Liz Loving Love (If It's Love)
Liz tellz me that when it was time 4 Paul 2 go, she was all, "I wish U didn't have 2 go, Paul", & Paul was, like, "Me 2. C U in a couple of weeks." Liz wished him a "safe drive" & stood out on the porch waving (without a coat, even tho apparently it's, like, always snowing in Mtig these dayz) as he drove off. Then, she tellz me, she went inside, pulled both fists in2 her chest while grinning, & sed, "YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES YES!!" Then, while doing a ballet twirl on 1 leg, she thot, "If this is what love's like--I'M LOVING IT!!!" So, I asked Liz, "R U saying U're in love w/Paul?" She was really quiet 4 sec & sed, "How'd U get that from what I just told U?" I'm all, "What else wd I think?" & Liz was all, "Obviously I'm deciding whether this is love, & if it is, I love it. Sheesh, U teenz R so simple!" So I hung up. I don't like B-ing told I'm simple.
NEhoodlez, @ noon, Ger, Dunc, & Eva R meeting here so we can practice sum songz the other "3Evah" memz & I have been writing. Eva volunteered 2 let us, like, borrow her singing voice 2 C how the songz will sound when we, like, have a singer. She sez she isn't xactly ready 2 "commit" 2 B-ing in a band 4 keeps.
Apes
NEhoodlez, @ noon, Ger, Dunc, & Eva R meeting here so we can practice sum songz the other "3Evah" memz & I have been writing. Eva volunteered 2 let us, like, borrow her singing voice 2 C how the songz will sound when we, like, have a singer. She sez she isn't xactly ready 2 "commit" 2 B-ing in a band 4 keeps.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 8:46 AM
12 Comments:
At 11:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
Honestly, April, you are so touchy sometime! It just so happens I'm a little older and wiser than you, so give me the benefit of the doubt!
Liz
At 11:28 AM,
April Patterson said…
awww, put a sock in it, liz, so wise & xperienced, blahblahblah. . . .
apes
At 1:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dee, thank you, thank you, thank you! Your post puts everything into perspective better than I could ever have hoped! I think I just might have met my soulmate.
You're the best!
Liz
At 2:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
Oh, so that was how Mike threw his back out! I think he told Mom it was a "sports injury", LOL!
Liz
At 2:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dee, why am i not surprised he'd say that to his friends? ::eyeroll::
Liz
At 3:26 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, ur sil’z quiz. if u take it ‘bout gigli, it mite b inneresting. i decided 2 do it ‘bout rebeccah, xxcept changing it 2 a girl & stuff.
1.) does being with him make you want to assume odd body 'postures' at strange times?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz no, unless u count wen i get xxcited.
2.) does the thought of bearing his children and raising them by yourself while he spends all his free time in his attic 'garret' fucking around on the internet cause all sorts of strange 'sensations' in certain parts of your body?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz not applicable cuz i cannot bear children.
3.) when you're alone with your 'candidate' do you find yourself 'dancing' with him in your stocking feet even though there's no 'music' playing?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz no. we alwayz have tunez going.
4.) is his 'mother' someone you can envision yourself turning into at any point in time?
4 me & rebeccah, i hafta change this 2 her dad & this answer iz no. i don’t think i am gonna turn n2 a tall blonde nordic guy.
5.) does he have any 'pet names' for you, such as 'sweet girl,' or 'pretty lady,' or 'bumcakes?'
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz yes, az long az i don’t hafta tell u wut the name iz rebeccah callz me.
6.) is his 'career' likely to be a huge issue somewhere down the road, meaning, will his frigging 'job' take over his whole life and cause him to neglect you and your children?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz yes. i xxpect wen rebeccah gets rilly famous, if we have kidz it will prolly b me takin’ care of them, while i am doing the sound board.
7.) does he always speak of your family with 'respect' to your face and then when your 'back' is turned, make obscene gestures about your mother?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz no. rebeccah iz much more likely 2 make obscene gesturez wen my mom iz lookin’.
8.) is there something 'special' or 'unique' about him, such as being a different 'race' from you or having a 'gay' friend?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz yes. rebeccah knowz howard & a bunch of othah gay guyz.
9.) this is probably the most 'important' question. does he make a big honking deal about how you're so 'different' and 'sassy' and how you lead an 'amazing' life and how he really admires your 'independence' and all the while you get the sense that as soon as the ink dries on your marriage licence you'll be stuck alone in your house with two wailing brats, trying to make 'soup' from a bunch of crappy 'leftovers' because your husband spent the 'grocery' money on a bunch of great 'books' he just had to have and a night out at the 'wine bar' with his best boyfriend?
4 me & rebeccah, this answer iz no. rebeccah nevah callz me ‘diffrent’ or ‘sassy.’ i don’t think i wud rilly want her 2.
so i have 5 no’s, 3 yes’s & 1 n/a. i guess it meanz rebeccah & i r not n love. how did u do w/gigli? have i mentioned ur sil iz a lil whacked?
At 5:00 PM,
April Patterson said…
so, we had a really cube jam session. eva'z got a v. v. nice voice!
ok, jeremy, i'll give the quiz a try:
1.) Does being with him make you want to assume odd body 'postures' at strange times?
Sometimes.
2.) Does the thought of bearing his children and raising them by yourself while he spends all his free time in his attic 'garret' fucking around on the internet cause all sorts of strange 'sensations' in certain parts of your body?
not sure. does nausea count?
3.) When you're alone with your 'candidate' do you find yourself 'dancing' with him in your stocking feet even though there's no 'music' playing?
well, we weren't alone & we had our shoez on, but we kinda did sumthing like this in that room where shannon has the "justin" computer.
4.) Is his 'mother' someone you can envision yourself turning into at any point in time?
nah, she h8s me & has an eating disorder.
5.) Does he have any 'pet names' for you, such as 'sweet girl,' or 'pretty lady,' or 'bumcakes?'
does "april flower" count?
6.) Is his 'career' likely to be a huge issue somewhere down the road, meaning, will his frigging 'job' take over his whole life and cause him to neglect you and your children?
no, he wants 2 b a house husband while i work.
7.) Does he always speak of your family with 'respect' to your face and then when your 'back' is turned, make obscene gestures about your mother?
i don't think so. i think he speaks of them w/respect even when i'm not around. otoh, i'm not around, so i wdn't know.
8.) Is there something 'special' or 'unique' about him, such as being a different 'race' from you or having a 'gay' friend?
he's friendz w/becky's dad, who's bisexual? i guess that counts? so yes?
9.) This is probably the most 'important' question. Does he make a big honking deal about how you're so 'different' and 'sassy' and how you lead an 'amazing' life and how he really admires your 'independence' and all the while you get the sense that as soon as the ink dries on your marriage licence you'll be stuck alone in your house with two wailing brats, trying to make 'soup' from a bunch of crappy 'leftovers' because your husband spent the 'grocery' money on a bunch of great 'books' he just had to have and a night out at the 'wine bar' with his best boyfriend?
hm. no. i mean i think it's "yes" 2 the 1st half of the question & "no" 2 the 2nd, since he wants 2, like b a househusband.
so, i dunno. confused.
apes
At 5:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, soundz like 5 yes's, 3 no's & 1 split decision. u must b n luv w/gigli. congratulationz, i think.
At 5:40 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx, i think. :)
apes
At 6:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about my visit with your sister. I did have a safe drive, and I am back in Otter County for a few weeks. I really enjoyed spending the week with your sister. That is the most time I have spent with her. All the other times have been a few days.
After reading your writings I did call your sister to ask her about it. Your sister explained that she likes saying the word, “Yes” a lot when people leave and I should not take it to mean she was happy for me to be gone. She also told me of her niinimoog’s (sister-in-law) test and said I should take it to see if I was in love with her. I don’t need to take a test to know that answer. But I would do anything for your sister, so this is the test and my answers:
1.) Does being with her make you want to assume odd body 'postures' at strange times?
Yes. I will have to admit I love doing odd body ‘postures’ with your sister. In fact, when I left her apartment, she gave me the water-skier wave, which is when you bend your knees and hold on to the tow rope and wave with the free hand. It reminded me of when we went water-skiing on Lake Nipigon early in our relationship.
2.) Does the thought of bearing his children and raising them by yourself while he spends all his free time in his attic 'garret' fucking around on the internet cause all sorts of strange 'sensations' in certain parts of your body?
Yes. I can’t bear children, but if your sister wanted me to, I would certainly try. I would do anything for your sister.
3.) When you're alone with your 'candidate' do you find yourself 'dancing' with him in your stocking feet even though there's no 'music' playing?
Most definitely yes. Your sister loves doing this. Most women I have known prefer to kiss, but your sister prefers dancing to kissing. She is wonderful. I know now, when she wants to dance, it means the same thing as wanting to kiss means with other women.
4.) Is his 'mother' someone you can envision yourself turning into at any point in time?
Yes. Your sister’s mother is a marvelous woman and I could try turning into her, if your sister wanted. Wait. I guess your sister’s father would fit the question better. I have never met your sister’s father, so I do not know.
5.) Does he have any 'pet names' for you, such as 'sweet girl,' or 'pretty lady,' or 'bumcakes?'
No, unfortunately. I call Elizabeth ‘sweet girl’, or sometimes just plain ‘girl’ if I don’t want to assign a particular taste to her, and ‘teacher’, but so far she only calls me Paul.
6.) Is his 'career' likely to be a huge issue somewhere down the road, meaning, will his frigging 'job' take over his whole life and cause him to neglect you and your children?
No. I could never see your sister neglecting me or our children, for her job. After all, her job is about children.
7.) Does he always speak of your family with 'respect' to your face and then when your 'back' is turned, make obscene gestures about your mother?
No. Your sister has never met my parents, but she would never do those kinds of things. My parents are going to love her. They know all about her. Ever since she set up the telescope and we watched the stars-I’ve been saying, “There’s a girl in my life!”
8.) Is there something 'special' or 'unique' about him, such as being a different 'race' from you or having a 'gay' friend?
Yes. Your sister told me she has many gay friends, and worked for them last summer.
9.) This is probably the most 'important' question. Does he make a big honking deal about how you're so 'different' and 'sassy' and how you lead an 'amazing' life and how he really admires your 'independence' and all the while you get the sense that as soon as the ink dries on your marriage licence you'll be stuck alone in your house with two wailing brats, trying to make 'soup' from a bunch of crappy 'leftovers' because your husband spent the 'grocery' money on a bunch of great 'books' he just had to have and a night out at the 'wine bar' with his best boyfriend?
This would be a Yes and a No. Your sister has told me she has never known anyone like me before. She told me if I got transferred to Spruce Narrows, that would be amazing. Also, when it was time for me to leave, she said she wished I didn’t have to go. Those are kind of like being called ‘different’ and ‘sassy.’ As for the last part, we don’t have a wine bar in Mtigwaki, Spruce Narrows, or even Otter County. That must be a Big Smoke thing.
The total is 5 Yes’s, 3 No’s and one mixed answer. Tell your niinimoog’s (sister-in-law) I am in love with your sister.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 6:59 PM,
howard said…
April,
The lunch date with Grietje Van Rensselaer, Sugar’s 1st cousin one removed, went great. We are having supper together. She is a grad student at university doing her PhD in psychology. She thinks I have a very good case history for her research project on sex and gender roles in society, since I have had relationships with males, females, gay icons, prison inmates, and also dogs. Apparently most people do not have this kind of variety in their life. I think I will be answering a lot of questions this evening, but at least there won’t be the pressure of a potential long term relationship.
Howard K.
At 12:27 AM,
howard said…
April,
The supper date with Grietje Van Rensselaer has reverted to a massaging session. During our dinner conversation, I described to Grietje what I do at Sugar’s salon, i.e. the shamp-Oh, which brings women to the big O, from follicle and scalp stimulation. Grietje did not believe such a thing could be done. I assured that it could and I mentioned that there were 17 spots on a woman’s body where the same could be achieved, not counting the obvious spot, where it is generally expected. Grietje took a bet with me. She said if I could bring her to the O, while massaging her hand, she would give $100 to the charity of my choice. Anyway, Egale Canada is now $100 richer and the restaurant where we were eating sold a lot of the same dessert that Grietje was eating at the time I was massaging her hand.
After supper, Grietje said she wanted to continue to gather information, so we went to her place and I have been demonstrating to her the other 16 spots. I don’t know if she is going to make it through all of them. She was looking a little tired after the first 5 spots. I said, “Grietje. Maybe we can do this some other time.” Grietje said, “I don’t want you to go, Howard.” I said OK, and as she was going, “Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes YES!!” from spot #6, I said, “I don’t know if your body can take much more of this.” Grietje said, “It’s important for my research to have a standard baseline for comparison.” I said, “Do you have a lot of experience doing research?” Grietje, “No. But if this is what research’s like-I’m loving it!!!”
Howard K.
Post a Comment
<< Home