Dispatch from Baja
So Mom & Dad R already in Baja! Yeah, it's not what I xpected originally, cuz I thot their trip was gonna match up w/my March vacation, which is the week of March 13! & U know what? I don't even know how long they'll B gone! A week? A month? I dunno. When I got home fr. sk8ing & malling w/Becks yesterday, they were just, like--GONE! They left a note saying there'd been a change of planz & they were on their way 2 Mex.
NEhoodles, so I've already gotten an e-mail fr. Dad. He wrote,
Anyway, Liz, since I don't know whether Mom & Dad will be back when I have my March break, I don't know whether we'll B able 2 do our Mtig trip! Leave it 2 Mom & Dad 2 louse thingz up royally!
Apes
P.S. I don't know Y Becks wants peeps 2 think I can hardly figure sk8. Not true, but whatevs.
NEhoodles, so I've already gotten an e-mail fr. Dad. He wrote,
April! Buddy!Oh, ew! I so did not need to know about that. So my dad's leering at young babes in Mexico. Like I need that in my brain. That's about as welcome in my thoughts as Gramps and his harem-girl dreams. Oh, why'd I hafta remember about that? Ugh, ugh, ugh!
The weather here in Baja is gorgeous, but I miss my pal April! Your mother and I had an early-morning stroll on the beach. I wore my sportin' lime-green trunks and a classic white t-shirt, while your mother had her new "PortlyBelles" swimsuit and purple cover-up drawstring pants. And her sunglasses. And that new sunhat that Iris gave her. Anyway, as we passed, I couldn't help but admire the young lovelies on the beach. I mean, maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but men can't help but look at a comely young woman in skimpy bathing attire. It's the way our brains are wired, April! Anyhow, I was being subtle about it, but your mother caught me. We had a conversation that went like this:
Your Mother: I saw that.
Me: Saw what?
Your Mother: I saw you watching those girls without moving your head. (Poking me with one finger.) You think I don't notice....But I do. You roll your eyes to one side...like this. (Takes off her sunglasses and demonstrates what I thought had been my secret technique.) Hmph! (Replaces sunglasses.) I know your lettle secret, John!... So, how are you going to watch them now?
So guess what I did the next time a young woman in a skimpy bikini showed up? I gawked, April! I gawked! With my eyes wide open, huge grin--I might even have been wiggling my ears! That showed her! Your mother, that is. She looked nonplussed. I believe that was a vocabulary word for you this semester, pal. Anyway, that's all I've got time for at the moment. Now, remember, be good, and stay away from the ugly websites online. And mind Connie!
Love,
Dad
Anyway, Liz, since I don't know whether Mom & Dad will be back when I have my March break, I don't know whether we'll B able 2 do our Mtig trip! Leave it 2 Mom & Dad 2 louse thingz up royally!
Apes
P.S. I don't know Y Becks wants peeps 2 think I can hardly figure sk8. Not true, but whatevs.
posted by April Patterson @ 8:33 AM
13 Comments:
At 12:27 PM,
April Patterson said…
dunc, meant 2 say yesterday, sorry abt kimmi having a "vocation" 'stead of a "vacation". that's harsh!
do u still wanna jam or wd u rather help becks & her dad w/the valhalla construction?
apes
At 1:24 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Its up 2 u, Apes. Beckers doesnt speak 2 me since she dumped me unless she wants sumthing fr me.
Im so bummed that I didnt feel ne worse aft the Leafs lost 2 the Sens last nite. I dunno y I cant keep a gf, even a sorta gf. This time I screwed up so bad that I put Kimmi off guys 4evah.
L8r. Im going 2 go 2 Horny Ts again 2 try an' get a dbl dbl. The 1st time I went Keisha Grant was there w/ her new bf Brian Luggsworth. I had 2 leave w/o my dbl dbl 'cos I wanted 2 slug Brian so bad an' while my mom said Im the st00pidest male on earth Im not st00pid enuf 2 slug Luggie's bro.
L8r.
At 1:37 PM,
April Patterson said…
ok, so i m @ dunc's now. i picked him up a dbl dbl 2 go & we r getting ready 2 jam!
apes
At 1:50 PM,
April Patterson said…
btw, in case ne1's interested in what happed when becks & i were sk8ing, it went like this:
becks & i were sk8ing around the perimeter of the rink &, like, gossing abt our teacherz & stuff. then brooke snodgrass showed up. brooke's like a minor, local mboro fig-sk8ing celeb. she'z grade 10 & really stuck up. brooke of course went rite 2 the centre of the rink & started showboating, & she was getting all kindsa attention fr. peeps who, like, stopped 2 look & clap. becks sed, "st00pid brooke snodgrass, thinks she's such hot shit, & she's so not! i can do that!" & becks sk8ed 2 the middle & started doing sum diff moves, & sum of the uni boys went fr. paying attention 2 brooke 2 yellin' stuff @ becks. i was a bit put off cuz i'd been in the mid of telling becks a story abt that s00per-boring teach of ourz who turnz his back @ & writez on the board all the time. the one whose class we pass all thoze notez in.
brooke was getting all pissed 2 have part of the attention stolen away fr. her, & she was all, "becky mcguire, u're only getting attention cuz yr skirt is so short!" & becks was like, "jealous much? & y don't u brush yr hair? it's all matted up in the back, u st00pid ho!" & sum of the uni boyz were like, "catfite! catfite!" after a while, i was getting bored, & i figged i'd sk8 over 2 becks backward & suggest we go 2 the mall. that's when this kid who looks a lot like pics i've c'n of jesse mukwa totally stuck out his foot & tripped me. & of course my falling on my arse was all becks bothered 2 notice. in case ne1 cares 2 know, that is.
apes
At 6:32 PM,
April Patterson said…
well, dunc & i had a pretty cube jam session, tho he chose sum kinda depressing songz cuz of the kimmi sitch.
work on becky's dad's club had 2 end earlier than xpected cuz ger caused a porta-potty malfunction. ger, dunc, & i r @ my no-parents house rite now havin' pizza. what's that ger? oh, rite, dunc, & i r having pizza while ger is havin' food fr. the "list of pre-approved items".
apes
At 8:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
duncan, dude, keisha grant w/brian luggsworth. thass harsh, man. u rilly think kimmi’s gonna do the married 2 god thing? i hadda deal w/xxplodin’ clownz & a broken pre-engagement & a girl who took a bite outa me b4, but i think u got me beat. sorry, dude.
rebeccah haz been rilly bizzy w/her dad on that club l8ly & he haz made it rilly clear he duz not want me around, cuz he wunts rebeccah 2b gf/bf w/gigli. if u wanna hang sumtyme lemme know. wuz zandra the z-girl who wunted the sisters of mercy comp ticks? i gotta sum of them az comps & i don’t know who 2 give them 2.
At 8:39 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, jeremy, if u wanna come by the house, feel free. dunc & ger r still here & we're watching tube.
apes
At 8:54 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy just got here. he brot sum timbits & chili.
apes
At 9:04 PM,
howard said…
April,
I am about to die a horrible cleaning death. I am over at Dr. Ted McCauley’s house where it seems I have been living. I have been cleaning up stuff, putting aside some very nice antiques for a garage sale, and sorting through mementos of what seems to be every aspect of Dr. McCauley’s life. Unlike what Krystle had planned, Dr. McCauley is here with Krystle and not over at the new house. Every time I try to throw something away he says, “I saw that.” I say, “Saw what, sir?” He says, “I saw you trying to throw that away without moving your head. You think I don't notice....But I do. You roll your eyes to one side...like this. I know your little secret, Mom! You weren’t really proud of me when I got an ‘A’ on that history paper in 3rd grade.” I say, “All right, sir. We’ll keep the 3rd grade paper.”
The only thing worse, is Dr. McCauley is frantic to call someone, but Krystle is watching him like a hawk. Every time Dr. McCauley tries to get to a phone without Krystle looking, she says, “I saw that.” Dr. McCauley says, “Saw what?” Krystle says, “I saw you trying to get to that phone. You think I don't notice....But I do. You roll your eyes to one side...like this. I know your little secret, Ted. You're trying to call someone you shouldn't be calling.” Dr. McCauley is very frustrated. He says, "No, Krystle. I just want to check in with the office." Krystle says, "Then call the office." He does, but he is still frustrated.
Of course, the only thing that makes this even worse is that there is something about watching me clean that is making Krystle excited. She keeps staring at me when I bend over or reach for things. When she does that, Dr. McCauley says, “I saw that.” Krystle says, “Saw what?” Dr. McCauley says, “I saw you watching mom without moving your head. You think I don't notice....But I do. You roll your eyes to one side...like this. I know your little secret, Krystle!... So, how are you going to watch mom now?” After he said that, Krystle grabbed me by the butt and stuck a tongue down my throat. Then Dr. McCauley said, “If you're going to seduce my mother, I’m going to make a phone call.” While he was doing that, I threw away a whole pile of 3rd grade papers.
Howard K.
At 9:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
timbits & chili. mmm!
At 9:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your mother and your father. Once again, I am very impressed with your mother. She seems to know how to keep your father under control. Among the Ojibway, there are many single mothers, many more than I would like to see among my people. I wish more of them had the same understanding of men as your mother. If they did, then men would think twice about abandoning their child and the mother of their child. I think the next time I counsel a single mother, I will use your mother as an example. You are fortunate to have her as your mother.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:34 PM,
April Patterson said…
paul, i dunno if that's such a gr8 idea. keep in mind that my dad's reaction 2 my mom chiding him like that was he wanted 2, like, stick it 2 her. & remember they've been 2gether a long time & he's gotten used 2 a lot of stuff fr. my mom over the yrs. she was cooler than this when she was younger, or @ least so i've been told.
apes
At 8:42 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Jer, I dunno if Zandra asked u 4 the Sisters of Mercy tix but cld u give me a pair 4 her it mite make her go EZer on me @ drama club.
L8r.
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