The Patterson "Pun" Program + the Patterson "Sanctimonious" Program

Liz put up this post in last nite's comments:

After I told Gary that I would handle Paul's racial makeup in my own way, Gary said, "Speaking of that--your parents don't mind you dating a guy who's part Indian?"

I said, "No, why should they?"

And Gary said, "Well, some people object if their kids go out with someone of a different race."

Then this weird sensation came over me. It was like I was being controlled by some sort of program that was set to go off at the mention of the word "race."

"Race!" I repeated, and I felt my eyes go wide and round like saucers. Then I said, "I wonder why we say that people are of different 'races.'" As soon as I said that, I thought it sounded kind of dumb, but I couldn't stop myself.

Before I knew it, I said, "It seems to me, we're all running at the same speed and heading toward the same destination." I felt my gut twist hard as I realized where this program had come from. It was a "Patterson Wordplay/Pun Program." Even worse, it was of the "Smug, Sanctimonious Speechifying" subtype.

But I couldn't stop myself. I finished up by saying, "The only 'winners' are the ones who've made the world a better place for having been there!" I knew I even had the patented Patterson smug look on my face.

Then I had the weirdest feeling. On one hand, I was disgusted with myself. But there was this overwhelming feeling of...I'm not sure what to call it. Self-satisfaction, I guess. And a sense that I was right. And wise. In fact, that I was wiser than everyone around me for having made this speech. Wiser even than the noble native I was talking to. And I felt like saying something about how I owed all this wisdom and insight to my sainted, shining paragon of a mother. Fortunately, I managed to hold that back.

Gosh, I'm so confused right now.

The worst part of this is that it has me thinking about whether I would be one of the "winners" I was talking about. And the more I think about it, the more I think that probably nobody I know is a "winner" by that definition! I mean, maybe if Mike manages to write the great Canadian novel someday. Or if Gordon gets super rich and becomes a famous philanthropist. Or if--and I hate to admit this--if Becky becomes a famous singer.

But if I weren't a teacher, if Dad weren't a dentist, if Paul weren't a cop, if Dee weren't a pharmacist, if Lawrence weren't a landscaper...someone else would just take our places! We're not that special! We didn't really make the world any better of a place than if we hadn't existed! Mom retiring is just proof of this! She quit being the owner of a landmark children's bookstore...and someone stepped up and took her place! Like it didn't matter at all!

What's worse is that when I told Shiimsa what I was thinking, she said, "HMM...I THINK YOU ARE ONTO SOMETHING THERE, LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND!"

My head hurts. I am going to bed.

Liz, sumtymez when I feel the urge 2 go in2 one of these "Patterson wordplay" moments, like asking Y we say ppl are of diff races & going in2 a whole thing abt it based on the kinda race U run, I find it helps 2, like, look up the word in a dictionary & check on where it came from. Like 4 race, I found out the kind of "race" Gary was talkin' abt comes from a different source ([French, from Old French, from Old Italian razza, race, lineage]) than the kind U were comparing 2 ([Middle English ras, from Old Norse
rs, rush, running. See ers- in Indo-European Roots])

I usually find that once I've taken the time 2 learn abt the word, the whole "Patterson" impulse has passed. But I know how hard it is 2 resist sumtymez. HTH!

Abt not feeling special, well, U can still B special 2 the peeps who know & care abt U. That's a gd thing, eh?

Apes