Innocence?
After Sunday's walk-an'-talk, Dad went down 2 the laundry room 2 talk w/Mom. I faked going up 2 my rm, then dbled back & trailed him so I cd listen. I heard Dad telling Mom that we'd had a nice walk & discussed all kinds of things, & then Mom asking him whether he'd asked abt the internet. Dad was, like, "Uh-huh, & I think we can relax. Our daughter is well aware of what's out there & is mature enuf 2 handle the technology." Here I was thinking "WTF? Wasn't Mom the one who already wasn't worried?" Then Mom was all, "All that information is still frightening, tho, isn't it, John. ... There's stuff out there I just don't want 2 know abt." Like sites that make fun of potato-nose arm-flapping freakoez who've been going thru menopause since 1994? Dad was like, "Neither do I. & I hope we never have 2 'lose our innocence'." He sed that "lose our innocence" part like it shd B in quotes, which is weird. Did he mean that he & Mom have been celibate 4 so long they've gotten their virginity back & he doesn't want them ever 2 lose it again? Wha?
So NEway, Liz tellz me Shiimsa's started her niceness training w/Jesse Mukwa. And that it seemz 2 B going well so far. That's cube. BTW, I set up a "MySpace" site yesterday, tho I was having sum trub with it not working @ first. If U'd like 2 check it out, go here.
Ger & I R getting 2gether this afternoon, around 1, 2 study bio & smooch a lot!
Apes
So NEway, Liz tellz me Shiimsa's started her niceness training w/Jesse Mukwa. And that it seemz 2 B going well so far. That's cube. BTW, I set up a "MySpace" site yesterday, tho I was having sum trub with it not working @ first. If U'd like 2 check it out, go here.
Ger & I R getting 2gether this afternoon, around 1, 2 study bio & smooch a lot!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 8:38 AM
16 Comments:
At 2:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
That no-sex yogi guy, w/all this talk of not getting laid, geez! I'm so glad I have a date tonight. Ben Zedrine. He's so gonna get lucky!
Marjee
At 2:49 PM,
April Patterson said…
ger & i r having a gr8 bio study session. i think we'll do v. well on our next test!
apes
At 7:58 PM,
howard said…
April,
I am glad you and Gerald are having a good study session.
I have spent most of the afternoon trying to cheer up Becky, who was very disappointed in how the Tantric Celibacy with Yogi Noseks at the Sadhana Institute went this afternoon, and helping Krystle (Becky’s mother) put up lacey curtains in the house.
I really appreciated the Tantric Celibacy. It was quite a bit different from Tantric massage which I had been taught before with channeling of energies by concentration. However, there was a lot more athleticism involved. I gained a particularly new appreciation for how my butt looks in a mirror. My arms and legs seemed to have gotten a little muscular from something, I don’t know what. But I still have a large caboose, which is not good for a person of my orientation.
Becky was not happy with the outcome though. She said, “I only wanted to do the Tantric Celibacy so my slutty friends would spend less time on dates and more time with me." Krystle said, “Your slutty friends? Are you talking about me?” Becky said, “No, mom. I don’t mean a parent.” Krystle said, “Does my baby want me to spend more time with her?” Becky said, “No, mom. We’re doing great.” Then Krystle said, “You can’t be talking about Howard here. He has the look of a man who hasn’t been with anyone in over a month, plus he lives here and you see him all the time.” I said, “1 month 3 weeks 11 hours to be exact.” Krystle said, “Well I can help you with that.” Becky said, “No, mom. Don’t have sex with my friends.” So Krystle said, “Well who are talking about then, Becky? You’re not talking about April Patterson are you? That girl is such a virgin, her mother was in the bakery this morning going on about how she was afraid she would lose her innocence.” I said, “Elly does not have anything to worry about. April has not lost her innocence.” Krystle said, “No, Howard. Elly was talking about herself. She was afraid of losing her own innocence and she said her husband had the same fear.” Becky and I said, “WTF? She has 3 kids.” Krystle said, “I know. It kind of makes you wonder if she even knew what was going on.” Becky said, “Mom. The last subject in the world I want to talk about is Jelly Fatterson’s innocence.” Krystle said, “Then who are you talking about?” Becky said, “Well, I guess Marjee Mahaha.” Krystle said, “Marjee Mahaha? When did you ever spend time with her, aside from getting your hair done?” Becky said, “Marjee and I are tight. We’re very close and could be closer if she wasn’t slutty.” Krystle said, “Moody teenagers. I am beginning to think Elly Patterson is right about them.” Becky said, “Shut your mouth! I never want to hear you say Jelly Fatterson is right about anything.” I said, “A little harsh Becky.” Krystle started laughing and said, “Oh, I got you good that time, Becky. I think you believed me.” Becky said, “I did not.” Krystle said, “Good. Now get back to work. We have to get these curtains in place before Ted gets home.”
Howard K.
At 11:58 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i have this problem. i hardly get 2 spend ne tyme w/my pre-gf, cuz she iz spendin’ all her tyme w/her slutty friends. iz there such a thing az a tantric going-out-on-a-date class, do u know? i’m startin’ 2 get jealous of gigli & i thot that wud nevah happen. he may hafta study bio 4 a date, but @least he gets 2 smooch a lot.
At 12:09 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
Stop your whining. With your new status as pre-boyfriend you need to take a stronger hand in your relationship with Becky than you did before. This is a new Becky--a Jane Austen-style Becky, a Becky who celebrates celibacy. She wants a manly man, who will take charge and will demand a response from his pre-girlfriend. And yes, a frying pan across the head is a response.
Personally, I hope you ask her out more often and don’t mind the risks involved.
Howard K.
At 12:11 AM,
Anonymous said…
howard, jane austen. iz she ne relationship 2 denise austin? my mom usez her workout videoz all the tyme.
At 12:18 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
I am sure they are related, but I am pretty sure Denise is not a direct descendant. Jane Austen is an English writer, who lived in the early 1800s. Some of her more popular titles were Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice. Do any of those titles help you?
Howard K.
At 12:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
howard, i know thoze names. thoze r movie titles 4 costume chick flicks. ru telling me, becky wunts 2 wear a costume & say “thee” and “thou?”
At 12:23 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
Sometimes it is difficult to form the words that can reach you. This is what I am trying to tell you:
ASK BECKY OUT!!
I hope you can understand that.
Howard K.
At 12:25 AM,
Anonymous said…
howard, i am not an idiot. i have asked rebeccah out. rebembah, we went 2 the zoo? u were there?
At 12:27 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
Good. Then you know how to do it. Why don’t you do it more often?
Howard K.
At 12:31 AM,
Anonymous said…
howard, ur a little slow 2nite. i do ask her out, but she can’t come cuz she iz spendin’ all her tyme w/her slutty friends, which iz mainly u.
At 12:33 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
It's always lovely to be called slow. Despite your rudeness, I will mention to Becky that you would like to go out more often. Will that satisfy you?
Howard K.
At 12:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
howard, i suppose. thanx.
At 12:35 AM,
howard said…
Jeremy,
You're welcome.
Howard K.
At 1:40 AM,
Anonymous said…
Wow, it is sure cold here! Shiimsa and I took the opportunity to snuggle up under a quilt and talk.
Me: Shiimsa, how come you never show your sweet cuddly side to April and her friends?
Shiimsa: ANGRA MAINYU LIKES TO HAVE FUN WITH APRIL. IT'S EASY TO PUSH HER BUTTONS.
Me: But it's not very nice to do that. April won't like you if you are always jerking her around.
Shiimsa: WHY SHOULD I CARE? YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I LIKE, AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I NEED.
Me: Well, I know, but other people can be fun too.
Shiimsa: OTHER PEOPLE ARE FUN...TO JERK AROUND!
Me: Oh Shiimsa...I love you. You are such a fuzzy little pill.
Shiimsa: I LOVE YOU TOO, LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND.
Me: Could you try to be nicer, just for me?
Shiimsa: ANGRA MAINYU WILL OR WILL NOT. THERE IS NO TRY.
Me: Huh?
Shiimsa: YODA. STAR WARS. HOW ABOUT I WORK ON NICENESS, AND YOU WORK ON BEING LESS OF A DOPE?
Me: (giggles) It's a deal!
(snuggles ensue)
Liz
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