got to go to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). I need to get a fresh fish, a cat toy and some disinfectant to prepare for my time with my favourite girl and her favourite cat, Shiimsa.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 11:55 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    As Becky must have told you by now, our attempt to book the new Bentwood Rockers to play at Becky’s father’s new supper club during the middle of the week, was a disaster. Becky was not in a good mood last night. She was moping about because she had broken up with Jeremy Jones again because he had gone insane and was living with an imaginary girlfriend. Of course, I didn’t tell Becky how I had an imaginary boyfriend when I was Jeremy’s age. It would have upset her. As for Jeremy, he is an idiot to choose an imaginary girl over a real-life flesh-and-blood Becky. She is about as perfect a girl can be and she won’t stay unattached for long.

    We stayed up late together and watched Horror in the House. I started making jokes through it, like “The real horror in that house is that girl’s dress.” Then when the monster bit the man’s arm off, Becky said, “Tastes like chicken.” Then when the girl took the chainsaw to the monster’s privates, I said, “I guess she was serious when she said she didn’t want children.” We were laughing and had a good time. We finally went to bed at 2 am. Later that night, Becky came into my room and said, “Can I sleep with you tonight, Howard? I had a horrible nightmare about April’s dogs turning into hand puppets and looking at me around the corners of stairs or walls. It was creepy and disgusting.” I said, “OK” and moved over to make room for her. Sometimes it is good not be alone in the house.

    This morning, Becky woke up and said, “I have a great idea Howard.” I said, “What is that?” She said, “You can do the mid-week performances at the Valhalla. You can do some light opera stuff. The old folks love that opera stuff.” I said, “I already have a job cleaning your mom’s house. If I sing at the Valhalla, I won’t be home to cook and clean for your mom and Dr. McCauley. Plus, I won’t get to stay here with you.” Becky said, “MMMMM. I will have to think about that. There has got to be a way for it to work.”

    We’re over at the Valhalla now, and Becky is still thinking. I am sure she will post what she figures out, when an idea comes to her.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 12:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, i just got back fr. horny t's & picked up 2 canz of coffee, cuz i figured w/yr getting up xtra early u mite need more than just the 1, eh? c u 2nite. what kinda food do u think we shd order?

    jeremy, we've got a fold-out cot u cd borrow if u want.

    paul, i hadn't thot abt kidz playin' a prank w/making noises. tho i think in my neighbourhood, the 'rents r pretty good abt not letting yung children wander around in the middle of the nite 2 play pranks.

    howard, becks, soundz like the movie wda been much more fun 2 watch w/other ppl!

    becks, yikes, gramps shd b more responsible abt managing his diet. & i can't believe he was so rude 2 u! & iris is so careless.

    apes

     

  • At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    A bad night for sleeping, little sis? You should be staying here with Dee and me and the kids. I am really good at putting kids to bed.

    I could read you your favourite book. I think mom told us yours was The Great Fuzz Frenzy by Janet Stevens, which is the story of a tennis ball that falls down a prairie-dog hole. I will read it aloud to you like an actor, playing all the parts to the hilt. I can be a dragon or a snowflake princess with Merrie and Robin. I wonder what voice a tennis ball would have. Maybe with lots of “boinging” noises.

    Wash and rock comes next. Cool fresh jammies, long rocking hugs on the foot of your bed, kisses and under the sheets.

    You would sleep really well over here.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, pleaze tell me ur famly duzn’t still rock u. i have a memory of u sayin’ sumthin’ ‘bout b-ing rocked wen u had the problem w/the zits last yr. i am tryin’ 2 block it out.

    i gotta talk ‘bout sumthin’ else. the fold-out cot wud b gr8. i will b ovah 2 borrow it. shud i stop by ur neighbour’s house 2 let her know i am just borrowin’ the cot, so she duzn’t get ne ideaz ‘bout u havin’ boyz ovah @the house? if she cud c eva, then she wudn’t think nething wuz up, but she prolly will only c me.

     

  • At 3:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    rebeccah, omg. april alwayz told us her famly treated like a kid or ignored her, but i sorta hoped it wuzn’t rilly true. i won’t tell ne1. thanx 4 the warning. poor april. her famly iz whacked.

     

  • At 4:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    no, they don't rock me nemore. well, that day when i shrank, my mother rocked me. i hafta think my getting all tiny that day musta had sumthin' 2 do w/my mom wishing i cda stayed little 4ever. but thankgodfully, neither the rocking nor the shrinking is an everyday thing. mike's just confused cuz he still thinx of me as being merrie's age, like i was when he left home.

    jeremy, sorry connie gave u a hard time when u came by 4 the cot. glad it worked out ok, tho.

    apes

     

  • At 5:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, wen i went by your neighbour’s place 2 say i wuz pickin’ up a cot, i thot she wud b worried cuz she mighta thot u were havin’ a bf ovah or sumthin’ like that. i keep 4gettin’ peeps think i am 40, cuz of my looks. i showed her my student id & the paper frum my mom i hafta carry all the tyme now. it sez, “my son jeremy jones iz actually 14 yearz old & not 40 yearz old. if uc him hangin’ around skool kidz, it iz cuz they r hiz classm8s. he iz not a child molester or sexual deviant, no mattah how much he looks like 1. do not sell him alcohol or let him buy alcohol 4 ne1 else.” it’s signed by my mom & haz her work, cell & home numbahz on it. connie hadta call my mom 2 confirm. i h8 wen peeps do that. but she wuz rilly apologetic. she sed, “i am so sorry jeremy. my son is gay, so he haz a long life n front of him & so i think men who look like u do r actually 40 yrs old, cuz my son may look like u wen he iz 40. well, he won’t have ur pasty skin colour & he won’t be az ugly, but u get the idea, eh?” neway, she let me n ur house & i picked up the cot. thanx 4 lettin’ me borrow it.

    eva offered 2 carry it 2 my house, but her hands slipped rite thru it. i keep tellin’ her 2 stay committed, but she complimented your neighbour on her shoez & shimmered again. i am gettin’ worried 4 her. i sed 2 eva, “i agreed 2b ur bf & that helped, but u gotta stop complimenting peeps on their shoez & hair clips.” eva sed, “but i like hair clips & shoez. i am a nice girl.” i sed, “then u gotta do sumthin’ diffrent frum nething u have evah done b4 2 counteract the compliments.” eva sed, “like wut?” i sed, “i dunno. wut do have u nevah done?” eva sed, “i’ve nevah done drugz. i’ve nevah gotten drunk. i’ve nevah been w/a guy. thoze r thingz teenagerz do.” i sed, “do u wanna do thoze thingz?” eva sed, “no. i’m only 14.” i sed, “nething else?” eva iz thinkin’ ‘bout it.

     

  • At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hang gliding? Bungee jumping? Climbing one of those rock walls they have at the gym? Dressing up like a bear and singing show tunes? I dunno, these are all things I've never done, but mostly because I never wanted to.

    I wish people would stop wearing such nice hair clips and shoes. It's so hard for me not to compliment them. Maybe when I see nice clips and shoes, I ought to try lying and saying, "That's the ugliest hairclip I've ever seen" or "Those shoes are damn fugly!" Because that's two things I don't do, insult people's accessories and lie about them. I don't know. Jeremy, what do you think?

    Eva

     

  • At 5:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i dunno if u cud read eva’z last ntry 2 ur blog. she wuz havin’ trubble comin’ up w/sumthin’. then she sed, “tattoo.” i sed, “wut?” eva sed, “a tattoo. i nevah got a tattoo.” i sed, “do u wanna a tattoo?” eva sed, “well, i thot ‘bout getting’ 1 wen i was tryin’ 2b a wannabe a-girl. i think it would be cube 2 get a flower or a fairy or an ouroboros.” i sed, “an ouroboros. sumbody wuz tellin’ me ‘bout thoze 4 tats. a tattoo wud b tricky tho.” eva sed, “y iz that?” i sed, “cuz nobody can touch xxcept me.”

    so i hadda call my dad. i h8 callin’ him. i sed, “dad. i gotta girl who wunts a tattoo, only i am the only 1 who can c her or touch her.” my dad sed, “son, ur lucky 2 evn have a girl who will let u touch her. b-lieve me. aftah u have been w/a woman 4 awhile they start gettin’ rilly picky ‘bout b-ing touched. my l8est gf wuz all 4 outdoor sex till the temperature got low outside. now she won’t lemme evn touch her xxcept wen we r n the bedroom w/a fire n the fireplace.” i sed, “thass v.v. inneresting dad. do u know a place that will let me do the tattooing procedure?” my dad sed, “wow. she wunts u 2 do the tattoo, eh? this girl iz rilly particular.” i sed, “no. more like rilly transparent 2 every1 but me.” my dad sed, “layerz. jeremy. girlz have layerz like an onion. u may peel off of a layer & it may look transparent 2u, but actually there iz plenty more layerz of onion there, just w8ing 2 make u cry.” i sed, “dad. thanx 4 the vegetable analogy. do u know a place?” he sed, “sure, son. just tell them i sent u.”

    so we went 2 a tattoo studio & told them dad sent me. the guy sed, “ur jones’ son?” i sed yes. he sed, “jones must be a lot oldah than he looks.” i sed, “yeah, he iz.” i made sure he cudn’t c or touch eva. then i sed, “i wanna uze ur tattoo gun & u teach me how 2 uze it. then i’m gonna pretend like i am puttin’ a tattoo on sum1 thass not there, eh? only i needta do it not pretend, rilly accurate, like it iz a real person.” the guy sed, “it’s ur money. it’s not against the law 2 pretend 2 tattoo sum1.” so, we r about 2 get started & eva can’t decide wut tattoo she wunts. i sed 2 the guy, wut kinda tattoos do girlz usually like? he sed, “nething floral, fairies, unicorns, butterflies, dolphins & sunflowers r the go 4 female tattoos.” eva is still decidin’.

     

  • At 6:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    rebeccah, inneresting suggestion. i will pass it on. duz this mean u b-lieve eva iz real now? i hope u do, cuz i wud rilly like sum1 2 b-lieve me & i wud rilly b happy if it wuz u.

     

  • At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wow, I can't believe I let Jeremy Jones tattoo me. It's on my lower back. I can't see it since I can't see my own reflection in the mirror. I felt it, though. Ow! I'll let Jeremy describe it. He says it looks nice. I'll have to take his word for it.

    Eva

     

  • At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, eva picked her tattoo. she decided 2 get an ankh. she sed, “my name ‘eva’ means ‘life’ & the ankh iz a symbol of life.” then she started havin’ 2nd thots ‘bout gettin’ it. she sed, “i rilly shud get permission frum my ‘rents b4 i do this.” i sed, “if u get a tattoo, mebbe ur ‘rents will b back & u can ask them.” eva sniffled a little & sed, “rite. i 4got my ‘rents were erased. i hope wen i am unerased, they will come back 2.” i sed, “me 2.”

    we started & the tattoo artist wuz lookin’ worried @me 4 talkin’ 2 myself. he sed that gettin’ a tattoo hurts a little, but not a lot. eva wunted 2 stop aftah the 1st dot. eva iz not much n2 pain. the tattoo artist wunted 2 stop also. he sed, “ur just usin’ the tattoo gun in mid-air, so that ink shoulda come out. lemme check 2 make sure it is workin’.” so he checked it n mid-air & it worked. it took a long long tyme. i am rilly glad eva did not pick sumthin’ fancy 4 her tattoo. she stoped me aftah every injection. i wuz tryin’ 2 give her confidence. i sed, “that wuzn’t a biggie. u can deal w/it. ur cool. remembah ur not alone n the tattoo studio.” the tattoo guy got confuzed y he can’t c the ink that iz goin’ n2 eva’z skin, goin’ on the floor. he sed 2 me, “man, u rilly have sum self-esteem problemz, if u hafta cheer urself on 2 give a pretend tattoo.” aftah we were done, the tattoo artist sed, “well now u know how 2 do it. ru satisfied?” i sed, “wut wud u tell sum1 who just got that tattoo about how long it takes 2 heal & how 2 take care of it?” so he told me & eva.

    then i saw eva shimmer again. i sed 2 the tattoo artist, “do uc ne1 n this room b-sidez u & me?” he sed, “i thot i saw sum1 there b-side u4 just a second, like a blonde-headed black girl. my eyez must b playin’ tricks on me.” eva wuz depressed, “he still can’t c me.” i sed, “he did 4 a little bit. thass an mprovement. try picking thingz up.” eva wuz able 2 pick up stuff n the room. she got rilly xxcited. i needta do sumthin’ else. mebbe anothah tattoo?” i sed, “iz that wut u want?” eva sed, “no. i get the feelin’ it needz 2b sumthin’ else i have nevah done b4.” eva iz thinkin’ ‘bout wut she shud do next.

     

  • At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jeremy's trying to get me to eat raw jalapeno peppers, just because I've never done that before. I think he's confusing this with Fear Factor, eh? I need to think of better ideas!

    Eva

     

  • At 8:16 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc an' i r watching the leafs game & eating indian food. he sez he had a crummy day & he hopez the leafs beat the bruins 2 cheer him up.

    jeremy, sorry i wasn't there when u came by 4 the cot. i cda vouched 4 u if i were. 1st i was @ ger'z 4 a while, then @ becks. both had hangoverz & had diff hangover remediez they wanted me 2 help 'em make. they ea sed they wanted 2 b the one 2 post abt 'em l8r.

    apes

     

  • At 8:37 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Becky had a hangover. Well, that may explain what happened when Becky and I were at the Valhalla. She gave her father Thorvald the suggestion about me doing light opera for the weekday performances at the Valhalla. Thorvald’s response was pretty much what I expected. “By Thor’s mighty hammer Mjolnir, do you want the audience to commit suicide while they are drinking their Brennevin and eating their rotten shark meat?” I said, “I could do some Wagner. You know Der Ring des Nibelungen , which is all based on Norse mythology.” Thorvald said, “No. No. No. The old people in this town will fall asleep listening to that stuff. They can’t buy more Brennevin, if they are too asleep to drink the first glass.” I said to Becky, “They probably won’t survive the first glass.” Thorvald continued, “I have it from a very good source that what would really go for the old people is a Bobby Curtola imitator.” Becky said, “You could dress up as Roberta Curtola.” I said, “I will sooner slash my wrists than sing Bobby Curtola songs every night.” Thorvald said, “Suicides do not sell out shows. What sells shows is sex.” Becky said, “Are you planning for my shows to have sex?” Thorvald said, “Becky-Thora. You will be dressed classy, as my daughter should. However, your all-girl band will not. I was thinking of breast plates and carefully slitted valkyrie skirts. I have it from a very good source that Milborough men, particularly the sex-starved married ones, are quite fond of leering at beautiful young girls. I have seen many Milboroughan husbands reading the most recent issue of Portrait magazine, which has a 4-page advertisement of a sylphan lovely removing her garments.” Becky said, “All girls? I was hoping for some scantily clad boys as backup singers and my band.” Thorvald said, “I wouldn’t mind that myself, but my modern day valkyrie wife Thora has informed me of the mischief of Kevin Federline with Britney Spears, so Becky-Thora you are much safer with all girls. It is for your own protection.” Becky said, “If you want all-girls, then why is Gerald always here?” Thorvald said, “Personal bodyguard.” Becky said, “For me?” Thorvald said, “His parents have said that since the high school basketball and hockey seasons are over, it was a good idea for Gerald to spend time with you.” I said, “I thought Gerald already had a job slugging groceries at the Megafood.” Thorvald, “During the day. At night, he will stick to you like the mistletoe that stuck to the spear that killed Odin's second son Baldur.”

    Well, Becky sort of lost it around then and she will probably want to tell you what happened next herself. Now I know, she was probably irritated because of the hangover.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 8:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i dunno if u cud read eva’z last post. she haz turned down the chance 2 eat raw jalapeno peppers. she also told me horse testiclez or ne othah kinda gross foods r not gud choices. aftah readin’ ur last post, she sez she iz hungry 4 indian food & watchin’ hockey. i sed, “thoze r thingz u like 2 do.” she sed, “no. duncan iz ovah @april’z house & there r sum thingz i alwayz shoulda told him, but i nevah cud b4. it wud b a big step 4 me 2 say thoze thingz out loud, evn if duncan can’t hear them.” i sed ok. so we r headed ovah 2 ur house, unless u tell us not 2 come.

     

  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc sed, "sure, jeremy & his imaginary friend can come over", so c'mon over. we bot lots of food, so no prob there.

    i have been able 2 read the "eva" posts, but becky keeps saying "if u really believe a girl named eva wrote those, insteada crayzee jeremy, then u r nuts, 2!" neway, c u soon, eh?

    apes

     

  • At 9:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    well, we got 2 aprilz. boston wuz ahead of the leafs 4 to 3 n the 2nd. of course, april & duncan cud not c eva. but they were 2 bizzy watchin’ the game 2 notice eva wuz eatin’ a lotta indian food. i sed 2 her, “yru eatin’ so much?” she sed, “i hafta get my courage up. food helps. jeremy. i know u agreed 2b my bf, but there r sum thingz i am gonna say 2 duncan u prolly shud not hear.” i sed, “ru they bad ‘bout me?” eva sed, “they r thingz a bf shudn’t hear hiz gf say ‘bout sum1 else.” i sed, “will it b harder 2 say them w/me here?” eva sed, “it’s rilly personal.” i sed, “ok. w8 till afta the 2nd period iz ovah & i will go 2 the loo 4 awhile.” eva sed, “i needta say it now, or i will not b able 2 say it.” well, i h8ed 2 walk out n the middle of the 2nd period, but i did.

    wen i got back, duncan sed, “wut were u doin’ n there? the score iz 4 to 4. mccabe scored a goal.” i sed, “i hadda take my tyme, eh? u can’t rush sum thingz.” i looked around & eva wuz gone. @1st i wuz n a panick, like she mighta completely been erased. but then i sed 2 myself, “no. i can remembah her.” i sed, “u guyz mind if i walk around a bit?” april sed, “sure. don’t get lost. remembah, we have hallwayz that go thru closets n this house.” i looked around the house & i heard these noises. “creak-creak ... drip ..... craaakk ... mmmmm ..... creak ... whshhh .... mmm" & i thot, "i'm not alone n the house. eva iz gonna b rite ‘round the corner. no biggie." then i turned the corner & there wuz no eva. i heard, "creeak ... drip ..... whhsshh .... click! mmmmhh .... creak...." & i thot, "i'm not alone in the house. thass gotta b eva. i’m cool." then sumthin’ jumped out @me & i screamed like a little girl.

    eva sed, “u sure look scared jeremy.” i sed, “wut ru doin’ ovah here?” eva sed, “well, aftah i told duncan thoze personal thingz, i rilly had 2 go 2 the loo. so i sed, ‘where’z ur loo, april?’ & april sed, ‘jeremy’z n the closest 1. u gotta go down the hallway 2 the right, take 10 paces 2 the closet, open it & go down the hall, then thru the room that looks like a sum1 drew a big rectangle nstead of a door & it’s rite there.’” i sed, “it’s ez 2 get lost n here.” eva sed, “yes. but u kinda missed the point. april cud hear me. that meanz i’m back.” so we went back 2 watch the hockey game & i sed, “u guyz must b glad 2 have eva back.” april sed, “eva. i kinda remembah her.” duncan sed, “i don’t remembah ne eva.” eva sed, “but april, u talked 2 me just a minute ago. u told me where the loo wuz.” april sed, “did u hear that? this house has been makin’ the weirdest soundz l8ly. did i tell wut happened the othah nite aftah i watched the movie horror in the house? there were all these sounds & i got rilly scared. did i tell wut happened next? duncan sed, “u sed u were gonna w8 2 tell us 2morrow.” april sed, “oh yeah. sorry. i 4got.” eva wuz heartbroken. i sed 2 eva, “she can hear u tho, evn if she can’t unnerstand u all the tyme. thass an mprovement.” duncan sed, “ru talkin’ 2 ur imaginary gf?” i sed, “not imaginary. u just can’t c her. but april can hear her.” april sed, “rilly?” eva sed, “yes u can HEAR ME!!!” april sed, “wow. lissen to that wind. eerie. soundz almost human.” duncan sed, “i didn’t hear nething.” i sed, “thass eva u heard.” duncan sed, “oh. sure. rite. eva. so iz it true becky broke up w/u?” i sed, “yes. but i hope it’s just temporary.” duncan sed, “thass good newz.” i sed, “eh?” duncan sed, “i mean that it mite b temporary that iz.” i sed, “oh. sure.” eva sed, “i need sum more indian food.”

     

  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dang, jeremy's really been putting away a lotta food! & he keeps talking 2 either his imaginary friend or an invisible girl named eva. tho i have a weird thing in my brain where it seemz i mayB cd c her 4 a while. & i think i'm hearing things. so weird. dunc sez mayB it's cuz the indian food's v. spicy.

    ger, i don't like this "bodyguard" stuff if it meanz u hafta, like, maul becks & feel her up & stuff. not cube.

    apes

     

  • At 10:11 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh man, Apes, u r the cubest friend evah! U even remembered 2 order me a dbl dbl lamb vindaloo my fav. Now Im drinking a hole pot of Horny T coffee 'cos Im off liquids soon. No bathroom breaks on the job.

    NEway, the manager Mr Kannberg came ovah 2day an' goes, u work rilly hard, d00d, Ill take u 2 lunch 2morrow. Oh man. Now I hafta 'tend 2 b Mr Malkmus's nefew 4 a hole hr. I think Ill spill a lot of water @ the table.

    L8r.

     

  • At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    leafs ovah the bruinz n the shootout. eva iz dancin’ around & so is duncan & april. duncan spilled sumthin’ while he wuz dancin’.

     

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